At my wit's end with potty training. Any experts out there?

[SunD]

The DD in question is 3.5.

 

She showed interest in the toilet and started asking for diaper changes a few months before she turned 2. I would have started her then except I also had a newborn and little/no help (DH works away from home for stretches of time). I know that should have been the best time to try otherwise. I did for a few days, but I was overwhelmed. It was so stressful having to watch her like a hawk and clean up accidents on top of newborn care and regular housework, that I gave up.

 

Now I have this DD who definitely needs to be potty trained. I'm starting to resent the changing, and now she absolutely knows before she goes. She hides to poop because she knows I'll smell it. I try to be matter-of-fact and not give her an opening to lie, so I don't ask, I just say "Oh you pooped. We have to change you now. Next time try to tell me and we'll do it on the potty." But she runs away, shrieks, denies pooping ... ugh.

 

I've tried putting her straight in underwear, but she acts the same way. Hides to poop, but it doesn't deter her. If she's wearing underwear she also runs away and denies peeing when I go to change her wet underwear, in addition to poop.

 

Compounding this problem, that newborn is now nearly 2 and showing interest. BUT I have another newborn now. :lol: And DH's work situation hasn't changed, so I'm on my own with this.

 

So. Problem #1 is hiding, denying, and resisting changes. Problem #2 is just sheer potential for messiness and dealing with that on my own at the same time as caring for other small children + an infant. Problem #3 is refusing to even sit on the toilet. She cries and claims to hate the toilet if I put her on it, even if I sit with her, read to her, offer a special toy, etc. I'm sure it doesn't hurt because she has no issues going in a diaper or underwear, and she's never done it before to know anyway. Plus the whole time I'm enforcing toilet-sitting, the toddler and infant are either in there with us or crying outside. We have a little potty but she has the same issues with it.

 

In desperation, today they're both naked and the little potty is in the living room. No one has gone at all yet since we got up pretty late and I only took the diapers off after we managed to eat breakfast. I'll just clean up the messes and neglect the housework. But HELP! Is this the right thing to do? Why does she think the toilet is evil? How do I keep on top of two at the same time?

 

ETA: She's also highly intelligent and extremely stubborn. My mom says my sister and I both "trained ourselves". Very helpful, mom!

[spaceman]

I'd personally give no more diapers to the oldest two.

 

Potty training is messy. It just is. Get yourself all the supplies you'll need to clean up.

 

When pee/poop happens with the two you are training, involve them in clean up. Get them small cleaning supplies. Together, you empty the poop in the toilet (because that's where poop goes).

 

Invest in a nice baby sling and plan to stay at home for awhile.

 

Good luck! It will eventually happen.

[chepyl]

Set up a reward system. I did a sticker chart for my son, when je filled the chart we went to the store for a treat. By the second chart we were accident free, we started the third and then he stopped asking for stickers.

[Lily_Grace]

With my oldest we had a hellova time. I got the Everything Potty Training book and it was soooo calming and helpful! This time around we did EC, and the baby has been going in the potty since he was about 6mo, off and on. Pooping is still an issue though. He's slowly getting there. I started getting happy and excited and giving him a high five every time he poops in his diaper, as he's doing it. If I'm excited, it must be a good thing, right? ;) Eventually I have faith he'll make it over to the potty to do his business, where we dump the poop anyway and wave bye-bye to it as we flush. The newest thing is I've started catching him as he's getting ready to poop and asking him if he wants to go potty with it. It's still a no, but again, faith, right?:D

[SunD]

Hmm. I tried stickers the first time I put her in underwear, but she didn't care at all. She might want what her sister gets though. That applies to everything else! I'll dig out some stickers and try them again.

[delaney]

In all honesty I never really potty trained the first 5. Some were 3 and some were 3 1/2. They just did it all of a sudden. I did have to take pants off my second when we were home so that he would poop. That worked for him. Sometimes you just have to get ugly and tell them that you are done changing them and they will be cleaning up the mess. 3.5 is plenty big enough to understand what that will entail. I am about to start bringing up the subject with the youngest who just turned 3. He has shown no interest but hides to poop now which tells me he knows what he is doing.

[butterflymommy]

Try tub training her-- keep the diapers and pants off, and when she has to go, she stands in the bathtub and goes. After a while of this you might be able to get her to sit on the potty in the bathtub.

 

It's still gross to clean up but at least it's the tub and the toilet is right there to flush everything down, and you can clean her off too in the tub. Be very careful to rinse her legs as long term exposure to urine is bad for skin. It took my DD about a month of going in the tub to sit on the potty in the tub.

[Ailaena]

Our friend's sons were the same way! As soon as the younger one was getting the praise for the toilet thing, the older one would simply NOT stand for it and gave up his diaper immediately to prove he was the bigger one.

 

And they didn't compare the two to each other, or anything; they wanted to make sure that the older one didn't feel shame or jealousy over a bodily function.

[SunD]

Try tub training her-- keep the diapers and pants off, and when she has to go, she stands in the bathtub and goes. After a while of this you might be able to get her to sit on the potty in the bathtub.

 

It's still gross to clean up but at least it's the tub and the toilet is right there to flush everything down, and you can clean her off too in the tub. Be very careful to rinse her legs as long term exposure to urine is bad for skin. It took my DD about a month of going in the tub to sit on the potty in the tub.

 

That's an interesting idea. I might try that if she keeps refusing after a few days of no underwear.

[Pink Fairy]

I'm with your mom. I "trained" the first four kids, and it was a total pain. I'd much rather change a dirty diaper than clean up poop or pee on my carpet. With the last little guy, he finally decided it was time, and that was it. Very few accidents, dry at night right away, and no major work on my part. He was 4yo and 3months.

[wapiti]

I have had good results with the cold turkey, naked-from-the-waist-down approach. My most reluctant trainer (my first) was about 3.5 y.o. and very strong-willed. It worked so well that I used the same approach with the four that followed. I only have one left to train, next summer when she turns 3, unless she wants to before then.

 

It took a week or so, which involves staying home.

[SKL]

From the sound of your post, I suspect she likes the fact that she's forcing you to spend time with her exclusively (enforcing potty time /cleaning her up), and the longer the better. I think it's a good idea to just put two potties out and let both kids go and not give one any extra attention, especially not for being uncooperative. She sounds more than ready and is getting too old for all the bells and whistles.

 

Stickers might be a good idea, but given her age and intelligence, something more long-term might also work. Such as, we are not going to [insert well-liked destination] until I can trust you to use the potty. Or, you can't have a [bike or something cool like that] until you are responsible about using the potty.

 

And I would definitely cease providing diapers for her, unless you need to take her somewhere.

[KungFuPanda]

I used M&Ms. If on child goes, everyone in the house gets one . . . Mom included.

 

Have you considered limiting the number of pairs of underwear? A days worth of gross underwear is daunting. I used to set a number, say 5 pairs a day. Once e burned through those I was off duty for PTing and the kid was back in pull-ups. Wash the undies all at once and quit for the day. Eventually you need zero pull-ups/diapers, then fewer pairs of underwear until they're clean all the time. It might not be the most efficient method, but stress-free counts for something and when she's 10 you can give her a hard time about what a difficult preschooler she was.

[sbgrace]

Naked worked here. Naked kids were in the kitchen until consistently using the potty because carpet and mess was more than I wanted to deal with. I would add reward (immediate--candy if possible--I used chocolate chips) for all of you for successes. We went no where until we had this "down" well enough for my comfort. The kids knew that and it added an extra incentive. My hard to train had an accident when we did go out finally though. The transition to pants again was tough for him but he has special needs.

[La Texican]

I used m&m's too. I put a bag in a clear ziplock and stuck it with a pushpin to the bathroom wall. Every time the potty was used he got to take his time and pick out a color and we made a very big deal out of it, often even calling dada or grandma to brag. This took much longer than I thought. I tried to quit the candy too soon. I must have a bribeable child. The awkward part was in the waiting room of a car dealership when some kids slightly older than he were gathered around the vending machine "window shopping". They didn't notice that he was a baby until he excitedly pointed out the m&m's, saying, "hey. There's potty candy!"

[Wheres Toto]

No suggestions but lots of commiseration. My 4 year old is still not potty trained. We've tried EVERYTHING except punishment, which I'm still not willing to do. Every suggestion anywhere, starting when she was 2 and showed interest. She just doesn't care about being wet or soiled. Pee running down her leg doesn't bother her. Stickers, M&M's, promises of larger rewards - nothing. I even told them I would take them to Chuckie Cheese when she was in underwear all the time. :tongue_smilie:

 

Part of our problem was we have wall to wall carpeting in our house so clean-ups were rough and, until recently, we were out of the house two or three times a day every day so I had to put her in pull-ups at least for the rides in the car. Now that we are home more, I have tried putting her in underwear. After 5 days of not once going in the potty, I went back to pull-ups. I think at this point she is just being stubborn, it's a power struggle and one that I can't really win without getting very mean. So, I told her it was up to her. She could use the potty and get new princess underwear when she was ready. I'm hoping that ending the power struggle will be successful.

[Parker Martin]

Waist down naked worked here too. And it was the ONLY thing that worked.

[butterflymommy]

If you are overwhelmed, cut the day in half or thirds and just try to get through the first portion before putting the diapers back on (say until 1pm). also if there is anything your child enjoys doing, don't let them do it until they've tried to go. TV, video games, painting, etc..

 

With one DC we made them try every thirty minutes or no computer... then every hour, then ever hour and half. This was the only thing that worked.

 

We had medical reasons to get the last two out of diapers so they were potty trained around 2- 2 1/2. We also let them sit on the potty watching tv.

[walkermamaof4]

When you need to ensure they won't soil furniture or something, put on rubber pants - the old fashioned kind. If they wet them, they will be swimming in it. They dislike the feeling and that helps more than an absorbent pair of undies or a diaper. I agree that rewards help a lot!

[ChandlerMom]

Having just posted on avoiding sibling rivalry, my idea her would be to work it. :lol:

 

Stop trying to PT your oldest, and focus on your 2nd. Make a BIG deal about each success. It may motivate dd#2 to outshine her sis, and eventually dd#1 may want to PT as well. If she still resists, take special "PT'd only" outings with dd#2 and leave the oldest and baby with someone at home.

 

DD#1 PT'd in 3 weeks with little effort, DD#2 was 3 YEARS to complete. I'm finally ready to get serious with ds (who just turned 3 and uses the little potty fine *when he wants*).

 

Good luck!