Grief, how do you deal with it? (very sad, not for those who are pregnant)

[RachelFlores]

A very close friend died suddenly a little less than two months ago. This was someone who I grew up with, our families were/are close and she was more like family than just a friend. She died of complications of childbirth. Strep A got into her bloodstream and by the time she had symptoms, it was too late. She left behind 3 year old and 2 year old little boys, her brand new baby daughter and her young husband. Her family was very close and her siblings (who I am also friends with) are devistated. This is the first time I've had to deal with such a tragedy. I am Christian and my faith helps, but it is such a sad situation. I think about her and those she left behind every day. They live several states away from me and I wish I could do more for them.

 

To make matters worse, I am pregnant and due in September and lately have been developing fears about giving birth. I have done research and KNOW that this was a horrible fluke situation that could not have been prevented, but that almost makes it worse giving a feeling of helplessness to the whole thing.

 

So, how do you deal with grief? What can I do to help her family get through this rough time? What can I do about my own fears? Any advice would be appreciated.

[mo2]

A very close friend died suddenly a little less than two months ago. This was someone who I grew up with, our families were/are close and she was more like family than just a friend. She died of complications of childbirth. Strep A got into her bloodstream and by the time she had symptoms, it was too late. She left behind 3 year old and 2 year old little boys, her brand new baby daughter and her young husband. Her family was very close and her siblings (who I am also friends with) are devistated. This is the first time I've had to deal with such a tragedy. I am Christian and my faith helps, but it is such a sad situation. I think about her and those she left behind every day. They live several states away from me and I wish I could do more for them.

 

To make matters worse, I am pregnant and due in September and lately have been developing fears about giving birth. I have done research and KNOW that this was a horrible fluke situation that could not have been prevented, but that almost makes it worse giving a feeling of helplessness to the whole thing.

 

So, how do you deal with grief? What can I do to help her family get through this rough time? What can I do about my own fears? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

I'm no help, but wanted to offer a :grouphug: What a sad situation.

[ma23peas]

:grouphug: send her husband some packages...favorite children's books...a set of pajamas, slippers, popcorn bowl set with their names on their bowls...anything to help him celebrate the role of fatherhood...have they set up scholarship accts for the children? Help in that area. Send certificates for house cleaning services...just be considerate and helpful. Grieve and take the time to rejoice for your baby, one should not overshadow the gift you have.

[jewellsmommy]

A very close friend died suddenly a little less than two months ago. This was someone who I grew up with, our families were/are close and she was more like family than just a friend. She died of complications of childbirth. Strep A got into her bloodstream and by the time she had symptoms, it was too late. She left behind 3 year old and 2 year old little boys, her brand new baby daughter and her young husband. Her family was very close and her siblings (who I am also friends with) are devistated. This is the first time I've had to deal with such a tragedy. I am Christian and my faith helps, but it is such a sad situation. I think about her and those she left behind every day. They live several states away from me and I wish I could do more for them.

 

To make matters worse, I am pregnant and due in September and lately have been developing fears about giving birth. I have done research and KNOW that this was a horrible fluke situation that could not have been prevented, but that almost makes it worse giving a feeling of helplessness to the whole thing.

 

So, how do you deal with grief? What can I do to help her family get through this rough time? What can I do about my own fears? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Pray for them. Ask the husband what you can do. Can you organize some people to chip in for some maid service? Get on amazon and have some easy fix meals shipped to him.

 

 

As far as your pregnancy goes, you just do what you can do. Take care of yourself, keep your doc appts, eat as good as you can, keep up with light exercise as long as you can, take your vitamins, rest, etc. These are no guarantee, but they are the tangible things that are in your control. The rest is in God's. Ask for his peace. Find some good verses to meditate on. I like Romans 8:28, Psalm 46:10, Phil 4:6-8, Matt 6:27, Psalm 121:1 and 2. :grouphug: And finally, busy your mind with worthwhile things. Take up a new hobby. Do you knit or crochet? What about scrapbooking? Focus on the beauty around you and your blessings. Take control of your thoughts and don't allow them to gravitate toward fear. :grouphug:

[Starr]

How can you not grieve and be anxious? When you are holding your precious newborn you will grieve some more. Be a good Auntie and pray a lot. :grouphug:

[Guest]

I am so sorry to hear about this. Please go look at my blog in my signature and read "How to Help a Grieving Friend". I don't say this to promote my blog, but those are worthwhile thoughts there from someone who's been through grief. :grouphug:

[Bang!Zoom!]

Rachael, are you letting your family know about the impact of this and your thoughts? Being open is best. You may also want to release some of the thoughts to your healthcare providers just as a FYI.

 

My lifelong best friend and I were expecting at the same time, and she lost her daughter on the day of delivery.

 

Know that your concerns and thoughts, feelings are normal; but do try to let others help you by listening and sharing.

 

She, and her daughter who was lost have been on my mind ever since I woke up. It is my oldest daughters birthday today.

 

I am so sorry for your extended family loss, that is incredibly tragic. :grouphug:

[EducationX2]

As far as helping her family get through, one big thing is to let them know you are there. But I know after I lost my dad, many days I didn't want to talk to anyone. So a lot of friends just didn't call. I did have a couple friends though who every now and then would text, email, or send a facebook message just saying hi, that they loved me, were thinking of me, and if I needed anything or wanted to talk they were there. And not to worry about writing back until I was ready. It was so incredibly helpful just to know that they were still there but not feel pressured to keep up the relationship when I was so heavy with grief.

 

As for your own grief and fears... how much is it affecting you? I'm a little concerned that you may be at an increased risk for postpartum depression because of it. It might help to talk to your doctor at your next appointment, just as a precautionary measure. Also, talking to your doctor could probably help allay your fears also. I would just tell the dr what happened to your friend, and say that you know you are probably being paranoid and a little silly but that you're scared. I'm sure the dr will have some comforting words for you.

 

:grouphug:

[RachelFlores]

Thank you for your replies. I have sent a care package and have another one in the works. I am hoping to continue sending them packages as the months go by so they know they are not forgotten and in my thoughts and prayers. There is a fund set up for the family. I will look into the meals and cleaning service idea.

 

I keep very busy with my two children, so I am not constantly dwelling on things, but still think about it a lot. Thank you for the Bible verses and the blog post, I will be reading them.

 

I have told my midwife about the situation when it inntially happened, but will share with her my fears the next time I see her. Thank you again.

[Little Nyssa]

:grouphug:

[Momma_Bear]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Liz CA]

I worked systematically through Psalms and took long walks and cried.

I wish there was a magic wand but it's time and processing that really heals us. Grieving is such necessary work, especially if the loss was unexpected and sudden. The shock adds another dimension to the complicated process.

You could start writing about her, what you remember, funny stories, sad things. Her children may appreciate this one day.

[MariannNOVA]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[jewellsmommy]

I worked systematically through Psalms and took long walks and cried.

I wish there was a magic wand but it's time and processing that really heals us. Grieving is such necessary work, especially if the loss was unexpected and sudden. The shock adds another dimension to the complicated process.

You could start writing about her, what you remember, funny stories, sad things. Her children may appreciate this one day.

 

 

What a lovely idea. That would certainly be a treasure.

[Scarlett]

How can you not grieve and be anxious? When you are holding your precious newborn you will grieve some more. Be a good Auntie and pray a lot. :grouphug:

 

I agree. So sad. I am so sorry.

 

When I was pregnant a young woman in my congregation gave birth to a child with many deformaties and problems...he died soon after. I was so terrified I thought I would have a heart attack. In fact, soon after they had to put me on Lanoxin because my heart was doing weird things. It wasn't JUST the baby born with problems that caused it...but it was when it got so bad I had to have medicine.

 

:grouphug:

[AFwife Claire]

I am so, so sorry. I understand a little, esp. about your fears. We have friends from our church who moved overseas last year to a remote location (he is Army but was working with our embassy in another country). She was pregnant with their 8th child and died 4 days after giving birth, while being airlifted out of the country to one of our military facilities in Europe. I was so heartbroken. The dad and kids are back here, and friends have done meals, done the cleaning thing, set up a facebook rememberance page that anyone who knew her could post memories on, etc. It's been so hard though.

 

And now I am pregnant with #9, due right in the middle of when she delivered and when she died. When I realized my due date I cried. I know I will be more and more anxious about the birth as my time approaches, even though I also know that this was a fluke because of lack of good medical care. But my heart fears, you know? I am trying to hold on to the fact that the Lord planned my baby for just this time, and he has a plan for our family, as he does theirs, even if I don't understand it. It's so hard though. (((Hugs))) to you. I'm just so sorry.