What do you think would be fair?

[bnrmom]

This is currently a hypothetical situation, but it's something I'm anticipating in the next few years, and am wondering what your thoughts are on it.

 

My mom moved in with us about 8 months ago as she could no longer pay her rent. She doesn't have any retirement or assets. She has a small savings account. We are looking into buying a cheap condo for her. We would either buy it in our names or cosign for her, whichever helped her/us qualify. We have a few reasons for doing this:

 

1. Rents here are extremely high (one bedroom apartments start at $1500) and the mortgage and related expenses on a condo would end up being less than $1,000.

2. Waiting lists for senior/low income units are all at least 3-5 years.

3. We want her to have some stability, and if she just moves into another rental we never know when she would have to move again.

4. While she is still working now, that could slow down or end at any point (she is 71) and we will have to help her with monthly expenses. We would rather be paying towards a mortgage/asset we own than rent.

5. She's never owned before, and I think it would be nice for her to have that experience.

 

Right now money is extremely tight for us, and even cosigning for her worries us, as if she did have a big drop in her income, we would really be scrambling to make the payment, and don't want our credit/our house to become at risk.

 

So, if we are able to make this happen, I'm wondering how my sister factors into this. She is in school right now, has no income, and has it made it clear that she has no intention of helping our mom in any way. Long story, I've posted about it before - she didn't even help her pack when she moved in here. It's all been left to me. So here are my two questions about "fairness":

 

1. If the condo was in my mom's name and we cosigned, do you think my sister should have any claim to the asset when my mom passes away?

2. If we buy it outright, and there comes a point when my mom is no longer working and needs financial help, my sister has made reference to not thinking it was fair that she contribute to my mom's care if we (dh and I) are benefitting from having our mortgage paid. In essence, she is saying that be (theoretically) giving my mom money, she is paying into an asset of ours.

 

Again, this is all hypothetical, but we are going to be exploring the purchase idea over the next few months, and I'm curious about what others think my sister's fair claim would be on this potential asset, and if it would still be fair to expect her to come up with some money every month to help my mom.

[Scarlett]

This is currently a hypothetical situation, but it's something I'm anticipating in the next few years, and am wondering what your thoughts are on it.

 

My mom moved in with us about 8 months ago as she could no longer pay her rent. She doesn't have any retirement or assets. She has a small savings account. We are looking into buying a cheap condo for her. We would either buy it in our names or cosign for her, whichever helped her/us qualify. We have a few reasons for doing this:

 

1. Rents here are extremely high (one bedroom apartments start at $1500) and the mortgage and related expenses on a condo would end up being less than $1,000.

2. Waiting lists for senior/low income units are all at least 3-5 years.

3. We want her to have some stability, and if she just moves into another rental we never know when she would have to move again.

4. While she is still working now, that could slow down or end at any point (she is 71) and we will have to help her with monthly expenses. We would rather be paying towards a mortgage/asset we own than rent.

5. She's never owned before, and I think it would be nice for her to have that experience.

 

Right now money is extremely tight for us, and even cosigning for her worries us, as if she did have a big drop in her income, we would really be scrambling to make the payment, and don't want our credit/our house to become at risk.

 

So, if we are able to make this happen, I'm wondering how my sister factors into this. She is in school right now, has no income, and has it made it clear that she has no intention of helping our mom in any way. Long story, I've posted about it before - she didn't even help her pack when she moved in here. It's all been left to me. So here are my two questions about "fairness":

 

1. If the condo was in my mom's name and we cosigned, do you think my sister should have any claim to the asset when my mom passes away?

2. If we buy it outright, and there comes a point when my mom is no longer working and needs financial help, my sister has made reference to not thinking it was fair that she contribute to my mom's care if we (dh and I) are benefitting from having our mortgage paid. In essence, she is saying that be (theoretically) giving my mom money, she is paying into an asset of ours.

 

Again, this is all hypothetical, but we are going to be exploring the purchase idea over the next few months, and I'm curious about what others think my sister's fair claim would be on this potential asset, and if it would still be fair to expect her to come up with some money every month to help my mom.

 

Well, if she has made it clear she will not be contributing in any way there really should not be any question. I don't know why you would put a condo in your mom's name if you feel you will end up paying for it. If you put it in your name you will not have to worry about your sister claiming any part of it ever.

 

Even if your mom makes a will saying that a condo in her name goes to you upon her death....nothing prevents her from changing her will at any time...

 

I would keep it in your name. And keep your sister out of it. If she wants to help once she grows up she can do what she feels is best.

[Slipper]

This may not help, however, when my grandfather (who passed away two years ago) was looking for a home, his three kids purchased it together and had it put into their name. (He paid for it, but put it in their name). He was given life estate which gave him the right to use it as long as he lived.

 

Buying it and putting your name on the deed and her name for life estate would insure that you receive it back when she dies. Since it is not an asset, it would not be listed as property that could be seized if she owes debt when she passes away (medical bills, nursing home, etc).

 

That doesn't help with your sister, however. Sorry :( I would start planning that your sister will probably not help in any way.

[Princess Peach]

I would not buy it or co-sign for it if I could not afford it without my mother contributing. I would allow her to continue living with us.

 

If you can afford it, put it completely in your name.

 

Do not expect your sister to contribute in any way. If she does at some point down the road, great. But as it stands, she has made herself clear.

[ezrabean2005]

I don't think this is a good idea any way you slice it. I think Mom should take use her daughter's kindness in allowing her to live rent free and build up some savings for herself. I don't think sister should be expected to contribute.

 

I did this, except it was a duplex that we lived in (mom lived on one side and we lived in the other). My mom very nearly ruined us because of our kindness. We also lost our home (the duplex). We are still paying for this a decade afterwards. YMMV

[MomatHWTK]

If you purchase a home for your parent, it becomes their asset and its value will be distributed pursuant to their will or intestate laws upon death or to their creditors/care facility if they require institutionalized care before their death.

 

If you own a home and your parent lives in it, no one else has a claim on that home. If they gift cash to the parent, it's a gift to the parent of cash. If the person uses the fact that you are purchasing an asset for the parent as an excuse not to offer the parent assistance or to attempt to lay claim to the asset- then they are just a bad person. But you already knew that.

 

Based on what you have said now and in the past, when it comes to caring for your aging parent, you are an only child. The law will not treat you as such for inheritance purposes, so legally secure any assets. But for the sake of your own sanity, begin to think of the situation in this way. Absent a significant change of heart, not only will you not receive any assistance but your sibling will attempt to grab any assets that are not legally "nailed down."

[2_girls_mommy]

I would put it in my name (yours) not cosign for your mom. Your mom then pays you rent. Sister has no claim on it, nor can your mom will it to her.

 

I have seen many in my family do it. It is virtually painless except for the necessary maintenance you will be responsible for. But you would no doubt be helping with that even if it was in your mom's name.

[bnrmom]

I actually forgot an important detail in my OP - we have purchased a home before, so we would not qualify for a Fannie Mae 3% down program. My mom would, but would need us to cosign because her income is not enough to qualify on her own. So put it in our name entirely, we would have to come up with about $20k.

 

My mom would have no problem puttng in her will that I inherit the whole thing, but I can see that going south in a myriad of scenarios. I can just see my sister using that as a reason to not help my mom with her monthly expenses.

 

The reality is that my mom is going to need financial assistance from me at some point. Even if she lived with us she would still need money for groceries, medical care, her car, etc. And our house is not really set up well for her to be living here. And with the rental rates around here, I just don't know how realistic a rental situation is. The senior affordable housing is so overwhelmed that we can't even get on a lot of the waiting lists. So if we are going to be scrambling to support her any way, I'd like to at least have our house back to ourselves.

[Scarlett]

I actually forgot an important detail in my OP - we have purchased a home before, so we would not qualify for a Fannie Mae 3% down program. My mom would, but would need us to cosign because her income is not enough to qualify on her own. So put it in our name entirely, we would have to come up with about $20k.

 

My mom would have no problem puttng in her will that I inherit the whole thing, but I can see that going south in a myriad of scenarios. I can just see my sister using that as a reason to not help my mom with her monthly expenses.

 

The reality is that my mom is going to need financial assistance from me at some point. Even if she lived with us she would still need money for groceries, medical care, her car, etc. And our house is not really set up well for her to be living here. And with the rental rates around here, I just don't know how realistic a rental situation is. The senior affordable housing is so overwhelmed that we can't even get on a lot of the waiting lists. So if we are going to be scrambling to support her any way, I'd like to at least have our house back to ourselves.

 

So you are thinking you need 20% down?

 

If your mom can qualify (and I wonder if she will be able to at her age etc) there is probably a way to put your name of the deed so that you inherit it and it cannot be changed. There is a term for it and I can't think what it is.

 

Is there anyway you can build your mom a MILs house on your property? Or sell current house and buy something with in laws quarters?

[Unicorn.]

Well, if she has made it clear she will not be contributing in any way there really should not be any question. I don't know why you would put a condo in your mom's name if you feel you will end up paying for it. If you put it in your name you will not have to worry about your sister claiming any part of it ever.

 

Even if your mom makes a will saying that a condo in her name goes to you upon her death....nothing prevents her from changing her will at any time...

 

I would keep it in your name. And keep your sister out of it. If she wants to help once she grows up she can do what she feels is best.

 

:iagree: Do not put the condo in your mom's name, because that will give your sister a claim to it if she decides to take you to court, or if she gets a hold of your mom and has her change her will. My other thoughts are that at age 71, you should just plan on her living w/ you for the rest of her life. If you want to buy something, why not a bigger place w/ a mother in law suite for your mom to live in?

[missmoe]

Would you be able to add on to your home or build a "small house" on your property instead of purchasing a condo for your mother? It may be more financially viable.

Edited June 13, 2012 by missmoe

[Spryte]

If your mom can qualify (and I wonder if she will be able to at her age etc) there is probably a way to put your name of the deed so that you inherit it and it cannot be changed. There is a term for it and I can't think what it is.

 

Yes. There is a way to do that. You can be on the deed, whether you are co-signors or not.

 

I am having trouble coming up with the proper term, too, but thinking it might be Joint Tenancy with Right of Survivorship.

 

This might be worth a call to a good estate attorney's office, just to get the info that is specific to your state.

[Mrs Mungo]

1. If the condo was in my mom's name and we cosigned, do you think my sister should have any claim to the asset when my mom passes away?

2. If we buy it outright, and there comes a point when my mom is no longer working and needs financial help, my sister has made reference to not thinking it was fair that she contribute to my mom's care if we (dh and I) are benefitting from having our mortgage paid. In essence, she is saying that be (theoretically) giving my mom money, she is paying into an asset of ours.

 

 

1. Yes, she would.

 

2. Don't you think she is aware of #1? She hasn't helped up to now. What makes you think that she ever intends to help?

 

I'm sure there are options. It would probably be worth it for you to talk to a realtor who sells condos and works for an agency with its own lawyer. They should be able to tell you the options in your state.

[maddykate]

I haven't read the replies, so it may have been suggested already. Or, I may be way off track....

 

Could you build a small mother inlaw suite on to your home, which could be used for your mother now and as an added bonus space for your home in the future?

[Kaleidoscope]

I agree with those cautioning against both options. If your Mother is 71 I wouldn't want to count on her income at all. Cosigning is a bad idea. And if you are worried about being able to afford it you shouldn't be buying it.

[meggie]

I would not buy it or co-sign for it if I could not afford it without my mother contributing. I would allow her to continue living with us.

 

If you can afford it, put it completely in your name.

 

Do not expect your sister to contribute in any way. If she does at some point down the road, great. But as it stands, she has made herself clear.

:iagree:

[PentecostalMom]

I don't think this is a good idea any way you slice it. I think Mom should take use her daughter's kindness in allowing her to live rent free and build up some savings for herself.

 

:iagree: If your sis refuses to contribute, there is not much you can do about it, except try to see that your mom agrees to leave *any* assets to you. I would not do anything that puts my own family in jeopardy.

[PentecostalMom]

I don't think this is a good idea any way you slice it. I think Mom should take use her daughter's kindness in allowing her to live rent free and build up some savings for herself.

 

:iagree: If your sis refuses to contribute, there is not much you can do about it, except try to see that your mom agrees to leave *any* assets to you. I would not do anything that puts my own family in jeopardy.

[lmrich]

Like the others - mother-in-law suite in your home. Can you can convert your garage etc... Think about long term care when you build it.:grouphug:

[ChristineW]

I agree with those cautioning against both options. If your Mother is 71 I wouldn't want to count on her income at all. Cosigning is a bad idea. And if you are worried about being able to afford it you shouldn't be buying it.

 

:iagree: You need everything to break right for it to work, and risk your whole future if it doesn't. What happens if your mom gets laid off or can't work? What if she needs assisted living sooner rather than later?

 

Christine

[bnrmom]

She can't live here forever. It's been pretty stressful, and the situation has made me pretty resentful and angry. So if not buying anything, it's going to be a crappy apt out of the area. I feel like if we are going to have to sacrifice so much to take care of her, I'd like there to at least be a possible upside for us.