Help with support for dealing with mentally ill son

[TravelingChris]

Hi all,

 

My mentally ill son may be coming home this Thursday or Friday. He is diagnosed with major depression and this was his third hospitalization since mid March. Just last week, while his regular psychiatrist was away, another one added Welbutrin to his medication regimen and that not only took away what progress he had made just very recently but made him the worse he has been since this whole thing started. His regular doctor returned yesterday, stopped the Welbutrin today and upped another drug's strength. Anyway, today the social worker calls me to tell me he is being released Thursday or Friday. WHen I call to talk to him, he sounds just as bad as he was on the Welbutrin but of course he only stopped it yesterday. He is already telling me he won't let me make sure he takes his medicines and that he took them before ( not regularly). He won't go to the doctor appointments since I told him he will have to walk or ride a bike (it is slightly less than a mile away on totally flat land) since I have to take other children to orthodontics. He wants us to buy him a car but he won't pay for insurance and Florida is blackety blank state for requiring insurance and so on. So I called back the social worker and said I think this isn't going to work so she will talk to the doctor. However, I think we are coming up to Tricare limits and that may be why they want to release him. I really want him to get better but right now I think if he is released on Thursday or Friday, he won't be any better.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am so sorry. I would try to talk to his doctor (the good one) if you can. He sounds like he would understand and hopefully would go to bat for you. :grouphug:

[Kathleen in VA]

:grouphug:Christina:grouphug: No words of wisdom here. No sage advice. Just :grouphug:.

[Ottakee]

Esp. given the reaction he had to the Welbutrin, I would really push them to consider bipolar for him. Keep talking to them and telling them he is NOT ready to be released.

[Mom2GirlsTX]

I would push the social worker and Doctor to not release him yet, to have yanked his medicines around on a Monday and release on Thursday seems very premature. I hope their is a major improvement soon, I'm very sorry for you. Hugs :grouphug:

[Remudamom]

No advice but prayers.

[Spy Car]

I've been though this with a family member, and sometimes you really need to battle to keep them in until the meds are effective. I imagine you are feeling pretty worn by now, but thry to stay strong and FIGHT THE SYSTEM. Your son needs you now, and you've got to raise to the challenge.

 

Good luck!

 

Bill

[HollyinNNV]

Might there be any NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) meetings near you? They offer support and education for families.

Holly

[kalanamak]

As I recall, you have a lot on your plate. Please don't take offense, but sometimes a family has to let a legally adult child move "into the system" to make the home more livable. While this sounds like abandonment, I have seen it work to really get the attention and effort of the sufferer, such that they "clean up their act". Every 19 year old, illness-free or not, needs to move along, and if he is accustomed to getting his family to cover for him (give him rides, etc), he'll try that. In a different living situation, he won't have your familiar face to hit up for a ride. I think you should be really happy he's being honest with you.

 

Tell the social worker that having your son come home won't work. He won't stay on his meds, he's saying he might "commit" (I assume you mean suicide). It is the hospital's job to deal with placement. He's not 7, he's 19. Put down requirements for both them and your son, and if he doesn't meet them, then he has to make other plans. I know this is hard. I work in a mental hospital and see families go through this all the time. It might be time for him to get onto medicaid, etc. so that the social worker can find a more suitable place for him.

 

I wish you strength and luck.

[GSMP]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:You need lots of them.....fight for him...and I will add your family to my prayer journal.

 

I understand...believe me....

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I've watched a sister deal with a very depressed husband and friends deal with adult children with mental health issues.

 

Although it seems harsh, I wouldn't let an adult move into my house unless their meds were settled and they were committed to taking them, following house rules and working at getting well. My sister's husband would not take his meds etc and is now her ex since otherwise she and the children weren't going to make it either. It didn't look good to the neighbours but it was necessary to keep the rest of the family well.

 

:grouphug:

[Adrianne]

Hi all,

 

My mentally ill son may be coming home this Thursday or Friday. He is diagnosed with major depression and this was his third hospitalization since mid March. Just last week, while his regular psychiatrist was away, another one added Welbutrin to his medication regimen and that not only took away what progress he had made just very recently but made him the worse he has been since this whole thing started. His regular doctor returned yesterday, stopped the Welbutrin today and upped another drug's strength. Anyway, today the social worker calls me to tell me he is being released Thursday or Friday. WHen I call to talk to him, he sounds just as bad as he was on the Welbutrin but of course he only stopped it yesterday. He is already telling me he won't let me make sure he takes his medicines and that he took them before ( not regularly). He won't go to the doctor appointments since I told him he will have to walk or ride a bike (it is slightly less than a mile away on totally flat land) since I have to take other children to orthodontics. He wants us to buy him a car but he won't pay for insurance and Florida is blackety blank state for requiring insurance and so on. So I called back the social worker and said I think this isn't going to work so she will talk to the doctor. However, I think we are coming up to Tricare limits and that may be why they want to release him. I really want him to get better but right now I think if he is released on Thursday or Friday, he won't be any better.

 

 

((Christina)) I don't have much advice to give but you are not alone. I have brother who is bipolar. It is so hard sometimes. I am praying for you and your family.

 

:grouphug:

[Twinmom]

If he is a legal adult and they will not work with you about holding onto him longer, refuse to come pick him up. If things in FL are like they were in TX last year when I went through this with my bipolar BIL, they can't release him...at least not until they've secured a place for him to live! You KNOW how long that will take! ;) Sadly, it is the only way we managed to get BIL held long enough for the meds to take effect. Our refusal to pick him up also meant that he went into another manic episode with the hospital getting to see him in all his glory. Heavier meds ensued, he stabilized...now, he is home and doing great.

 

Don't try this if he is a minor...you'll be charge with child abandonment.

 

I am a social worker with a long history in the mental health arena...please feel free to pm me if I can help you with any specific questions. I'm not a FL expert, but I can try!

 

Hang in there and don't give up. :grouphug:

[elizabeth]

I've been though this with a family member, and sometimes you really need to battle to keep them in until the meds are effective. I imagine you are feeling pretty worn by now, but thry to stay strong and FIGHT THE SYSTEM. Your son needs you now, and you've got to raise to the challenge.

 

Good luck!

 

Bill

I would post the same and cannot argue strongly enough for listening to Bill. They did not ,would not, keep my beloved family member long enough for the meds to work-I am not sharing the outcome because I do not want to frighten you. Be your bad mother bear, righteously indignant self-if it is not you to do this -act as if you are a fearsome woman not to be trifled with!!.The proverbial squeaky wheel does get results. I am so sorry you are dealing with a system that treats mental diseases with disregard and those with loved ones so afflicted with utter contempt it is wrong and tragic-I am thinking of you and hoping for the best. I have been there and hurt for you and your family.

[TravelingChris]

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts. I am going to call the hospital and the psychiatrist tomorrow. He is not a minor, he is 19. Actually, when we talked to him all these last times, he kept saying he didn't want to come home until his medicines worked. Today he had just seemed resigned that they are going to kick him out. Even the company that is contracted by the military to deal with mental health said that the hospital can contact and ask them to extend his stay.

[bettyandbob]

www.nami.org as mentioned by a previous poster The National Alliance on Mental Illness provides support and education. There is probably a support group meeting close to your home.

 

www.advocacycenter.org is the protection and advocacy agency for the state of Florida. If they cannot help you, they may be able to give you contact info for groups in your community that can. I used to work for the P and A in Virginia.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I wouldn't let an adult move into my house unless their meds were settled

 

This can take literally months....hospitals only keep you until you aren't a danger to yourself or others any longer. Past that, SOMEONE has to support people like us while it takes time for our medication levels to be worked out, especially if we're taking more than one.

 

I'm just glad, I guess, that my hubby has no intention on not allowing me back home just because it's been months and we're still working on meds....

 

At the same time, I agree with others who said that this young man needs to stay in hospital care for a reasonable amount of time. They don't have him anywhere near ready to come home. There may be a time when a med change on Monday can be done an a discharge on Thursday, but it doesn't sound like that should be the case for this young man; he doesn't sound ready.

 

Unfortunately, he's an adult and you can't make him take his medication though. And many of us refuse medication because 1) we feel better so think we don't need it or 2) we hate the effects whether we can articulate them or not. That may not be the best thing but it's how it is, especially with severe mental illness.

 

It does sound like possibly more is going on than just depression. Has he been eval'd completely? I will spare you what happened to me when I tried Wellbutrin. I'm now on a handful of meds and doing a little better but far from well. Hopefully another tweak next week will be just the thing I need. I hope.

 

Hopefully this last tweak with ds's meds were just the thing he needed also. But it may take a few extra days to be sure. I would be very straight with those involved in his treatment plan that he cannot come home the way he is right now. It is their job to protect him!

 

Sorry this got so long.

[Mom to Aly]

Well, I'm beginning to feel like I have a story for everything, but I told someone recently I've had a hard life, and this is one of the biggest parts of it.

 

I have a twin brother who is schizo-effective. That is a combination of schizophrenic and manic depressive. We are 42--he had a psychotic breakdown when we were 15.

 

I have to tell you that this is the way it goes sometimes--first of all, all psychiatrists seem to think they are gods--no matter how long another has seen him, let a new one get him for a day, and they seem to want to try a new med (no offense to anyone, please, this is my experience). Then, when the old one comes along, he'll take him off, and say everything will be fine, but you mix in ins, and you're in trouble.

 

First off, you need an advocate. NAMI can help, but sometimes not as much as you'd like. If nothing else, though, they can give you info. The hospital can sometimes give you an unbiased advocate, and so can social services.

 

As his parent, I would put in a request that nothing happen, medicine wise, unless you are first consulted. As his guardian I imagine you have the right to do that--at least that way you might be able to prevent something like this happening in the future.

 

I would also see if your son is illegible for disability. This would get him an income (low, but a few hundred dollars a month), medicaid, which is huge! The best ins he will ever have! Rides to and from medical appts. Food stamps. And supportive housing, or, sometimes, subsidized housing on his own, when he is ready for that--not always a bad area--my brother has an apartment in a very nice area, and only pays $150 of the mega whopping, wait for it--$497 a month he is given to live on!!! (wouldn't you love to see a politician make it on that?) He would also be eligible for day programs--programs that would help him try to prepare for the real world, jobs, etc. Group therapy, plus.

 

I'm not saying he is at that level, but, in case he is, it is an amazing thing. The support system it provides is amazing, and the socialization available through it is also incredible. He would have a case worker that can do so much. And the financial burden would be lifted off of you. He is now an adult, and I'm sure it is all very expensive, even the co-pays. It would also set him up with something of his own, which could give him a feeling of independance and empowerment.

 

If you do apply, from my experience, they almost always turn everyone down the first time, even with letters from the psychiatrist. My brother has been disabled, like I said, since the age of 15 (I'm not in any way implying that would be the case with your son--the meds were tremendously lacking then--a nightmare! Now, everything is very different). Even then, he is often denied and has to reapply.

 

Also, one way I would never go is a state facility. Some may be OK, but the only time my brother was in one was in NYC, and there it was a nightmare. May be very different elsewhere, but, if you have him signed over to the state, please first check on your rights after that, because in NY, his psychiatrist could not get him out after that, and he was lost in the system for nearly 7 months and left in a horrible state institution for that long. As I'm sure you can imagine, no place has anything like NYC, which is terribly overcrowded and understaffed, but it was horrible, and nothing I would recommend to anyone without very careful research.

 

And, as far as the car goes; people with mental illnesses are often very distracted when driving, they will play with the radio, fix mirrors, etc.; my brother has had more serious car accidents than I can count. Something to consider when thinking of a car. Maybe appointments can be rearranged, or alternate tranportation arranged? Like I said, if he gets medicaid, he can have them provide transport for medical appt's for free.

 

One last thing I need to add. Like I said, my brother got sick when we were 15. My sisters are twins and a year older. My dad died when we were 19, my sisters were 20. So we could take care of ourselves, but not my brother. My mom has dedicated her life to my brother, who still, at 42, takes her constant attention. She has overdone for him, she admits that now, to such an extreme, that, although he can take care of himself, he will not. For a while, he had been cooking for himself, shopping, paying bills, etc. My mother, who is 72, does everything for him, because he recently guilted her into it (he is extremely intelligent), and admits now that she regrets taking on so much, but doesn't know how to stop.

 

Consider what you are willing and able to do, who else you have in the house, and what your responsibilities are. You love your son, I am sure no one doubts that, and you have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone. Babying him and doing everything possible for him for the rest of his life is not necessarily the best thing. Doing nothing for him may not be either. Let yourself be the best judge. You've known your son all his life, you know him better than anyone, you know best what he needs. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise, or guilt you into anything, and, I hate to say it, but I'm sure, along the way, you will meet some who do try. Just remember, it doesn't have to be an all or nothing deal.

[summer]

Can he get SSDI so that in the future, you will not have to worry about limits on the bills? It sounds like you are having a very hard time. (((hugs)))