Am I just being a wimp?

[Lisbeth]

It seems to me you really need two cars for your own sanity. I would tell dh that money can be saved other ways. To me it is a safety issue too...I would hate to be stranded w young ones and no means of driving somewhere.

 

I am not a homebody, so it would feel bad to me if I couldn't go anywhere. :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

Honestly, if *I* were in this situation? I would consider a part-time job at night through the holidays and save every penny of that money for a car after the new year. You can pick him up at work, he can drop you off at your evening job, he can take care of the kids in the evening, make dinner, clean up, pick you up and then you can get the kids to bed. It would be harder, but it would be more of a short-term thing instead of unending.

 

I'm telling you, have him walk in your shoes for a week and I bet he would get it. Getting the kids to get going, get ready, get in the car, etc. is such a pain in the neck! It is the number one reason I hate going anywhere. I literally have to start on my kids hours before we go somewhere. Maybe it's just my kids, but no really THAT is stressful for me.

 

If you MUST do this, I think the one thing that would help a little is to ask him to help get the kids going in the morning.

 

I agree with this too. This is HIS plan, he needs to facilitate it.

[elfgivas]

Thank you. I knew there had to be someone out there who would "get" what I am trying to describe. It's not just four hours - it's a complete disruption of the schedule I've so carefully tweaked so I can get everything done without losing my sanity.

 

:iagree: you said this really well. it makes me think that the solution needs to involve a re-tweaking of both your schedules. could you approach it as a team problem (needing to save money) and therefore a team solution (needing to involve both of you).

 

you could crunch numbers to see how much in actuality you would save. include the cost of gas for the double driving on the day/s you would have the car. if you go down to one day, then perhaps he could pick up some of the errands on the way to/from work. then, it also costs you four hours. i'd ask him to help you find two of those. ie. he would do dishes each night and put the kids to bed so you can do all the other things you would have been doing in those two hours. or something else. however, i don't think its actually four hours, its likely more like five if you count the time it takes to get kids ready and in and out of cars.

 

then once you have something that will work, you could trial it for a week, and then tweak the trial and do another week, and then look at what worked, what didn't, and whether it is worth the money you would save. cutting cable, or giving up a cell phone would be easier and likely more profitable. so i guess i would look at how much you would save, and come up with other ways of saving that, and see if it makes sense.

 

if all else fails, a second car is way cheaper than a divorce lawyer or a psychiatrist, kwim?

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Tammi K]

I guess the question is, are we really saving money, especially considering the effort it takes to have just one car?

 

We aren't saving any money on gas because even with the better mileage, we are making more trips to town so that more than cancels out any savings.

 

If we look at our repair records, we have put maybe $500 a year into repairs/maintenance on dh's truck. Let's say we spend $1000 on either repairs or car payments. Round up to $100 per month. I'm spending four hours driving him back and forth from work every week, saving $25 per week, which comes out to $6 per trip taking dh to/from work. If I was saving $20 per trip, I might be motivated to figure out how to make this work. But for $6? I'm just overwhelmed.

 

I make a whole lot more than that when I work, but I do technical editing - not something mindless like transcription where you're just writing down what someone else said. I have to check technical writing to make sure it is correct before it is published so my clients don't end up having to list errata for their publications. If I miss too many errors, I lose clients. I need to be at the top of my game to do that, not tired and worn out from spending hours on the road making unnecessary trips to town in bad traffic.

 

If I didn't work from home, I might say, well, it's worth it to me to not have a second vehicle so I don't have to work. But I do work. And I'm tired. DH comes home every evening and after the kids go to bed at 7:30, he gets to sit on his arse and do whatever he wants until he goes to bed at 10:00. I use that time either to work or do something else while I feel guilty about NOT working while I have peace and quiet.

 

I like being able to run errands during the week because it isn't hectic like it is on the weekends, even if that means I need to bring the children along. Traffic is much more relaxed during the day, and people aren't so rude. I eliminate a lot of stress from my life by running as many errands as I can during the week. The only errands I run on the weekend are ones like going to the home improvement store where I have to stand and think about which something I want to buy - it's hard to think when the kids get bored and start horsing around. The kids are fine shopping when I go to the grocery store and have a list I'm following.

 

We may be saving $1000 per year on repairs or car payments, but it is really worth the added stress of driving dh to work so I can have the car? Time spent doing one thing is time spent not doing something else. Am I supposed to sleep four hours less, not do laundry, not clean the house, buy expensive processed food because I don't have time to cook supper? Where are those four hours (and the extra stress they cause) supposed to come from? The number of hours in my week has not changed. And I was already tired before we came up with this let's-save-money-by-having-only-one-vehicle scheme.

I ask this very gently: Have you shared the info above with him? You have presented very logical arguments and make a very valid case. Will he not be swayed or have you just considered those things and not pointed them out to him? My DH frequently reminds me that he can not read my mind and things that seem logical to me are not to him. Perhaps he needs a dose of cold hard facts. Perhaps it would be time for him to get a taste of what it is like to deal with the 'at home' routine' every evening so you can work? In my experience, speaking as someone who's been married for almost 30 years, guys (even the really good ones) are usually pretty happy to let us do it all UNLESS we say...."Hey bucko, it's your turn!" He probably has no clue what impact this will make on your life. It's up to you to show him.

[happypamama]

I think I'd look for a second cheap vehicle for your DH to drive to work, or to be your vehicle if that works better. I've done the "schedule with DH when I need a car" thing, and it's a huge pain. An extra four hours worth of work, plus getting the kids up and out of the house earlier, would be so hard -- I am not sure I'd save any money in the end.

 

I *can* tell you that we try to go out just once a week, sometimes twice if we have to. We live at least 20 minutes from anything, so there is never a quick trip. We do a LOT on the days when we're out. We pack lunch and drinks and audio books and sometimes even schoolwork, and we plan on it being pretty much all day. I won't lie -- it's a pain. It's long and tiring, and it gets so tiresome, getting everyone in and out several times a day. And since groceries need to be gotten last (even with a cooler), I end up in the grocery store with four tired children. It's not the greatest thing in the world. But. It works. It saves us money in gas, and the biggest thing -- it means that the other days I don't have to go anywhere. And that is truly worth the trouble. We're pretty much used to it by now, so if you opt for that, it can be done.

[Elizabeth in MN]

Were I in your situation I would change things up a bit. It sounds like you only need to use the car two week days. So the three that your DH needs to go to work that you don't need the car he can drive himself. The two days you do have to use the car for choir and nature study you can all drive him to work.

 

I'm not sure how big a city you live in but if it has public transit maybe your DH could use it to get to work OR he could look into a car pool.

 

We're a one car family and it can be a pain but my Mom doesn't have a job to commute to (she's retired). If there is a conflict then I normally use public transit to get to whatever I need. Only one time was it a huge issue and that's when I needed to take my dd to the ER. Luckily it was only a twisted ankle so we didn't need to call an ambulance.

[VA6336]

We are currently in a similar situation, with dh's 1997 truck needing expensive repairs we don't have the cash for. So, we're down to one 2003 minivan until we have the money to fix the truck. After running the numbers and realistically agreeing that being a one-vehicle family long term (more than 6 months) just isn't a good idea for us, we know that it will be cheaper for us to fix the truck than to replace it with a cheap car in 6 months. We have culled our budget and found a way to have the needed cash within 6 months. Here's hoping our situation is very short-term!

 

I've wanted for years to seriously consider being a one vehicle household. My dh, however, has always had a very similar reaction to yours, in terms of emotional response. His reasons are different than your particular ones, of course. What kept me (the one wanting just one vehicle) from pushing my dh (who desperately did NOT want that situation), was to run the numbers and see that it really wasn't worth the savings and sanity toll. If you present your reasons to him in terms of money and can calmly explain the toll it will take on you, perhaps he'll be less determined right now.

 

The only other thing I can think of is considering the amount of time and stress your job involves, have you thought about giving up work? I'm sure it was worth it when you started, but with how tired and stressed out you are now, maybe you can reevaluate it? You said this situation wouldn't be as big of a deal if you didn't have the workload. Would it be possible to work until the money is there to fix/replace the truck and then quit, or reduce your workload?

[elegantlion]

Yes, sanity is almost everything. Really.

 

:snort: what's that? I vaguely remember sanity, but I think it was all an illusion in the first place. :tongue_smilie: (we just watched Inception again, I'm still stuck in limbo)

[Garga]

I think we're all barking up the wrong tree.

 

Let's reveiw the facts (yes, I've been reading some Sherlock Holmes lately.)

 

1. You want two cars.

2. You came here to ask us, "Is this a reasonable want?"

3. You've received a lot of advice. Some people say, "You don't need two." Some people say, "You do need two."

4. Over the course of this post, my impression is that you have worked through your feelings on this and you want two cars and enough of us are telling you that your feelings are valid and it's ok to want two cars.

 

Here's the thing: There's no more point in us offering suggestions and you getting resentful or trying to explain more details, blah blah blah.

 

At this point, you go to DH and you tell him that you want the two cars. If he's surprised and gives you push back about it, simply tell him what you told us.

 

If he's a normal person, he'll listen, this whole thing will be over in 5 minutes, and the two of you will find other places to save money. But right now, since he has no idea how resentful you're getting, you need to get to him ASAP and explain the situation and give him a chance to be reasonable about it.

 

I would stop with the whole, "Trying it out so I can show him how inconvenient it is" part. Would a man do that? No way. He'd just tell you what he wants without the plotting and accumulating of "see how horrible this is" examples.

 

When men have something to say, they just say it without games. Just say what you want to say to him without games.

[Scarlett]

I think we're all barking up the wrong tree.

 

Let's reveiw the facts (yes, I've been reading some Sherlock Holmes lately.)

 

1. You want two cars.

2. You came here to ask us, "Is this a reasonable want?"

3. You've received a lot of advice. Some people say, "You don't need two." Some people say, "You do need two."

4. Over the course of this post, my impression is that you have worked through your feelings on this and you want two cars and enough of us are telling you that your feelings are valid and it's ok to want two cars.

 

Here's the thing: There's no more point in us offering suggestions and you getting resentful or trying to explain more details, blah blah blah.

 

At this point, you go to DH and you tell him that you want the two cars. If he's surprised and gives you push back about it, simply tell him what you told us.

 

If he's a normal person, he'll listen, this whole thing will be over in 5 minutes, and the two of you will find other places to save money. But right now, since he has no idea how resentful you're getting, you need to get to him ASAP and explain the situation and give him a chance to be reasonable about it.

 

I would stop with the whole, "Trying it out so I can show him how inconvenient it is" part. Would a man do that? No way. He'd just tell you what he wants without the plotting and accumulating of "see how horrible this is" examples.

 

When men have something to say, they just say it without games. Just say what you want to say to him without games.

 

:iagree:

[bookfiend]

Can DH carpool with someone else on the two days you need the car? That would be more truly sharing the car.

[Rebel Yell]

We live in a small town outside the city because our house cost half of what it would have had we bought a comparable house in the city. We don't even have pizza delivery in our town. So public transit or a taxi are not an option.

 

If I took him to the most outlying bus stop, the extra time he would need to navigate the bus system to get to his destination would be far more than the extra eight minutes it would take to drive him in the rest of the way.

 

DH's commute is on a busy highway, so a bicycle is out. In the winter (when the children sleep the latest), we have snow, so a motorcycle wouldn't help either.

 

I mean, we are saving money. But all things considered, is it really worth it, including the risk of my not working as much because I'm either too tired or am spending time driving him back and forth so I can have the car?

 

I've taken on a lot of household responsibilities he might do if we both worked because I am home and can do them during the day, and since I work on the weekends, I'd rather get those things done during the week so we can do things together as a family on the weekend (even if we're just at home).

 

But this extra responsibility is just going too far. At the same time, I feel like I'm being completely selfish and ridiculous. But money isn't the only factor - time and energy are factors, too. And I'm already so tired.

You are not being selfish or ridiculous. Assuming you can afford the second car or repairs to the truck and still feed 7 clothe the family, it just sounds too difficult to have only one car at this time in yoru situation.

 

We had a single car once- and a baby who was a SCREAMER... especially int he car. After a few weeks of waking up a grumpy preschooler, a screamy baby and a tired pg mom for a 1/2 hour drive to work, we magically got a second car- especially when I pointed out to DH that *I* had to listen to the screams and deal with the aftermath while he sat at his cushy desk job with coffee breaks, hour-long lunches, and bathroom breaks all by himself. :D

 

For the tiny bit of cash it will save you, it sounds liek it will cost far more in nuisance, stress, and other costs.

[Mommy22alyns]

:grouphug: We had a couple of months of being a one-car family, with DH working in town 45 minutes away. It was horrible. So I don't think you're being a wimp.