How Many of You Do *Not* Assign Chores To Your Kids?

[Kris]

With all the talk about chores and allowances, I was wondering how many of you don't ask your kids to do any (age and ability appropriate) chores at all?

 

When my son said he didn't understand why *he* had to do them because none of his friends did, I thought, "Yeah -- right -- I've heard that before." But I've since learned that, in fact, very few of his friends or acquaintances are actually responsible for helping around the house. And the cooking skills are almost limited to being able to microwave popcorn.

 

The Moms usually say it's just easier to do it themselves, and I certainly understand this sentiment. When my boy started doing the dishes, most of them had to be rewashed several times. Now, a few months later, he does a fine job, with the exception of the occasional bit of stubborn cheese or egg, but that's about it.

 

But I just don't think I'd be doing my son any favors if he grew up thinking the house magically cleaned itself?

[RenJac1501]

I agree with you Kris, if they do not learn some responsibility when they are young they will not know how to cope when they get older.

I do give my son chores.

 

Great question Kris :)

[Excelsior! Academy]

We do and always will. My little sis and bro never had to do much and we had a housekeeper and a guy to work on the yard. I believe they wish now they had more responsibility and at a younger age. It is REALLY hard to learn it as an adult!

[K&Rs Mom]

I don't assign daily or weekly chores, but I do expect them to do things as needed. Both are expected to clean up their toys, clear their place after eating, etc, and usually at least once a day one of them has to vacuum the dining room or set the table, but it's not "scheduled" - whoever I happen to notice at the time it needs doing is asked to do it. I also sometimes offer an extra job for pay - something bigger and less often, like scrub out the bathtub.

 

So if you asked the kids what their "chores" are, they probably would say they don't have any. OTOH, if you asked some of the other moms I know here, they would say I force my kids to do a LOT of work! There's no reason a 3yo can't make herself a sandwich for lunch (mine does).

[Lolly]

That doesn't mean that they don't help out. They all know how to clean every room in the house. Ds is particularly proud of his bathroom cleaning skills. They all know how to wash a load of laundry. They just help out as it comes up. Nothing formally assigned.

[Rhondabee]

Here, too.

[Colleen]

My guys all do a great deal to help me, in addition to working on the farm. They are highly responsible. I haven't found it necessary to assign chores; that concept seems tedious to me. It would require that I keep track of who's done what, or not. In my experience, it's far easier to just let kids know what's expected of them by example (e.g. my guys make their beds, keep their rooms tidy without being reminded ~ it's just part of life). And when things need done, I ask someone to help do it and they do. Simple.:)

 

There are some things my boys don't do because I'd rather do it myself. I don't ask them to help me with cooking. I don't ask them to wash their own clothes. Does that mean they won't know how to do it when they're older? Of course not. Every significant grown man in my life is a great "house-husband" (for lack of a better term), without having been "trained" as a child. It just isn't that complicated, imo.

[Pamela H in Texas]

if you can walk, you can work, IMO

 

Actually, even ones littler than that can help pick up a little!

[Doran]

But I just don't think I'd be doing my son any favors if he grew up thinking the house magically cleaned itself?

 

We have a running joke in our family that The *** Fairy (insert whatever noun you want to....Laundry, Cleaning, Cooking, etc.) is off duty!!

 

 

You are so right. And, I'm sure you know that. ;) It makes no difference what the "other parents" do...you and your son have to do what is best for your household.

 

Doran

[Doran]

My guys all do a great deal to help me...And when things need done, I ask someone to help do it and they do. Simple.:)

 

I have a similar approach, though I will say that I find myself needing to remind my girls more often than I'd like to about various recurrent tasks, such as emptying the litter box, feeding the cats, tending to the chicken. I'd like to find ways to get them out of the habit of waiting for me to REMIND them of a chore. I have the sense that they only do that when I'm at home. When I'm not here, they manage to get it done. How do you (any of you?) address that one?

 

Doran

[KristineIN]

I don't really "assign" chores, but the kid are responsible for helping. They have to make their beds every day, help unload the dishwasher and anything else that I tell them. (usually helping with meals, setting the table, etc.)

 

Kristine

[dangermom]

My MIL commented recently that she never made any of her kids (all boys) help her out with the housework, and that she regretted that. It explained a lot! My (wonderful) husband is not much good with housework except dishes, which he did growing up--no dishwasher. So my vote is: make them do those chores, your future DILs will thank you.

[Tutor]

Our kids are expected to contribute to the upkeep of the family. Our oldest girl and oldest boy asked us to write down their "morning chores" (making the bed, bringing laundry down to the hamper, etc). They love being able to check things off of lists. Otherwise, they are expected to help when asked or if they see something that needs to be done.

 

I actually wrote a blog article early last year about this same subject after I learned that we apparently were the only family we knew (well, in our son's cub scout troop, anyway) whose kids were expected to work around the house regularly. You can read it here if you are interested.

[Scarlett]

I don't like chore lists either...but find that I have to remind ds7 to do everything everyday---almost. I'd be really interested in learning how to get him to do it without reminders.

[nutmeg]

No chore charts here; we all simply work together to do the work necessary.

[Scarlett]

Come to think of it, I'm remembering that my mother (single mother of 2) didn't have chore charts and certainly NEVER allowance. She said I was a really great helper and just did what had to be done. However, I remember our house being chaotic! :eek: I helped a lot because I couldn't take messes. Although I started supper lots of times before she came home from work....I don't know what makes some kids more helpful than others. My brother would not do ANYTHING without being forced to....I don't want to have that kind of son! I know this has more to do with attitude than anything. But how do you get them to have the right attitude?

 

I would love to peek inside the homes of people like Colleen whose dss just help when help is needed.

[Guest spicygirl]

We don't have "chore charts" here, although now i'm thinking about trying that.

 

Our sons are expected to help out and they do have certain things they are responsible for doing. Each one keeps his own bedroom clean and empties his own trash when needed. They both have hardwood floors in their bedrooms and so they both know how to use our swiffer!

 

They also share a bathroom and they both have the responsibility of keeping it clean and emptying the trash can in there. Yes, they even clean their own toilet themselves. (We have three bathrooms, so they can handle their own.)

 

When i do laundry, i will call them in to get their own stuff to go put up. They will hang up their own clothes and put away their own stuff.

 

As far as cooking and dishes go, i just do all that. Sometimes they'll help me empty the dishwasher, but it isn't required of them. The kitchen is just my domain! :D

 

I used to have a chore chart, when they were 2 and 4. I'm wondering if going back to that would be a motivational tool for them? My 6yo thrives on that kind of thing....

[Tammy]

I ask them to do things as it comes up....nothing really assigned though.

 

Tammy

[Diann]

Like others here, I don't assign chores. The boys help me with whatever needs to be done. I tried assigning chores when they were smaller, and I just didn't keep up with it. I found it easier to just have them help me with whatever I was doing until they could perform the task alone. This method has helped my four boys learn to keep a house.

 

Diann

[Rhonda in TX]

She says she and her sisters had to do everything growing up while her mom sit around and did nothing. I know her mom, so I believe this. Because of this, she doesn't want to ask her kids to do any housework. Her DH, however, is insisting that this changes, so it probably will.

 

We have "housework time", but no specifically assigned chores. I tell the kids that I get 30 minutes (or whatever) and they are required to do whatever I ask of them in that time. I don't do well keeping track of assigned chores, so this works well for me.

[Jennifer in MI]

We have thing that the kids are just expected to do every day, but aren't considered "chores." They must make their beds, put away clean laundry, clear table after meals, pick up the toy room, and their own personal hygiene.

 

Daily I will also ask someone to vacuum the kitchen/kitchen nook, mop it, empty the dishwasher, help retreive laundry or food from the basement, etc.

 

On the weekend, we have "Family Chore Day" and I'll make a list of things that need to be done. We split the list! Things included are: deep cleaning of the bathrooms, vacuuming, mopping the house, cleaning the front and back door windows, dusting, dusting the floorboards, sweeping steps, mopping steps, wiping down the kitchen, wiping down the dining chairs/table/legs, etc, etc, etc. I'll add things as I see they need to be done. Usually it takes less than an hour!

[WTMindy]

what you mean by assigned chores. We clean house together on Mondays and we all work at the job, but I don't tell each kid what to do or anything like that. After dinner we all clear the table, wipe, sweep etc. until it is done. So, no chore chart or system, but they definitely *do* chores, which is what I think you were asking.

[Sparkle]

I didn't use to have my dc do chores when they were younger, because I had to do a lot as a child, and also help with our family's business, and I didn't want my dc to have to work that hard. Then I changed my mind ;)

They all do some chores now - the older ones empty the dishwasher, take out the recycling and garbage, clean the rabbit's cage, fill up the bird feeders, keep their room picked up and vacuumed, clean the bathrooms except for the tub/shower and put away their clean laundry. The younger ones feed the cats, clean the windows, help pick up their toys, and bring dirty dishes to the kitchen. They all make their own breakfasts usually, and often their lunches.

[j.griff]

I don't "assign chores".

[MomofSeven]

Don't assign specific chores to be done at a specific time. But my kids will clean their rooms, bathrooms, vacuum, fold laundry, etc. whenever it's needed. We just all chip in. I myself don't even tackle certain chores on specific days. I do laundry when the baskets full, dust when I notice it's needed, clean the bathrooms...well...nuff said there. Anyway, there's always something to be done and someone to help do it. My dc are really compliant.

[Kris]

So, no chore chart or system, but they definitely *do* chores, which is what I think you were asking.

 

Yup -- that is what I was asking.

 

I had already assumed that most of the kids of the families represented here helped around the house in a general way -- but that is not even the case with most of the families where I live. Most of the kids around here don't seem to be responsible for much of anything.

 

We have things that my son is responsible for, and then we have the normal "stuff" that he just does because it's come to (my) mind.

 

I, too, wish that he would see some things and just do them on his own. It *does* happen, but not often. It still amazes me how he can just step over something multiple times and not notice it's there. :-) Although, I have to say, I haven't heard, "that's not my job" in awhile. *That* one puts my teeth on edge.

 

I really appreciate all the responses -- now I don't feel like such a "mean mom." :D

[Chloe]

Besides cleaning their own rooms and clothes my two oldest dc (10 and 8) have to unload the dishwasher and take out the trash daily. I don't do chore charts, but they do like to trade off on these jobs, so I just mark on the calendar at the beginning of the month which one will do which job that month. The next month they trade. I mark it on the calendar so it's easier to remember.