PrincessMommy Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I volunteer with my local hospice and this article came through our weekly email newsletter. I thought it was good food for thought. I don't necessarily think I'll be regretting all those things (especially #3), but perhaps a few will be mine when I'm at the edge of death. Top Five Regrets of the Dying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 That's sad. :sad: I'm sure having regrets is inevitable, but it's hard to read. Definitely food for thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Wow those are inspiring. My middle dd is living a life currently only 12 so that she will not have those regrets. I wish it would continue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Yes, very inspiring. Her book looks interesting, too. I already have so many regrets and I often wonder how my life will look to me when I am at the end of it (assuming I live long enough to expect the end, kwim?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I think my only regret will be not having done more, or better, for my kids. I'm not sure any of these will apply to me... except perhaps #5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I could see myself having all of those regrets. Thanks for posting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 I think my only regret will be not having done more, or better, for my kids. I'm not sure any of these will apply to me... except perhaps #5. Yes, I was thinking about something along those lines too. Not just for the kids, but just in life in general. Not that I'd want to "work" more, but I can see myself wishing I had done more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildiris Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I followed the link to the palliative care nurse's blog, Inspiration and Chai. After reading I found the point is not about what the dying regret, but what we the living forget. "It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it." Of course, there is a book too: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Well, they are the second guessings of people facing the end. Personally, I'm glad I worked so hard, and wish I had the youth to work as hard as I used to (my father put it, at age 80: I work as hard as I used to, I just don't get as much done). So, I will happily trade 30+ (and growing) years of being happy I work so hard for some regrets on my death bed! My next thought is how many didn't regret anything. I didn't hear a peep on the issue from either of my folks. They didn't regret dying either (both made that clear). I take that back. A few months before my mother died (at 89) she said her only regret was not seeing my son grow up. All her other grandkids had developed their personalities, and my guy was only 4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 Well, they are the second guessings of people facing the end. Personally, I'm glad I worked so hard, and wish I had the youth to work as hard as I used to (my father put it, at age 80: I work as hard as I used to, I just don't get as much done). So, I will happily trade 30+ (and growing) years of being happy I work so hard for some regrets on my death bed! My next thought is how many didn't regret anything. I didn't hear a peep on the issue from either of my folks. They didn't regret dying either (both made that clear). I take that back. A few months before my mother died (at 89) she said her only regret was not seeing my son grow up. All her other grandkids had developed their personalities, and my guy was only 4. I'm not sure this is so. From the article: A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. But, you are right, there is no mention of those who died quite satisfied with their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauranc Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Pretty amazing stuff. Thanks for posting this.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I'm not sure this is so. From the article: . I meant the second guessings of the patients. They are not interviewing non-dying people. I don't mean nurses second guessing the patients. I look back on my teen years. I'd do things differently now, but I didn't choose to then. That is what I meant about second guessing yourself. When I am going to lose everything, maybe I will regret my life. I hope to heck the people around me won't be asking me what I regret, but instead be asking me stories about the things I did! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 ah, thanks for the clarification.' you said: When I am going to lose everything, maybe I will regret my life. I hope to heck the people around me won't be asking me what I regret, but instead be asking me stories about the things I did! :001_smile: so true! In my experience, we are never to ask that type of question. Talk about bad form! I would guess that the patients have offered the information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLBMom Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 As a hospice nurse I've never asked people those questions but they have brought it up themselves. I find the list to be consistent with what I've heard. The age of the patient changes their regrets. A terminal 40 year old is going to have more or different regrets then an 80 year old. I find the older the patient the less they talk about what might have been or what didn happen. The older patients tend to enjoy talking about what was. It is all part of the normal stages of dying. I think certain people and certain situations spend more time in one stage then others. It's beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It definitely changes my outlook on things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 As a hospice nurse I've never asked people those questions but they have brought it up themselves. I find the list to be consistent with what I've heard. The age of the patient changes their regrets. A terminal 40 year old is going to have more or different regrets then an 80 year old. I find the older the patient the less they talk about what might have been or what didn happen. The older patients tend to enjoy talking about what was. It is all part of the normal stages of dying. I think certain people and certain situations spend more time in one stage then others. It's beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It definitely changes my outlook on things. I like what you pointed out here. And :grouphug: to you - hospice nurses are truly special people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Honestly, I could care less about any of those things. When I was faced with the possibilty of having a brain tumour I remember there was only one thing I regretted -not having read to my kids more. I do read to them a lot but there are also many nights when I just feel so tired I skip it. Now I read and read to them -whenever they want it and as much as they want. I never want to feel like I didn't read to them enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Why reading as opposed to spending time with them? Regretting reading would not be on my radar. The thing I am trying to do right now is accept my children for who they are and stop the criticisms. I love them. I want them to feel and know that. Dawn Honestly, I could care less about any of those things. When I was faced with the possibilty of having a brain tumour I remember there was only one thing I regretted -not having read to my kids more. I do read to them a lot but there are also many nights when I just feel so tired I skip it. Now I read and read to them -whenever they want it and as much as they want. I never want to feel like I didn't read to them enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Having lost all of our parents now, I've come away determined to be "real" and to enjoy life as it is. I'm tried of play-acting and focusing on the negative. Maybe that is one of the blessings of middle age and going through the loss of parents. We have a reminder to live our remaining lives differently because of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Why reading as opposed to spending time with them? Regretting reading would not be on my radar. Maybe it is just a reflection of what is regretted right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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