PS after school program, aka Lord of the Flies!

[NotSoObvious]

I went to the school this afternoon to watch a friend's kids on the playground while she was in a meeting.

 

The afterschool program came out and I was shocked at their behavior!!!

 

The girls were saying things to other kids like, "what's wrong with you? Re you dumb?"

 

I had to stop a FIGHT between two fourth grade girls because there was no adult around. I mean, full on hair pulling!! I only saw that once and it wasn't until high school.

 

There was just so much nastiness it was disgusting. My kids were in shock.

 

 

We got in the car to go home and my dd said, "Mom, that was a really good reminder to me that I like homeschooling. I thought I wanted to go back to school next year, but I definitely don't. I'd forgotten about all that!"

 

She also told me the kids told her, "I thought you were easy, but I guess you aren't." She couldn't tell me what they meant, only that it made her feel bad because she could tell they were trying to be mean.

 

There was more and I was just so disappointed by the behavior, and lack of supervision, I saw.

 

We live in a GOOD area! This is an excellent, and fairly small, school.

 

I really hope this was a bizarre, off day and not an example of what the rest of the school day is like!

 

(Excuse my iPad typing...)

[Anne in CA]

I would guess that the after school program is not representative of the whole school. It sounds like it is under supervised and bringing out the worst in kids. But I agree that it sounds awful.

[Hen]

yeah, that sounds horrible. Similar circumstances brought my bonus student to me. He started school and was on a wait list for the afterschool program, I was babysitting him afterschool till he got in. He gets in after 3 months, first day he and his mom walk in together and she said it was bedlam. Noisy, kids throwing things, shouting, running. It was indoors. He turned around and walked out. I ended up watching him still, she couldn't leave him in a place like that. From there, I ended up homeschooling him.

 

to be fair, she said it was a different group of people that ran the program, not the teachers.

[Lisbeth]

I distinctly remember feeling like the inmates ran the asylum when I was in school, and feeling at the mercy of the liud and stupid and mean. I swore no kid of mine would ever have to feel trapped in ps crazyville like that.

[Ali in OR]

I saw 15 or 20 minutes of a local program several years ago when I was on the playground with my kids waiting for a meeting to start for my disabled dd. I actually didn't see particularly ugly behavior, but I did note that there was basically no supervision. The program is "run" by college students who were chatting with each other by the school buildings while the kids were out on the equipment being not-so-nice to each other.

[Juniper]

When I was in college I actually worked in one of these programs. It was the final straw in deciding to be a stay at home mom/homeschool mom if at all possible. I had them from about 3:00 till 6:30 sometimes 7:30pm. I realized that I had as much or more time with them there than their parents did when they picked them up and took them home. It was a really rough revelation.

 

I do want to point out that although we did take them out to the playground for a brief period of time, we actually acted as tutors, PE teachers, drama coaches and provided a decent snack every afternooon.

[Sharon37127]

I have been exposed to the afterschool program here that is run by the Parks & Rec department at various recreational facilities with parks. There are several (that I have seen). Part of the problem here is the way these workers talk to these kids. I know that isn't an excuse for the kids to be mean to each other, but I would be livid if I heard anyone talk to my kids like that. Like they are some kind of boot camp instructor. I did not ear any cussing or demeaning words used or I would have gone directly to the director of the program, but still- there is no need to talk to people (let alone kids) like that. And that was in front of other parents/families at the park not associated with the after school program. I understand it's the nature of the beast and all, but we wonder sometimes why kids act the way they do- and then i hear adults speaking to them like they were. :001_huh:

[PiCO]

Part of the problem here is the way these workers talk to these kids. I know that isn't an excuse for the kids to be mean to each other, but I would be livid if I heard anyone talk to my kids like that.

 

This. I think it's a "company culture" type thing... it doesn't have to be this way.

 

Last year, dd's school had a handful of teaching aides that supervised the playground and lunch room. They were horrible... always assuming the worst of the kids. A friend of mine got a job there, and when she was being trained they told her which kids to "watch out for" and who "needed to be yelled at." My friend happened to have a LOT of experience that the other ladies were not aware of, and she ended up writing a report for the school administration about what was wrong with their supervision methods, and a suggested policy/procedure manual for the staff aides.

 

Long story short, 75% of the aide staff was laid off at the end of the year, new staff was hired, and the problem was fixed.

 

I believe there are good after school programs out there, but the problem is a lot are run by people who don't care about kids, and just want an easy paycheck.

[Juniper]

I agree. Ds works for the Y. They have extensive training on how they want the workers to interact with the children. I was quite suprised at the amount they are investing in training for part -time high school aged employees and even though they pay an dollar an hour less than the towns for the same job, the training ds is getting makes up for it. The provider that won the afterschool care bid at the school district does not invest that much in its employees.

 

This was who I went through as well. It was a wonderful program! We had training and a pretty strict hierarchy in place to hold us accountable. It sounds like all programs are not created equal.

[kewb]

The after school program is probably not indicative of the school staff. When my son was in the after care program it was run by 2 elderly women and a couple of high school students. It was very much what you described. My son was being bullied and when I went to speak to the staff the answer I got was "If he tells us about we will do something." The following year I hired an after school sitter. There was no way I was returning him to that environment.

[SKL]

It seems to me that the kids save up a lot of stress and frustration for release during that time frame. I would not assume the same was going on regularly in the classroom.

 

It's pretty natural for kids to give each other a hard time sometimes.

 

When I was a kid, we just left school and did whatever until our parents got home from work. We made a variety of good and bad choices, as can be expected. It's not the end of the world.

[dbmamaz]

My kids have been in three aftercare programs, and the more I paid, the worse it was. Seriously.

 

the first, i was living in a very depressed small town. the aftercare program was run by the county, at the grade school, by two sisters who also ran with the ambulance. They were sturdy, no-nonsense women with really good hearts. I once joked about the huge load of snacks they were putting away after a shopping run and the head woman looked at me dead-pan and said, this is the last food a lot of these kids will eat before coming back to school in the morning for breakfast.

 

Next, we moved to a nice suburb about 45 minutes away. the YMCA ran the after care in the school, and yes, it was all college students who just wanted to hang out. but there were strict no-touching rules . . . girls got in trouble for hugging each other. My middle child was not dx'd yet, but he could not function at all - basically the kids were running wild in the gym, noisy and chaotic, bad situation for him. if he acted out, they would yell at him to go sit down and read a book . . . so his love of reading became a punishment and he never really got over that attitude. Finally he got suspended from there for hitting a girl (who was much older and in his face yelling at him . . . )

 

i guess next was the martial arts aftercare - that was awesome

 

but then when i'd had my youngest and was ready to go back to school, I enrolled them both in the same place - i liked the daycare but there was a wait list which I could leapfrog up to the front if i enrolled the older boy in aftercare. That aftercare class was 22 boys and 3 girls and it was TOTALLY lord of the flies. They tried bringing in a female teacher to help calm down the mood, but the boys had her in tears. My son would have been 9, i think? he was getting bullied on the playground and no one was noticing. Finally I let him stay home alone because that seemed safer . . .

[NotSoObvious]

I have been exposed to the afterschool program here that is run by the Parks & Rec department at various recreational facilities with parks. There are several (that I have seen). Part of the problem here is the way these workers talk to these kids. I know that isn't an excuse for the kids to be mean to each other, but I would be livid if I heard anyone talk to my kids like that. Like they are some kind of boot camp instructor. I did not ear any cussing or demeaning words used or I would have gone directly to the director of the program, but still- there is no need to talk to people (let alone kids) like that. And that was in front of other parents/families at the park not associated with the after school program. I understand it's the nature of the beast and all, but we wonder sometimes why kids act the way they do- and then i hear adults speaking to them like they were. :001_huh:

 

This is exactly why I won't put my kids in the summer YCamp. I am shocked at how the adults speak to the kids. It breaks my heart to watch them when they are at the pool.

[RanchGirl]

Ugh, I have heard terrible stories about these places. A ten year old we know was harassed and stabbed in the leg with a pencil by another kid we know at the after school program here. The mom couldn't get any help from the staff to stop the ongoing issues so she now has her kid going to another boy's house after school instead where they are both watched by a teen sister (all the parents work, the moms are actually both p.s. teachers).

 

Unfortunately, the damage seems to be done because after several years in these programs, that kid (stabbing victim) is now highly sexualized and bullying two other former friends, including the friend whose house he goes to now. The other one he attacked verbally repeatedly (at church camp of all places... They don't go to church but the bully's mom invited her son along), calling his "friend" retarded, loser, etc. We know all of these kids, including the stabber, through sports. It's just so sad to see these kids suffering and their parents seem to believe there is nothing they can or should do about any of it.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

When we were growing up, my mom was a SAHM, but she started going to college when I was in 4th grade. She was able to schedule most of her classes so that she would still be home when we were. But there was one semester where she needed a lab, or something, that was only offered at a certain time, and she couldn't be out when we got out of school. So, she enrolled us in the after school program.

 

Oh. my. goodness. I was SOOOOOO used to getting out of school, after a long day, going home, changing clothes, getting a snack and relaxing on the couch with my afternoon cartoons while my mom made dinner and stuff.

 

I STILL remember how INCREDIBLY depressing it was to get out of school, be dead tired of school, and instead of going home, I had to STAY there! We had to go to the cafeteria, pull out books and work on homework and after a certain amount of time, we could play. They had one of those traffic lights that tells you how loud you are... if it got to "red" then no one was allowed to talk for a set time.... OMG, it was SO depressing and stressful for me. I HATED every second of it. I was SO happy when that semester was over and we NEVER had to do that again.

 

And I always felt sorry for the kids who didn't mind it b/c they were used to it. They NEVER go to experience that wonderful few hours of comfort and relaxation that occurred from the time you got home until dinner/homework time. Those blissful few hours where you could do whatever you wanted- read, watch TV, play outside, etc. while your mom hummed away in the kitchen, making the house smell all awesome and "homey". And THEN I realized that those kids couldn't even stay home every day during the summer! They actually had to get up early and go to these dreadful versions of after-school care during the summer!!! Not us, we got whole summers of sleeping in, lounging around and playing to our hearts content.

 

It was the next year, in 5th grade, that a kid in my class (a new friend) got sick and my teacher let me accompany her to the nurses office. They called her parents, but they both worked (apparently far away) and it would be several hours before they could come get her. She had to just stay in the nurses office until one of them could come. And I couldn't help but think of every time *I* had gotten sick, and felt just AWFUL and the LAST place I wanted to be was at school. When they called MY mom, she was there in like 15 minutes flat. And 15 minutes after getting home, I would be in my cozy jammies, in my cozy bed, being pampered until I got better.

 

It was THAT point, in 5th grade, walking down the hall back to class, that I told myself I could never be a working mommy. That if I ever had kids, I would HAVE to stay home with them.

 

I often wonder if I would have came to that conclusion had I *not* been exposed to an after school program...

 

(Not trying/wanting to offend working mommies, just relating my past experiences and revelations. :001_smile:)

[dbmamaz]

It was THAT point, in 5th grade, walking down the hall back to class, that I told myself I could never be a working mommy. That if I ever had kids, I would HAVE to stay home with them.

(Not trying/wanting to offend working mommies, just relating my past experiences and revelations. :001_smile:)

Its funny, when i was little, we had a babysitter (an old drunk lady) that my dad would pick up every morning and drive home every evening. once we went to school, we had a local teenager watching us, but the new one (when I was in 3rd and my sister was in 2nd) kept failing to show up, so we were latch-key then.

 

When I first went back to work after having my kids, dh worked on weekends and watched the kids when i was at work. but when I was a single mom, thats when they had to start aftercare. I still remember them saying to me sadly that they missed spending time at home. I felt really bad, but there was nothing I could do - i had no family support. I was so happy when I got to stay home with my third child and the kids could come home after school.

 

I never really had a strong idea about being a sahm or working mom, except being dirt poor and not working didnt feel ok to me. I will go back to work as soon as I'm done homeschooling, or even before if I can work part time from home once the older one is in college. and i'm pretty sure the younger one will go to high school, unless he becomes more independently motivated before then.

[ballardlm]

My husband and I had a similar revalation last year when witnessing a public school field trip. Our oldest is 2 and we had been discussing homeschooling but we weren't totally sold, especially my husband. My husband was working nights at the time so we took a lot of day field trips with our son. We were at the zoo in the middle of the day when an elementary school came for a field trip. After visiting the zoo, where the kids were herded around like cattle and were obviously learning NOTHING in my opinion because they weren't allowed to linger, or read signs, or observe anything, they went to the playground outside the zoo to let the kids play. We were already at the playground. There was this little boy that looked to be about 5 or 6 and my son was following him around and bugging him. The boy was very patient and I was just about to go tell my son to leave the boy alone when the boy tripped over my son. It was totally my son's fault, he was right under him, and he wasn't hurt. But this lady (I think it was a teacher's aide, not an actual teacher) immediately assumed the boy had pushed my son over and started yelling at him. I corrected her, and told her the boy was being very patient and kind with my small son. Then the real shocker came. She didn't even apologize to the poor boy, or make any acknoledgement that she had made a mistake. She just gave him this look like "well you got lucky this time" and walked off. The poor boy looked so hurt and I felt so bad for him. I couldn't believe the way they talked to those kids. Like they weren't even people. AND this is one of the best schools in the state. They've won numerous awards. After witnessing this field trip from this "top" school my husband looked at me and said, "Our kids are not going to regular school".

[ktgrok]

I went to the school this afternoon to watch a friend's kids on the playground while she was in a meeting.

 

The afterschool program came out and I was shocked at their behavior!!!

 

The girls were saying things to other kids like, "what's wrong with you? Re you dumb?"

 

I had to stop a FIGHT between two fourth grade girls because there was no adult around. I mean, full on hair pulling!! I only saw that once and it wasn't until high school.

 

There was just so much nastiness it was disgusting. My kids were in shock.

 

 

We got in the car to go home and my dd said, "Mom, that was a really good reminder to me that I like homeschooling. I thought I wanted to go back to school next year, but I definitely don't. I'd forgotten about all that!"

 

She also told me the kids told her, "I thought you were easy, but I guess you aren't." She couldn't tell me what they meant, only that it made her feel bad because she could tell they were trying to be mean.

 

There was more and I was just so disappointed by the behavior, and lack of supervision, I saw.

 

We live in a GOOD area! This is an excellent, and fairly small, school.

 

I really hope this was a bizarre, off day and not an example of what the rest of the school day is like!

 

(Excuse my iPad typing...)

 

My son was in the afterschool program for a short while in kindergarten, and that is exactly how it was. It was awful, and in a good school in a good neighborhood. We pulled him when he started having stomach aches to keep from going. We put him in a small program at the community center, run by preschool teachers, and it was great. He never complained about going again.

[dbmamaz]

btw, i also had my youngest in a free preschool through the county for a while. he hated it. i came in one day and was talking to the teacher and mentioned something I'd seen in a library nearby (in a slightly nicer area) and the teacher said all the kids are brats there because the mothers wont hit their 'precious' children. I was rather shocked. I dont hit my kids but i also dont let them get away with what those kids were doing.