post-int. adoption/ children's hosp. ?

[hsmom27]

Thanks for the responses. They really have helped me hone what I want to say. I'm going to do a lot of complaining to various people. DD is still horribly upset which to me is the worst part.

Edited July 2, 2012 by littlewigglebutts
removing post

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would write a letter to the Medical Director.

[lea1]

If they tried to scan my adoption paperwork after I had specifically told them not to, I would have asked to speak the manager.

[melissad2]

In our hospital everything gets scanned into the medical record which used to be a paper chart that was kept forever. Now those papers get scanned and are kept that way. So I'm not sure why you wouldn't want that to be a part of the medical record especially since she had been there before, the two separate charts should be connected to ensure continuity of care.

[kricau]

I would NOT have let her do something I had specifically told her not to!!! And I WOULD have asked to speak with her superior.

 

ps

am dying to know what happened next

[Guest]

In our hospital everything gets scanned into the medical record which used to be a paper chart that was kept forever. Now those papers get scanned and are kept that way. So I'm not sure why you wouldn't want that to be a part of the medical record especially since she had been there before, the two separate charts should be connected to ensure continuity of care.

 

This is what I'm thinking, too. It would have upset me that they tried to do it against my wishes, but I don't know why I would find it upsetting in the first place. My biological children's records of previous care follow them around when they go to new medical facilities; why would this be offensive if they were adopted? :grouphug: I'm saying all this gently; I hope I'm not missing something that would be different with adoption, but I just don't see it.

[Beth in OH]

Recognizing that hind sight is 20-20, the best thing would have been for you to provide the public document finalizing the adoption, but to have refused any access to sealed documents. Then you should have asked for a supervisor to help resolve the misunderstanding. Front line employees are not the best place to try to handle unique fact patterns. They just don't have authority to make changes, and they are almost acting on their own interpretation of someone else's orders.

 

 

 

I reached over the counter and took the papers back. This ticked them off big time.

 

Despite the fact that you owned the papers and that the receptionist tried to scan without your authorization, reaching over the counter was a physically aggressive act. Personnel are often instructed to have customers/clients/patients escorted from the building by security. Given the random acts of violence in the US, there's a better safe than sorry policy. Unfortunately, the degree of "threat" is in the eye of the beholder, and it's humiliating for frustrated, but otherwise upstanding citizens, to have this happen.

 

What would I do now? I would write and date a memo giving a chronological description of what was said/done. Then I would send it to the director of the department with a letter in the tone of, "I just want you to be informed of this incident." Start keeping a record of all communications on this matter.

[SKL]

No. That would make me so angry. I am so sick of people discriminating on the basis of adoption or anything else.

 

Have you gotten a birth certificate state-side that lists you as the child's mother? If so, that should give them all the proof they need. And that is what I would tell them.

 

If you don't have a state-side birth certificate, then is there any other single document that declares you are the mother? That should be sufficient.

 

I would not have even shown them my kids' adoption records. I do not carry them around in the first place. My kids have also been home about 5 years, and I've never been asked for any adoption records other than to get their US-issued birth certificates, social security numbers, and passports. And if anyone started demanding adoption records in order to treat my children, I'd be complaining about discrimination, which I'm sure is illegal, especially when it comes to threatening to withhold treatment. Disgusting.

 

Looking forward to hearing the outcome of your encounter.

[celticmom]

I would NOT have let her do something I had specifically told her not to!!! And I WOULD have asked to speak with her superior.

 

ps

am dying to know what happened next

 

:iagree:I would probably have contacted a lawyer also just to ensure that my and my child's rights were protected.

[zimom]

...

[Lisa in Jax]

Write a polite and succinct letter to the medical director, asking him to review their procedures in similar situations.

 

Our son emigrated to the US under his Indian name and he was seen by the pediatrician and dentist, etc., before we finalized the adoption and he took our surname. In addition, we had to get a court order changing our son's birth date about two years after we adopted him b/c the orphanage estimated his birth date w/o realizing that his true birth date was in the file.

 

When we changed his name and birth date, it took very little documentation to change his medical and dental records. None of the doctors, dentists, etc., that we'd seen before finalization blinked an eye about changing his name or birth date. They just updated the records on the computer and moved on.

 

IMHO, that receptionist was clueless. She thought she was being efficient and probably didn't realize how rudely she came across. So, it couldn't hurt to write a letter to the director, asking them to be more sensitive to adoptive families in the future.

 

Sorry you had to deal with that,

 

Lisa

[SKL]

This is what I'm thinking, too. It would have upset me that they tried to do it against my wishes, but I don't know why I would find it upsetting in the first place. My biological children's records of previous care follow them around when they go to new medical facilities; why would this be offensive if they were adopted? :grouphug: I'm saying all this gently; I hope I'm not missing something that would be different with adoption, but I just don't see it.

 

Maybe I misunderstood, but I didn't get the impression that the OP didn't want the medical history to be rolled into the current medical file. It was the child's detailed adoption history that she felt was a private matter. Adoption files have all kinds of stuff such as whether the birth mom was raped or was an alcoholic/prostitute, whether a bio sibling is developmentally delayed or a grandparent is mentally ill, personal non-medical info about the adoptive parents, etc. Why don't non-adopted people have to provide all this information? For that same reason, adoptees should not have to, either.

[zimom]

nm

Edited July 2, 2012 by zimom

[Parrothead]

If the records are sealed by the courts it would take a court order to unseal them. Why would the hospital demand sealed court documents? I don't get it.

 

I'd have gone straight to this person's supervisor and that person's if I couldn't get satisfaction. I'd also demand some sort of apology for the "real mother" crack both from the receptionist and from the hospital in general if this is their policy regarding adoptive parents/children.

 

Oh, then I'd go to another hospital for treatment.

[zimom]

..

[SKL]

So here are some details...

 

2) When I first asked why they wanted to scan the paper, the receptionist declared loudly, "Because you're not her real mother, and we need papers to show that." (DD got very upset at this.)

 

3) Then she suggested calling CPS because obviously I was doing something wrong.

 

I left all this out at first, because obviously it's inflammatory and I wanted to know what the usual procedure is for the paperwork thing. Thanks for the responses.

 

Oh my goodness. I am not sure I would have been able to be articulate after that. What did you do?

[Guest]

Maybe I misunderstood, but I didn't get the impression that the OP didn't want the medical history to be rolled into the current medical file. It was the child's detailed adoption history that she felt was a private matter. Adoption files have all kinds of stuff such as whether the birth mom was raped or was an alcoholic/prostitute, whether a bio sibling is developmentally delayed or a grandparent is mentally ill, personal non-medical info about the adoptive parents, etc. Why don't non-adopted people have to provide all this information? For that same reason, adoptees should not have to, either.

 

Why would the OP carry that around, though, if it was an invasion of privacy?

 

Although I will say - not that I think it's any of their business - my dd's pediatrician gave her forms to fill out with all sorts of "nosy" questions. They are trying to "catch" a child who feels suicidal, who has an eating disorder, whose parents use drugs/abuse alcohol, whose parents or other authority figures are abusive, etc. I think I would feel these "nosy" questions of adopted children would be in a similar boat - that I wouldn't like it necessarily, but that they are trying to form a complete picture of the child's health and well-being.

 

I have not adopted, though, so maybe I would feel differently.

[Guest]

To the OP: The "real mother" crack would definitely enrage me. That's an atrocious thing to say. :grouphug:

[SKL]

Why would the OP carry that around, though, if it was an invasion of privacy?

 

Although I will say - not that I think it's any of their business - my dd's pediatrician gave her forms to fill out with all sorts of "nosy" questions. They are trying to "catch" a child who feels suicidal, who has an eating disorder, whose parents use drugs/abuse alcohol, whose parents or other authority figures are abusive, etc. I think I would feel these "nosy" questions of adopted children would be in a similar boat - that I wouldn't like it necessarily, but that they are trying to form a complete picture of the child's health and well-being.

 

I have not adopted, though, so maybe I would feel differently.

 

If they required the very same information of everyone, . . . but they would not, would they? They ask questions pertinent to the health of the child only. Do you have a relative with hereditary diseases, do you have lead paint in your home, etc. Yes, some of those are nosy, but at least they are pertinent to the child's own physical or mental health. They do NOT ask personal non-health questions of others.

 

I don't mean to pick on you. But suppose you adopted a child and the written record shows that her birth mom was a prostitute, or that she was raped. (Or, suppose you yourself were raped and your child was the result.) Would it not bother you that you could be forced to disclose that in order to get your child the medical care she needs?

[Happy]

If the records are sealed by the courts it would take a court order to unseal them. Why would the hospital demand sealed court documents? I don't get it.

 

I'd have gone straight to this person's supervisor and that person's if I couldn't get satisfaction. I'd also demand some sort of apology for the "real mother" crack both from the receptionist and from the hospital in general if this is their policy regarding adoptive parents/children.

Oh, then I'd go to another hospital for treatment.

 

The REAL mother crack would have sent me over. the. edge. I am my sons' REAL mother.

 

Good grief. An apology is only the start. That receptionist needs some serious sensitivity training. That remark was rude, rude, rude.

 

As far as reaching over the desk being an agressive move. I guess it could be. It's also darned agressive to try to scan documents someone is standing there telling you not to.

 

A supervisor way high up in the organization needs to be involved. There are LOTS of hospitals in my area. Bad customer service means I'd be taking my business elsewhere...

[Tap]

As a guardian of my niece, I would have only given them the court embossed legal paperwork that gives me custody of the child. I would not have given them the other documents. BUT since you had, you do have a right to decline them being scanned in to the system....and if they truly felt that they needed them, they could have simply refused services to your child. It didn't need to be anything more than that. Sheesh, like you said, they don't require anything for bio-kids!

 

I would contact the director of patient services about her saying she wasn't your real daughter. I would PUSH that one. The statement is a common one and to people on the outside of adoption circles, it would be an easy error to make. BUT the staff needs to be trained in this matter and they need to be trained on how to properly ask this question.

 

To another poster, who asked why would have those documents with you....I don't know about the OP but...

I take dd5's entire file (it is a 3 ring binder) with me to major appointments. The doctors often ask questions about her history that I don't know off the top of my head. I have One file for her, and it contains everything.

[Denise in IN]

There is absolutely no need for any paperwork other than the adoption certificate or current birth certificate, plus relevant medical records. If medical personnel asked for anything more, I would refuse.

[Dobela]

When we were waiting for our son's adoption to be finalized (private infant adoption, took 6 months in our state) we only had to provide a form stating that we were his guardians with adoption pending. When the adoption was finalized, we brought the one page decree showing his official new name and the documentation that he was forever ours. We have used multiple doctors since then and we only had to provide the information at the first clinic because he was there during the transition.

 

We adopted our daughter from foster care. She lived with us for 2 years before it was finalized. Again, once it was completed we only had to provide enough documentation for the transition and name change. I think hers are 2 pages from the court. Yes, the rest of the court document is quite loing as well, but there is no need for anyone else to see that either. Any biological family information I had I give as appropriate or necessary. I definately do not carry the file around with me (it is over 4 inches thick for one). In the years after that I have never had to provide any adoption information when going to new doctors or clinics. If they request records from her primary physician they might get that information, but otherwise they have no need for it. Since I don't carry it, they can't see it with out requesting it specifically.

 

As far as the 'real parent' remark, I would definately complain about that one. You aren't fake, are you? And threatening to call CPS? Really? I think I would find a new office to deal with. I understand being a mandated reporter and such, but that is ridiculous.

 

Also, if I am seeing a new clinic for my daughter, I don't give any papers or information about her past unless it is directly to the doctor or nurse. I don't deal with most receptionists any more.

[Guest]

If they required the very same information of everyone, . . . but they would not, would they? They ask questions pertinent to the health of the child only. Do you have a relative with hereditary diseases, do you have lead paint in your home, etc. Yes, some of those are nosy, but at least they are pertinent to the child's own physical or mental health. They do NOT ask personal non-health questions of others.

 

I don't mean to pick on you. But suppose you adopted a child and the written record shows that her birth mom was a prostitute, or that she was raped. (Or, suppose you yourself were raped and your child was the result.) Would it not bother you that you could be forced to disclose that in order to get your child the medical care she needs?

 

I don't feel picked on; don't worry. And yes, given the way the OP described the situation, especially after she added that awful remark that was made, as if she's a mere babysitter or something, I would be bothered with the way it went down and would probably feel bullied into disclosing more info than they needed.

 

BUT :D I will say that the instances you mention could be pertinent to the health of the child, unfortunately. Could the child have HIV? Could the child have another STD? Was the child exposed to drugs/alcohol in utero? Was malnutrition likely? Was the child left exposed/unnurtured after birth? Did the parent have a mental illness that could be heritable? All of those things could be pertinent to the health of the child.

 

If I had sealed adoption records, I don't know why I would take them anywhere, especially if I was already leery of someone knowing the full history that I had no intention of disclosing.

 

As far as what is sometimes asked of biological children, there have been questions that I feel go outside of their venue of providing my children with a health physical. My dd's questionnaire included, "Do you have enough friends?" and "Do you have a boyfriend?" I thought those questions and many others were outside of what they were supposed to be determining - if my daughter is healthy enough to play sports. But, other than her rolling her eyes and saying, "Listen to this stupid question..." it wasn't really much of an issue.

[SKL]

I don't feel picked on; don't worry. And yes, given the way the OP described the situation, especially after she added that awful remark that was made, as if she's a mere babysitter or something, I would be bothered with the way it went down and would probably feel bullied into disclosing more info than they needed.

 

BUT :D I will say that the instances you mention could be pertinent to the health of the child, unfortunately. Could the child have HIV? Could the child have another STD? Was the child exposed to drugs/alcohol in utero? Was malnutrition likely? Was the child left exposed/unnurtured after birth? Did the parent have a mental illness that could be heritable? All of those things could be pertinent to the health of the child.

 

...

 

As far as what is sometimes asked of biological children, there have been questions that I feel go outside of their venue of providing my children with a health physical. My dd's questionnaire included, "Do you have enough friends?" and "Do you have a boyfriend?" I thought those questions and many others were outside of what they were supposed to be determining - if my daughter is healthy enough to play sports. But, other than her rolling her eyes and saying, "Listen to this stupid question..." it wasn't really much of an issue.

 

But even though those questions (about stds, etc.) might be pertinent to the health of ANY child (adopted or not), a bio parent is never REQUIRED to provide that information. And, an adoptive parent can always provide it if they want to. My daughter has vision problems, and I choose to offer the information I have about possibly related issues in her bio family. I don't have to provide a copy of the family court decree (which is the document I got the info from) in order to disclose this information. I can do it the same way as bio parents - check off the standard checklist and talk to the doctor.

 

As for those intrusive social questions your daughter was asked: you / she can always leave an answer blank on a form. I've done it plenty of times and never been threatened with refusal of service or referral to protective services.

 

I don't know why the OP carries those papers with her in the first place, but I assume she has her reasons. Maybe it's just more convenient than having separate stacks of documents for each different purpose. It doesn't make the contents fair game. Sometimes I carry a checkbook, but I'll be darned if I'll give anyone a copy of my check register.

[Guest]

It doesn't make the contents fair game. Sometimes I carry a checkbook, but I'll be darned if I'll give anyone a copy of my check register.

 

Good point. :001_smile: