I need permission to be behind.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am under stress all day, every day. The stress isn't from life's circumstances (though they aren't always rosy). Most of my stress is from the calendar.

 

Yesterday my ds(11 today!) worked for over an hour on a report on Archimedes. He also worked for an hour on building his model of the Parthenon. He finally "passed" on a piece of music that he has been practicing for the last week. He worked on typing too. He got a lot done and it was good work (though on-going). But I felt stressed because there was nothing to cross off on the schedule. And I felt stressed because he didn't do math, science, or even art!

 

Dd6 worked yesterday with my "sub" (a neighbor comes in one morning a week to give me a break.). They worked on reading, math and got four science experiments done. I was very happy that I could cross off the reading, math and science experiments but that only lasted for a moment before I remembered that we're behind in history, music and language arts.

 

We are so behind in school (according to the schedule we won't even finish for another 10 weeks at least). Most of our schedule woes are due to my being very ill last year for the first couple of months of school. I'm better now (though I don't have the stamina of many) but since I'm also behind in housework, paperwork (yesterday I worked on balancing the checkbook for the first time in 5 months), ironing, yardwork. . . being behind in school is just part of the equation. Every "success" or advance forward is met with a feeling of satisfaction followed shortly by a feeling of despair that I've only taken a bit out of that elephant I'm trying to devour.

 

Is it ok to be happy with the successes I have without remembering those things I haven't gotten done yet? And how do I do that?!!

[klmama]

Does your ds have to do all of the projects, or can you just cover the factual material and call it done? Ten weeks is a long time to keep working - you won't have a summer break! I would (and have) just cut out the extra things that don't move the essential knowledge base forward. It's great and fun to do projects, but they aren't absolutely necessary. Sanity is important, too. It's okay to start up the fall right where you left off, too, if you don't finish the math book. Depending on the text (is it spiral or mastery?), it may even be okay to just stop and start the next book in the fall.

 

Regardless of what you decide, try to focus on what got done, not what didn't. In fact, I would make a list of what was done, not mark things off a schedule. It's depressing when you have too much planned and not enough done, but it feels great when you have a list of several things accomplished - and that includes working on projects that still aren't completed. The process is important, too!

[Aubrey]

First of all, being dismayed even in the face of success & accomplishment just isn't healthy. It steals the momentum you gain from the accomplishment & paralyzes you. And I think it's important to remember that our dc can read us better than we think. Can you imagine if your dc worked that hard & *knew* that you were disappointed that there was still so much to be done?

 

Second, it's surprising how much kids learn when we're not checking things off of our lists. I'm very list-oriented, too, & not checking something off drives. me. nuts. But then ds spouts something he learned from a science video, free reading, or a discussion we had 3 yrs ago that there's no way he should remember.

 

I don't know where your dc are academically, but worrying about your checklist sounds counter-productive. Don't look for something to beat yourself up about! Try to imagine you were your own friend. You see this amazing woman who's been through a tough time but is really getting things done, catching up, etc. She's doing so much, she puts you--who've had nothing go wrong--to shame.

 

And then she laments that she's not caught up? You want to hug her & slap her at the same time, right?

 

Take it easy. Focus on the important things, & let everything else wait in line. Try to have a reasonable timeline for getting caught up. I.e., a timeline that would be reasonable *for someone else*! I think we lose too much of the present worrying about to-do lists & such.

 

:grouphug:

 

Oh, yeah. Permission to be behind granted. (And after the "what to call parts" thread, I'm a little hesitant to say so! ;))

[Tarheel Heather]

It's okay Jean! :001_smile:

 

As someone told me a while back, who are you behind?

[Tarheel Heather]

First of all, being dismayed even in the face of success & accomplishment just isn't healthy. It steals the momentum you gain from the accomplishment & paralyzes you. And I think it's important to remember that our dc can read us better than we think. Can you imagine if your dc worked that hard & *knew* that you were disappointed that there was still so much to be done?

 

Second, it's surprising how much kids learn when we're not checking things off of our lists. I'm very list-oriented, too, & not checking something off drives. me. nuts. But then ds spouts something he learned from a science video, free reading, or a discussion we had 3 yrs ago that there's no way he should remember.

 

I don't know where your dc are academically, but worrying about your checklist sounds counter-productive. Don't look for something to beat yourself up about! Try to imagine you were your own friend. You see this amazing woman who's been through a tough time but is really getting things done, catching up, etc. She's doing so much, she puts you--who've had nothing go wrong--to shame.

 

And then she laments that she's not caught up? You want to hug her & slap her at the same time, right?

 

Take it easy. Focus on the important things, & let everything else wait in line. Try to have a reasonable timeline for getting caught up. I.e., a timeline that would be reasonable *for someone else*! I think we lose too much of the present worrying about to-do lists & such.

 

:grouphug:

 

Oh, yeah. Permission to be behind granted. (And after the "what to call parts" thread, I'm a little hesitant to say so! ;))

 

 

Great post !

[shalom22]

My dsil gave me some great advise when I was first beginning hs. She told me "You don't have to finish every textbook, you only need to do 3/4 of it. The last 1/4 will be repeated next year anyway, so don't worry about it."

 

If you are using textbooks for math and such. Remember, the first 1/4 of the book is review from last year, the last 1/4 will be reviewed the following year.

 

Give yourself some breathing room. I would look at what will be covered next year and see how much is repeated. Then focus on things that aren't repeated.

[Sharon in SC]

Is it ok to be happy with the successes I have without remembering those things I haven't gotten done yet?

 

It better be 'cause that's the very boat I'm paddling in as well. So many days I feel like I'm paddling up river in a chicken wire boat!! Our 2 year moving/renovation sage (still ongoing) has delayed our progress in school. I have to believe that, as we continue to strive to get our heads above water, it'll all work out in the end. I put a lot of stock in the belief that what our kids have learned outside of academics (in terms of life skills) is priceless. They have the rest of their lives to learn things like the presidents of the US and the state capitols!

 

Hang in there and keep swimming!

[Heather in the Kootenays]

it's critical.

 

Permission granted to be happy about what you've done and to do what you need to do for your kids.

[NYSue]

I'm always feeling behind. I'm beginning to think I was never ever ahead!

 

Take a deep breath. Tomorrow is another day.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Permission to be behind granted. (And after the "what to call parts" thread, I'm a little hesitant to say so! ;))

 

Hey girl, grammar counts! You'll notice I said "to be behind" - not "to be A behind!" :lol:

[Rosie_0801]

He got a lot done and it was good work (though on-going). But I felt stressed because there was nothing to cross off on the schedule.

 

So, write your schedule differently! When I was in school I would write down every step of everything that needed to be done in my diary. Instead of writing "finish biology essay" I would write "do introduction," "find book on X" etc. That way there were many bite sized things to do, and they got ticked off quickly. Much better for morale! This sort of thing is a good habit to get into, why not teach your son to do that. Then he is responsible for ticking things and you don't need to worry about it.

:)

Rosie

[KidsHappen]

I am under stress all day, every day. The stress isn't from life's circumstances (though they aren't always rosy). Most of my stress is from the calendar.

 

Yesterday my ds(11 today!) worked for over an hour on a report on Archimedes. He also worked for an hour on building his model of the Parthenon. He finally "passed" on a piece of music that he has been practicing for the last week. He worked on typing too. He got a lot done and it was good work (though on-going). But I felt stressed because there was nothing to cross off on the schedule. And I felt stressed because he didn't do math, science, or even art!

 

Dd6 worked yesterday with my "sub" (a neighbor comes in one morning a week to give me a break.). They worked on reading, math and got four science experiments done. I was very happy that I could cross off the reading, math and science experiments but that only lasted for a moment before I remembered that we're behind in history, music and language arts.

 

We are so behind in school (according to the schedule we won't even finish for another 10 weeks at least). Most of our schedule woes are due to my being very ill last year for the first couple of months of school. I'm better now (though I don't have the stamina of many) but since I'm also behind in housework, paperwork (yesterday I worked on balancing the checkbook for the first time in 5 months), ironing, yardwork. . . being behind in school is just part of the equation. Every "success" or advance forward is met with a feeling of satisfaction followed shortly by a feeling of despair that I've only taken a bit out of that elephant I'm trying to devour.

 

Is it ok to be happy with the successes I have without remembering those things I haven't gotten done yet? And how do I do that?!!

 

September off for Moving, December off for Holiday, Feb for Granma;s death, since then for momm'y illness and then aug will be off because of sister;s birth. Surely we are somewhat behind. just snake in wat you can when you can and forget about the rest. I have been doing this s long time and I am not worried yet. You can do it! I am sure that you are doing fine! Keep up the good work.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Oh Jean, it's all good. I am not terribly eloquent at the moment as I just had a root canal with conscious sedation drugs (thank the Lord for spell check too) but behind, as a home schooler, can be a relative term.

The goal is to educate your dc and teach them to learn right? You are doing more than fine.

 

Permission granted. :)

[Pster]

Try not to stress! I know just how you feel! I just try not to focus on those feelings and just move on. We've had a very disruptive year - moving, dh's health issues for months & months, and moving now again...... I prob even haven't done as much as you! I focused on trying to keep math & language arts in our schedule. Science & history and anything else was just icing.

 

I "feel" like we are behind....behind anyone and everyone. I posted about this once too - and responses were very similiar to yours....behind whom?{is it whom or who?} .....and someone pointed out that even tho the kids weren't doing "book" learning - they are probably still learning important life lessons. I've come to terms with what our past year "was" and look forward to moving and starting new (again). I have learned to focus on just doing "the next thing" and not to look at a schedule of just the year's plans. We just keep going forward....schooling thru the summer.... learning something wherever we are!

 

To top it off my in-laws are flying into town tonight.... just thinking of them discussing hsing & what we are/aren't doing me stresses me out more than I stress myself out!:blink:

 

Hang in there Jean! I'm sure you are doing great - maybe keep a record of those things you've accomplished? Can you take a few days off to relax and refresh yourself? :grouphug:

[cin]

but since I'm also behind in housework, paperwork (yesterday I worked on balancing the checkbook for the first time in 5 months), ironing, yardwork. . . being behind in school is just part of the equation.

 

I give you FULL permission to forget about the ironing, since I don't even know what it is :D

 

Honestly, I dont' own any clothes that need to be ironed. I will NOT buy them. Because it is a mountain I canNOT climb.

 

As far as school goes, we are doing some over the summer, but it's more just to keep the kids from forgetting EVERYTHING. We're doing reading and math. We're also doing a 'mini' unit on American History. I'm reading to them every day. Just so they are familiar with it, sine we won't really get there for another 2-3 years.

 

I also agree that you can skip different things, like science experiments, do 2 pages of math, but do the even or odd problems, skip some of the extras and just do the core, to get the facts in their heads.

 

And think about what your children learned while you were sick. LIFE lessons that no textbook can teach. Did they learn a little about compassion? ABout being kind and helping others? Did they learn to be more self-sufficient? And most importantly, let them learn that Life Happens, and we should always allow for that.

[G5052]

DH has had chronic health problems for six of the eight years we've homeschooled, including numerous hospitalizations, appointment, and months when he's homebound. And somehow we've continued to homeschool successfully!

 

I dropped all "extras" though. I do no hands on, and use only scripted curriculum. A lot of the work is done independently so we can take it to doctor appointements and/or they can get something done while I tend to DH. And we've always homeschooled year-round. It's just a must because I drop some things when DH is home recovering. This summer we're doing all the fine arts stuff that we had to drop in the "regular" school year. I'd have given up on it, but the kids enjoy it so much that we decided to do it in the summer.

 

And sometimes I don't finish things. REALLY!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thank you so much for all the encouragement! You are all so kind. Dh and I had a talk last night. He asked me "whose standards are you trying to meet?" My answer - "well, I thought you wanted me to get it all done?" His response was - "other than this year's math, I figure it's all good!" Yippee! We'll still do a bit of the other stuff because the kids told me that they really enjoy doing a bit every day but I won't stress about getting it "done" anymore!!! (Oh, and we'll get math done here soon!)

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug:

Thank you so much for all the encouragement! You are all so kind. Dh and I had a talk last night. He asked me "whose standards are you trying to meet?" My answer - "well, I thought you wanted me to get it all done?" His response was - "other than this year's math, I figure it's all good!" Yippee! We'll still do a bit of the other stuff because the kids told me that they really enjoy doing a bit every day but I won't stress about getting it "done" anymore!!! (Oh, and we'll get math done here soon!)

[Spy Car]

Jean, I read your post and wonder how many 11 year-old school-children have even hear of Archimedes? Much less written a report on him. And can play music, and have built a model of the Parthenon?

 

I hear that you sound stressed, but to me it seems like you need to give yourself (and your son) a lot more credit for what you have accomplished. It sounds like you are doing wonderful things.

 

It also sounds like you need a :grouphug:

 

Bill

[Natalieclare]

I'm glad you are feeling better about The List, but I wanted to pop up with some encouragement anyway. :)

 

My goal for my kids is to see them engaged as learners and thinkers. We may not always cover the breadth of subjects others manage, but what they do cover becomes theirs. I want my kids to enjoy learning, to see it as an adventure, not a task. Tasks are completed whereas education never is. So don't mind that they still have lots left to cover -- there will always be oceans of knowledge left to explore.

 

It sounds like your kids are active and engaged learners--that's a wonderful accomplishment.