Family Dinner Free-Loaders

[chepyl]

 

 

Thought that typo was perfect in a thread about family dinners and freeloaders lol

 

Sometimes I HATE my phone!!!

[Murphy101]

My mom is very formal. At her house we eat in the sinning room,

 

Hahaha! I'm sorry, what were you saying? All I heard was your mom has a room devoted just to sinning?! LOL

 

Yes, this is my definition of guest as well.

 

Me three!

[Catwoman]

Hahaha! I'm sorry, what were you saying? All I heard was your mom has a room devoted just to sinning?! LOL

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

All I know is that if I get invited there for dinner, I'm not eating off of that table...

 

Who knows what kind of sinning is going on in that room??? :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

(I get the same kind of typos when I post from my iPad, but the "sinning room" one was particularly good. :hurray:)

[Impish]

Reading about the different family cultures is def interesting!

 

I was taught that immediate family members are NOT guests, period...that it was an insult to treat them as such. "You're not guests, you're FAAAAAAMMMILLLLLYYYY!" and that rule incl friends close enough to be considered family.

 

Honestly, the idea of a huge crowd for a meal is enough to have me crawl under the desk and refuse to come out. And would've even before RSD, so def tells me I'm better off w/out that commitment! :tongue_smilie: :lol:

[annandatje]

With Thanksgiving last week, I was thinking about the dynamics of extended family holidays. In certain families, there is generally at least one member who refuses to participate in cleaning, cooking or helping with the meal. While other members are keeping up with children, washing dishes or preparing food, this person will usually occupy themselves chatting, watching TV or doing whatever. There's no real good reason for the lack of participation, just laziness.

 

I was wondering if this is a universal phenomenon. Do you have a free-loader? ...

 

Hm. I have never considered my guests freeloaders. If I want help from them, I will ask, but generally my intent is to serve a guest.

[Truscifi]

Reading about the different family cultures is def interesting!

 

I was taught that immediate family members are NOT guests, period...that it was an insult to treat them as such. "You're not guests, you're FAAAAAAMMMILLLLLYYYY!" and that rule incl friends close enough to be considered family.

 

 

This is how my family views it too. You know you have really been accepted at my house when you can go get your own glass out of the cabinet and get some tea from the fridge. We are very informal about almost everything though.

[Impish]

This is how my family views it too. You know you have really been accepted at my house when you can go get your own glass out of the cabinet and get some tea from the fridge. We are very informal about almost everything though.

 

So glad to hear this! I've come to realize that many things I was taught growing up were not the norm, so I was starting to wonder if this was another one that I needed to work on correcting!

[mybluesky]

Wow, this is fascinating! And all so different from my family. My extended family is fairly small, and we all meet at whoever's house is most convenient. What that person is the "host", that person is absolutely not expected to provide the meal. (Although the host usually provides the turkey, which we have at both Thanksgiving at Christmas.) Everyone else pitches in by cooking the turkey and bringing/cooking all the food on the day of the meal. Now by "everyone else", I mean the women. Growing up, I resented SO much that the women did all the "work" for the meals, and the guys sat around munching things and watching football games. It totally robbed me of the joy of the holidays for many, many years. I don't like to cook, and I just felt the "unfairness" of it all so heavily. It took me a long time, but the past couple of years I have finally opened up to the possibility of cooking holiday meals with the other women in the family as being a time of bonding, of visiting, of sharing laughter and traditions, of making mistakes and telling stories, of making and keeping connections. I now can honestly say I love it. Fortunately, the younger men in the family are starting to help more, and my father has even started helping out. Maybe they realize what fun they are missing!

[texasmama]

My mom is very formal. At her house we eat in the sinning room,

Best. holiday. dinner. ever. I'm coming to your mom's house for Christmas! :tongue_smilie: My family shares the work involved in holiday dinners. Dh's family expects the women to do everything. Dh does not share this view, but it is not a view that will ever likely change in his extended family because it is very ingrained. Let's just say that I hope to pass on my family's way of doing things to my own kids. :)

[Woodhaven]

Our holidays and celebrations tend, largly, to be pretty informal. Not so much now, but in past years SIL, her dh and their 5 children would come and stay with us for a couple of days over the holiday. Sometimes, BIL and his wife and their 3 children would also come. They would sleep on couches, the floor.... where ever we could find a spot. (Our extended family do a lot of camping.) Then MIL and FIL and another BIL would come over the day of the celebration.

 

Things got pretty crowded, noisy and people just made themselves at home. I always did whatever I could to make people feel welcome and comfortable, but with so many people in our home they always just pitched in where needed without my asking. Usually, I had things under control, but my nieces and nephews have all been trained to pitch in and their parents set a good example. I guess that's why I don't feel uncomfortable in asking one of them, if here during the holidays or any other time to lend a hand. We are close family.

 

Now, many of my nieces and nephews are grown, and have other plans. MIL and FIL live with us and they get to see their grandkids fairly often. We still get visits from SIL and BL's, but usually not all at the same time. So our Thanksgiving this wear was a little quieter. I miss all the noise and activity!!

 

I think it does depend on the situation as to wether or not I'd expect company to pitch in. With my extended family, it is just natural for them to do so. However, with other friends, say from church, I would never ask. They would, however, insist on helping set things out or in clearing things up or even with watching the kids. Our friends are very....well, very much like family.

 

So, if I had a family member who looked as though he or she wasn't quite sure what to do or where to settle in, I would feel comfortable giving him something to do. Nothing big, but something to do to help him feel a part of things. Asking for a hand can make someone who is a little uncomfortable feel more included. But you have to know your guest!

[fairfarmhand]

Reading about the different family cultures is def interesting!

 

I was taught that immediate family members are NOT guests, period...that it was an insult to treat them as such. "You're not guests, you're FAAAAAAMMMILLLLLYYYY!" and that rule incl friends close enough to be considered family.

 

Honestly, the idea of a huge crowd for a meal is enough to have me crawl under the desk and refuse to come out. And would've even before RSD, so def tells me I'm better off w/out that commitment! :tongue_smilie: :lol:

 

This is my family and my dh's family. However, we don't extend it to give blanket immunity for rudeness or criticism.

[momofkhm]

Until mIL got sick a few years ago, it was FIL in his own home. And both of them in mine. They wait to be asked to help. My folks just come in the kitchen and start doing.

 

Now that MIL is unable to do a lot of things, FIL does just about everything! MIL can't and so doesn't. They haven't been to my house since she has been wheelchair bound (their choice, not mine) so I don't know what would happen here.

[Murphy101]

Reading about the different family cultures is def interesting!

I was taught that immediate family members are NOT guests, period...that it was an insult to treat them as such. "You're not guests, you're FAAAAAAMMMILLLLLYYYY!" and that rule incl friends close enough to be considered family.

Honestly, the idea of a huge crowd for a meal is enough to have me crawl under the desk and refuse to come out. And would've even before RSD, so def tells me I'm better off w/out that commitment! :tongue_smilie: :lol:

 

That IS what we do that too!? Of course family can get their own drink or whatever. It's not like I'm going all Hyacinth Bucket in them. LOL For us it's FAAAAAMMILLLY we are so happy to see you! Come in! Have a seat!!! Tell everything we have missed!!!! Are you hungry!!! Have a piece of pie! You sure you're not hungry?! Let us feed you love!!!! It'd be a shame to waste 3 turkeys. Do you need another beer? What about wine? This thanksgiving people started showing at 10am and we didn't crawl into bed until 5 am. At one point I had marines vs navy war games being played in the yard. (my military nephews and my professional extreme fighter nephew divided my kids up) People sang kareoke on Xbox. Dirty jokes were shared. Golf was played. Little girls wrapped men around their pinkies and made them listen to every story about their my little ponies and drew them pictures to take home.

 

Cooking for a large group does not have to be stressful or exhausting. It takes practice, but if some older women share their knowledge, it's not that hard.

[Impish]

That IS what we do that too!? Of course family can get their own drink or whatever. It's not like I'm going all Hyacinth Bucket in them. LOL For us it's FAAAAAMMILLLY we are so happy to see you! Come in! Have a seat!!! Tell everything we have missed!!!! Are you hungry!!! Have a piece of pie! You sure you're not hungry?! Let us feed you love!!!! It'd be a shame to waste 3 turkeys. Do you need another beer? What about wine? This thanksgiving people started showing at 10am and we didn't crawl into bed until 5 am. At one point I had marines vs navy war games being played in the yard. (my military nephews and my professional extreme fighter nephew divided my kids up) People sang kareoke on Xbox. Dirty jokes were shared. Golf was played. Little girls wrapped men around their pinkies and made them listen to every story about their my little ponies and drew them pictures to take home.

 

Cooking for a large group does not have to be stressful or exhausting. It takes practice, but if some older women share their knowledge, it's not that hard.

Can I just say that the fact you referenced Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet, Dear! It's pronounced BOOOOOUUUUUQUUUUUET!) is awesome?!

 

Martha, keep in mind, for me, a) it's not my experience to have a huge family gathering, ever. and B ) w/my disability, just handling supper for my crew can be an excercise in endurance. A ravening horde? :svengo:

[Murphy101]

Can I just say that the fact you referenced Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet, Dear! It's pronounced BOOOOOUUUUUQUUUUUET!) is awesome?!

Martha, keep in mind, for me, a) it's not my experience to have a huge family gathering, ever. and B ) w/my disability, just handling supper for my crew can be an excercise in endurance. A ravening horde? :svengo:

 

 

No no no. I'm not at all suggesting anyone should do it my way. My in laws sure don't. My family would traumatizes them. LOL

 

I'm just offering an example that it doesn't have to be an awful stressful exhausting formal event. That's all. :D

[Impish]

I think a large family gathering would be awesome.

 

Provided a) Its not *my* family and b ) I'm not the one organizing/hosting it! LOL!

[fairfarmhand]

No no no. I'm not at all suggesting anyone should do it my way. My in laws sure don't. My family would traumatizes them. LOL

 

I'm just offering an example that it doesn't have to be an awful stressful exhausting formal event. That's all. :D

 

I do agree with you there. The Fourth of July is at my house, and I expect people to bring/prepare/help with NOTHING! We live at a distance from the rest of the family, and I will not ask people who have to drive over 2 hours to get here to do a thing except play in the yard, and explore the farm. In appreciation for the meal (think 4 types of grilled meat, vats of potato salad, veggies, watermelon, etc all eaten outdoors on the deck) they buy fireworks and put on a show for everyone.

 

When I am hosting I don't care is no one helps. When we're all pitching in to keep my MIL from feeling like she must do it all, that's when I notice if someone's not helping.

[Catwoman]

I think a large family gathering would be awesome.

 

Provided a) Its not *my* family and b ) I'm not the one organizing/hosting it! LOL!

 

I think we should just start going to Martha's house for the holidays. Her family sounds FUN!!! :hurray:

[Impish]

I think we should just start going to Martha's house for the holidays. Her family sounds FUN!!! :hurray:

I'm in! Now, to figure out the travel expenses...

[Catwoman]

I'm in! Now, to figure out the travel expenses...

 

I hope she doesn't expect us to help out in the kitchen. :glare:

[Impish]

I hope she doesn't expect us to help out in the kitchen. :glare:

Bwah hahahaha!

[Truscifi]

Can I just say that the fact you referenced Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet, Dear! It's pronounced BOOOOOUUUUUQUUUUUET!) is awesome?!

 

Martha, keep in mind, for me, a) it's not my experience to have a huge family gathering, ever. and B ) w/my disability, just handling supper for my crew can be an excercise in endurance. A ravening horde? :svengo:

 

Is it weird that I read that in her voice? I love that show!

[Impish]

I so totally TYPED it in her voice, LMAO!

[Catwoman]

Is it weird that I read that in her voice? I love that show!

 

:D :D :D :D

 

I did the same thing!

[Murphy101]

I'm in! Now, to figure out the travel expenses...

 

 

Well this year, we used dh's frequent travel hotel points to put them up in hotels. It was the first time in over 25 years my dad and all four of us kids were under one roof for a holiday.

 

I hope she doesn't expect us to help out in the kitchen. :glare:

 

 

Heck no. You stay OUT of my kitchen. Shoo! Pour us both a glass of wine and sit at the counter bar.

 

I have to note too, my siblings are a lot older than me and not doing very well health wise. So I tend to view them as elderly. LOL Also, you should come prepared to enter an alternate universe. We have all kinds of crazy going on in my family. First, everyone is likely packing heat and you won't even know it. Second, not a single person there had the same religious beliefs. Third, sex is way too open a conversation. (I'm no prude and I had to repeatedly say, "I AM TOO FRAKIN YOUNG FOR THIS CONVERSATION!" and put my fingers in my ears. And yes, I said frakin, not the other word, but you should expect to hear the other word and a few others from family members. Repeatedly. And no, it doesn't mean they are mad.) Fourth, expect some contact with police or paramedics. (We managed both this year!). Fifth, you should know I'm the black sheep for being so traditional and boringly normal.

 

Is it weird that I read that in her voice? I love that show!

 

 

I used to love that show many years ago. It was hilariously funny to me. For some reason tho I can't stand it now. The way everyone caves to her and enables her and tolerate that craziness just irritates the dickens out of me. THAT is way more nuts to me than anything she does.

 

[Catwoman]

Also, you should come prepared to enter an alternate universe. We have all kinds of crazy going on in my family. First, everyone is likely packing heat and you won't even know it. Second, not a single person there had the same religious beliefs. Third, sex is way too open a conversation. (I'm no prude and I had to repeatedly say, "I AM TOO FRAKIN YOUNG FOR THIS CONVERSATION!" and put my fingers in my ears. And yes, I said frakin, not the other word, but you should expect to hear the other word and a few others from family members. Repeatedly. And no, it doesn't mean they are mad.) Fourth, expect some contact with police or paramedics. (We managed both this year!). Fifth, you should know I'm the black sheep for being so traditional and boringly normal.

 

 

OK, now I'm definitely coming! :D

[missmoe]

Yup, we always have at least one and sometime more people like that at large family gatherings. You know what--we accept them for who they are and where they are at right now. It's looked at as more of --they are missing out on the fun part of the holidays. They don't get the joy of serving others or the comradary of spending time prepping with everyone else.

[FaithManor]

I do think this discussion has helped frame "dinner freeloader" for a lot of people. Yes, most of us when we ask another family to dinner would be mortified to put them to work. But, when platoons are being fed, if you make an indentured servant out of an elderly person, then your freeloading...well, at least you are a very selfish person. Most of us really want out-of-town guests to have a chance to sit and visit. That's not a problem and too many people in the kitchen is a maddening situation. But, when you know that your dear great-aunt's kidneys are not doing so well (widely known fact amongst dh's extended family) and she's been on her feet for seven hours without a break and you hand her your plate and say, "Get me more of everything" without batting an eyelash and then the poor exhausted woman says to you later, "I'm not feeling well, can I get some help cleaning up?" and the response is, "Tough tiddlywinks, I'm on vacation." (Direct quote of 20 something cousin of dh's...we found out about it later and I had to remind dh that there are laws against assault.) Then, you are an ungrateful, free-loading, self-serving, individual who should no be gracing anyone else's home with your presence at meal time.

 

Martha...your family get-togethers sound like a blast!

 

Faith

[swellmomma]

That IS what we do that too!? Of course family can get their own drink or whatever. It's not like I'm going all Hyacinth Bucket in them. LOL For us it's FAAAAAMMILLLY we are so happy to see you! Come in! Have a seat!!! Tell everything we have missed!!!! Are you hungry!!! Have a piece of pie! You sure you're not hungry?! Let us feed you love!!!! It'd be a shame to waste 3 turkeys. Do you need another beer? What about wine? This thanksgiving people started showing at 10am and we didn't crawl into bed until 5 am. At one point I had marines vs navy war games being played in the yard. (my military nephews and my professional extreme fighter nephew divided my kids up) People sang kareoke on Xbox. Dirty jokes were shared. Golf was played. Little girls wrapped men around their pinkies and made them listen to every story about their my little ponies and drew them pictures to take home.

 

Cooking for a large group does not have to be stressful or exhausting. It takes practice, but if some older women share their knowledge, it's not that hard.

 

 

adopt me please!!!! Your family sounds like a hoot. This year we did not see family for Thanksgiving. Xmas dinner will be with family on Saturday night to please my brother *eyeroll* it involves a lot of telling me everything I am doing wrong in homeschooling my kids. Griping about dd5 now getting Speech assessment done. Sending the kids to play in the basement because none of the other grown ups want to hear or deal with kids. Eat dinner, and while normally me and my kids beat a hasty retreat shortly after dinner, this year we are staying over. So my mom starts imposing her idea of bedtimie routines and times on my kids and it creates a problem, of upset kids(like teens being sent to bed at 8pm, when they do not typically go to bed before 1030pm) who are then fighting with gramma, and I will hear about it nonstop from all involved for the next 6 months. We are staying over because we have an xmas party the next morning in the same city so it makes sense as far as saving gas to stay. So yeah I would much rather hang out at your house. It sounds like it is actually fun to be together, not a simple duty to be together.

[FaithManor]

adopt me please!!!! Your family sounds like a hoot. This year we did not see family for Thanksgiving. Xmas dinner will be with family on Saturday night to please my brother *eyeroll* it involves a lot of telling me everything I am doing wrong in homeschooling my kids. Griping about dd5 now getting Speech assessment done. Sending the kids to play in the basement because none of the other grown ups want to hear or deal with kids. Eat dinner, and while normally me and my kids beat a hasty retreat shortly after dinner, this year we are staying over. So my mom starts imposing her idea of bedtimie routines and times on my kids and it creates a problem, of upset kids(like teens being sent to bed at 8pm, when they do not typically go to bed before 1030pm) who are then fighting with gramma, and I will hear about it nonstop from all involved for the next 6 months. We are staying over because we have an xmas party the next morning in the same city so it makes sense as far as saving gas to stay. So yeah I would much rather hang out at your house. It sounds like it is actually fun to be together, not a simple duty to be together.

 

 

Your mom = my husband's paternal grandmother. :ack2: Never, was there so much negative interference with so many trivial matters but while that woman was still alive.

 

I get it!

 

:grouphug:

 

Faith

[fairfarmhand]

You guys are reminding me of a funny/awkward occurrence at Tgiving dinner this year. Of course, my dh and I (he being the oldest brother) have had our family completed for awhile and our oldest is significantly older than the cousins there. These guys are accustomed to being able to "talk over the heads" of their under 10 kids. However, I have a 15 yo girl who doesn't want to hang out with the "little kids" so she sits with Grandma and the aunts and everyone else adultish. So my two BIL's both got "snipped" this year a few weeks back. For whatever reason they thought this was a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation at the dinner table, since they are used to being able to talk about all kinds of things in the presence of their too small to understand kids. However, my 15 yo was there and I kept on reminding them , "GUYS!!!! HELLOOOO!!!! there's a minor here! And she's listening! " I'm no prude, but I was embarrassed for my daughter and the uncles when they'd look around and realize "I just said THAT in front of my neice !!!!????" Then they got started talking about the options in case they ever changed their minds!!!!!

 

GAH!

 

They usually end up playing dominoes or other games, shooting guns if the weather is nice or watching football. It's always so much fun. Tons of good natured teasing about the same old family topics.

[fairfarmhand]

I do think this discussion has helped frame "dinner freeloader" for a lot of people. Yes, most of us when we ask another family to dinner would be mortified to put them to work. But, when platoons are being fed, if you make an indentured servant out of an elderly person, then your freeloading...well, at least you are a very selfish person. Most of us really want out-of-town guests to have a chance to sit and visit. That's not a problem and too many people in the kitchen is a maddening situation. But, when you know that your dear great-aunt's kidneys are not doing so well (widely known fact amongst dh's extended family) and she's been on her feet for seven hours without a break and you hand her your plate and say, "Get me more of everything" without batting an eyelash and then the poor exhausted woman says to you later, "I'm not feeling well, can I get some help cleaning up?" and the response is, "Tough tiddlywinks, I'm on vacation." (Direct quote of 20 something cousin of dh's...we found out about it later and I had to remind dh that there are laws against assault.) Then, you are an ungrateful, free-loading, self-serving, individual who should no be gracing anyone else's home with your presence at meal time.

 

Martha...your family get-togethers sound like a blast!

 

Faith

 

Can I hug you?

 

Because I felt like a jerk when people assumed that I was calling them freeloaders when that was not what I meant at all.

[Murphy101]

adopt me please!!!! Your family sounds like a hoot. This year we did not see family for Thanksgiving. Xmas dinner will be with family on Saturday night to please my brother *eyeroll* it involves a lot of telling me everything I am doing wrong in homeschooling my kids. Griping about dd5 now getting Speech assessment done. Sending the kids to play in the basement because none of the other grown ups want to hear or deal with kids. Eat dinner, and while normally me and my kids beat a hasty retreat shortly after dinner, this year we are staying over. So my mom starts imposing her idea of bedtimie routines and times on my kids and it creates a problem, of upset kids(like teens being sent to bed at 8pm, when they do not typically go to bed before 1030pm) who are then fighting with gramma, and I will hear about it nonstop from all involved for the next 6 months. We are staying over because we have an xmas party the next morning in the same city so it makes sense as far as saving gas to stay. So yeah I would much rather hang out at your house. It sounds like it is actually fun to be together, not a simple duty to be together.

 

Good grief. Don't go then! Let me guess. You just quietly absorb it all bc it's rude to say anything? Um no. That executive function is broken in my mind. And my entire extended family. Which isn't always good. But nifty at times. I would totally pop off with, "Hey you seem confused. I didn't ask your opinion and don't want it. Shut up. More wine, anyone?" I am the polite one. My extended family would probably say something more direct like, "quit being a _____ and shut the ______ up about my kids bc it makes me want to kick your ___ _____ -$$. I'm getting a beer and going for a smoke."

 

My children have never before been with my family before this thanksgiving. They keep forgetting I even have siblings. I had to give them a 1 hour prep and lecture before everyone arrived. lol And even then several times I caught them looking horrified and shocked with a smile on their face. Because they inherited my tendency to laugh/smile at inappropriate moments.

 

Of course the negative to having an aggressively assertive and blunt family is my father's first in person words to me in a very long time were, "You out on some weight! Better watch it or dh will start shopping for younger model wife."

 

At this point, we it's so awful and absurd and alternate universe-like that we just laugh and pop a shot right back.

 

My poor dh. His family sits quiet and sedately sipping diet sodas and watching football on mute while discussing the weather in hushed tones. I'm so glad he fell in love with me before getting to know my family. :D

[Murphy101]

Can I hug you?

Because I felt like a jerk when people assumed that I was calling them freeloaders when that was not what I meant at all.

 

(((hugs))). I never thought you were a jerk.

[FaithManor]

Can I hug you?

 

Because I felt like a jerk when people assumed that I was calling them freeloaders when that was not what I meant at all.

 

I accept hugs! I'm a huggy person. I didn't think anyone was being jerky, just discussing how things are handled under various family circumstances and we all come from such diverse backgrounds, it's good to get all of those perspectives. My perspective is, admittedly, skewed but that's because I've got a diagnosed narcissist on each side of the family.

 

But, I wasn't offended by you or anyone else. However, some of dh's relatives....oh my word...I'd develop a facial twitch if I invited them here.

 

Faith

[swellmomma]

Good grief. Don't go then! Let me guess. You just quietly absorb it all bc it's rude to say anything? Um no. That executive function is broken in my mind. And my entire extended family. Which isn't always good. But nifty at times. I would totally pop off with, "Hey you seem confused. I didn't ask your opinion and don't want it. Shut up. More wine, anyone?" I am the polite one. My extended family would probably say something more direct like, "quit being a _____ and shut the ______ up about my kids bc it makes me want to kick your ___ _____ -$$. I'm getting a beer and going for a smoke."

 

 

 

Only at the holidays do I keep my mouth shut. The other times of year I tell them the knock it off, but I don't want to cause a fight that might ruin things for my kids. As for not going, I had not planned to, but the kids gifts are being held hostage. So if we don't go, they don't get any. And while christmas is not about the gifts they would be heart broken and of course I would be the bad guy. I would rather go, listen to my mom and sister be idiots and know my kids are having a good holiday. This year we are doing xmas even just us at home though for the first time, in forever. The kids are excited for us to do out own thing in prep pf santa coming, church service etc(we have had to listen to the comments about the fact we go to service even if we were at my folks place for xmas eve, because they would order dinner and start a movie while we were gone and say if we weren't one of those churchy families we wouldn't miss things.

 

Anyway back to the topic at hand. I visit with my brother who is not an arse most of the time, and let my mom and sister do all the work while they natter back and forth about me and my kids and ignore them(they act like I can't hear them anyway when I am sitting at the kitchen table talking to brother). Other than the teens being sent to play with the littles, and the early bedtimes, the kids have a great time and don't realize all picking and such. So to them it is a grand family gathering, and that is okay with me. I can take it, if it makes them happy.

 

I still think your family sounds like a lot of fun and could see myself fitting right in with all of that :)

[Impish]

OK, now I'm definitely coming! :D

Me too!

I do think this discussion has helped frame "dinner freeloader" for a lot of people. Yes, most of us when we ask another family to dinner would be mortified to put them to work. But, when platoons are being fed, if you make an indentured servant out of an elderly person, then your freeloading...well, at least you are a very selfish person. Most of us really want out-of-town guests to have a chance to sit and visit. That's not a problem and too many people in the kitchen is a maddening situation. But, when you know that your dear great-aunt's kidneys are not doing so well (widely known fact amongst dh's extended family) and she's been on her feet for seven hours without a break and you hand her your plate and say, "Get me more of everything" without batting an eyelash and then the poor exhausted woman says to you later, "I'm not feeling well, can I get some help cleaning up?" and the response is, "Tough tiddlywinks, I'm on vacation." (Direct quote of 20 something cousin of dh's...we found out about it later and I had to remind dh that there are laws against assault.) Then, you are an ungrateful, free-loading, self-serving, individual who should no be gracing anyone else's home with your presence at meal time.

 

Martha...your family get-togethers sound like a blast!

 

Faith

What a douche canoe.