Tap Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) What would you do if you found out that your young teen had a facebook page under a different name (obvious that they are hiding it)...and you suspect a few of the other people on the page are her friends under different names as well? It is pretty obvious stuff like their real first name, but bff's last name. Very unusual first name of a person from her class, with a different last name. Common last name of a kid in her class, but with a different first name. LOL They are ohhh so sly. LOL What would the consequences be for your own kid? This person has easy access to computers at every friend's house, school, etc. Just taking away the internet isn't going to prevent access. Would you do anything about the other kids ie tell the parents? The parent doesn't know the password so she can't see what it happening on the page...if it is harmless or serious. The teen is out of town so the parent can't talk to them yet. The parent found records of 'searches' on facebook for the other kids names in the history on the computer. That is how she knows about the other friends on the page without actually seeing the page. Edited May 13, 2012 by Tap, tap, tap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I'd probably put on a joking mood attitude and comment that it "Looks like you like the name....... (fill in the blank) you forgot to add me to your FB friends. Please send a request so I know how to FB friend you and remember to message me your password and such.... You know the rules... See ya later..." I wouldn't get in a big lecture... I would make sure that I kept an eye on it... (which is why you want the log in info) Because.. of course, they can select for you not to get any of their posts... Sorry... parenting teens can really suck!! :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 My questions would be: was she told in no uncertain terms that she could not have a fb profile? and, what was the intent of the facebook profile? If you are resolute in her not having a fb profile and you are afraid that she can reestablish one at anytime at a friends house, then you may have to limit how much time she spends at those houses. That was no help, I know. ww i do? hmmmmm, probably tell her very loudly that I was dissapointed in her and that I was going to watch while she deleted her fb profile. and maybe ground her to the house - she can friends over but that's it for a few weeks. but that is only what I would do if I had told her no and she did it behind my back. Personally, I would let her have a profile, BUT I would want the password, I would be a "friend" on her page, I would want complete say on who she 'friends', and I would set the controls on her page about who exactly sees what. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 The problem with absolutely forbidding it, is that she'll do it smarter next time. Getting an account is not difficult:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 It's hard for me to tell if you're talking about your dd or just someone else's dd. If this was my dd, I'd ask these questions... How is she generally? Mature? Is she strong or does she seem to cave to peer pressure easily? Are there other things to be concerned about? Any hint of drinking or drugs? How old is she? (I'd give a lot more FB freedom to my 17yo than to my 13yo) How are the other kids with the fake FB pages? Good influences? Involved parents? It could all be innocent, but it could also be a way to communicate about parties, drinking, drugs, etc. If there were *any* concerns, I'd be keeping dd home more. Building a better relationship. Finding out what's going on. We've always told our dc that if they (or their friends) are sneaking around because they don't want us to find out about something, then *something* is wrong. As for the other parents, I'd probably ask them, "Why do you think our kids have fake FB pages?" Personally, I'd want to know, but I know not every parent does want to know. This is a hard gig, isn't it? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 13, 2012 Author Share Posted May 13, 2012 It's hard for me to tell if you're talking about your dd or just someone else's dd.If this was my dd, I'd ask these questions... How is she generally? Mature? Is she strong or does she seem to cave to peer pressure easily? Are there other things to be concerned about? Any hint of drinking or drugs? How old is she? (I'd give a lot more FB freedom to my 17yo than to my 13yo) How are the other kids with the fake FB pages? Good influences? Involved parents? It could all be innocent, but it could also be a way to communicate about parties, drinking, drugs, etc. If there were *any* concerns, I'd be keeping dd home more. Building a better relationship. Finding out what's going on. We've always told our dc that if they (or their friends) are sneaking around because they don't want us to find out about something, then *something* is wrong. As for the other parents, I'd probably ask them, "Why do you think our kids have fake FB pages?" Personally, I'd want to know, but I know not every parent does want to know. This is a hard gig, isn't it? :grouphug: Oh, sorry. No not my daughter but one of a close friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna in Texas Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Depends. Was FB forbidden? Was it ever talked about? Is it a duplicate account? If it was neither of these, the name thing isn't a big deal to me. Half of dd's friends on FB change their names to something obnoxious every week. One thing that went around for awhile is changing your last name to the first person who likes a particular status. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I'd say no FB if under 14, since that's the FB rule. When she gets a profile, Mom gets total access--password, friended, etc until she proves she's smart about what she posts, which could be a while. If the name was to elude detection and FB was not allowed, some serious conversations and grounding would happen. There has to be a consequence, hence the grounding, but they have to reboot the trust, too, hence the conversations and "proving" oneself. And BTW, although this may be different at her school, at our ps, no one can access FB during instructional time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 13, 2012 Author Share Posted May 13, 2012 The teen was told that they needed to give mom all passwords. Facebook was never asked for by the teen, nor was the password given to the mom. At the same time....the teen set up a different email account under the same phoney name. The mom made a big deal out of the first email account and wanting passwords, no names in the address etc. The teen used their real name with the fake last name for this too. The teen is obviously trying to hide this activity. It strikes close to home with me, because I wonder how I would figure it out if my 13yo did something like this. It is possible that the teen can access facebook at school. It is a private school, so they don't necessarily have the same safety rules as public school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Since it's not your daughter, I would do nothing. Unless you have substantiated reason to believe the child in question is in danger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 It would depend on many factors, mostly the reason for the fake names in the first place. Are they bullying someone by setting up a fake profile in their name? If there was any inappropriate behavior going on at all I'd have no problem cutting off internet access for the teen until they can prove they're trustworthy. But if it was for some benign reason and FB hadn't been banned in the first place, I'd let it slide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBear Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I had a friend of ours have something similar happen with their teen boy, he'd created a FB profile with a second email address and changed the last name so they'd not know. The mom found out when he popped up on her page as someone she might know and want to friend because the faked profile was friended with another the mom was friends with (boy that's complicated). Her son was 15 at the time, she and the dad sat down with him and explained they were disappointed that he sought to hide this from them, but they also understood he was growing up and was trying to be independent and have privacy. Rather than mete out a punishment, they asked him what he thought they should do about it? He wound up coming up with a pretty harsh punishment, which they told him was more than they thought appropriate for what he did, so they countered with having him pick someone they trusted and he felt comfortable having on his friend list for that profile......he picked DH....so DH is friended on that profile and can see what's happening and if something is inappropriate he talks to the kid rather than taking it to the parent - the agreement is that if it's not something way over the top, DH will talk to him, guide him and help him understand why something isn't a good idea or not appropriate. In the last year since it happened, DH has talked to him twice - both minor things, but things that he felt weren't a good thing for his age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 A bunch of teens with aliases on a secret facebook acct. I don't think I even want to see it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I'd probably put on a joking mood attitude and comment that it "Looks like you like the name....... (fill in the blank) you forgot to add me to your FB friends. Please send a request so I know how to FB friend you and remember to message me your password and such.... You know the rules... See ya later..."I wouldn't get in a big lecture... I would make sure that I kept an eye on it... (which is why you want the log in info) Because.. of course, they can select for you not to get any of their posts... Sorry... parenting teens can really suck!! :( I like this way of handling it. Was this a secondary profile in order to be sneaky away from the account the parents have access to? If it was the original profile I would say smart child for not using real name and do the above. If it was a secondary profile for the sole purpose to being sneaky away from parent's eyes I would likely ground said child in addition to getting profile access info and being friended. The grounding would be for the sneakiness, but I would allow the profile to stay up in the hope of thwarting off further covert profiles. In both cases I would post right on their wall how wonderful it is to be included on her friend's list and how much I look forward to seeing what she and her friends are up to. BAscially making it known to all that momma is watching kwim. Unless these were her very best friend's and I knew without a doubt that the parents in question have teh same thoughts of needing profile info and do not have it I would not say anything to the parents unless I saw something specifically posted that indicated a friend was in danger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Consequences? Unless this has been a problem in the past, I would just tell them to disable the account, and I would expect them to comply. I'm not sure that there would be additional consequences unless they'd done something more egregious than sneaking. I'd might insist on them logging into the FB page to show me what was there to make a better decision. At this time in my 13yods's life (for example), I can either babysit him 24/7 or I can trust him. Of course, there are certain things I can do to help him monitor himself, and I wouldn't just turn a blind eye. Banning the internet at home might be a punishment, but it would not keep many teens from having access. I would also be sure to know the password to his computer and actually check it occasionally, and I would consider some sort of software that would monitor use at least at home. I might tell the other parents if I were close to them, but otherwise I would not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 More details. The teen came clean after being confronted. The fake name was too hide who she was from the parent and also because she had been warned to not use her real name on line by her parents. She gave my friend the password and the mom says that there wasn't really anything on there at all. The account was less than a month old so it is good to see that it wasn't going on for long. The mom has pulled internet access from the teen, confiscated her notebook and iTouch. She didn't say for how long. It sounds like the girl was remorseful for being deceitful and wasn't confrontational. I don't know how long the mom will limit the internet, she didn't say, but she wasn't as mad after talking to the girl and seeing the page as she was before. Thanks for your advice. She came on the board and read your responses and that helped her to calm down a bit too. I think it was just the unknown severity of the offense that she was upset about. Seeing the page helped her to realize that it could have been much worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 The teen was told that they needed to give mom all passwords. Facebook was never asked for by the teen, nor was the password given to the mom. At the same time....the teen set up a different email account under the same phoney name. The mom made a big deal out of the first email account and wanting passwords, no names in the address etc. The teen used their real name with the fake last name for this too. The teen is obviously trying to hide this activity. It strikes close to home with me, because I wonder how I would figure it out if my 13yo did something like this. It is possible that the teen can access facebook at school. It is a private school, so they don't necessarily have the same safety rules as public school. It would totally depend on the nature of the relationship between the parent and the child who did it. The variables that would matter would be the level of trust in the relationship (on both sides--is daughter usually trustworthy? Can mom generally be trusted to be reasonable or does she overreact?) , the general sense of the kids' peers--(are they being secretive like kids are secretive about their diaries or is there reason to suspect more), etc. Given that access to the internet is available to this kid even at her school, I wouldn't be inclined set limits that I couldn't enforce. I would be more inclined to sit down with my kid and really discuss it, the dangers, why she felt a need to do that, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Library Momma Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I'm normally a lurker, but had to respond to this. Most teenagers that I know are instructed by both their parents and educators to post on Facebook under a different name. Many use their first and middle with no last name. Some do it for safety reasons, they don't want some wacko see a photo of a cute girl and try to track her down. For the most part though, it is so that colleges they apply to can't find them and any silly and/or inappropriate pictures and messages that might be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I'd say no FB if under 14, since that's the FB rule. FB's rule is 13 and over. Signing up under a pseudonym is against FB's TOS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 More details. The teen came clean after being confronted. The fake name was too hide who she was from the parent and also because she had been warned to not use her real name on line by her parents. She gave my friend the password and the mom says that there wasn't really anything on there at all. The account was less than a month old so it is good to see that it wasn't going on for long. The mom has pulled internet access from the teen, confiscated her notebook and iTouch. She didn't say for how long. It sounds like the girl was remorseful for being deceitful and wasn't confrontational. I don't know how long the mom will limit the internet, she didn't say, but she wasn't as mad after talking to the girl and seeing the page as she was before. Thanks for your advice. She came on the board and read your responses and that helped her to calm down a bit too. I think it was just the unknown severity of the offense that she was upset about. Seeing the page helped her to realize that it could have been much worse. I'm normally a lurker, but had to respond to this. Most teenagers that I know are instructed by both their parents and educators to post on Facebook under a different name. Many use their first and middle with no last name. Some do it for safety reasons, they don't want some wacko see a photo of a cute girl and try to track her down. For the most part though, it is so that colleges they apply to can't find them and any silly and/or inappropriate pictures and messages that might be there. :iagree: That was my first thought, but it sounds like it is taken care of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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