question for those with children with sensory issues

[ProudGrandma]

I have a son (age 9) who has some sensory issues. For example, he doesn't like being touched lighty....some of the time...but not always. What I mean by that is this...when he is touched lightly he has to itch that spot. When he is having a good minute, he doesn't get angry about it...but other times he gets VERY angry. He also hates having our table cloth touch his legs at meal time. He tolerate jeans, but prefers soft pants. My question is, at this age, do you bend over backward to make sure his environment is the way he wants it to be, or at some point do you start to teach him (and I don't know how that would be done) to live in the world around him? If someone here can help me with this, I would really appreciate it...I am not sure what to do.

[Angel]

:grouphug: 9-13 was my dd's peak ages for sensory issues and for part of it we didn't even know we were dealing with sensory issues. There were certain things we DID make concessions for and then there were other things that she had to deal with (she was in Christian school at the time) and then there were other things I slowly tried to work on. If we had homeschooled then (we began in 5th grade) AND I would have known what we were dealing with, I would have made more concessions. She truly can not think as well as she is capable if she is so distracted by the sensory issues. So finding ways to make concessions is not "giving in" but helping them be the best they can be. This is still true at 17 though she is able to realize and verbalize it a little better. This said, there are some things that they just can't have exceptions for, like things they will need to function in real life. Those we work on slowly and find ways to help her cope. It is a tiring sometimes but I often wonder how it feels for my dd to have to deal with this 24/7.

 

I hope this made sense, people are yelling for me to come get dessert :D

[amo_mea_filiis.]

My question is, at this age, do you bend over backward to make sure his environment is the way he wants it to be, or at some point do you start to teach him (and I don't know how that would be done) to live in the world around him? If someone here can help me with this, I would really appreciate it...I am not sure what to do.

 

Yes to both! :D

 

I have some sensory issues, but there is one specific event that stands out; I went to barnes & noble one afternoon to pick up a cookbook. For whatever stupid reason I decided to wear jeans. That alone, I can handle. There was a speaker directly above the cook book section but there was no music, only static. Again, alone I may have been able to deal.

 

After only 5 minutes I could no longer function. The static noise pushed me way over the little things I can tolerate. All of a sudden my jeans felt like metal (stiff) with barbed wire. My shoes started to hurt. My ears felt like they were going to explode. After a minute of almost freaking out, I left. My entire day was shot. I could not function. I couldn't get my car to start, I was dropping things, and it didn't improve until the following day.

 

So in a sense, yes you need to help him make at least part of his home, friendly to him and his needs. At least his room should be a safe haven for sensory overload.

 

If he can't tolerate the light touch of the table cloth, teach him to lift it up or maybe tape it under the table.

 

Don't touch him lightly, or at all without warning. Let him know verbally that you need his attention.

 

The calmer his sensory system is, the better he can learn to deal with things that annoy him.

 

If he prefers soft pants, then let him wear them.

 

Have you seen the movie about Temple Grandin? She was able to tolerate sensory input by having something to fall back on (her "squeeze" thing that she invented.).

 

As he gets older, he'll have to deal with a lot more, but keep in mind that as things build, it may become impossible for him to deal (like my B&N story).

 

:grouphug: Mine both have sensory problems.

[Night Elf]

I have never liked the idea that a sensory child needed to learn to live in the 'real world'. People who have to do such things actually learn to acclimate using different techniques. For example, a person who really hates shopping at a loud mall will probably shop in smaller stores. People with smell sensitivity will not likely visit a restaurant that serves food that has awful odors. Yes, I do know there are sometimes a person has to just grin and bear it, so to speak. I do not feel a child, especially one as young as your son, should be forced to cope. He hasn't yet had any time to develop appropriate coping skills.

 

Yes, I helped my son by providing what he needed. Put yourself in his shoes. Try focusing on school work while someone hums loudly in your ear or pokes you continuously, or tickles you in whatever manner. That is what our sensory children are having to cope with. It is very disconcerting.

 

In the specifics you gave, I would:

 

1. Never touch him lightly unless he is aware you are about to do so. If you need to do so, plan a signal in advance. For example, if you normally redirect his lack of focus by touching him on the shoulder/back/arm to bring his attention back to the present, learn to call out his name instead.

 

2. Fold that tablecloth up so it does not touch his leg. I do not have major sensory issues but frankly that kind of light touch would drive me batty.

 

3. Let him wear the soft pants. Surely there is no valid reason he must wear jeans unless he is in some performing group that wears jeans as part of the uniform. My son is 15 and doesn't wear jeans for the same purpose.

 

Honestly, I have never considered helping my son cope with his environment as bending over backwards. But I do know people who do. IMHO, these issues are medical in nature as they are not behavioral. You should be helping him learn how to make these adjustments himself. He can learn to fold the tablecloth up away from him when he sits down, and move it back when he stands up. He can also learn that if a light touch does happen, it is perfectly okay to rub the spot but the anger is a choice. I won't lie to you. Changing an emotion like that does not come easily, but it can certainly be done. When my son was young, he would get angry at his little sister for making certain noises and many of them were things she couldn't avoid like sniffling, coughing, and chewing something crunchy. We helped him learn that he could politely ask her to move away from him or he can move himself away without getting angry. I say it was a choice because sometimes she did pick up on things that bothered him and would follow him just to continue annoying him. I would ALWAYS step in and redirect her behavior. I did not believe that was something he should learn to deal with. That behavior was purposeful on her part and it was her responsibility to learn to stop.

[gardenmom5]

I have a son (age 9) who has some sensory issues. .

 

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/

[dirty ethel rackham]

My question is, at this age, do you bend over backward to make sure his environment is the way he wants it to be, or at some point do you start to teach him (and I don't know how that would be done) to live in the world around him? If someone here can help me with this, I would really appreciate it...I am not sure what to do.

If you are bending over backwards to accommodate him, it is problem that needs therapy to fix. Is he getting OT or other therapies to help him learn how to process sensory input appropriately? While I am all for doing what is necessary to get through the day with minimal conflict, I am not in favor letting the problem go without treatment.

 

Ds15 had terrible auditory and sensory processing issues. Living with him was so difficult. We finally figured out the problem and started appropriate therapy when he was 8. Withing 6 months, his anger was significantly reduced. Within 2 years, he was considered neurotypical. We went with neurdevelopmental therapy rather than OT because I liked the idea of working with the whole child rather than seeing several different therapists for each issue. Also, since we had a program of short activities to do several times a day rather than one half hour appt once a week, we saw results fast.

[Dmmetler]

Some of both. For DD, what we've found is that IF she knows what's coming, she can come up with strategies-and that IF we give her the control of the situation and the ability to exit if possible, she's able to tolerate much more. So, today we went on a homeschool group field trip to a special holiday display. When we got there, we saw dozens of school busses, and DD turned to me and said "It's going to be crowded, so I'm going to stay close to you and enjoy it as long as I can." She made it an hour before she turned to me and said "I have to get out of here now."

 

I figure that's going to be the way it is for her entire life-that she'll have to judge the situation and decide where her limits are. The good news is that, since she's homeschooled, I am able to give her far more control than she'd have in a more traditional setting.

 

I do think, though, that the biggest help by far has been that we lucked out-for the last year, DD has been doing gymnastics with a coach working on a graduate degree in OT (and researching using gymnastics to help kids with sensory issues-so DD will be part of her dissertation)-so DD has effectively been getting OT (which our insurance wouldn't cover for her because she's not "Severe" enough) for the cost of group gymnastics classes. Last summer, she was able to go almost daily, and while it made a dent in our family budget, the difference in just those couple of months was amazing.

Edited December 9, 2011 by dmmetler

[MamaSheep]

Some things you adjust to make them more comfortable, and some things you help them gradually learn to tolerate. That's how real life is, anyway. Sometimes you are able to do things your own way, sometimes you just have to live with the way things are, sometimes you have to negotiate a compromise. Often people are willing to adjust if you ask, and there's a good reason.

 

It's funny. We would never tell a child with lactose intolerance or a wheat allergy that they just had to learn to tolerate milk or wheat because they're such common ingredients in food out there in the "real world", and yet people frequently treat neurological sensitivities as if they were some kind of character defect and think people should just will-power themselves out of it. Somehow a slight variation in the digestive system is seen as deserving of special accommodations, but a slight variation in the nervous system is shameful and annoying.

 

If it were me, and the issues you describe were the only issues, I think I'd let him scratch the itch if he needed to, but work with him on not getting angry. I tell my son he's allowed to feel however he wants, but he's not allowed to let his feelings hurt other people. I'd probably also discuss with him that most people find light touching pleasant and a friendly thing to do, so it won't even occur to most people that it would be uncomfortable for him. (In fact, this is a conversation the two of us had when ds was five or six. It was a real eye-opener to him. He hadn't realized most people find hugging pleasant, and had really thought people were intentionally hurting him.) When they touch him and it's irritating, they're not doing it on purpose with the intention of irritating him, they're just doing something most people find pleasant, without realizing that some people find it irritating. Then I'd work with him on figuring out several different ways it could be handled, and determining which reaction would be most appropriate in different situations. For example, if there's someone who is very touchy-feely that he will be dealing with on a regular basis, it might be appropriate for him to kindly explain to that person that touching is uncomfortable for him, and he enjoys talking/working/playing with that person, but would like them to try not to touch him. It would be good for him to understand that sometimes people will still forget and that doesn't mean they don't care, just that they need a kind reminder. For a one-time encounter with someone I'd probably tell him it's often best just to grit your teeth and think about something else. Also, teach some defensive body language strategies. For example, if someone is aiming to hug him, he could step back and hold out his hand for them to shake instead. If someone's going to pat him on the shoulder he could shift sideways and hold up a palm for a high-five. That sort of thing. But again, I would definitely work with him on managing his own emotional state as well.

 

As for the tablecloth thing....well, to ME it would be more important to have a pleasant family meal time than to have a tablecloth, so I'd probably just not use one for a while, except maybe on special occasions. If I were attached to the tablecloth I might give him some kind of pin or clip he can use to keep it off his knees. Sometimes teaching kids how to make discreet adjustments for themselves can help them be comfortable without making a scene or putting anyone else out.

 

But yeah, it's definitely a bit of a balancing act to figure out what you should adjust, what they should adjust for themselves, what it's reasonable to ask other people to adjust, what they need to ask for even if it's a little awkward or embarrassing, and what they just need to suck it up and live with. It's hard to tell just how distressing the sensory issues really are from the outside. It's not reasonable to ask someone to go through life in pain just so they don't inconvenience anyone else when a small adjustment could make everyone comfortable. But it's also not reasonable to expect everyone in the world to drop everything and conform to your every whim either. Wouldn't it be nice if the middle ground were clear and obvious.

Edited December 9, 2011 by MamaSheep

[placeofgrace]

I have a son (age 9) who has some sensory issues. For example, he doesn't like being touched lighty....some of the time...but not always. What I mean by that is this...when he is touched lightly he has to itch that spot. When he is having a good minute, he doesn't get angry about it...but other times he gets VERY angry. He also hates having our table cloth touch his legs at meal time. He tolerate jeans, but prefers soft pants. My question is, at this age, do you bend over backward to make sure his environment is the way he wants it to be, or at some point do you start to teach him (and I don't know how that would be done) to live in the world around him? If someone here can help me with this, I would really appreciate it...I am not sure what to do.

 

My ds is 11 and he has sensory issues. The biggest thing I had to do was to work on how my son reacted to things that bothered him. For instance, my ds has some real issues with food. When he was younger, if anyone just offered him some food, he would yell "NO". Well, obviously that is just not acceptable. I had to work with him on saying "No thank you." He also has issues with light touch, clothes etc. My ds does not like jeans either. I have found some at Land's End that he will wear. They have an elastic waist. If he's at home, I can almost guarantee he will not be wearing a shirt. Of course, if we go anywhere he knows that wearing a shirt is a must. So, yes I do accommodate some, but there are some things that he is just going to have to learn to cope with the best he can. With maturity, he is able to communicate his needs better.

[ProudGrandma]

thatnks for the rsponses. The issues I stated, are not the only ones we have...and sometimes something will be an issue for a while and then all of a sudden it will jus disappear...for example, several years ago, I couldn't tie his shoes tight enough for his comfort and now he loves slips ons. Collars on his shirts never used to bother him, and all of a sudden, lately he hates collars on his shirts.

 

I don't have a problem with the table cloth, or jeans. I was just giving examples. I just know that there might be a time in his life where he must sit at a table where there is a table cloth and he will have to deal with it. I just didn't want to keep making concessions for him if it was the wrong thing to do. But it sounds like it's not, so I am not going to worry then. Thanks.

 

As far as seeing an OT, we live in a very rural area and quite far from any place that has that sort of help. And I don't think he is very far on the spectrum.

[gingersmom]

If you are bending over backwards to accommodate him, it is problem that needs therapy to fix. Is he getting OT or other therapies to help him learn how to process sensory input appropriately? While I am all for doing what is necessary to get through the day with minimal conflict, I am not in favor letting the problem go without treatment.

 

 

 

:iagree:

[amo_mea_filiis.]

thatnks for the rsponses. The issues I stated, are not the only ones we have...and sometimes something will be an issue for a while and then all of a sudden it will jus disappear...for example, several years ago, I couldn't tie his shoes tight enough for his comfort and now he loves slips ons. Collars on his shirts never used to bother him, and all of a sudden, lately he hates collars on his shirts.

 

I don't have a problem with the table cloth, or jeans. I was just giving examples. I just know that there might be a time in his life where he must sit at a table where there is a table cloth and he will have to deal with it. I just didn't want to keep making concessions for him if it was the wrong thing to do. But it sounds like it's not, so I am not going to worry then. Thanks.

 

As far as seeing an OT, we live in a very rural area and quite far from any place that has that sort of help. And I don't think he is very far on the spectrum.

 

Maybe you could at least get an OT eval from an OT with a sensory interest.

 

There's not much he will not be able to control as an adult with the right teaching.

 

Yes, his sensory issues will change, but once you learn what he needs to avoid and what he craves, you'll be able to adjust as his needs change.

 

For example- My son is sensory defensive when he's not in control, so I can't always brush his teeth, but I always expect him to do it.

 

Squishing always helps to calm him. If he's hyper, aggressive, pissy, etc., hugging tightly always (eventually) works even though he'll sometimes fight it.

[MamaSheep]

thanks for the rsponses. The issues I stated, are not the only ones we have...and sometimes something will be an issue for a while and then all of a sudden it will jus disappear...for example, several years ago, I couldn't tie his shoes tight enough for his comfort and now he loves slips ons. Collars on his shirts never used to bother him, and all of a sudden, lately he hates collars on his shirts.

 

I don't have a problem with the table cloth, or jeans. I was just giving examples. I just know that there might be a time in his life where he must sit at a table where there is a table cloth and he will have to deal with it. I just didn't want to keep making concessions for him if it was the wrong thing to do. But it sounds like it's not, so I am not going to worry then. Thanks.

 

As far as seeing an OT, we live in a very rural area and quite far from any place that has that sort of help. And I don't think he is very far on the spectrum.

 

A lot of the things that the OT ds saw at school did were things that would be really easy to do at home, if you knew which things would be helpful with your son's specific issues. You might consider seeing if an OT in a nearish city would be willing to do a consultation with you and teach you some things you could do on your own at home. That way he could have the benefit of some OT without you having to drive long distances on a regular basis. Maybe you could even consult by phone after an initial visit, or just go in every month or twelve weeks or whatever was appropriate. It might be worth at least asking.

[momma aimee]

Yes to both! :D

 

I have some sensory issues, but there is one specific event that stands out; I went to barnes & noble one afternoon to pick up a cookbook. For whatever stupid reason I decided to wear jeans. That alone, I can handle. There was a speaker directly above the cook book section but there was no music, only static. Again, alone I may have been able to deal.

 

After only 5 minutes I could no longer function. The static noise pushed me way over the little things I can tolerate. All of a sudden my jeans felt like metal (stiff) with barbed wire. My shoes started to hurt. My ears felt like they were going to explode. After a minute of almost freaking out, I left. My entire day was shot. I could not function. I couldn't get my car to start, I was dropping things, and it didn't improve until the following day.

 

So in a sense, yes you need to help him make at least part of his home, friendly to him and his needs. At least his room should be a safe haven for sensory overload.

 

If he can't tolerate the light touch of the table cloth, teach him to lift it up or maybe tape it under the table.

 

Don't touch him lightly, or at all without warning. Let him know verbally that you need his attention.

 

The calmer his sensory system is, the better he can learn to deal with things that annoy him.

 

If he prefers soft pants, then let him wear them.

 

Have you seen the movie about Temple Grandin? She was able to tolerate sensory input by having something to fall back on (her "squeeze" thing that she invented.).

 

As he gets older, he'll have to deal with a lot more, but keep in mind that as things build, it may become impossible for him to deal (like my B&N story).

 

:grouphug: Mine both have sensory problems.

 

it total agreement

 

it is like a drinking glass. everyone has one. we fill it, or drink of it all day long. as adult we "know self care" -- either inherently OR because we've very consiously learned it.

 

a store stresses you out, the level in your glass goes down, you walk to you car and your breath as deep as you can and maybe strech -- either unconsiously or intentionally -- and you glass refills ---

 

a child (or adult) with SI has a lot more taking out of his glass and a lot less unconsiously refilling it -- that person has to learn to intentionally refill the glass ...

 

your son, my 2 kids, are going to have to learn how to self care -- he has to learn, as i have, as other adult have, how to remove stimus he can, or avoid it -- and how to cope vhen he can't.

 

I do not see it as letting my 2 boys feel the world revols around them -- i see it as helping them manage their glass of water till they can.

 

Yes I make sure 4 yo has pockets -- he has to have pocket to put his hands in --so he has pants he never wears -- why make him wear something he doesn't like to wear -- how often do you, or another adult, wear something they do not like ' just because".

 

the few times in his life he will have no chance for accomadation -- like the table cloth -- are few ... he'll be older then and have more tools

 

 

so, yes, accompdate him and teach him to make accomidations for himself. it is a life long process.

 

hugs to both of you

[MeganW]

An occupational therapist can help desensitize children to these issues. I had a kid who struggled mightily, and now is almost normal. Truly amazing progress, thanks to an amazing OT.

[2squared]

My 7yo has sensory issues. I look at what he is struggling with and accommodate if it is something he will be able to accommodate as an adult. If it's not, then we work on developing coping strategies.

 

For example, my ds hates the texture of eggs. Some days I want to make him eat them, but I realize that as an adult he will be able to choose not to serve himself eggs. So, I relent and I don't make it an issue. He won't be able to throw a fit over someone else serving eggs, so he isn't allowed to do that.

[KidsHappen]

Accomodate as much as possible and he will learn to handle more as he grows. However, there is only a certain amount that a person with sensory issues can handle at one time regardless of how old they are. I have had rainman breakdowns in loud public environments as an adult. I still have issue regarding the fit of clothes and they way my hair lays. I have adjusted as much as I can and I avoid situations that I can not handle.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

IMO, transititioning to a point where HE is responsible for his sensitivities is ideal. For example, the tablecloth thing. He is old enough to learn how to fold it up and out of the way, clip it up, etc. I have no problem with a kid doing that sort of thing. Don't we ALL do that to some extent? When kids are much younger I think that parents should work around the kid.....then teach them how to do so.

[....]

thatnks for the rsponses. The issues I stated, are not the only ones we have...and sometimes something will be an issue for a while and then all of a sudden it will jus disappear...for example, several years ago, I couldn't tie his shoes tight enough for his comfort and now he loves slips ons. Collars on his shirts never used to bother him, and all of a sudden, lately he hates collars on his shirts.

 

I don't have a problem with the table cloth, or jeans. I was just giving examples. I just know that there might be a time in his life where he must sit at a table where there is a table cloth and he will have to deal with it. I just didn't want to keep making concessions for him if it was the wrong thing to do. But it sounds like it's not, so I am not going to worry then. Thanks.

 

As far as seeing an OT, we live in a very rural area and quite far from any place that has that sort of help. And I don't think he is very far on the spectrum.

 

Hi, I don't know if this has been mentioned, but The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun is an awesome book. It has activities that you can do at home.

 

I have a daughter who is mildly on the spectrum. I also have a 10 yro who I believe had SPD and either it just went away...or she outgrew it...I have no idea. I tried to get help for her over and over again. The pediatricians were clueless and I didn't realize what it was until recently (when I read The Out-of-Sync Child books). One of my daughters also scores in the gifted range and (I'm sorry, I know this isn't pc) that seems to come with a lot of baggage. I had a day about a year ago, where I just parked in a parking lot and cried for about 45 minutes. It can be really hard to deal with.

 

I'm not sure if this helps you, but I've instituted a mandatory Art (*ahem* therapy :tongue_smilie:) class every morning for all 4 of my kids at home. I just went to a hobby store and went nuts. I read something about how art slows down their minds (and mine need that). They have been painting...crocheting...we bought a weaving loom and my 10 yro has just attached herself to that thing (there's something calming about it for her)...also, each kid has their own Sketch Pad and watercolors with watercolor paper.

 

So, now that I think about it, the mandatory art class in the morning actually helps more than anything else we've tried. Also, my 6 yro seems to really likes to listen to white noise while she paints.

 

I forgot to add: I put each one of my kids in martial arts this year. This seems to have really helped, too.

[....]

Accomodate as much as possible and he will learn to handle more as he grows.

 

I'm wondering if that's what happened to my oldest daughter. Some of these diagnoses are pretty new. We've seen three pediatricians and none of them knew anything about sensory issues.

[momma aimee]

Some of both. For DD, what we've found is that IF she knows what's coming, she can come up with strategies-and that IF we give her the control of the situation and the ability to exit if possible, she's able to tolerate much more. So, today we went on a homeschool group field trip to a special holiday display. When we got there, we saw dozens of school busses, and DD turned to me and said "It's going to be crowded, so I'm going to stay close to you and enjoy it as long as I can." She made it an hour before she turned to me and said "I have to get out of here now."

 

I figure that's going to be the way it is for her entire life-that she'll have to judge the situation and decide where her limits are. The good news is that, since she's homeschooled, I am able to give her far more control than she'd have in a more traditional setting.

 

I do think, though, that the biggest help by far has been that we lucked out-for the last year, DD has been doing gymnastics with a coach working on a graduate degree in OT (and researching using gymnastics to help kids with sensory issues-so DD will be part of her dissertation)-so DD has effectively been getting OT (which our insurance wouldn't cover for her because she's not "Severe" enough) for the cost of group gymnastics classes. Last summer, she was able to go almost daily, and while it made a dent in our family budget, the difference in just those couple of months was amazing.

 

I keep working with mine to make such assessment -- truth be told **I** have to make such assessment for myself too :)

[momma aimee]

I have never liked the idea that a sensory child needed to learn to live in the 'real world'. People who have to do such things actually learn to acclimate using different techniques. For example, a person who really hates shopping at a loud mall will probably shop in smaller stores. People with smell sensitivity will not likely visit a restaurant that serves food that has awful odors. Yes, I do know there are sometimes a person has to just grin and bear it, so to speak. I do not feel a child, especially one as young as your son, should be forced to cope. He hasn't yet had any time to develop appropriate coping skills.

 

 

:iagree:

[momma aimee]

My 7yo has sensory issues. I look at what he is struggling with and accommodate if it is something he will be able to accommodate as an adult. If it's not, then we work on developing coping strategies.

 

For example, my ds hates the texture of eggs. Some days I want to make him eat them, but I realize that as an adult he will be able to choose not to serve himself eggs. So, I relent and I don't make it an issue. He won't be able to throw a fit over someone else serving eggs, so he isn't allowed to do that.

 

my son is always allowed to option, kindly, out of a food -- he is allowed to say "no thinks" to anything.

 

As an adult no one is going to put a plate in front of him and say "this is what is for dinner" 0- unless he is in prision!

 

My son's eatins is EXTREAMLY limited and it is an issue we continuelly work on -- but there is always something for him -- and he is alvays alloved to refuse things

[momma aimee]

Hi, I don't know if this has been mentioned, but The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun is an awesome book. It has activities that you can do at home.

 

I have a daughter who is mildly on the spectrum. I also have a 10 yro who I believe had SPD and either it just went away...or she outgrew it...I have no idea. I tried to get help for her over and over again. The pediatricians were clueless and I didn't realize what it was until recently (when I read The Out-of-Sync Child books). One of my daughters also scores in the gifted range and (I'm sorry, I know this isn't pc) that seems to come with a lot of baggage. I had a day about a year ago, where I just parked in a parking lot and cried for about 45 minutes. It can be really hard to deal with.

 

I'm not sure if this helps you, but I've instituted a mandatory Art (*ahem* therapy :tongue_smilie:) class every morning for all 4 of my kids at home. I just went to a hobby store and went nuts. I read something about how art slows down their minds (and mine need that). They have been painting...crocheting...we bought a weaving loom and my 10 yro has just attached herself to that thing (there's something calming about it for her)...also, each kid has their own Sketch Pad and watercolors with watercolor paper.

 

So, now that I think about it, the mandatory art class in the morning actually helps more than anything else we've tried. Also, my 6 yro seems to really likes to listen to white noise while she paints.

 

I forgot to add: I put each one of my kids in martial arts this year. This seems to have really helped, too.

 

the oringinal book, the out of sync child -- is am amazing resource too

[lailasmum]

I agree The Out of sync child has Fun book is really good. My dd has some issues, we've never had them formally diagnosed, but she is sensory defensive and dyspraxic and slightly hypermobile. Pretty much my entire family is dyspraxic & hypermobile. But I don't think she is too bad, no where near what my brother has had to deal with, and I think she will manage in the adult world fine.

 

We did a lot of the activities in The Out of sync child has Fun book and it really helped and also I went out of my way to get clothes that she is comfortable in. She hates socks, tight elastic in waistbands and underwear has to fit just right, I've have only found one type of underwear she will wear which really old fashioned and very expensive. She usually won't wear more than one layer over her skin so getting her to keep underwear on can be a challenge. She also hates unpredicatable darkness example being walking into dark buildings or when someone turned the lights off at the home ed group we went to last week and we were suddenly plunged into darkness. She also hates crowds and loud noises and can't stand people touching her feet.

 

It can be really frustrating.

Edited December 9, 2011 by lailasmum

[Night Elf]

It's funny. We would never tell a child with lactose intolerance or a wheat allergy that they just had to learn to tolerate milk or wheat because they're such common ingredients in food out there in the "real world", and yet people frequently treat neurological sensitivities as if they were some kind of character defect and think people should just will-power themselves out of it. Somehow a slight variation in the digestive system is seen as deserving of special accommodations, but a slight variation in the nervous system is shameful and annoying.

 

Thank you for that excellent observation. I have been absolutely floored at how people view the issues I've experienced such as Aspergers and sensory problems. I've had some people make me cry because I come away from conversations that blame my lack of this, that and the other for my son having Aspergers and sensory problems. It's just so wrong. But honestly, I've been teaching my son to do his coping techniques quietly so as not to draw attention. In a homeschool group once, some boys ganged up on my son and then told him he was a freak. When I confronted the mom, she laughed it off and said, 'Well, you must admit he is sort of a freak.'

 

The issues I stated, are not the only ones we have...and sometimes something will be an issue for a while and then all of a sudden it will jus disappear...

 

Yes, that happens. But that doesn't mean it's behavioral. We just deal with one thing at a time. My son felt the same way about shoes as your son. I would tie them tightly, but once he was introduced to slip-ons, he has never turned back. Maybe it is the way the shoe feels on the top of the foot. My mom told me I should force my son to learn to tie a shoe and force him to wear tied shoes because he might need to wear them one day. So I asked when? When will he ever be forced to wear such shoes? There are slip-ons for every occasion. They even make shiny leather business/church shoes that are slip-on! I take each thing into account when deciding how to help my son. As for the collar thing, well yes, he may end up in a job where he must wear a collar and tie. Or he may have to sit at a table with a tablecloth some day too. But these things will be better tolerated when he's older if he learns how to deal with various things right now. But it doesn't have to be an all or nothing. There are lots of grays in between.

 

I also highly recommend The Out-of-Sync Child. I found it remarkably helpful when my son was very young.

 

As far as seeing an OT, we live in a very rural area and quite far from any place that has that sort of help. And I don't think he is very far on the spectrum.

 

I had trouble seeking out OT services. My insurance, Kaiser, didn't help. I don't know if they don't offer such services or if they just didn't think my son needed them, but whenever I would mention the possibility, they would look at me like I had two heads and then dismiss my concerns. I stayed confused and didn't know how to go out on my own. I did pay $300 for him to be evaluated by an autism clinic that specialized in children. Their report was useless. The only recommendation they had was a social group that they were building so my name went on a waiting list. I never heard from them again. I didn't care though because I didn't trust the report. My son's name was mentioned a few times but by the middle of the report, the name switched to someone else. They clearly used a template and just inserted my son's name in various places. I feel stupid for not being able to find an OT but I remember taking suggestions from this board and looking up certain thiings someone might offer. I just couldn't find anything and I gave up. And then a friend found some therapist that stretched her son's arms and legs and suddenly his quirks were "cured". He charged an outrageous fee too, and I was just too skeptical to try it. IMHO, it was a lot of bunk. She wanted to see a cure, and she saw it. She blamed the rest of the stuff on him being a genius and that it would balance out by the time he was an adult. It was all too much to take in.

 

Do read the recommended book. You might find it really helpful.

[momma aimee]

It's funny. We would never tell a child with lactose intolerance or a wheat allergy that they just had to learn to tolerate milk or wheat because they're such common ingredients in food out there in the "real world", and yet people frequently treat neurological sensitivities as if they were some kind of character defect and think people should just will-power themselves out of it. Somehow a slight variation in the digestive system is seen as deserving of special accommodations, but a slight variation in the nervous system is shameful and annoying.

 

. Wouldn't it be nice if the middle ground were clear and obvious.

 

Momma Sheep this is an EXCELLENT point -- it drives me nut that some how my child is supoosed to "just get over it" or "stop being a pill [brat]". As if my Child CHOOSES to have the issues he has because -- what they make him feel good??? or they make life better ??? or ______ ??

 

This is real hot button issues for me -- just because he is not in a wheel chiar, allergic to Peanuts or ____ he doesn't really have a problem, he just needs more disciplin ***roll eyes***

[Veritaserum]

An occupational therapist can help desensitize children to these issues. I had a kid who struggled mightily, and now is almost normal. Truly amazing progress, thanks to an amazing OT.

 

:iagree: One of my dds was completely unable to function in any situation that wasn't controlled. After OT she is a much more relaxed child. There are some minor things that still bother her (clothing fit or fabric, for example), but she no longer cries hysterically simply for being in a noisy room or being incidentally touched by another child.

 

The brushing technique helped her a lot. Occasionally I'll see that she is having trouble and I will brush her. It calms her and prevents damaging sensory seeking behavior.

[ProudGrandma]

:iagree:

The brushing technique helped her a lot. Occasionally I'll see that she is having trouble and I will brush her. It calms her and prevents damaging sensory seeking behavior.

 

my SIL (who has a aspie/sensory son) mentioned this too. What kind of brush do I use and where can I get one???

[Veritaserum]

my SIL (who has a aspie/sensory son) mentioned this too. What kind of brush do I use and where can I get one???

 

We have some surgical brushes like this:

 

http://www.nationalautismresources.com/sensory-brush.html

 

National Autism Resources also sells chewing toys that my dd uses for safe oral seeking (instead of chewing on her clothes or something dangerous). She has a necklace that she used to always wear in social situations so that she could self-soothe.

 

There are YouTube videos showing brushing. You want to use deep pressure. My dd resisted it at first and I had to "erase" the sensations by using the sponge side of the brush when I was done.

[ProudGrandma]

what does this technique do for a sensory kid? How often do you brush them...or how do you know that it would be a good thing to do??

[Veritaserum]

what does this technique do for a sensory kid? How often do you brush them...or how do you know that it would be a good thing to do??

 

http://www.nationalautismresources.com/wilbarger-protocol.html

 

We did it every 2 hours during the day for weeks. Sensory defensiveness is a good indication that it would be helpful.

[Susan in TN]

http://www.nationalautismresources.com/wilbarger-protocol.html

 

We did it every 2 hours during the day for weeks. Sensory defensiveness is a good indication that it would be helpful.

 

Yes, this! We used a bath glove - sort of scratchy glove that you can get for $2 at Walmart in the bath/beauty supply dept. We just lightly brushed the gloved hand all over ds's skin for a couple minutes, 2 or 3 times a day. Also on hair/scalp/neck/face, bottoms of feet, palms, etc. At first he would nearly wiggle himself off the counter from sensitivity, but after a couple months he hardly noticed it. He is never bothered by clothes tags, bunching socks, or anything like that any more.

 

Another technique was to press very firmly all over limbs, head, and face - almost a squeeze but shouldn't be painful - from each fingertip, up through hands/arms/shoulders. Then start with toes and up legs to hips. Press with fingers around head and face.

 

I also want to point out that allergies and nervous system "issues" are completely different problems. While I don't think it's necessary to purposely aggravate your child's nerve sensitivities, relying ONLY on coping methods will not help them in the long run; many of these issues (food and skin temperature/texture/etc.) can be resolved completely or at least minimalized through different kinds of therapy.

Edited December 9, 2011 by Susan in TN

[momma aimee]

Yes, this! We used a bath glove - sort of scratchy glove that you can get for $2 at Walmart in the bath/beauty supply dept. We just lightly brushed the gloved hand all over ds's skin for a couple minutes, 2 or 3 times a day. Also on hair/scalp/neck/face, bottoms of feet, palms, etc. At first he would nearly wiggle himself off the counter from sensitivity, but after a couple months he hardly noticed it. He is never bothered by clothes tags, bunching socks, or anything like that any more.

 

Another technique was to press very firmly all over limbs, head, and face - almost a squeeze but shouldn't be painful - from each fingertip, up through hands/arms/shoulders. Then start with toes and up legs to hips. Press with fingers around head and face.

 

we do both -- we also make "Big wraps" -- wrapped tightly in a blanket. or sandwishes with the bean bag chairs --- pressure is a GREAT GREAT thing -- including weighted vests and weighted blankets.

 

look around

http://abilitypath.org/ -- they have a ton of products that give you idea but also they have a lot of "text" esp if yu order a fee catologe -- and that gives you ideas too

[ProudGrandma]

thank you for this. I found the sensory brushes on Amazon 3 for $7...so I got them. He does loved to be wrapped tightly and he LOVES soft things...clothes, blankets etc. So we will work more on using those more too maybe. Lately he has been more agitated...probably becasue he can't be outsdie as much as he is used too...it turned cold and snowy....although he still gets outside time...just not quite what it was when the weather was nicer. Thanks for putting me on the right track. I am going to check out the books too.

[ProudGrandma]

Can someone here tell me what it is like for my son when someone or something touches him softly? I know it REALLY bothers him, but I don't know how to explain that to my other kids or other people in a way that they might better understand. I mean, is it painful for him? Is it just annoying? (worse than annoying)...I am not, by any means, trying to dismiss it by saying it is annoying...like get over it...kind of attitude, but if it's painful, that is one explanation, but if it is something else, than that is a different explanation. Does that make any sense??

[Veritaserum]

Can someone here tell me what it is like for my son when someone or something touches him softly? I know it REALLY bothers him, but I don't know how to explain that to my other kids or other people in a way that they might better understand. I mean, is it painful for him? Is it just annoying? (worse than annoying)...I am not, by any means, trying to dismiss it by saying it is annoying...like get over it...kind of attitude, but if it's painful, that is one explanation, but if it is something else, than that is a different explanation. Does that make any sense??

 

My dd's OT explained it as a hyper-awareness. Certain stimulii are just too much. Pain might be it for some kids. Extreme irritation and fear are what dd seemed to experience. Her bigger issue was sound. She reacted as if she had supersonic hearing and couldn't tune out stuff that is background to the rest of us. A toilet flushing two floors away would send her running to me as she screamed, "What's that?!" Her hearing tested as normal. It was her brain that was processing the sound in an unusual way.

 

We all have a breaking point. Sensory kids' breaking points are simply set really low. With therapy you can often raise it so that the child can function in life. Dd is still quirky about some things, but she will now sit in a chair next to another child and she doesn't walk into any unfamiliar or noisy environment with her hands clamped over her ears.

[momma aimee]

thank you for this. I found the sensory brushes on Amazon 3 for $7...so I got them. He does loved to be wrapped tightly and he LOVES soft things...clothes, blankets etc. So we will work more on using those more too maybe. Lately he has been more agitated...probably becasue he can't be outsdie as much as he is used too...it turned cold and snowy....although he still gets outside time...just not quite what it was when the weather was nicer. Thanks for putting me on the right track. I am going to check out the books too.

 

we have a trampoline -- and it is AMAING ..... big muscle movement is necessary to help / limit the senory seeking behaviors