sweetsouthern Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 what do you do? very long story short..... my family has been burned a few times by different churches in the past (christian,non denominational). we moved last year up north and we have a list of churches we have thought about trying, but honestly, neither one of us can be it (nor my older daughter who understood at that time, so of the previous burns). i feel like we need to do SOMETHING.... but what? i dont think we could handle being burned again. but we love Jesus and believe with all our hearts that its a relationship, not a religion.... and those who practice the religion have a tendency to make there own rules and such along the way. welcome to any ideas or thoughts! if this is you, i would love to know what your family does! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 What do you mean by "what your family does"? Do you mean which church we go to or how we found our current church? Or how we deal with being burnt by people or leadership in a church? :grouphug: I'm so sorry you've been burned by previous church experience. It's not religion that does this its the sinners who do. We can all make big mistakes and sometimes people can maker horrible ones. I'm sorry your family was at the receiving end of a bad one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) First, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. I feel so sad when I read about people that have been "burned" by a church. What a heartbreaking experience that must be. but we love Jesus and believe with all our hearts that its a relationship, not a religion.... and those who practice the religion have a tendency to make there own rules and such along the way. Can you define religion? I've thought about starting a spin off as well, along the lines of "please define 'religion'," but I can't handle that kind of thread right now, LOL. What do you mean by "those that practice religion"? The thing is, I've had the opposite experience if by "practicing religion" you mean taking part in a church by adjusting to it and its practices/worship rather than the other way around (finding a church that "fits" me). When I was part of the churches we found that "fit" our family, and even if they didn't fit all that great but we chose them based on our own criteria for what makes a "good" church, I was making up the rules left and right the whole way! Now that we're a part of a church where we basically have to adjust to it (not as robots, but because its way is beautiful and a healing path to God), I no longer get to do this and there's so much freedom in that. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I thought I'd try. :D We have a problem with false religion, with hypocrisy, but not with religion in general, though, so I don't know if I'm the type of person you're thinking of. We feel that it's a both/and situation, not either/or (meaning, it's not religion OR relationship, but religion AND relationship -- the relationship comes about because of the religion; in fact, as described in the other thread, the word religion indicates a binding Lord-to-person and what's that other than a relationship?). Edited January 14, 2012 by milovaný Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsouthern Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 What do you mean by "what your family does"? Do you mean which church we go to or how we found our current church? Or how we deal with being burnt by people or leadership in a church? :grouphug: I'm so sorry you've been burned by previous church experience. It's not religion that does this its the sinners who do. We can all make big mistakes and sometimes people can maker horrible ones. I'm sorry your family was at the receiving end of a bad one. thanks :) i surpose i mean, if you cant bring yourself to try another church, at least at this time, what do you do? do you do anything at home as a family or on televsion or book? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susankenny Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 thanks :) i surpose i mean, if you cant bring yourself to try another church, at least at this time, what do you do? do you do anything at home as a family or on televsion or book? Well, even if you don't desire a church, you really do need to have fellowship with other believers. What about a home church? Those are quite popular & would eliminate the logistics of church buildings and staff. Just a thought. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsouthern Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 First, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. I feel so sad when I read about people that have been "burned" by a church. What a heartbreaking experience that must be. Can you define religion? I've thought about starting a spin off as well, along the lines of "please define 'religion'," but I can't handle that kind of thread right now, LOL. What do you mean by "those that practice religion"? The thing is, I've had the opposite experience if by "practicing religion" you mean taking part in a church by adjusting to it and its practices/worship rather than the other way around (finding a church that "fits" me). When I was part of the churches we found that "fit" our family, and even if they didn't fit all that great but we chose them based on our own criteria for what makes a "good" church, I was making up the rules left and right the whole way! Now that we're a part of a church where we basically have to adjust to it (not as robots, but because its way is beautiful and a healing path to God), I no longer get to do this and there's so much freedom in that. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I thought I'd try. :D We have a problem with false religion, with hypocrisy, but not with religion in general, though, so I don't know if I'm the type of person you're thinking of. We feel that it's a both/and situation, not either/or (meaning, it's not religion OR relationship, but religion AND relationship -- the relationship comes about because of the religion; in fact, as described in the other thread, the word religion indicates a binding Lord-to-person and what's that other than a relationship?). actually, that makes perfect sense lol! i guess i would best explain it as, the first church we attended for many years had obvious no biblical practices. so much so that the congregation ran out the pastor and then the youth pastor. they ran the church. of course there was several other issues, but justing this as the obvious problem. the 2nd church we attended had there "set of rules" that belonged to the clique of the church, and then a set of rules that were for everyone else. kinda like do as i say, not as i do. both churches we were all highly involved in volunteering, which is something im not sure we could not do if we attended. the church here that i have the girls involved in Awanas at invites us every single week to attend. but its quite obvious already that we are being judged before we even get there (this ones kinda hard to put in words on an open forum). so it shys us from even trying any of the 3 on our list. does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsouthern Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 Well, even if you don't desire a church, you really do need to have fellowship with other believers. What about a home church? Those are quite popular & would eliminate the logistics of church buildings and staff. Just a thought. Susan a home church would probably be about perfect, but i dont know of any around here (we have only been here a year). do you happen to have any idea how i would find one?? ive asked my local homeschool group for suggestions on a church around for us, and i keep getting the same 3, which i surpose are the mega style churches of my area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 thanks :) i surpose i mean, if you cant bring yourself to try another church, at least at this time, what do you do? do you do anything at home as a family or on televsion or book? Hmmm.. I've only been that burnt out once or twice so I'm not sure I'm the best one to answer. I've always felt that being part of a church community is very important, warts and all.. That said, I've never been burnt like it sounds you and your family have, so I probably can't compare my experience with yours. I definitely think there is a time for healing but I also think Christians need to find that healing within the community. I would encourage you not to give up, but also give yourself a chance to heal. There have been times when I've been very discouraged by church, but I always knew out there somewhere was what Christ intended as church. Keep looking and don't let go of Christ. Also, I've been part of many different Christian traditions (non-denom, Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist, Eastern Orthodox) and my extended family represents a lot of different traditions as well. No one tradition is immune from difficulties or church politics (I wish it weren't so), but IMHO a church where the pastor has someone he is accountable to makes a difference. I know many people bash hierarchical types of traditions, but on the whole I think they have the potential for less problems when you have a district President or Bishop to go to to complain about problems. It's not a sure thing there won't be problems, but I think it helps to some degree. JMHO and experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susankenny Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 a home church would probably be about perfect, but i dont know of any around here (we have only been here a year). do you happen to have any idea how i would find one?? ive asked my local homeschool group for suggestions on a church around for us, and i keep getting the same 3, which i surpose are the mega style churches of my area. No, I don't. We attend a mega-church, lol. However, my dear friend was really over "church" & found a home church. It has a few hundred members, but they meet in "cell groups" throughout the week. She loves it! I would continue to ask around. I hope you find something:grouphug: Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 I've been burned many places in many ways. You can even be burned in a home church. Humans are flawed. :grouphug: I do understand, but don't give up :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 thanks :) i surpose i mean, if you cant bring yourself to try another church, at least at this time, what do you do? do you do anything at home as a family or on televsion or book? My two youngest & I didn't go to church for almost 2 yrs. Long story. Any rate, we did different things. We watched Christian videos, listened to CDs, some Sundays I would prepare a lesson and we did it, we took long walks and talked about Gods awesome love(even though at the time I was feeling pretty deserted). I really wanted the kids to know that God loves them and it is important to give Him time on Sunday. There really wasn't any organized this is what you are going to do week after week. I just did what I had material and energy to do. It took me quit a while before I got to where I could get the courage to give another body of believers a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 does that make sense? I do understand. If people would just keep their eyes on their own "plate," you know? Easy to say, hard to do. Lord have mercy, I'm still learning this, too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lluv Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 (edited) I am so very sorry that you have been burned in the past. The problem with church is that it's full of sinners...seriously! Forgiven? Yes. Perfect? :rofl: Never. The church is to be a haven for believers to encourage each other, and grow and worship together. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen and I'm sorry you had to experience this. The saddest thing is when we hurt our own...nothing is more devastating to the Body than that. :mad: There are some great pastors on TV on Sunday mornings (I personally love Charles Stanley- his messages and voice are so soothing and grandfatherly), but I too would encourage you not to give up on finding a church! Mega, small or home church- they all have their problems. But there is a church out there for you.:grouphug: Edited January 14, 2012 by lluv Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Pray my heart out!!! and know that He will not leave me hanging forever......! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 I would encourage for you to find an Episcopalian church. They are very respectful of people, and also love Jesus. (I respect all churches, but this is the one I have most experience with. There may be other good ones out there that I don't know about.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Well, even if you don't desire a church, you really do need to have fellowship with other believers.We find Christians at other places and form friendships with them, then we gather together by inviting them over for dinner and talking about spiritual things. No church required. in fact, as described in the other thread, the word religion indicates a binding Lord-to-person and what's that other than a relationship?).Meanings change over time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Pray my heart out!!!and know that He will not leave me hanging forever......! :iagree::iagree::iagree: :grouphug::grouphug:I was scared to death of the church. I attended half a dozen times, loved it the majority of hose visits, but still was scared beyond belief. I keep church shopping just to be safe. I refused to ask them any of my questions or have a bible study with them. Well, the time had come to get baptized. "Oh no, how are they going to judge me? What kind of hoops are they going to expect me to jump through, because I am not doing them." I met with Pastor and his wife yesterday. All of my fears were laid to rest. It was in my own head. I don't have to be made a member of the church when I am baptized. I don't have to learn about their specific doctrines, everything they say are things I have already been taught by the Lord... they want to step in and help with our kids, and they want me to use my spiritual gifts (a friend said that might be a problem). I am still so so happy with the whole experience. :grouphug:I understand the fear, and taking alternative measures for a while, but I do believe that God provides. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Pray. Just pray for spiritual healing. Pray for guidance. Pray for wisdom. (I'd also pull the kids out of that Awanas group due to the improper judgement going on.) :grouphug: Good luck on your journey. I hope you find where it is you belong. Would you mind if I add you and your family to my prayer list? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Oh, and the rest of the family is still very shy about church, so what we do is pray together as a family, talk about the Lord in everyday conversation, and read a chapter of the Bible per day (The Living Bible works well for the kids), as well as share what we are learning with each other when we are doing Bible reading on different topics. I go into my room and fall to the floor in prayer covered in tears. My daughter's eyes shown at me when she realized that she loves Jesus and he will save her. DH and I have gifts of the Spirit, and they are just as strong at home as they are in a church. We feel Christ's presence just as strongly at home as we do in a church. Churches do fulfill a purpose, but not perhaps the one that is expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 If your kids are still in a program that you had problems with... I stopped taking DD to Awana too. It just wasn't helpful in our situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsouthern Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 thanks you all so much for the kind words and ideas!!! ive decided im going to pray about for a while and see where He leads me :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug:I was scared to death of the church. I attended half a dozen times, loved it the majority of hose visits, but still was scared beyond belief. I keep church shopping just to be safe. I refused to ask them any of my questions or have a bible study with them. Well, the time had come to get baptized. "Oh no, how are they going to judge me? What kind of hoops are they going to expect me to jump through, because I am not doing them." I met with Pastor and his wife yesterday. All of my fears were laid to rest. It was in my own head. I don't have to be made a member of the church when I am baptized. I don't have to learn about their specific doctrines, everything they say are things I have already been taught by the Lord... they want to step in and help with our kids, and they want me to use my spiritual gifts (a friend said that might be a problem). I am still so so happy with the whole experience. :grouphug:I understand the fear, and taking alternative measures for a while, but I do believe that God provides. :grouphug::grouphug::hurray: Hallelujah! OP, :grouphug: - Blessings on your journey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandellie4 Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I've given up on church for now, too, and one of the things that helps me is to search for a sermon here and there online. I'll put in some terms of something I'm wrestling with or something I'm interested in, and then listen to the sermon. I've found some really good ones. I do other things too, but I like to make sure I get some quiet listening time. Daily devotions also help. :grouphug: Hang in there. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Oh yes, I love using study Bibles and also searching for hymns/praises on youtube and learning/singing along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I don't know what you mean by burned, but if you mean "controlled" then megachurches might actually be pretty safe, because you can worship on Sundays yet stay anonymous if you choose. I think another thing is to go on the web and look at the leadership structure of the church. Ask about it when you visit or if you know people who go there. A healthy, open, sin-admitting leadership is the key to avoiding "getting burned." Now if you mean an individual or small group of people was mean to you, I don't know that that can be avoided anywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 We have what we feel like now is a "back up" church that we sometimes attend. We love the people; it's nice to have a place close by to go to sometimes. Instead, I created a class for my dd, and dd, ds, and I listen to two Bible teachings a week--by our former pastor. We left the church for various reasons, but we've never found anywhere that can match his teaching. It took awhile before I could listen--I didn't want my kids to feel like we were banished or anything (just shunned, haha, but that thread was last week). For us, it's important to go sometimes. I want my kids to have that connection, that fellowship. I long for more, but that's not the way it is right now. After seeing other friends going through a similar situation, I wanted to be sure my kids don't feel like we think no place is "good" enough for us. I'm not saying at all that you feel that way, OP, because I know you don't. My kids are a little older, and this is just where we've been led at this time. As much as I would like that to change, I don't see it happening for awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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