Family Dinner Free-Loaders

[fairfarmhand]

With Thanksgiving last week, I was thinking about the dynamics of extended family holidays. In certain families, there is generally at least one member who refuses to participate in cleaning, cooking or helping with the meal. While other members are keeping up with children, washing dishes or preparing food, this person will usually occupy themselves chatting, watching TV or doing whatever. There's no real good reason for the lack of participation, just laziness.

 

I was wondering if this is a universal phenomenon. Do you have a free-loader?

 

(I am not referring to elderly or disabled people, pregnant or moms to very small babies. I'm talking about adults who are capable of contributing, but just show up expecting a free meal. In our family, although the men don't usually cook or wash dishes, they almost always contribute in other ways, preparing drinks, fixing kids' plates, taking out the trash, scraping plates, watching kids, etc. So my definition does not just include cooking and cleaning)

[Parrothead]

I don't think we do. It is rare for the extended family to get together in a big way. The last time was 11 years ago. But from what I remember of it not one person didn't pitch in in some way shape or form.

[Mama Geek]

You might say I am a free loader around my MIL, no one else, just her. It didn't use to be that way. She has made such and ordeal over every...little... thing that I just quit. However I do keep track of my 2 year old daughter.

 

I know that isn't what you mean, but maybe look at family dynamics and figure out if there are major issues between any 2 people.

[Woodhaven]

The last couple of years, including this one, we haven't had extended family for Thanksgiving or Christmas. MIL and FIL live here, so I consider them part of our nuclear family. Anyway, in my experience, everyone has always helped out in some way. Even the teens.

 

Does this person seem to have a good time at your home? Does he/she live alone and just not know where to pitch in? Perhaps you could say, "______________, I'd like to catch up with how you are doing, come and give me a hand and we can talk," in a friendly way. Or, "__________ can you help keep the kids occupied while we get dinner cleaned up?" I think sometimes people need someone to give them a job to do.

[Murphy101]

Ha! Every single one of them I suppose. Because that's the way I like it. Too many "cooks" in the kitchen is irritating. However, if I ask for any kind of help, usually keeping the baby out of the way, trash emptied, dishes or whatever - it is usually my own dh or kids that do it. Again, which is what I prefer. They know where everything is, so they get the job done quicker and easier than me telling someone else where the dish goes or the trash bags are or how the baby likes to be calmed.

 

Besides that, it would never occur to me to ask my GUESTS to clean, cook, and babysit even if they do offer to help out.

 

As for why some don't offer, I would hazard it is because they don't feel comfortable doing so for various reasons. I never feel comfortable doing it, though I usually offer. Going through someone's cabinets looking for a dish towel or where to put the clean platter feels like going through their dresser for some reason to me. I always feel awkward about it.

 

And really MY primary goal in having them over is to provide a feast and enjoy their company. I don't want them helping. I want them sitting down at the kitchen table or counter with a glass of whatever they like chit chatting while I get last minute things done. One of my sisters kept asking to help this year. So I handed her a huge roasting pan of corn bread to crumble while sitting at the table. Usually though the meal is ready to serve when people show up. If funds allow, I usually use paper plates and plastic ware and aluminum baking pans to save on clean up. And I clean as I cook, so there really is very little someone else to do.

[Murphy101]

I never do anything for my in laws. My mil is very Martha Stewart-ish (white carpets, white kitchen, nit a single speck of dust anywhere, she even waxes her shower tiles... Her home is quite lovely in its intimidation! LOL ) and we aren't exactly best buddies, so it just seems wiser to fade into the wallpaper with the kids.

 

If I'm with someone else, I will hover ready to be of use if asked, but otherwise I just try to stay out of the way and make sure our numbers don't over whelm them. It's rare anyone invites a family of 12 for anything, so I am happy to do whatever makes it easist for them.

[Murphy101]

Dbl post

[PiCO]

Does this person seem to have a good time at your home? Does he/she live alone and just not know where to pitch in? Perhaps you could say, "______________, I'd like to catch up with how you are doing, come and give me a hand and we can talk," in a friendly way. Or, "__________ can you help keep the kids occupied while we get dinner cleaned up?" I think sometimes people need someone to give them a job to do.

 

I wish someone had done this for me when I was a teen. We didn't have many family gatherings, so I was pretty clueless. I'm going to do this for other clueless people from now on!

[Lawana]

Oh, yes. Our family has 1 or 2 notorious free-loaders. When asked to help by cutting a tomato, for example, the person claims they don't know how. And before someone replies that maybe they really don't know how to cut a tomato, that is just one little example. It is always something, some reason they can't help out. It's more of an attitude. "I'm here to receive. When's dinner?"

[Chocolate Rose]

Yep, we've got two. Annoying as all get-out.

[fairfarmhand]

I've gotten past the annoyance. However, I was not hosting. This is more of a potluck situation with everyone supposed to pitch in. Now I just inwardly shrug and deal with it.

 

You're right though, I think I will start giving my older kids jobs to do for each get together so they learn to help out.

[Tullia]

I try to fit in with (and respect) the expectations of the host family. Some people expect help, some are happy to hand out specific tasks when asked; others don't want too many people underfoot. Holidays are stressful for some people, and it may be that just getting to the gathering is difficult. I guess my question to the OP would be has this person been asked to do something? Family dynamics and expectations differ. One branch of my family expects guests to pitch in and find something to do without being told, but other family members prefer that guests ask if they can help.

 

ETA: Saw your follow-up saying that it was a potluck. There are freeloaders, no doubt about it. That said, sometimes people are oblivious for different reasons. Some people weren't taught how to behave in social situations, some may have stuff going on "in the background" so to speak--and I'd be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt for them.

 

 

With Thanksgiving last week, I was thinking about the dynamics of extended family holidays. In certain families, there is generally at least one member who refuses to participate in cleaning, cooking or helping with the meal. While other members are keeping up with children, washing dishes or preparing food, this person will usually occupy themselves chatting, watching TV or doing whatever. There's no real good reason for the lack of participation, just laziness.I was wondering if this is a universal phenomenon. Do you have a free-loader?(I am not referring to elderly or disabled people, pregnant or moms to very small babies. I'm talking about adults who are capable of contributing, but just show up expecting a free meal. In our family, although the men don't usually cook or wash dishes, they almost always contribute in other ways, preparing drinks, fixing kids' plates, taking out the trash, scraping plates, watching kids, etc. So my definition does not just include cooking and cleaning)

[Impish]

Generally speaking, I loathe extra ppl in my kitchen.

 

For one thing, I've always had pretty small kitchens. An extra person can make things impossible, movement wise.

 

2nd, thanks to my RSD, I feel out of my element as it is, and prefer not to have an extra witness. I already get help from Diva and Wolf.

 

One thing that DOES make me a bit whacky though is, folks *can* clear their own plates! Put your cup/glass in the sink or counter. Don't just shove away from the table leaving your plate there so someone else can pick up after you.

 

I don't expect folks to wash dishes, load a dishwasher or anything like that...but for heaven sakes, is clearing your plate, scraping it, and putting it on the counter really that unusual a task?

 

I feel like unpaid restaraunt staff when that happens.

[TXMomof4]

Yup - I have a family member that will reliably be found in the restroom when its time to wash dishes. It's a family joke now - but my earliest memories of extended family dinners is looking for this person and always finding them in the restroom. Her kids are the same way now.

 

 

[Farrar]

Some hosts make it hard to help. And sometimes the dynamics mean that everyone will be happier if certain people don't butt heads trying to accomplish things jointly.

 

My mil makes it hard to help. I mean, you can do some things, but her kitchen is a certified disaster area. And every time I went in there to help do the dishes, she wouldn't tell me where things went. At one point, I washed a bunch of pots, somehow managed to clear space for them on the counter to dry, and then when I came back, she had actually gotten them dirty again because she had so much disorganization and mess. So I stopped helping and did sudoku instead.

 

Or some of the things with the kids. They had all these weird rules. Like fil has all these kid toys but the kids aren't allowed to touch them. Ugh. And the 2 yo wasn't allowed to go on the single step... Anyway, I can't enforce rules I think are dumb. I'd just end up being snarky. If you want to not let the children leave a tiny area of the house and not give them enough to do, then you can deal with it. Natural consequences. I was better sitting there playing sudoku and blithely saying, "listen to Grandma," than trying to enforce their rules.

[Murphy101]

Wait! It was a potluck?

 

I thought the entire point of a potluck was not having to do that!?

 

Everyone brings their dish, shove a serving spoon or whatever in it, grab a paper plate and eat. When done, grab your hopefully empty dish and go home.

 

The only things needing help might have been emptying the trash and wiping down the counters and tables?

 

*confused*

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

Wait! It was a potluck? I thought the entire point of a potluck was not having to do that!? Everyone brings their dish, shove a serving spoon or whatever in it, grab a paper plate and eat. When done, grab your hopefully empty dish and go home. The only things needing help might have been emptying the trash and wiping down the counters and tables? *confused*

 

but not everyone always brings something. Or washes up their pots. Or takes out the trash, picks up their mess, etc.

[Mom-ninja.]

So you've met my BIL?

[Murphy101]

but not everyone always brings something. Or washes up their pots. Or takes out the trash, picks up their mess, etc.

 

 

Then they take a dirty pot home. I have lots of times. I don't expect anyone to clean it for me. *shrug*

 

The rest is just rude. I wouldn't leave our paper plates and such all over your house. How hard can it be to throw them away? That's just rude.

[EJCMom]

We have several who are like that. We have anywhere from 40-50 people come to Thanksgiving, so we rent a local community center. It's supposed to be potluck, but half don't contribute, so that means that those of us who do contribute end up having to bring several dishes so that there is enough food. Then, they don't want to help clean up, and they all expect leftovers. It's ridiculous.

[EJCMom]

We have several who are like that. We have anywhere from 40-50 people come to Thanksgiving, so we rent a local community center. It's supposed to be potluck, but half don't contribute, so that means that those of us who do contribute end up having to bring several dishes so that there is enough food. Then, they don't want to help clean up, and they all expect leftovers. It's ridiculous.

[Laurel]

Ha! Every single one of them I suppose. Because that's the way I like it. Too many "cooks" in the kitchen is irritating. However, if I ask for any kind of help, usually keeping the baby out of the way, trash emptied, dishes or whatever - it is usually my own dh or kids that do it. Again, which is what I prefer. They know where everything is, so they get the job done quicker and easier than me telling someone else where the dish goes or the trash bags are or how the baby likes to be calmed.

 

Besides that, it would never occur to me to ask my GUESTS to clean, cook, and babysit even if they do offer to help out.

 

As for why some don't offer, I would hazard it is because they don't feel comfortable doing so for various reasons. I never feel comfortable doing it, though I usually offer. Going through someone's cabinets looking for a dish towel or where to put the clean platter feels like going through their dresser for some reason to me. I always feel awkward about it.

 

And really MY primary goal in having them over is to provide a feast and enjoy their company. I don't want them helping. I want them sitting down at the kitchen table or counter with a glass of whatever they like chit chatting while I get last minute things done. One of my sisters kept asking to help this year. So I handed her a huge roasting pan of corn bread to crumble while sitting at the table. Usually though the meal is ready to serve when people show up. If funds allow, I usually use paper plates and plastic ware and aluminum baking pans to save on clean up. And I clean as I cook, so there really is very little someone else to do.

 

 

Yes. Especially to the not wanting anyone to help, as it's often more stressful to try to direct them.

 

And I always offer to help with cooking and try to help with cleanup, but especially in a kitchen I'm not familiar with, it's difficult without some direction, and I don't want to annoy the host with constant questions about where things go, so I try to do the obvious things: clear the table, wipe down counters, etc.

[fairfarmhand]

I suppose in the grand scheme of life it's not that big of a deal. I do enjoy the holidays and don't let others get me down. Really, it's not as bad as some families though with loads of negativity happening, so I try to keep it in perspective.

 

I was just curious as to whether it is commonplace.

[Lisbeth]

I always find it funny that extended families get together anyway. This is a very weird view for an LDS person, by the way. ;) Family is shared DNA, and sometimes not even that, or by very little. Extended family is a forced situation - -- freeloaders count on faaaaamily to just deal with them for no other reason.

 

Now that said...I hate people underfoot in MY kitchen and hate to expect guests to work for their dinner. A potluck is very different, though.

 

On the other hand, if they don't want to bring a dish, but would rather bow out and go to a Chinese restaurant, how much fallout would there be for that person to do that instead? Maybe some freeloaders are miserable and resentful for having to be there. I wonder.

[Lisbeth]

double post

[fairfarmhand]

I always find it funny that extended families get together anyway. This is a very weird view for an LDS person, by the way. ;) Family is shared DNA, and sometimes not even that, or by very little. Extended family is a forced situation - -- freeloaders count on faaaaamily to just deal with them for no other reason.

 

Now that said...I hate people underfoot in MY kitchen and hate to expect guests to work for their dinner. A potluck is very different, though.

 

On the other hand, if they don't want to bring a dish, but would rather bow out and go to a Chinese restaurant, how much fallout would there be for that person to do that instead? Maybe some freeloaders are miserable and resentful for having to be there. I wonder.

 

 

that is a very valid point. Perhaps this person assumes that the kitchen help would be annoyed with another body in there. People have all sorts of assumptions about so many things, I guess it is unfair for me to judge their motive nefariously.

[regentrude]

I find it a matter of family culture. Whenever we had extended family over for meals when I was growing up, only our immediate family was involved in helping. My mother would have refused a guest (even though a family member) to get up to clean up dishes or carry things to the table; she much preferred them not to enter the kitchen.

[regentrude]

Generally speaking, I loathe extra ppl in my kitchen.

 

One thing that DOES make me a bit whacky though is, folks *can* clear their own plates! Put your cup/glass in the sink or counter. Don't just shove away from the table leaving your plate there so someone else can pick up after you.

 

 

 

See, I HATE that. I have a friend who, whenever she thinks the course is over, starts stacking plates and cups of the people around her. I find it terribly uncomfortable - almost like being rushed to the next course.

I prefer my guests to leave their plates and glasses on the table so that I can clean up in an organized manner - instead of having a sink full of dirty dishes, some with scraps on them, and somebody inevitably turning on the faucet over the whole mess... gross.

[Impish]

See, I HATE that. I have a friend who, whenever she thinks the course is over, starts stacking plates and cups of the people around her. I find it terribly uncomfortable - almost like being rushed to the next course.

I prefer my guests to leave their plates and glasses on the table so that I can clean up in an organized manner - instead of having a sink full of dirty dishes, some with scraps on them, and somebody inevitably turning on the faucet over the whole mess... gross.

Well, I don't do courses, LOL! So, when ppl are done eating, get up and go plunk themselves in the livingroom, leaving their plates, etc sitting there, it does tick me off. I'm not expecting them to clear the entire table, just please pick up their own plate, etc.

[Murphy101]

We have several who are like that. We have anywhere from 40-50 people come to Thanksgiving, so we rent a local community center. It's supposed to be potluck, but half don't contribute, so that means that those of us who do contribute end up having to bring several dishes so that there is enough food. Then, they don't want to help clean up, and they all expect leftovers. It's ridiculous.

 

Wow. That is ridiculous. I have between 30 - 40 in my home. I do all the cooking and prep and serving. No one cleans except me, dh, and kids. I did pack up a bachelor tray for my brother of turkey, dressing, pumpkin pie, and cherry bread. But he didn't ask. I made extra batches of cherry bread for those who otherwise won't have any at home. But no one asked for that.

 

My in laws often send food home from get togethers, but we've never once asked them to and actually try to refuse it!

[somo_chickenlady]

There were quite a few free loaders at our Thanksgiving this year. My SIL hosted it, and she had to rent out the fire hall b/c we had upwards of 40 people coming. Dinner was at 3, but we got there at noon to help her with cooking and setting up. I kept asking over and over again what she needed me to do, and after dinner was over I just found stuff to do. She thanked me for all of my help while I was washing the dishes, and I told her that I know how much it sucks to have people show up to eat and then take off. We hosted dinner at our house many years in a row. I could never, in good concience, show up to eat and then leave without helping at all, but there were many that did that very thing this year. :( I ended up helping with a lot of the food prep, getting the food out to the serving table (buffet style), washing all the dishes, cleaning all the counters, then helped with getting the tables and chairs back into their original places.

[Incognito]

Funny, I married into a family that helps and expects help, but I came from one where you host and don't do dishes while people are there. It might be a family culture thing.

 

I would rather prep everything myself, serve, leave everything at the table or in a pile by the sink and visit. Of course, if it is an all-day thing like Thanksgiving can sometimes be then there would need to be some cleaning done. But if just one meal, I prefer to spend my time with my guests and not having them in my kitchen or trying to figure out how to clean my things. I'd rather sit and visit.

 

So I LIKE the free loaders and wish there were more of them. The ones that want to clean my kitchen and expect jobs to do make me nervous. :) I have figured out how to leave a few piddly jobs for those people so they feel good about helping, but it would be easier for ME to just cut the fruit up myself before people are over so I can just visit. :)

[Catwoman]

I could not imagine asking guests to help me in the kitchen. They're guests, not the hired help. And that includes both family and friends.

 

In our family, the host is responsible for all of the dirty work, and the guests are there to enjoy themselves. People always politely offer to help, but no one ever accepts.

 

Personally, I find it very awkward when I go to someone's home for dinner, and everyone is "helping." I try to play along and hope someone will tell me what to do, but it feels weird to be in someone else's house and start working in the kitchen, because that's just not what we do in our family. It feels awkward to stand there and wonder what I should be doing!

[Catwoman]

So I LIKE the free loaders and wish there were more of them. The ones that want to clean my kitchen and expect jobs to do make me nervous. :) I have figured out how to leave a few piddly jobs for those people so they feel good about helping, but it would be easier for ME to just cut the fruit up myself before people are over so I can just visit. :)

 

 

:iagree:

 

I hate it when someone keeps insisting that I need their help. :glare: No. No, I really don't. It's nice of you to offer, but now go away and let me do what I need to do. I hate it when people distract me when I have a million things on my mind and want everything to turn out nicely. Get. Out. Of. My. Kitchen.

[8circles]

Yes. I have a very difficult time with the in-laws. If it's at MIL's, I help as much as I can, depending on how many kids of what ages I've had to take care of. Since the year we got married, I've chipped-in wherever necessary. I don't mind, I was raised to help-out on holidays especially. What really chapped my hide was SIL... at her own mother's house... after dinner she walks away, saying, "I'm so glad you enjoy cleaning-up." ?!?!?!?! I responded that I didn't particularly like it but it had to be done. She just walked away to watch TV & has continued to ever since. It doesn't help that MIL isn't a good housekeeper AT ALL. I clean her toilet every holiday we're there because I can't stand using it myself, let alone my children or God-forbid any other company she's invited that year. I'm not sure anyone cleans it in between holidays. I also think I'm the only one who has ever had MIL's kitchen counters all clean at once, except papers which I can't help with. I don't have really high standards, I swear.

 

In my own kitchen, I don't ask a lot - I try to be as organized as possible on holidays so that there isn't so much to do in the kitchen. I may ask someone to check on something on the stove or grab something from a drawer or get drinks.

[Danestress]

I could not imagine asking guests to help me in the kitchen. They're guests, not the hired help. And that includes both family and friends.

 

In our family, the host is responsible for all of the dirty work, and the guests are there to enjoy themselves. People always politely offer to help, but no one ever accepts.

 

Personally, I find it very awkward when I go to someone's home for dinner, and everyone is "helping." I try to play along and hope someone will tell me what to do, but it feels weird to be in someone else's house and start working in the kitchen, because that's just not what we do in our family. It feels awkward to stand there and wonder what I should be doing!

 

 

Agreed!

 

I think different people have different ideas of what it means to invite people to your home for a meal. If I invite people to my home for a meal, I expect to cook that meal and to clean up after it. Of course, I rarely host meals for 30 people, and if I did, that would most likely be a potluck. But for a typical meal that I invite family or friends to, I feel I am the hostess and it's not their job to do dishes.

 

I do expect people to look after their own kids, make interesting dinner conversation, dress appropriately, refrain from sniping at their spouses, and make an effort to chat up the older people.

 

My Mom always hosts TG though, and of course my sisters and I help her. Helping in your own mother's kitchen seems pretty normal. Of course, for my Mom, the whole goal of a TG meal is to serve it while making it appear that no food was actually prepared in the kitchen. She washes every single dish as she uses it and stores it away. Her kitchen is immaculate until AFTER the meal, when dishes start coming back in.

[Meriwether]

 

 

Or some of the things with the kids. They had all these weird rules. Like fil has all these kid toys but the kids aren't allowed to touch them. Ugh. And the 2 yo wasn't allowed to go on the single step... Anyway, I can't enforce rules I think are dumb. I'd just end up being snarky. If you want to not let the children leave a tiny area of the house and not give them enough to do, then you can deal with it. Natural consequences. I was better sitting there playing sudoku and blithely saying, "listen to Grandma," than trying to enforce their rules.

 

 

Oh, my goodness! This is my inlaws!

 

 

I feel really awkward cooking in front of other people. I am willing to help. Really. But if you ask me to cut the brownies, tell me how big you want them. I don't want to have to guess. At my inlaws, I wash dishes. My MIL and I cook very differently. The last time I cooked at her house was a birthday meal for her. She has always said she doesn't like to cook. One year her birthday was on Easter, so I offered to cook Easter dinner for her and organized a meal for the children living close enough to come. After the meal (as I was doing dishes :tongue_smilie: ), she brought every dish to me and said, "Do you want to take this home with you? If you leave it here, we'll feed it to the dogs." Now, I just wash dishes. No one else wants the job. Oh, I also help set the table. But I won't cook.

[Mergath]

I never do anything for my in laws. My mil is very Martha Stewart-ish (white carpets, white kitchen, nit a single speck of dust anywhere, she even waxes her shower tiles...

 

 

Wait... I'm supposed to be waxing my shower tiles? :001_huh:

[LMA]

Depends on the kind of dinner. If I am hosting a dinner and invite people, I do all the work nor do I expect people to bring food. Actually, growing up, bring a dish to someone was not good etiquette and I still think that way and I prefer that they not bring anything. Nor do I expect them to help because it's not hospitable to expect someone to help. So it depends on how the invitation was issued. Is it a family get-together with everyone pitching in? Or is a dinner that someone is hosting?

[mommymilkies]

I try not to be. I offer help, but it's always denied. I do try to bring food with me to family functions-my kids have allergies and I don't want anyone to go out of their way for us. My in-laws usually grill, so there's very little I can do. I just wrangle the children.

[Mergath]

I could not imagine asking guests to help me in the kitchen. They're guests, not the hired help. And that includes both family and friends.

 

In our family, the host is responsible for all of the dirty work, and the guests are there to enjoy themselves. People always politely offer to help, but no one ever accepts.

 

Personally, I find it very awkward when I go to someone's home for dinner, and everyone is "helping." I try to play along and hope someone will tell me what to do, but it feels weird to be in someone else's house and start working in the kitchen, because that's just not what we do in our family. It feels awkward to stand there and wonder what I should be doing!

 

 

:iagree: I was brought up in a family where you just didn't ask guests to help. If they insist, and you really, really need a hand, that's one thing, but otherwise, the person hosting does the work and everyone else relaxes, chats, eats, etc. It's just easier that way. I never know what to do in other people's kitchens.

[Tita Gidge]

Our holidays get very large, and are generally potluck style. We don't rent spaces, we just cram in. We do daylong gatherings so there are lots of drop-ins. Our holidays always include various in-laws, friends, and "people with nowhere to go" that we've rounded up to join us.

 

Everybody cleans up after him- or herself. People pitch in. I think it's more than a family culture, for us it's just the culture of where we live. It's much more ... casual, I guess, unless you've brought in a professional caterer. We serve, eat, and clean up "family style" - no host/guest distinction, really. But then again we do weekly lunches at minimum so are generally very familiar with each others' spaces. We'd never consider ourselves "guests" because we're "family" (even in-law to in-law) and we'd probably be offended to be turned away from cleaning up, like we're not "in with the crowd" or something. Even random guests like college roommates on a one-time holiday with us will pick up that vibe and WANT to help out. Clean up is an extension of social time, for us anyway!

 

This is definitely untrue of my own in-laws, but I didn't marry a local boy :) We've evolved into a "when in Rome" mentality, so they adapt to my family when they're with us and I sit around and freeload (per MIL's wishes) when we're guests among her people. It feels all kind of wrong, but it has saved the peace and a small part of our extended relations LOL.

[Murphy101]

Wait... I'm supposed to be waxing my shower tiles? :001_huh:

 

Yes. Yes, you are or you will be an awful housekeeper like me. ;p

 

I know why she does it. It's smart and all that jazz. I just don't care. LOL

 

Waxing the shower tiles keeps them looking brand newly installed with perfect pearly white grouting and so forth without you having to put any elbow grease into it. She just uses a squigee thing before she finishes her shower and that's it. No harsh cleaners or whatever to keep the shower like new.

 

It's fabulous. Really.

 

I just don't care. A bit of mold in the grouting is just nature's antibiotic.

 

Yes, I'm sure I am an embarrassment to her. Oh well.

[fairfarmhand]

Clean up is an extension of social time, for us anyway!

.

 

YES! this! We do enjoy the clean up time, so its not like one person is grouchily slaving away while others are slouching.

[LaxMom]

You mean the ones who show up 15 minutes after the meal was supposed to start (and a full 2 hours after the invitation time), immediately turn on the TV in the middle of the conversation going on in the family room, huddle together to group look at their Match.com profiles and prospects and then, when they are called to the actual table, want to know if you can make their children a pb&j or do you have a hotdog? or something? because the little sweetums don't eat anything offered. (And it has, of course, not ever, in 15 years, occurred to them to pack their kids a d@mn sandwich?)

 

No. We have holiday meals with our nuclear family only, so as to avoid these people. (There are myriad other, more important, reasons to avoid them such as one being a Very Loud Bigot who likes to change topics only when there is an opportunity to deride another ethnic group, but it's all the same group)

[Catwoman]

A bit of mold in the grouting is just nature's antibiotic.

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Mergath]

Yes. Yes, you are or you will be an awful housekeeper like me. ;p

 

I know why she does it. It's smart and all that jazz. I just don't care. LOL

 

Waxing the shower tiles keeps them looking brand newly installed with perfect pearly white grouting and so forth without you having to put any elbow grease into it. She just uses a squigee thing before she finishes her shower and that's it. No harsh cleaners or whatever to keep the shower like new.

 

It's fabulous. Really.

 

I just don't care. A bit of mold in the grouting is just nature's antibiotic.

 

Yes, I'm sure I am an embarrassment to her. Oh well.

 

 

Huh. I've never even heard of doing that, so I must be a horrible housekeeper x1000.

 

I don't care either. I'm busy showering when I'm in the shower, not admiring my gleaming tiles. ;)

[Arcadia]

Our holidays get very large, and are generally potluck style. We don't rent spaces, we just cram in. We do daylong gatherings so there are lots of drop-ins. Our holidays always include various in-laws, friends, and "people with nowhere to go" that we've rounded up to join us.

 

Everybody cleans up after him- or herself. People pitch in.

 

 

That is how we do it for my side and hubby's side of the family too. We even bring extra napkins, disposable plates and utensils to the "pot luck" and the host just provide the big trash bags. Somehow kids would need to use a few plates and a few forks each :) and it is not nice for the host to have to bear the cost. The guys job is to clear the thrash while the ladies job is to make sure everyone get fed. We also bring our own containers for leftovers :lol:

[Catwoman]

I feel like an idiot asking this, but am I the only person on the planet who has never been to a potluck-style luncheon or dinner? :confused:

 

I have heard of potluck suppers at churches, but I have never attended one, and no one in our family ever brings food to anyone's house, unless maybe they'd been to a special bakery and bought some pastries or something (and even then, they would call the hostess first and make sure it was OK and wouldn't conflict with her other plans for dessert. No one would want to mess up the menu! )

 

People might bring hostess gifts or bottles of wine, but I don't think it would even occur to anyone to show up with actual food.

 

I always figured that our way of doing things was pretty common, but now I'm not so sure.

[windmillmarie]

We were raised to always ask if we could help, and then either pitch in if requested or join the others if not needed.