oldskool Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) nt Edited December 15, 2011 by oldskool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I would opt out of that group ASAP. As to what else should be done ... no idea. Sorry you were forced into such an awful position. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) nt Edited December 14, 2011 by oldskool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I think I would remove myself from the FB group page immediately, so that I would no longer be "in the know" of what is going on in his private life. I also would not discuss anything with him unless, he came to me and asked if I knew any information. Then I would simply state exactly what has happened so far and leave it at that. You cannot change the state of their marriage. It will leave you completely emotionally drained and nothing good can come out of your involvement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Hmm, my response got lost in the server freeze. The situation sounds awful. I'd tell the wife that she needs to talk to her husband immediately, before the situation gets worse. I'd also remove myself from the FB group. Who would want to be a part of that? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 If it were me, I would reiterate that I don't think he is having an affair with the student, then delete myself from membership in the group. I would not tell him anything and I'd try to avoid being alone with his wife to prevent her from telling me more stuff that I don't want to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Okay, now I am really weirded out because I have been taken off of the secret Facebook group page. Minutes after I posted here about this dilemma. :confused: Lesley Is it possible that she or someone in the group found your post here? Or she only invited you to join the group because she's "feeling you out" to assess whether you and he may be having an affair? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Did she just take you off, or did she delete the group itself? Either way, count yourself lucky to not be involved with it anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeetime Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I would post a message on the group page stating that the conversation is entirely inappropriate for a public forum and should be dealt with in the privacy of their own home. I would then leave the FB group and stay out of it completely. None of your business. He'll find out about it eventually, and you're right, it will be a big, ugly, dramatic mess for everyone involved. But at least YOU won't be involved. Stay far, far away is my advice. And no more txting with him- you don't want to get dragged into her craziness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bcnlvr Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 In situations like this, I have a mantra. My mantra is: "If it is not mine, don't pick it up". I would exit this situation. It is not my business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 :iagree: ditto--I would opt out of the group and let it go......UGH sounds like a horrible mess..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) nt Edited December 14, 2011 by oldskool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) nt Edited December 14, 2011 by oldskool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Ugh! I'm just trying to imagine this scenario with our son's karate teacher, who we've known a long time and value (as you said was your situation). I think I would back the relationship off to going to the class and paying for the class. Anything more, I probably wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. You're close to the point of needing to leave the class, but that would involve coming up with an explanation to your kids. :confused: It does sound to me like the wife might be a member of this board, which is not at all impossible. Do they homeschool? It's a small world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 It's too late now, but if you'd asked me first I'd have told you not to say anything to the husband. I know you meant well, but I don't think you should have said anything. I'd stay out of the whole thing. Sometimes it's right to be involved when friends are having problems like this, but IMHO, this isn't one of those times. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) nt Edited December 14, 2011 by oldskool more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 What an awkward mess of a situation to be in :grouphug:. My kids participate in their 5th year of a specific extracurricular activity, and we consider the coach to be a friend. We socialize with him and his wife outside of class, and we see him (for class) multiple times each week. I like the wife, but feel more loyal to the coach (I can't explain why). I tend to support the underdog (which would be the coach, who has no clue what's going on behind his back). I'm using them as my baseline in trying to figure out how I'd handle your situation, if I were you. I'd worry that to rock the boat with the wife would only loan myself to being suspect more, in her eyes. For that reason I'd not opt out of the FB social group, but I'd make myself very scarce (it's easy to blame school, holidays, etc.) I think I'd send a card addressed to both of them -but handed to him at class- stating something along the lines of "Sorry about the rough patch. While I hope I can continue to be a source of support, I'm very uncomfortable being down in the trenches while you sort everything out. As an extremely private person, I'm uneasy seeing anyone's dirty laundry airing on the line - most especially that of a couple who mean so much to our family, and whom I care about. I value our friendship, and hope it can continue without spillling over into our professional relationship." When I handed it to him, I'd let him know that I'm uneasy mixing business with pleasure and that I'd hope he reads it with the best of my intentions at heart. Maybe just a hint that he needs to talk to the wife about the (in)appropriateness of her actions; it must be hard for her, though, to have nobody else she can turn to? Ugh. Feelin' for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I didn't say that it was karate. Are you trying to tell me something?:confused: :lurk5: This is like a soap opera. You ladies should take it to pm, the mods don't like this kind of stuff on the boards. Or feel free to ignore me; I've cause my own trouble lately, who am I to talk. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 :lurk5: This is like a soap opera. You ladies should take it to pm, the mods don't like this kind of stuff on the boards. Or feel free to ignore me; I've cause my own trouble lately, who am I to talk. :D Thanks for this. I think I should have kept this off a public forum. I appreciate everyone's advice, but realize it wasn't appropriate. Sorry. :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 :lurk5: This is like a soap opera. You ladies should take it to pm, the mods don't like this kind of stuff on the boards. Or feel free to ignore me; I've cause my own trouble lately, who am I to talk. :D lol! Seriously though - You're already involved, regardless of what you do. It might be his personal life, but you all have had a relationship for a long time, so the only way to opt out would be to leave their lives. When people are in pain, they are irrational. She is obviously in pain. Can you just listen when she needs you and then do/say nothing? Is that possible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I would post a message on the group page stating that the conversation is entirely inappropriate for a public forum and should be dealt with in the privacy of their own home. I would then leave the FB group and stay out of it completely. None of your business. He'll find out about it eventually, and you're right, it will be a big, ugly, dramatic mess for everyone involved. But at least YOU won't be involved. Stay far, far away is my advice. And no more txting with him- you don't want to get dragged into her craziness. :iagree: Yep, that's what I'd do. I can't believe none of these other women (who have children the man is teaching, and know the suspected woman???!) have called her out on it or think it's inappropriate. Very strange. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and worry about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Since you aren't in the group any more, if I read that correctly, I would recommend not joining any other group hosted by her or her immediate friends. Chances are the group itself was removed or someone mass- removed people. I doubt that she removed you based on your post - unless she is following you in real time, which would be crazy. If it was me in this situation, I would back away from all the personal things. We would go to class and not get involved. I do not see any good that would come out of it for you or them. If she is sharing private information to the public, even in that group, her husband will find out before too long. At that point, you can be supportive to either party. Things such as this have a way of affecting the wrong people negatively. It's easy for accused parties to point the finger and blame innocent ones just to get the focus off themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I didn't say that it was karate. Are you trying to tell me something?:confused: Yes, I am paranoid now. Hmmm . . . I think it could be coincidental that her family has a relationship with a karate instructor and is simply drawing on that relationship to think about what she would do in your situation. No one here knew you were talking about a karate instructor until you responded with this. I got the feeling that when the poster indicated "like your situation" she was referring to the closeness of the relationship - not the extracurricular activity itself. A lot of families are involved in karate. But it is creepy that you posted here and then almost immediately discovered your membership in the group had been revoked. I wonder, too, if someone in that group home or after schools? As for what I would do, that's a tough one. You and your family have the longer relationship with the husband, so it makes sense that you would be more in his corner. The unfortunate thing is it sounds like he may not really realize how much in a corner he is, and I'm not sure it's your job to point that out to him. I don't know. If the wife is posting this stuff on FB, though, they can't be in a good spot. It's sad that his privacy is being violated in this way, but if you point it out - even anonymously - you could be tipping the scale in a direction that would not make you feel any better about things. Probably best to stay out of it all unless HE comes to you for help/support/advice. I would try to stay as far away from the wife as possible, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I would tell the husband everything you have told us here. He deserves to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I'd be quietly cutting ties with the wife, the husband and the school/dojo/studio/whatever it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) nt Edited December 14, 2011 by oldskool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I'd be quietly cutting ties with the wife, the husband and the school/dojo/studio/whatever it is. :iagree: The whole scenario, from start to finish, is wildly inappropriate. Stay out of it, even though you were drawn in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.