Liza Lee Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 ...in the context of a romantic relationship? I'm older than most of you. When I got married back in 1984, people didn't say that they had been "together" for X years and married for X years. I see that all the time now. In the southern/conservative culture where I grew up if you said you were dating someone it meant that you regularly went out on dates with that person. He was your boyfriend. Engaged meant that a wedding was happening within a year to a year and a half. Married meant that you were legally committed to each other. Unmarried couples rarely lived together and if they did it was a bit shocking. If you tell people that you and your husband were "together" for X years, what does that mean exactly? Living together? Engaged with a ring but no date? Dating, but living separately? What event caused you to begin saying that you were now "with" that person? Does your husband refer to the relationship the same way? Or does he only mention how many years you have been married? I'm fascinated by how the terms defining a relationship have changed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I'd define it as 'from the start of the relationship,' like how long it's been since you started really dating. For example my husband and I started dating a year before we got married, so I'd say that we've been together for 17 years and married for 16. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Well, I do sometimes say, we've been together for 27 years and married for 25yrs. It means I have known him for 27years. We started dating 27 yrs ago, we did not live together...makes sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Dating steady. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 We started dating 15 years ago. We have been together for 15 years and married for 11. We did not live together until we were married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Together is since we started dating...so we're together 10 years and married 9 years; DH refers to the relationship the same way - yesterday he actually reminded me that in a month we're together 10 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 To me it is just one more thing to have to remember. I honestly don't have a date (month/year) that dh and I met. I do know we've been married 13 years and we were an item for more or less 2 years prior to marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I said DH and I have been "together" for 15 years and married for 10 in another thread. I consider our "together" the beginning of our "steady" or committed relationship. We had a long distance relationship in college. He drove to see me and stayed over (my parents knew). We both were great students, and while my somewhat religious parents didn't love that he was spending the night, they respected DH and knew we were committed to one another. In the 2nd half of my graduate year, I lived with DH (we moved in together) and got engaged shortly after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 For me, 'together' means an exclusive romantic relationship. I date 'together' from when Husband and I started going out, through the time we lived together, including the time after we were married. So we have been together for twenty-three years and married for nineteen. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I would say from the time that the relationship started, a couple is considered 'together'. Particularly from the start of it being an exclusive dating relationship. To me, 'dating' on its own - without it being in the context of 'this is my significant other' - isn't particularly serious. It's just having fun, looking around, etc. Probably bc of the context of when I grew up, etc. It also seems a lot easier than saying 'We dated for 3 months, were engaged for 6 months, and have been married 10 years. We never lived together.' I usually just say we were together for 9 months before we got married in 2001, or something to that effect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I would consider together to be "girlfriend/boyfriend," "steady dating," "dating exclusively." DH and I went on a date to a school dance, just as friends, not really expecting much to come of it, but we decided a few days later that we really were interested in more, so I say we've been together since then, which is 20 years now. We were definitely "together" even when he was several hours away at college, and I was back home -- we didn't spend much time together in those two years, and we weren't exactly going out on a lot of traditional dates during that time -- but neither of us was dating anyone else either, and we certainly considered ourselves to be exclusive. We were unofficially engaged not too long after we started dating, or at least we considered ourselves to be engaged then. :) We were officially engaged only about 7 months, but when he was finally in a position where he could buy a ring and make a formal proposal, we'd been exclusive, committed to each other, girlfriend/boyfriend for a bit over six years. . . the Sunday our pastor announced from the pulpit, "It is with great joy that I make this next announcement. . . Mr. and Mrs. MyParents announce the engagement of their daughter. . .," I think there was a collective cheer from the congregation. :) (I am usually not one to like being the center of attention, but I sure do enjoy the fanfare of making fun announcements like that!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2_girls_mommy Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I'd define it as 'from the start of the relationship,' like how long it's been since you started really dating. ditto... Although some said from when they dated exclusively, I won't say that for us. My dh and I were together 5 yrs prior to marriage. I was young when we started dating. I finished school, had a career, traveled, and took care of family stuff during that time. We weren't always exclusive. I dated others at times before we decided to get married. We lived in separate cities at times. The times weren't right to get married until we were ready financially and emotionally, until things from the past (I had littles sisters I had custody of for awhile) were taken care of etc. We have been together 17 yrs, married almost 12 yrs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristyB in TN Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I lived with my husband before we got married. We dated for a while, but not exclusively, then he went away to college and we didn't date, then he came back and we dated, then we moved in together, then we got married. When I tell someone that we've been together for 22 years, I am giving a rounded sort of estimate that falls in all of that, its not exact. I guess I count back to where we moved in together. I think people are waiting longer to get married and they are actually giving you more information when they tell you how long they've been together rather than married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Lee Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 I think people are waiting longer to get married and they are actually giving you more information when they tell you how long they've been together rather than married. I think you're right. But since I was clueless as to the definition of "together" I couldn't figure out what the relationship was during the early days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenangelcat Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I'd define it as 'from the start of the relationship,' like how long it's been since you started really dating. For example my husband and I started dating a year before we got married, so I'd say that we've been together for 17 years and married for 16. :iagree: We moved in together after a week of dates, so definitely from the beginning of the relationshop for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I guess it means like when they first started dating specificly just each other? that's how I use it....like dh and I have been married for 10-years but together for 11.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I would assume it refers to the date when they were in an exclusive relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Usually I hear "together for x years" when the couple lived together prior to marriage. So if they were married for 10 years but lived together for 5 years, they would probably say they were married for 10 but together for 15 (or that it is their tenth anniversary but they've been together for 15), instead of going into the explanation about living together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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