Does the man of your house have a chair, and

[The Girls' Mom]

My dad had a chair. It was his chair, and he had first claim. If we were in it and he came in the room, sometimes, he'd tell us to get out. Other times, he'd just sit on us. :lol:

 

First, I do see it as a sign of respect to give the adults first choice on places to sit. Second, and this goes with the first, my body isn't as young as theirs. It just doesn't do so well on the floor, especially my knees when it comes to getting up and down, and the kids are much more flexible and easily accommodated.

 

 

:iagree: This pretty much exactly, except my dh is like your dad, in that he will sit on you :lol: I have MY chair too. His dad and mom had their own chairs too. My family growing up just spent most of our time avoiding each other in separate rooms.

[Tess in the Burbs]

What are his expectations regarding it? (not including kitchen/dining chairs) In our home we all sit in the same place in the kitchen and dh would expect anyone to get out of his chair. But in the living room, no he does not have a chair. He will sit anywhere when walking in the room. He has asked the kids to move so he could sit next to me. If anything, the kids move when I come into the room for my seat, lol, b/c they know I will ask them to move! HAHA

Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect? I would not say this. He sees a lot of things as disrespect but a kid not moving for a place to sit, no. But he doesn't have a set chair. If he did, absolutely the kid should move for him.

 

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?I don't expect the kids to move but they do. And I have never taken it as disrespect if they don't. They are probably busy watching tv and never noticed.

 

 

 

1. If this practice was held in man's house when he was a kidyes, the dad had a chair and no one could sit in it

 

2. Religion (if any) of mannone at that time, now has one. don't visit so do not know but would expect he still doesn't allow others in his chair

 

Having heard other things from you about your husband on here and in person I wouldn't worry about it. If his chair is that important then just everyone learn to stay out of it. It's not worth the fight in long term values. My dad had a chair and we just didn't sit in it. I don't think it's a big deal in the scope of things. And if you don't make it a big deal, maybe he will see his anal ways eventually :tongue_smilie: :grouphug:

[BatmansWife]

My dh has a chair. I'm sitting in it now. It's the chair in front of the computer. Whenever he's home (inside the house) it is definitely HIS chair. If he leaves the room, I might sit on it and check my e-mail or what's going on at the WTM ( :001_smile: )....but when I see him heading back to the living room (where our computer is)....I get off, no questions asked.

 

:glare:

[Nestof3]

Yes, we both have preferred seating.

Yes, kids move for us when asked. (and for any other elder for that matter)

Yes, this was the case for both of us growing up.

No, it had nothing to do with religion.

 

So, kids are not expected to get up without being told that is where an adult wants to sit. Or, are they to assume that when you walk in the room, you will want to sit there and get up?

[Nestof3]

Thanks for all the answers. I was genuinely interested in seeing how much of this was cultural, learned behavior, religious, etc.

 

I have my own place -- I call it my desk. I never expect anyone to rise upon my entering. If I want it, I ask for it, and my kids get up. If they are really having a great time doing something there, and what I can do can easily be done elsewhere, I often just go elsewhere.

 

When we do school, I have asked my dh to move from the sofa to "his" chair because I like to read while between the two boys.

 

He would never ask me to get out of his chair. In fact, when I do sit there, he comments that it's nice to see me sitting down.

 

My parents had favorite chairs, but we never felt like we were supposed to get out of them, and they never seemed to care.

 

When we visit dh's family no one -- not even the wife -- ever sits in the chair. One time one of the boys did (they have never been under such strictness), and my FIL had no idea what to even do when he entered the room. It was like it had never happened. My dh told him quickly, "Get out of the chair."

[Nestof3]

I think it is more about me. When I enter a room (unless it's the office), I rarely plan to sit for a time alone. I may enter and choose to pet the cat on the floor. I may choose to sit next to Ben and snuggle and chat. I may choose to sit next to the bookshelf to look for something to read.

 

I don't think anyone would know when I enter a room what I plan to do. I also think it's perfectly fine to have spots where we have our things. I just never really understood the expectation to get up. If I would like to sit there, I make it known. If not, I don't.

 

DH has a chair, and the kids get out of it when he comes into the room. Yes, it is considered disrespectful to NOT get up and out of his chair without being told. Even the dog gets up out of that chair when DH comes into a room. DH is Unitarian raised Lutheran, and yes his father had a chair too, and kids were expected to give him his chair when he came into a room.

 

Yes, I have a chair and yes the kids better get out of it when I come into the room or it is considered disrespectful (and dangerous). I am also Unitarian, raised Methodist. Yes, my mom had a chair too, and we were expected to get out of her chair when she came into the room.

 

It isn't about the chair, though. Dh has his 'stuff' organized by his chair, his home reading glasses, magazines, WOW authentication key, ect. He wants to be next to his stuff. I have my 'stuff' organized by my chair, knitting, magazines, ect. and I want to be next to my stuff. It has nothing to do with the chair or how comfortable the chair is, it's all about where our stuff is.

 

We both figure this is one of the few perks we get as the adults in the house. It has nothing to do with religion either. The kids have their usual places too, but only the adult daughter who is staying with us currently has her own chair that the other kids are expected to get out of for her. She has her 'stuff' by that chair.

 

I guess that the argument could be made that we shouldn't keep personal 'stuff' in or on an end table, or that we should be more flexible about picking up our 'stuff' and taking it to another seat....but why? We're adults and we are more comfortable this way. I like my 'stuff' where it is. When the other kids become adults they can pick a chair....:)

[6packofun]

This is how it is with us, too. We're not *making* the kids respect us, it has nothing to do with patriarchy (knew that word would be thrown about here), but dh does school and I read a lot and each of our chairs is next to a bookshelf with OUR books for study, etc. So the kids can sit there when we're not around, but they also have 2 couches and a loveseat, plus awesome ottomans and cushions to use, so they move when we come in to sit.

[Berta]

Thanks for all the answers. I was genuinely interested in seeing how much of this was cultural, learned behavior, religious, etc.

 

I have my own place -- I call it my desk. I never expect anyone to rise upon my entering. If I want it, I ask for it, and my kids get up. If they are really having a great time doing something there, and what I can do can easily be done elsewhere, I often just go elsewhere.

 

When we do school, I have asked my dh to move from the sofa to "his" chair because I like to read while between the two boys.

 

He would never ask me to get out of his chair. In fact, when I do sit there, he comments that it's nice to see me sitting down.

 

My parents had favorite chairs, but we never felt like we were supposed to get out of them, and they never seemed to care.

 

When we visit dh's family no one -- not even the wife -- ever sits in the chair. One time one of the boys did (they have never been under such strictness), and my FIL had no idea what to even do when he entered the room. It was like it had never happened. My dh told him quickly, "Get out of the chair."

 

 

My desk is mine, and no one is allowed to sit at it lol. I run our home business, conduct school, have all our household bills organized etc on my desk (it's a big area and my youngest daughters desk butts up against it). If someone touches my paperwork or takes things off my desk I will freak. No one is allowed to even think about sitting at my desk lol. Everyone in this house has their own desk, so there really isn't any need for anyone to be in mine.

[Nestof3]

One more thought about this.

 

I have heard my husband mention, "My dad got home from work and was tired, he should get his chair." His mom worked too (even came home from work to make him lunch when he was retired). Why do I never hear, "She worked hard all day, of course she would want to relax in her chair when she got home?" Instead, she came home, made dinner, then relaxed after doing all other domestic duties required of her.

[Mimm]

Haven't read the thread, but in our house, it's only computer chairs and both my husband and I would be annoyed to find my kids in our chairs, presumably using our computers without permission. When my husband comes home to find my kids on his computer (with my permission), he is not annoyed and does not immediately expect them to get off. They may finish up what they are doing and get off.

 

Growing up, my best friend's father had a chair that was his. She and her brother fought frequently about who got to sit in it when he wasn't home and were not allowed to sit in it when he was home. I'm not sure if he would have thought it was a sign of disrespect if they didn't get out of it right away but it was an explicit rule at their house that if he was home, the chair was off limits. :)

[amy g.]

My husband has a chair, but after ten years of watching him never use it, I took it over.

 

My husband does not usually sit when he is at home, unless he is sitting on the floor playing puzzles or trains.

 

If there is a ball game that he wants to hear, he puts it on the speakers in the garage so he can get some work done while he listens.

 

If kids sit in his chair, I kindly and respectfully request that they move.

 

"You had better move your behind out of that chair before I move it for you!"

[Retired]

What are his expectations regarding it? (not including kitchen/dining chairs) Does he expect the kids to get out of it when he comes home? Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect? Does he expect you to get out of it when he is around? If you are a man, just answer for yourself.

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?

 

Let me clarify that this isn't about anyone sitting on the floor. :)

 

If you are comfortable, could you also state:

 

1. If this practice was held in man's house when he was a kid

 

2. Religion (if any) of man

 

Please don't answer if this offends you or if you feel it is too private :)

 

I grew up with all of the above (my dad) recliner, his place at the table etc. I don't know about his childhood but he is old school Nazarene. I spent lots of time at others church members houses. I didn't see the slave mentality in other homes like mine. I spent every minute I could at other folks home.:)

[Hwin]

My husband comes home from work around 1AM. There is never a need to shoo anyone out of his chair. :lol:

 

On the rare occasion that the 6yo is allowed to eat food in the living room, he is not allowed to sit in Daddy's chair when he is eating it. That's about it! Yes, it's his spot. My spot is the far-right seat of the couch. We often squish together and share our spots, though. :D

 

ETA we are non-denom, Bible Christians. But we started life together as Lutherans with no furniture but a small, rickety loveseat..

[lisa.mcspadden]

I haven't read all the responses, but for us:

We live in a tiny home. We have one couch and one rocking chair. I use the rocking chair mostly for nursing, so daddy also uses it when he's putting the kiddo to sleep. We are all "allowed" to use the whole house. Kids are allowed on our bed, we change where we sit for dinner, I lay down on their beds, we all cuddle on the couch. We sit on the floor a LOT!

The only off limits is jumping on furniture (kids or grown up ;) And, if anyone in our house is sitting somewhere and another person is especially tired, sick, nursing or hurt-that person, kid or adult, gets first dibs.

We are a mixed family of religious/spiritual beliefs. My dad was a "don't bother me where ever I am" type of guy and my husbands family was very flexible (as far as I know).

 

Nice topic, by the way!

[Seasider]

Oh, my parents had chairs! My mom was actually more territorial than my dad. It was unspoken, but we all knew to move our fannies if one of the parents was ready for the evening sit-down and we were in their places. Memories!

 

DH and I have chairs, but we share. They are recliners and they are "assigned" because we each picked out the one that best suited our body types (upper body vs lower body weight/strength). He loves "my" chair and will sit in it if I am not using it, but I don't sit in his as much because I am not topheavy enough to easily push it back.

[KidsHappen]

Yes, just recently my hubby and I got recliners for us to use in the sitting room of our bedroom. My hubby sometimes sits at the computer chair and lets one aof the kids dit in his recliner. I am also making large beanbags for the children when they are visiting. When sitting in the loft, all family memeber pretty much have assigned seats. Well, not really so much assigned as their sit (that they chose). I have priority in all situation though due to back pain.

 

When growing up my dad did have a chair. Mom could sit in it when dad wasn't home but once he arrived, mom moved to the couch. Us kids just tried to find a comfotable spot.

[RoughCollie]

My DH has a chair that has been ordered, but we haven't gotten it yet. It is one I selected to fit him well (tall, big) and that he can get out of with no problem. He has motor skills deficits due to multiple strokes he had last year.

 

I can't wait until that chair is delivered because DH keeps taking my spot on the couch. I get the end with the lamp, and the dog gets the other end. For now, I frequently have to sit in an armchair that is kind of disconcerting to sit in. The dog keeps jumping on me and then to the top of the back of the chair and generally acting like a playful 10 lb. cat. I am tiring of Adventures in Chairland, and I want my spot on the couch back.

 

We didn't have these problems when we had more than one living room, or when we had a different dog.

 

DH's father had a specific chair. I think it was a recliner.

 

DH was raised Presbyterian.

[razorbackmama]

What are his expectations regarding it? (not including kitchen/dining chairs) Does he expect the kids to get out of it when he comes home? Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect? Does he expect you to get out of it when he is around? If you are a man, just answer for yourself.

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?

 

Let me clarify that this isn't about anyone sitting on the floor. :)

 

If you are comfortable, could you also state:

 

1. If this practice was held in man's house when he was a kid

 

2. Religion (if any) of man

 

Please don't answer if this offends you or if you feel it is too private :)

No, he does not have a chair, and neither do I. We sit wherever. Whoever is snuggling with the baby at the time sits in the recliner. It is the preferred chair by everyone in the family. BUT if he is sitting there and I have to nurse the baby, he gets up. If I am there and he wants to snuggle the baby, I get up. Basically, we defer to other's needs.

 

This was not the practice when he was a kid. His dad had (and still has) a chair. No comment.

 

My husband is a Christian.

[Murphy101]

So, kids are not expected to get up without being told that is where an adult wants to sit. Or, are they to assume that when you walk in the room, you will want to sit there and get up?

 

Usually the kids move when either of us enter the room, most especially me because I'm a woman and most of them are males.;)

 

My seat changes and they still seem to know. I like to have my morning coffee in one chair, I tend to read aloud in the middle of the sofa, I always sit to the right of either dh or the baby at the dinner table, I sit at one spot in the school room when working on plans or whatever and in another when working with the kids. It's rare though that I actually have to say, "get up and let me sit there".

 

If dh enters the room, they know he is going to sit in whatever seat is nearest me and tend to move. Unless they are under 6 years old. Then whatever crevice separates us, they must fill.:tongue_smilie: Usually dh just picks them up, sit next to me, and plops the kid in his lap.

 

I don't think we've ever forbidden them or anything. It's just the way it has always been here.

 

I think the only chair that is absolutely MINE is the rocker next to my bed. That's the magic baby chair where I try to find comfort when pregnant or having a nursing marathon with a babe.