Do you have your own checking account?

[cricket1178]

We have one checking account and one savings account. When I had my own business, I had a separate account. There is no need for a separate account now so I don't have one. However, if the need were to arise, I don't think either one of us would be bothered by it. We do operate under the philosophy that any money is "our" money. If he gets a money gift for birthdays or something, it is his. If I do, it is mine. But, even that isn't set in stone. We come together at least once a week to discuss where we are and more often if the need arises (such as a necessary major purchase). We made the decision a long time ago to handle things this way and neither one of us is a controller so it works for us. It is just natural to us for things to flow this way. Hope this makes sense.:tongue_smilie:

[Liz CA]

All of our accounts would qualify as "little accounts"!!!:lol:

 

LOL! Well, I should have said "My little account" and "Our other little account."

 

:D

[Kate CA]

I'm all for teamwork, too. But there really are times when keeping some assets separate could help the team. Say you are married to a doctor or lawyer, and he gets sued for malpractice and has to pay damages. If the damages are more than the amount malpractice insurance will cover, then your family finances, home, etc. could be taken. But if you had inherited some money and kept those assets in your name only, then those are safe and can't be taken because they are separate.

 

It's a complicated world and a fallen world, so in my mind it's just safer to be proactive and CYAssets. :)

 

 

Yes, I totally see your point here. I will concede! :tongue_smilie: I guess it is a good thing my dh is not a doctor or a lawyer. ;)

[*anj*]

I don't now. We have several checking and savings accounts, but they are all in both of our names. When we first got married I kept my own checking account for a couple of years. When ds was born and I stopped working I finally closed the account. I didn't need it anymore. A few years ago I sold Pampered Chef, followed by Stampin' Up and I opened a separate account for my businesses. That's closed now too, though.

 

I really don't feel the need for a separate account now.

[*anj*]

We made the decision a long time ago to handle things this way and neither one of us is a controller so it works for us. It is just natural to us for things to flow this way. Hope this makes sense.:tongue_smilie:

Okay, I should always read the whole thread before posting. If I'd read this earlier I wouldn't have bothered to type my own response because I wholeheartedly agree with you. This is basically the way we live too. :001_smile:

[Punkinelly]

We have one account that we share. I can understand why your dh would be offended. If it bothers him, is it worth it to have it? Is it worth the upset it is causing?

 

I think it implies some sort of secrecy or independence that offends your dh. Maybe you should reconsider having it.

[Kelli in TN]

This is one of those threads that I actually laid in bed worrying about!!!

 

I remember when I did not have my own account one of the things that was the most stressful for me was holiday time. My husband could surprise me for birthdays and Christmas and I could not do the same with him. He knew every purchase I made, he knew where things were bought, stores now give you an itemized reciept so he knew exactly what I had purchased. I was always sad at holiday time.

 

Now I can pinch money off the household budget for weeks or months leading up to a holiday and get him gift and he does not know until he opens it.

 

I think every woman ought to have a little privacy, even in finances.

[Caroline]

This is one of those threads that I actually laid in bed worrying about!!!

 

I remember when I did not have my own account one of the things that was the most stressful for me was holiday time. My husband could surprise me for birthdays and Christmas and I could not do the same with him. He knew every purchase I made, he knew where things were bought, stores now give you an itemized receipt so he knew exactly what I had purchased. I was always sad at holiday time.

 

Now I can pinch money off the household budget for weeks or months leading up to a holiday and get him gift and he does not know until he opens it.

 

I think every woman ought to have a little privacy, even in finances.

 

This was a Home Improvement episode. Well, not exactly. But she opened her own checking account, and he was not happy. She told him to think of it as the Tim Taylor Birthday Fund. I think they ended up putting him on the account in the end.

 

Not that I am trying to make light of this thread. I think it is an important idea to think about. I don't have my own checking account. But my husband also doesn't scrutinize every ATM withdrawal. If I withdraw $100, he just makes sure I actually made the withdrawal; he doesn't ask what the withdrawal was for.

 

My grandmother always had her own checking account. All of my birthday and Christmas checks always came off her account. But, when I graduated from high school, college, and graduate school, my grandfather wrote checks off the farm account. I knew I had done something really great.

 

My parents had two checking accounts, but it had something to do with direct deposit. My mom was a professor at a state college and her only direct deposit option was the state employees credit union at the time. My dad just kept his direct deposit at the same place it had always been. Both had access to both accounts. My mom was always in charge of the money, though.

 

I imagine the answer is different for every marriage.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I can understand where your dh is coming from. If my husband suddenly opened an additional account without my name on it and without any particular reason at all, I would find that very strange. Why would it be different for the wife?

 

I know there are some people who keep their accounts separate from the beginning, and while I can't imagine doing it personally, I do see how it could work. But setting up an "only my name" account much later on? Without some very clear, practical reason? When your only reason is, "I sort of thought I would"? I can totally understand why your husband would be confused and irked by that. I sure would be.

 

About a year before she served him with divorce papers. It was a nice place to stash his medical reimbursement checks and their kids' stock dividend checks as well as any other funds she could syphon off their joint account. It really benefited her to get to the mailbox before he did. Sometime, it's all about the timing....

 

Having said that, I've had my own account for small expenditures for years and we have credit cards in our own names here and there. We have a joint operating account. My dh manages (micromanages) our money and I have a Quicken back up key and account password list at my disposal. He has always been very open about our financial situation.

 

It's all about what motivates you to have a separate account.

 

K

[Scarlett]

About a year before she served him with divorce papers. It was a nice place to stash his medical reimbursement checks and their kids' stock dividend checks as well as any other funds she could syphon off their joint account. It really benefited her to get to the mailbox before he did. Sometime' date=' it's all about the timing....K[/quote']

 

I guess I"m confused about why she would need to do that or how it would benefit her. Even if she saved money in 'her' account, it is still marital property (unless it was inherited, which sounds like not the case with your SIL) and she will have to admit to it in discovery or risk breaking the court orders/law. Unless you are in a dangerous situation and would need to flee for your life in which case, yes, cyphoning funds would be good.

[Kelli in TN]

My dh manages (micromanages) our money

 

This made me laugh out loud. I think our husbands may be cut of the same cloth!!!

 

It's all about what motivates you to have a separate account.

 

K

 

I think this is the truth. My motives were good. It sounds like OP's motives are reasonable.

[Scarlett]

I think every woman ought to have a little privacy, even in finances.

 

I agree. And if you have a dh who micro manages the money, I think you would need your own 'mad' money, so to speak. In our case, it is dh who has the mad money....and it drives me mad all right..:D Seriously, *he* seems to need to be able to spend some money without reporting it to me. I micro manage the rest of it, but he rarely knows where his has gone.

[Brigitte]

2 schools of thought here:

 

w/ a truly healthy relationship, you shouldn't need a second account.

 

w/ a truly healthy relationship, it shouldn't MATTER if you have a second account.

 

It seems to me that the resentment should serve as a red flag to check inventory on your relationship and weed out exactly what it is that is causing the resentment. You might end up consolidating your accounts again, but i would do so AFTER the resentment has been resolved.

 

:iagree: There is so much truth to this. And, I will reiterate the importance of having your name as primary on one account and credit established in your name in case something unforseen happens to him.

[Brigitte]

I think a separate account is fine when you are talking about sums of money that do not materially affect the finances of the household. I had to open an account when I started working for the school because the bank would not cash my paycheck without charging a fee if I did not have an account. Dh was bothered by it later, but after he saw I had about $1.79 in it, he quit worrying about it. I do have more in it now, because I use it when I get rebate checks, money from my parents or IL's to use for the girls etc. Dh has an account in his name too for that purpose.

 

Any accounts that have balances that we would need in case something happened to the other spouse have both names on. He controls 2 of them and I control 1. It works for us.

[Himfirst]

I didn't read the other posts(no time, leaving town soon). So, I hope I am not restating something that has already been said. However, I want to point out that men gain their sense of "Manhood" from being able to provide for the family. This other account probably makes your husband insecure. In his mind, he is probably thinking, "Don't I provide for all your needs?" Also, with divorce as rampant as it is, he can't help but wonder if maybe somewhere in your mind you are not totally committed. Even though he may not admit these things. My best advice- close the account! Your marriage is WAAAAY more important than the "Control" you probably feel that it gives you. That is OUR (me also, but I think most women) issue really, isn't it? Control? That is very threatening to a man. Give him back "Control" and I guarantee (If you do it sweetly and not with bitterness) that he will respond positively. Like you said it isn't the amount. It really is a control issue.

 

God bless

[Kelli in TN]

. That is OUR (me also, but I think most women) issue really, isn't it? Control? That is very threatening to a man. Give him back "Control" and I guarantee (If you do it sweetly and not with bitterness) that he will respond positively. Like you said it isn't the amount. It really is a control issue.

 

God bless

 

:iagree: It is not the $500. In today's world $500 is big, but not THAT big for most middle class families.

 

And that is why I say to the OP, you should hold your ground. It's a control issue. Lovingly and respectfully give him this opportunity to grow a bit and come to the realization that a helpmeet is not inferior and weak, but a strong partner. Part of that means being able to handle some finances.

 

Give him a chance to see that his heart can safely trust in you.

 

 

I don't know why this thread has bothered me as much as it has. Maybe I just really relate to the OP on this one.

[ckmommyof3]

We have a joint checking account.

[mommylawyer]

We have a joint checking account for EVERYTHING, but we each have our own checking accounts where I deposit our "allowances." Lately though, our allowances have been pretty small - these rising gasoline prices are really cutting into the fun money.

[swellmomma]

yup I do! EVen when I was still married and staying home full time we had our own separate checking accounts, plus a joint one. My parents who have been married for 30 years still have separate accounts too, no joint ones etc, so to me that's what you do. And it was helpful when I left the marriage that while my balance was very low, it was my own private account he could not touch, since he cleared out the joint one. In my case it was a necessity, even when we were together he would take the money set aside for diapers, formula etc and spend it on booze, I had to have a separate account to make sure my children would get what they needed and he couldn't touch it. The fact I already had one also gave me a feeling of security when I left the marriage that I had my own money we would survive kwim and we have. I think even if I ended up marrying again I would keep my own account.

[OhM]

They really do look like I set a cup of coffee on my checkbook and it left a ring. They represent me well; caffeinated and sloppy!!!!

 

Ha - this is what I need! If they were pre-printed, it would save me the trouble!:D

 

Haven't read all the responses, but in our household, it's a joint account (we both used to contribute about equally; now it's more him-80%, me 20%) but I've always managed the bills. Within the last year, he opened his own account, and direct deposits a small amount each month, to handle his reimbursible expenses from work, and other personal things.

 

My friend and her dh have never co-mingled their $$$. They split up the bills to pay, and have always been happy doing that. We've always been a bit mystified by that, but in recent years we've noticed that they seem to be the happiest, most in-tune couple among all that we know - could be related?

[Brigitte]

I can understand where your dh is coming from. If my husband suddenly opened an additional account without my name on it and without any particular reason at all, I would find that very strange. Why would it be different for the wife?

 

How is this for a double standard....I would find it strange for the primary/sole bread winner of the family to open a separate bank account without much reasoning behind it. Much more so than I would for the non-bread winning spouse to open one for her mad money.

[Melinda in VT]

How is this for a double standard....I would find it strange for the primary/sole bread winner of the family to open a separate bank account without much reasoning behind it. Much more so than I would for the non-bread winning spouse to open one for her mad money.

 

I find this odd. Not saying it's wrong, but it doesn't make sense to me.

 

Why shouldn't the primary/sole bread winner also be entitled to mad money and a place to put it?

[Kelli in TN]

I find this odd. Not saying it's wrong, but it doesn't make sense to me.

 

Why shouldn't the primary/sole bread winner also be entitled to mad money and a place to put it?

 

 

Well at our house, he is in control of all of it. So I am not sure why he needs his own account, it's all under his control anyway. The money he has set up to be electronically transfered to my account every payday is the only money I really see. I can write a check on his account, but I pretty much don't do it without permission. But his mad money? I guess he has all the mad money he wants in the joint account.

 

Now if he opened an account I would not care, but it would make no sense to have another account to keep track of when he controls the whole pot!

 

Of course that is only how it works at my house, other households may vary.

[brehon]

My family has 3 checking accounts: a joint acct from which all household expenses are paid and individual accts (we each have our own). I am the CFO of the family; however, big purchases (whether paid from the joint or individual accts ) are cussed and discussed before being made. My situation is different from many here as I do have a full time job; so, maybe my thoughts on this matter are irrelevant.

 

Several people have brought up the legal aspect. I can't speak to divorce laws as those tend to be state specific. However, leaving divorce aside, I think it's very important for the non-working (for pay) spouse to have a sole account of something (checking, saving, debit/credit card) in case something happens to the working (for pay) spouse. Hmm...I'm very tired and probably not making sense. Let me try again -- I think one would want to have immediate access to money (liquid money, not something tied up in CDs, stocks, etc) should one's spouse die unexpectedly. Depending on how the estate is set up, an acct with only one person's name on it could be closed until probate is complete. Sometimes even a jointly held acct couldn't be accessed, depending on your state's probate laws.

 

I tend to agree with those who think your dh is overreacting to you having money of your own in your own account. In this case, I don't think the money is really the issue; but, rather, as others have said, the control is the real issue. The same spending rules should apply to both spouses when a joint account is used: Don't spend over X amount without a discussion and agreement. Otherwise, we are both responsible adults and should be treated as such. And, really, it seems to me to be a respect issue. Does he respect and trust you enough to spend what needs to be spent without quizzing you?

[Melinda in VT]

Well at our house, he is in control of all of it. So I am not sure why he needs his own account, it's all under his control anyway. The money he has set up to be electronically transfered to my account every payday is the only money I really see. I can write a check on his account, but I pretty much don't do it without permission. But his mad money? I guess he has all the mad money he wants in the joint account.

 

Now if he opened an account I would not care, but it would make no sense to have another account to keep track of when he controls the whole pot!

 

Of course that is only how it works at my house, other households may vary.

 

Now, see, if you say that whoever isn't in charge of the joint account should have a separate account, that would make more sense to me.

 

I know in my parents' marriage, dad was the primary or sole bread winner, but mom controlled the checking account. In my own marriage, I've been the sole breadwinner and the account manager, a SAHM and the account manager, and the primary breadwinner but not the account manager. So I don't assume that the primary breadwinner is in charge of the family finances just because he or she earns the money.

 

(And actually, in our case we found that it doesn't work so well for either of us to keep mad money in the main checking account. It's too easy to spend more than you think you have and mess up the account. So we tend to keep mad money in cash when the budget is tight.)

[Joanne]

My friend and her dh have never co-mingled their $$$. They split up the bills to pay, and have always been happy doing that. We've always been a bit mystified by that, but in recent years we've noticed that they seem to be the happiest, most in-tune couple among all that we know - could be related?

 

 

My answer? Nope. No more than those who had at least one separate accounts and divorced = separate accounts create divorce.

 

Healthy relationships, money, and property division cover a broad spectrum of arrangements. I don't think "always" or "never" fit as an answer to this one.

[*anj*]

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, we have joint accounts. If for some reason I were given a little money and had the opportunity to add to it regularly, I might consider opening my own bank account. There is something nice about having just a little something for yourself, something that is just yours. And I agree with someone else's idea that the person who doesn't control the family finances should be the one to exercise the option of a private fund stashed somewhere.

Now my dh does handle all of our money, but he discusses every penny of it with me. I mean, we can both account for nearly all of our money every single month. By around the third week of a month he prints out a spreadsheet with the forecasted budget for the following month. Many categories are always the same, but some change due to things that come up.

I always try to have a little extra money just for myself, just in case I want something that isn't in the budget. I'm sitting on a little bit right now because my mil gave me a nice gift and (shockingly!) I haven't spent it. I am content to keep it in a special place, but if I wanted an account: what of it? Why not? And if my dh acted like a baby about it I would strongly encourage him to grow up.

[Brigitte]

I find this odd. Not saying it's wrong, but it doesn't make sense to me.

 

Why shouldn't the primary/sole bread winner also be entitled to mad money and a place to put it?

 

I guess I should have clarified...If the primary/sole breadwinner who also controlled all the finances opened another account without the other spouses name on it, I would be weary. On the other hand, if the non-bread winning spouse who had no control over the family finances opened an separate account, that would not raise my eyebrow.

 

Does that make better sense?

 

I agree that the primary bread winner should be able to have a mad money account too, but it is probably less "necessary."

[Mom2legomaniacs]

We have joint checking and savings. It is all our money together. I manage the household bills, he does the taxes (I hate doing taxes) and makes sure the IRAs are funded. He has no idea what is even in the accounts for savings and checking most of the time. But neither of us has spending issues. We are both careful. We have the same ideas about money. There are no job issues that might come up so that a separate account is necessary. We both, out of respect for the other, tell when we are going to purchase something out of the ordinary. A truly big item would be discussed first, unless it was my gift, see below :D.

 

Only issue is that for Christmas, he told me to not monitor the credit card account because my gift was on there. I monitor those online and he doesn't even look at those either. What he didn't know was that when things are charged to that account that exceed a certain dollar amount, an email gets sent to me. :lol: I didn't mean to find out early, but I did. I am using it to type this post right now.:lol: So now, he has to tell me, don't open any emails from that account until you get the gift! Pretty sneaky, aren't I?;)

 

One thing we have made sure of is that I have one credit card in which I am primary on. We also make sure to put me down as the primary on some house purchases we have made so that I have a history of good credit and such. It is important for me to exist in this way so that if something happened, I would be okay in that respect.

[OhM]

My answer? Nope. No more than those who had at least one separate accounts and divorced = separate accounts create divorce.

 

Healthy relationships, money, and property division cover a broad spectrum of arrangements. I don't think "always" or "never" fit as an answer to this one.

 

(My question was a little tongue-in-cheek there;) )

 

But actually - I do think it's completely related in that their arrangement works so well AND they are the "happiest most in-tune couple that we know" BECAUSE of the nature of their relationship. And for that reason ANY arrangement they have would probably work great. What about their relationship causes these great effects? I have no idea! But I do know that they're a couple we love to be around - we vacation with them for a week each year!:001_smile:

[Barb_]

I'm sitting on a little bit right now because my mil gave me a nice gift and (shockingly!) I haven't spent it. I am content to keep it in a special place, but if I wanted an account: what of it? Why not? And if my dh acted like a baby about it I would strongly encourage him to grow up.

 

Heh heh...Anj, your Jersey is showing :lol:

 

Barb

[*anj*]

Heh heh...Anj, your Jersey is showing :lol:

 

Barb

 

:smilielol5:That's a riot, Barb!!! :biggrinjester:

[kpupg]

My parents also thought it would be good for me to have something in my own name. Maybe this isn't logical thinking but they thought it would help in case anything were ever to happen to dh.

 

I usually try to stay off this board, but this topic gets me worked up, so I will blurt out my opinion.

 

Your parents are so right.

 

I was witness to my naive mil's troubles after her husband died. She immediately informed everyone of his death, including American Express, which was their only charge/credit card. So she was immediately left without a card to use, and no amount of reasoning or pleading would persuade the company to allow her to use the card she had been using for lo these many years. To add irony to the suffering, she is quite wealthy, being the widow of a doctor who invested very wisely, but because she had no paycheck to show, she got no credit consideration. Even though she is wealthy, this caused her cash flow problems for a couple-three years.

 

So, learning from her troubles, I have a credit card in my name and no one else's. I got that from one of those easy-credit junk mailings that we all hate, but I am glad to have it. If, God forbid, I am left without a breadwinner, at least I will have access to credit to help obtain necessities in a crisis.

 

OK, you were asking about checking accounts, not credit cards, but the principle is much the same. I think you need to have some kind of financial track record in your own name ... if only in case of the unthinkable.

 

Karen

[Scarlett]

To add irony to the suffering, she is quite wealthy, being the widow of a doctor who invested very wisely, but because she had no paycheck to show, she got no credit consideration. Even though she is wealthy, this caused her cash flow problems for a couple-three years.Karen

 

It would seem to me that the problem in this situation was more lack of planning for an income for her. If she was wealthy she shouldn't have needed a credit card and if she was not wealthy she sure didn't need one. But I'm on a quest to become debt free and use no credit, so I'm viewing it through that lens.

 

It never hurts to have your own credit.

[Kate in Arabia]

When I was getting a regular income I had my own account. If I start getting a regular income again, I would open my own account again. When I opened my own account after marriage dh looked a little hurt, but I reminded him that according to Islamic law what's mine is mine, and what's his is mine too :D So we had a joint account that his income went into and my own separate one without his name that mine went into.

 

I would do this regardless of the amount coming in, as long as it was a regular, steady amount.