brownie Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 At what age is it OK for a teen/pre-teen to stay home from say a 7 year old sibling's soccer game? Not when is it safe to leave your kid alone...I already leave my near 12 year old for 30-60 minutes here and there. But he hates coming to activities for his brothers and I've always felt that we should go and support one another at games, not practices. Is that unreasonable? or at a certain age when the older child has SO much going on and so much school work to do and just needs some down time, do you let him/her just stay home and enjoy a peaceful hour in the house alone? Brownie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadianmumof5 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 We all try to go to see the other games as much as possible. So the youngers go to the olders, and vice versa. This past summer - we have had 2 games (2 different kids) almost every weeknight so they haven't gone to many of each others games...... I think it is important for them to see each other play and I have found that they will give that little bit of extra effort when they know that their siblings are watching :001_smile: Having said all of that - I don't think I would force them to come to every game but I am hoping that they will want to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Our unspoken but somehow understood rule is that the sibling has to come sometimes. Not for all games/events or even a majority, but enough to show some interest and support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Our unspoken but somehow understood rule is that the sibling has to come sometimes. Not for all games/events or even a majority, but enough to show some interest and support. This is us, too. They shouldn't have to come every single time IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
West Coast Mom Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 We are running into this issue now. My almost 12 year old has been asking to stay home from sibling sports and practices. It started after I let him stay home a couple of times when he was sick. I plan to let him stay home from practices on a rare ocassion, but not games. In my view, his younger siblings have spent a huge portion of their lives traveling to and waiting for him at events over the years. It is his time to start being there for them. While the 10 year old brother practices, he can play with his other siblings (2,4) or interact with the other kids waiting around. It's also a great opportunity to have one on one time with me or DH. During games, he can cheer the team on with the family. After years of everyone sacrificing their time for his sports, I don't think he suddenly gets a pass because he's getting older. It is time to start giving his time into the siblings endeavors. We are a family, we work together and encourage one another. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 or at a certain age when the older child has SO much going on and so much school work to do and just needs some down time, do you let him/her just stay home and enjoy a peaceful hour in the house alone? Since we homeschool and the kiddos already spend so much time together, not to mention sharing a room, I don't require them to be at each other's games/performances. If they need down time or perhaps one on one time with the other parent, that's cool with me. Mostly though, they enjoy being at each other's events, but either way it's not a problem here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My older kids (dd13 and ds11) don't go to ds8's swimming lessons. I can't see why they would need to go. I bring a book and wait. They can stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvnlattes Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My oldest is not a sports guy, doesn't like to play them and doesn't enjoy watching them, but I do think he should show support to his brothers. He's not required to go to any practices but I do have him come to some games. I would guess that he comes to about 1 a month. If he gives me grief about it I remind him that his brothers come to his piano recitals. Even though that may not be their favorite thing to do, families support each other. That is usually enough to get him out of his room :tongue_smilie:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) We all swam on swim team, so it was indeed a family event. But my brothers played soccer and baseball, and I remember going to a fair number of their games. I don't think my parents made me go to every single one, though; actually, as they got older, my mom didn't even go to every game, especially not all of the out-of-town ones (though my dad generally did). Rarely did I go to their practices, like really rarely. It seems a bit much for kids to have to go to every single game for their siblings; I enjoyed going to a few now and then and cheering for my brothers, but going once or twice a week would have made me bored and resentful (I also detested being outside in the sun as a kid). I think my parents struck a good balance there. When DD was taking dance lessons, I tried not to have to bring everyone else along. They couldn't see her anyway, and it wasn't the most interesting place to wait. If they had to bring stuff to do anyway, they might as well stay at home with DH, so that's what they did. They enjoyed having some "boy time" with Daddy (frequently involving youtube videos of trucks and such), and I got some time with the baby during DD's class, and then DD and I usually went to the grocery store and had a few minutes to ourselves (including a fairly long car ride where she didn't have to share my attention with everyone else). Currently, DS1 is in speech therapy once a week, and I bring everyone along; it's kind of a pain, but we don't have another option. Now, for recitals, or once a year things, or occasional games, yes, I make them all go, even if they don't want to. I do think it's important to cheer on their siblings and to "be there" for them. But a 12yo missing even half of a dozen ball games in a season, while enthusiastically cheering for his sibling at the other half, would not bother me at all. ETA: I also do feel that my children have a LOT of time together. We live in the middle of nowhere and don't have opportunities to play with other children very often, so it's siblings-siblings-siblings all the time. Mostly that's fine, but I feel that it's okay to let them have some time away from each other/time doing separate things too. When they get back together, they act like they haven't seen each other for a million years -- it's actually kind of funny how overjoyed they are to see each other (and that's the older ones with each other, not just with the baby; I understand that the baby is the Biggest Exciting Thing Ever). Edited August 10, 2012 by happypamama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Games everyone goes to support the one who is playing, but practices are not attended by everyone in our family. IMO it teaches that family comes first before all else and it takes the focus off of self and puts it on the sibling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I don't even go to every game. It never even occurred to me to make siblings go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) Ummmmm, at birth? :D Diamond dances. There is zero need for any sibling, and rarely even a parent, to sit and stare through a viewing window for 6 hours a week, 33 weeks/year. They do come to the recital. SweetChild and BabyBaby play volleyball. There is barely enough room in the gym for the VB court- spectators are not allowed. (co-ed homeschool league... no regular games- just tournaments) *I* didn't even go to SweetChild's first tournament- it was out of town, and rookies "never" go but she did that year. We all attended her Spring State tournament- it lasted from 6;30 am (we were local) to 7;30 pm... Diamond watched a game, went to the library across the street and did school work, came back for lunch and the rest of the games. No need to be there alll day. BabyBaby almost never has siblings watch her Karate classes, but we all show up for belt tests and most demonstrations. So- we're all there for the big events. If they played a sport with weekly (or more often) games, I would never require a sibling to attend every single one, and DH couldn't get time off work if it started before 7pm. And often, the girls have different activities on the same night- it would be just crazy to tell one she can't go to her class because she has to watch her sister's class. The only reason I require a sister to watch a practice/class is if it is a short class and I'm staying too and there is no way they can stay home alone.... but even then they are free to bring a book, a game, or whatever. Edited August 10, 2012 by Rebel Yell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joani Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I don't make my kids come to every single game. I go, and encourage the other kids to come along, but if they're busy or just really don't want to go for some reason, I don't push. The whole family goes to championship games, important races and meets, and major competitions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownie Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 OK so I have a plan. DS 7 and 9 actually don't go to all ds11's swim meets either since many are 1-2 hrs away and all day. If both dh and I are going, they must go but often it is impossible since somebody is bound to have a soccer game as well. So it's fair that ds11 shouldn't have to go to 2 soccer games every weekend. It seems reasonable that I can offer ds11 to attend only 1/3-1/2 of his brothers' games as long as he is cheering at the others. He is such a stinker about going...he usually asks to stay in the car even if it's 90 degrees out. He certainly reads the ENTIRE time. Thanks! Brownie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I'm in the group who sees no reason to force an uninterested sibling to attend a weekly sports event. Less routine things like championships, tournaments, recitals, and so forth might be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Since we homeschool and the kiddos already spend so much time together, not to mention sharing a room, I don't require them to be at each other's games/performances. If they need down time or perhaps one on one time with the other parent, that's cool with me. Mostly though, they enjoy being at each other's events, but either way it's not a problem here. Exactly this. If it were a "once in a great while" thing (yearly recital, etc.) I would require the sibling to be there for support, but not for something that happens weekly or fairly often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I don't even go to every game. It never even occurred to me to make siblings go. :iagree: but maybe it's a big family thing? I guess it just comes down to family culture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Rebecca is at the gym 9 hours a week. I don't even stay for the whole practice! Sylvia will go for her class, then leave with DH to hang out elsewhere for the duration. She'll stay home Tuesday and go separately to choir on Thursday. Now meets, she will be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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