Anyone here have experience with unassisted childbirth?

[caedmyn]

With our last, we were in a similar financial situation to your own and the midwife bartered work from my dh as payment.

 

I kept going back to this: if my baby died or something happened that we could not address on our own it would always be our fault. That would forever be between us in our marriage. I didn't think that was the best choice when there were others to be had.

 

We bartered with the midwives for our last 2 births as well (different midwives, bartered roughly 1/2 the fee with one and I think all of it with the other).

 

I came back to the same thing after considering a UC for my 3rd birth. Finances were tight and DH strongly wanted a UC (him--"those midwives don't do anything"...me--"I know, but I like them there just in case!")I just was not 100% comfortable with being solely responsible for anything that went wrong. Even though it would almost certainly have been fine (and in fact it would have been perfectly fine), I was not willing to live with what-ifs.

 

IMO if you choose to UC, it should be because you feel it is the best choice for your birth...not because you feel like it's the only thing you can afford.

[Mommy22alyns]

UC is outside my comfort zone. I've had four midwife-assisted home births with good outcomes. However, I needed midwife assistance after my first home birth (heavy bleeding on its way to hemorrhage despite breastfeeding and uterine massage; got a shot of pitocin), during my second home birth (fluke complication), and after my fourth home birth (baby needed a bit of help). I benefitted from emotional and physical midwifery support during my third home birth, but of my four home births I supposed this one would have been ok as a UC.

 

I'm not at all confident that dh or I could have handled the bleeding after my first home birth or the complication at the second one. I am glad that at my last home birth my baby was in the far more experienced and unemotional hands of my midwife when she needed help.

 

Yes, birth usually goes fine when you leave it alone. However, that's not a guarantee and it is unsafe to put on rose-colored glasses and adopt a belief that birth is without risk. Birth carries risks. Safety can be enhanced or made worse by the birthing choices we make.

 

 

Very well said. I have no experience with UC, BUT - my first pregnancy and birth was textbook for better and for worse. No problems, decent length of labor, easy to push her out, healthy and responsive baby. Nothing could have prepared us for Sylvia's pregnancy and birth. I ended up with a complete placenta previa that did NOT move (despite them checking on it regularly via u/s). I bled severely at 32 weeks and narrowly escaped an emergency C-section. Hospitalized for 4 weeks on bedrest, baby delivered at 36 weeks via C-section, needed a little oxygen help and careful weight monitoring.

 

What if we hadn't had an ultrasound? What if I hadn't bled and we thought everything was still just fine? What if, what if? The fact is, that handled the wrong way, Sylvia and I could both very seriously have died. It's a sobering thought. You just never, ever know what is going to happen from one pregnancy to the next, from one birth to the next.

[Osmosis Mom]

And this is opinion, yes? Or have you based it on research? Because my research (and experience) has proven that it's neither ignorant, dangerous OR irresponsible if done well.

 

I think we can all have our opinions and be more or less wordy about it. I agree 100% that it is an irresponsible option to choose. I have already posted my opinion and won't repeat it.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

With our last baby who had the cord wrapped twice, my husband loosened it and kept his fingers between the cord and baby's neck while baby somersaulted out in the next push. He was slow to breathe so we knuckle rubbed his chest off and on for 10min. He never needed the O2, just that reminder to take deeper breaths. We suspect his shallow breaths had more to do with my having Whooping Cough instead of his cord being wrapped. We had consulted a doctor about any worries of WC and birth beforehand and were told he would not have any issues. Baby's cord took that entire time to stop pulsing, which is why we weren't worried. In fact, all 3 of ours who were slow to breathe had cords that kept pulsing a lot longer.

 

I hemorrhaged with all of mine (except, oddly, with the last where I had a bit of blood come out with the placenta then not a drop for another WEEK!). We used midwives with the first 4, including our twins, so we knew what they did for me and just did it ourselves. Lots of nursing and massaging, and NEVER rush the placenta out. My husband knows the signs of too much blood being lost and keeps a watch over me. He checks the placenta and sack afterward to make sure I didn't retain anything.

 

Thank you so much for sharing with me. Congrats by the way on your new little one!! I agree about not rushing the placenta! Such a simple way to prevent hemorrhaging (the leading cause of maternal death) and yet, tragically, not common practice.

 

My friend though needed lots of blood when she got to the hossy even with all the natural interventions as well as pit.

 

I was one of those rare cases where yes it needed to be cut. Baby's head was out and the cord as too tight. My midwife was able to cut the cord and baby slipped right out. She had never cut a cord before nor after me (3 years ago now.) I have thought of UC but for me I like having an expert even if she is very hands off (mine is) just in case.

 

YMMV.

 

Jenn

 

Yes it's rare, but it happens. Sounds like my kind of midwife. :001_smile:

 

Actually, the placenta starts to separate immediately after the baby is born, which means you can't count on it delivering oxygen. The pulsating cord is caused by the baby's heart, not mom's. The advantage of delayed cord cutting is extra red blood cells, not oxygen. Please do not delay neonatal resuscitation based on a false belief that the baby is getting air through the cord! Brain cells are precious!

 

I'm no expert and there is some controversy about what exactly are the benefits. It is fascinating though the scientific paper out recentlylish about this.

 

Delaying clamping the umbilical cord for a slightly longer period of time allows more umbilical cord blood volume to transfer from mother to infant and, with that critical period extended, many good physiological "gifts" are transferred through 'nature's first stem cell transplant' occurring at birth...Several randomized, controlled trials, systematic reviews and meta-analyses have compared the effects of late versus early cord clamping," said Dr. Park. "In pre-term infants, delaying clamping the cord for at least 30 seconds reduced incidences of intraventricular hemorrhage, late on-set sepsis, anemia, and decreased the need for blood transfusions."

Another potential benefit of delayed cord clamping is to ensure that the baby can receive the complete retinue of clotting factors.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/05/100524111728.htm

 

In this review, we discuss the advantages and disadvantages of delayed cord clamping at birth. We highlight the importance of delayed cord clamping in realizing mankind’s first stem cell transfer and propose that it should be encouraged in normal births.

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1582-4934.2010.01029.x/abstract

Edited November 21, 2011 by JENinOR

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

I think UC is an incredibly poor choice. I think it borders on ignorant and dangerous and is definitely irresponsible.

 

Then I can guess what you'd think about your average UCer. Trust me, the women on this thread are much more informed, prepared, and proactive than most. I personally am impressed. :001_smile:

[milovany]

I think we can all have our opinions and be more or less wordy about it. I agree 100% that it is an irresponsible option to choose. I have already posted my opinion and won't repeat it.

 

The point was, was this statement based on fact or opinion? Because fact doesn't support it. It's comes across as a knee-jerk reaction based on emotional response to the idea of unassisted childbirth. But the fact is, unassisted birth isn't necessarily ignorant, dangerous, or irresponsible. Many women choose it after much research and preparation.

Edited November 21, 2011 by milovaný

[Osmosis Mom]

The point was, was this statement based on fact or opinion? Because fact doesn't support it. It's comes across as a knee-jerk reaction based on emotional response to the idea of unassisted childbirth. But the fact is, unassisted birth isn't necessarily ignorant, dangerous, or irresponsible. Many women choose it after much research and preparation.

 

Is that a fact to you? So, do you use seat belts in the car?

[milovany]

Is that a fact to you? So, do you use seat belts in the car?

 

 

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It depends on the situation. But where I do or don't hasn't been steeped in much research, or discussion with others, so I don't see the correlation.

Edited November 21, 2011 by milovaný

[staceyobu]

Didn't the life expectancy for women increase dramatically after assisted childbirth became the norm in the US, and don't they remain low in countries where unassisted childbirth remains the norm? My sister, a doctor, has told me about many, many instances (my own pregnancy and delivery is one of them) where prompt medical intervention saves the life of both mother and child.

 

I think this is a complicated issue. There is an excellent book on the mistreatment of women worldwide entitled "Half the Sky". The chapter on death in childbirth focuses partly on the fact that in many countries around the world a woman's life is not worth saving. Access to c/sections and medical intervention is life saving. Definitely. However, women in the US do have access to these things. Women in a country where there is one hospital for tens of thousands and you have to give a cash payment before receiving care do not have access to medical intervention. There is a difference between staying home because everything is progressing normally and staying home knowing that you are dying and having no option of treatment.

[happypamama]

There is a difference between staying home because everything is progressing normally and staying home knowing that you are dying and having no option of treatment.

 

Yes, indeed. There's also a big difference between a planned UC with a mom who is in tune with her body and baby and who has done her research vs. a mom who isn't doing or getting any sort of prenatal care.

[mycalling]

Actually, the placenta starts to separate immediately after the baby is born, which means you can't count on it delivering oxygen. The pulsating cord is caused by the baby's heart, not mom's. The advantage of delayed cord cutting is extra red blood cells, not oxygen. Please do not delay neonatal resuscitation based on a false belief that the baby is getting air through the cord! Brain cells are precious!

Yes, baby's heart's pumping is what keeps the flow, but that blood is still oxygenated until the placenta detaches. (Study on preterm infants showing higher levels of cerebral oxygenation post-birth with delayed cord cutting. I have found no studies to support your claim that the placenta separates immediately after birth. I did read there was a study done that showed it rarely separated before 3min postpartum, but I can't find it online.)

 

I wasn't clear in that previous post. There is a difference between a slow or shallow breathing baby and a limp, blue one in need of true resuscitation. The latter shows the placenta wasn't oxygenating him/her well enough before the birth, therefore it won't suddenly be enough on it's own afterward.

Edited November 22, 2011 by MyCalling

[abbeyej]

Didn't the life expectancy for women increase dramatically after assisted childbirth became the norm in the US, and don't they remain low in countries where unassisted childbirth remains the norm? My sister, a doctor, has told me about many, many instances (my own pregnancy and delivery is one of them) where prompt medical intervention saves the life of both mother and child.

 

The real impact actually comes from very small things: access to clean water; proper hygiene (hand-washing, especially); access to antibiotics; adequate nutrition (not only during pregnancy, but particularly during the mother's childhood and adolescence)...

 

Comparing a planned, prepared unassisted childbirth in a first world country (with ready access to medical care as necessary) to childbirth in third world countries without any access to medical care (whether before or during pregnancy or during labor) simply isn't possible.

[IsabelC]

I believe that UC is a fine and valid choice for some women who are very well prepared and confident about how they will handle any eventuality. However it should be that: a choice. It shouldn't be something a woman is forced into due to being unable to access midwifery care. I'd second the suggestion to choose an independent midwife and talk to her about payment options. Many do make a point of not excluding anyone for financial reasons, so hopefully you can find somebody suitable who will be sufficiently flexible about payment. Or as Happypamama suggested, at least find somebody for backup.

[funschooler5]

We bartered with the midwives for our last 2 births as well (different midwives, bartered roughly 1/2 the fee with one and I think all of it with the other).

 

I came back to the same thing after considering a UC for my 3rd birth. Finances were tight and DH strongly wanted a UC (him--"those midwives don't do anything"...me--"I know, but I like them there just in case!")I just was not 100% comfortable with being solely responsible for anything that went wrong. Even though it would almost certainly have been fine (and in fact it would have been perfectly fine), I was not willing to live with what-ifs.

 

IMO if you choose to UC, it should be because you feel it is the best choice for your birth...not because you feel like it's the only thing you can afford.

 

Wow, this is DH and me to a "T." He saw our homebirth as me doing everything and the midwives sitting back (as I had requested them to do) doing nothing. He's not getting why I want them there for the "what-ifs" because we've never had to encounter them before.

 

I am really going back and forth about this. Honestly one of the main factors in deciding to do my last homebirth was the cost. I also had always wanted to try it, as I hated my hospital experiences, but cost was the deciding factor. I also thought I was a good candidate for it because of my birth history and all of the research I had done. Of course, I'm so glad that I did it, it was a great experience, and I want to do it again, but...

 

Thinking back to my homebirth, I have to say that I was very uncomfortable with having everyone in the house: my mother, MIL, and the two midwives. I felt like everyone was waiting for me. I do not like to be the center of attention at all, and I felt like I was constantly worried about how I was coming across to everyone. It is completely irrational, I know, but that's how I felt, and I know I would feel that way again (which is why, at the very least, mom and MIL won't be there this time). Sure, my midwife could wait upstairs, but I will still *know* that she is up there, waiting for me to give birth...I know this sounds stupid, because that's her job. Maybe as a PP suggested, the compromise would be to call her when I'm in labor but tell her I'll let her know if I need her to come over?

 

A question for those of you who have bartered with your midwives...what did you barter? I feel like I don't really have anything to offer. I am an artist, and I do children's portraits, so I could paint her a portrait of her kids or something, but other than that I don't know what I could offer. I just don't want to go into it not knowing what the normal thing is...like maybe most people offer some homemade canned food, and then I offer to draw her a picture and look like an idiot. :tongue_smilie:

[jennsmile]

Wow, this is DH and me to a "T." He saw our homebirth as me doing everything and the midwives sitting back (as I had requested them to do) doing nothing. He's not getting why I want them there for the "what-ifs" because we've never had to encounter them before.

 

I am really going back and forth about this. Honestly one of the main factors in deciding to do my last homebirth was the cost. I also had always wanted to try it, as I hated my hospital experiences, but cost was the deciding factor. I also thought I was a good candidate for it because of my birth history and all of the research I had done. Of course, I'm so glad that I did it, it was a great experience, and I want to do it again, but...

 

Thinking back to my homebirth, I have to say that I was very uncomfortable with having everyone in the house: my mother, MIL, and the two midwives. I felt like everyone was waiting for me. I do not like to be the center of attention at all, and I felt like I was constantly worried about how I was coming across to everyone. It is completely irrational, I know, but that's how I felt, and I know I would feel that way again (which is why, at the very least, mom and MIL won't be there this time). Sure, my midwife could wait upstairs, but I will still *know* that she is up there, waiting for me to give birth...I know this sounds stupid, because that's her job. Maybe as a PP suggested, the compromise would be to call her when I'm in labor but tell her I'll let her know if I need her to come over?

 

A question for those of you who have bartered with your midwives...what did you barter? I feel like I don't really have anything to offer. I am an artist, and I do children's portraits, so I could paint her a portrait of her kids or something, but other than that I don't know what I could offer. I just don't want to go into it not knowing what the normal thing is...like maybe most people offer some homemade canned food, and then I offer to draw her a picture and look like an idiot. :tongue_smilie:

 

In our relationship it is opposite. DH wants them just in case. With #2 home birth we baby needed oxygen and I fainted. Baby was also stalled and my midwife was getting nervous. With Baby #3 birth center baby's cord had to be cut while in the birth canal. For me I was glad I followed his wisdom and went with midwives. After #1 he did realize for regular childbirth I didn't need the assistance provided at the hospital.

 

I have a friend that traded violin lessons. How much do you charge for a portrait? You could also do a mural for a children's room or something.

Edited November 22, 2011 by jennsmile
adding bartering response

[lcelmer]

Yes, indeed. There's also a big difference between a planned UC with a mom who is in tune with her body and baby and who has done her research vs. a mom who isn't doing or getting any sort of prenatal care.

 

 

Sadly though, there are always things that can and do happen that we as responsible, well prepared, parents can have absolutely NO control over. You can indeed have a placental abruption midway through labor, and end up NEEDING an immediate csec.

 

Happened to my sis... baby was VERY Blue, non responsive, low apgar, tense minutes of fear & waiting, worrying about brain damage, etc. They were VERY thankful that they were in the hospital right by the OR when it happened. It was too fast for epidural ansth, she had a quick general & extra fast incision, too fast & life threatening for anything else to be done. If she had been at home about 5-10 minutes away, my niece would've been dead.

 

It's your choice, but don't assume that since all the other births were lovely, non-complicated, that this one will necessarily be. Talk about the worst case, and if that is something you & hubby are prepared to live through.

 

The odds are very good that all will be fine, but do you want to play the odds with so much riding on them?

[LittleIzumi]

Wow, this is DH and me to a "T." He saw our homebirth as me doing everything and the midwives sitting back (as I had requested them to do) doing nothing. He's not getting why I want them there for the "what-ifs" because we've never had to encounter them before.

 

I am really going back and forth about this. Honestly one of the main factors in deciding to do my last homebirth was the cost. I also had always wanted to try it, as I hated my hospital experiences, but cost was the deciding factor. I also thought I was a good candidate for it because of my birth history and all of the research I had done. Of course, I'm so glad that I did it, it was a great experience, and I want to do it again, but...

 

Thinking back to my homebirth, I have to say that I was very uncomfortable with having everyone in the house: my mother, MIL, and the two midwives. I felt like everyone was waiting for me. I do not like to be the center of attention at all, and I felt like I was constantly worried about how I was coming across to everyone. It is completely irrational, I know, but that's how I felt, and I know I would feel that way again (which is why, at the very least, mom and MIL won't be there this time). Sure, my midwife could wait upstairs, but I will still *know* that she is up there, waiting for me to give birth...I know this sounds stupid, because that's her job. Maybe as a PP suggested, the compromise would be to call her when I'm in labor but tell her I'll let her know if I need her to come over?

 

A question for those of you who have bartered with your midwives...what did you barter? I feel like I don't really have anything to offer. I am an artist, and I do children's portraits, so I could paint her a portrait of her kids or something, but other than that I don't know what I could offer. I just don't want to go into it not knowing what the normal thing is...like maybe most people offer some homemade canned food, and then I offer to draw her a picture and look like an idiot. :tongue_smilie:

 

I also don't like people in my house, waiting for me. I just had dh there, and I am seriously going to ask my midwife to just tool around town nearby when I'm in labor until the very end next time, lol. I don't like the pressure. Tell the midwife you're an artist and see what she could use. :)

[linguistmama]

OP, I think that painting a midwife's family portrait would be a great thing to offer to barter. We bartered babysitting last time with my midwife. She took a very generous amount off of her fee in exchange for me watching her kids for x amount of time. The only problem was that she only had me babysit for a small fraction of the agreed upon hours and then said that that was good. It was very nice of her, but I don't feel like I can ask her again. :) I wish I had a special skill like painting to offer.

 

I did like being alone for dd2's birth, I don't like feeling watched either.

[mhg]

Not that I'd ever recommend anyone doing a birth at home....but if you're just going to insist on the unassisted route, at LEAST borrow a friend's RV and do it in a hospital parking lot (seriously) IMO. What goes wrong with births are usually time-sensitive so you need to be minutes/seconds from emergency care.

Best wishes.

[NicAnn]

A question for those of you who have bartered with your midwives...what did you barter? I feel like I don't really have anything to offer. I am an artist, and I do children's portraits, so I could paint her a portrait of her kids or something, but other than that I don't know what I could offer. I just don't want to go into it not knowing what the normal thing is...like maybe most people offer some homemade canned food, and then I offer to draw her a picture and look like an idiot. :tongue_smilie:

 

If had clients offer a week of homecooked meals, deck work done by their husband, puppies!, photography, etc. Your midwife likely has a list of things she wants or needs and may offer that up. Personally I'd love a portrait done of my kids!

[happypamama]

Talk about the worst case, and if that is something you & hubby are prepared to live through.

 

The odds are very good that all will be fine, but do you want to play the odds with so much riding on them?

 

True, that. It is indeed a risk, and every family has to decide for theirselves what is right for them. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. Unfortunately (as my family knows -- my SIL's second baby died in utero at 35 weeks, due to a cord accident, after a normal pregnancy, full OB care, normal ultrasounds, nothing to indicate a problem), babies die sometimes even with full technology. There really are just no guarantees when it comes to childbirth, no matter what route you choose, and I think the right route can vary for each family.

[happypamama]

A question for those of you who have bartered with your midwives...what did you barter? I feel like I don't really have anything to offer. I am an artist, and I do children's portraits, so I could paint her a portrait of her kids or something, but other than that I don't know what I could offer. I just don't want to go into it not knowing what the normal thing is...like maybe most people offer some homemade canned food, and then I offer to draw her a picture and look like an idiot. :tongue_smilie:

 

I would just tell her that you are interested in bartering and ask her what services she could use.

[Heather in OK]

I fully support a woman's right to choose where she births. UC is not a decision to make lightly and the vast majority of those who choose UC are highly educated. UC can be a good option for some families.

 

I also know the value of having an experienced set of hands at a birth. You need to think about what you will do if baby is stuck at the shoulders. If you have more bleeding than normal and are feeling faint, will your dh know what to do or will he be scared?

 

Instead of infant CPR, you need neonatal resuscitation (NRP). Some of the material is available online, you can buy the book, you can see if there is a course in your area while you are still expecting (Karen Strange has an excellent NRP course).

 

 

Maybe as a PP suggested, the compromise would be to call her when I'm in labor but tell her I'll let her know if I need her to come over?

I would hope that this is something you would discuss with her beforehand. As a midwife I would not want to be misled by a client in this way. Also, if the expectation was that you are hiring me for prenatal, birth, and postpartum care, I would expect that you pay for that care, even if it was at a reduced fee.

 

Perhaps she could for prenatal care for now and then if you need her during labor/birth she will add that cost on at that time. That may be a way for you to negotiate your desires for this birth and also spread out the expense of her services.

[HS Mom in NC]

Ist kid-normal homebirth with a midwife. I needed oxygen during the delivery because the heart rate dropped during contractions while I pushed. The midwife had the monitor and tank there for this type of problem.

 

2nd kid-emergency transfer from home with a midwife to a hospital for a crash c-section (general anesthesia.) My left fallopian tube spontaneously ruptured (unheard of) and the placenta started tearing off (something we knew might happen.) The placenta came out before my daughter did during the c-section.

 

The midwife picked up on the placenta starting to tear with the fetal monitoring and there was a little bit of blood coming out in very early labor (contractions 10 minutes apart.) The midwife immediately called the hospital triage as we left the house so the operating room and medical teams were waiting for us. It was a 10 minute drive. My daughter was born blue with an apgar of 2 and was perfectly normal and healthy at 10 minutes. It's a good system at home with a midwife and back up at a hospital even for severe complications.

 

These are a sampling of things midwives deal with. If you opt to go unassisted, how will you handle them if they happen?

 

How will you handle a prolapsed cord?

How will you handle a hemmorage?

How will you handle shoulder dystocia?

How will you handle tearing?

How will you handle a surprise breech/transverse?

How will you handle a dropped heart rate during contractions?

How will you handle a cord wrapped around the neck multiple times?

How will you handle a baby born not breathing?

 

I know several people who had complications with babies 2,3, and 4 even though all the births before those were normal.

[funschooler5]

I would hope that this is something you would discuss with her beforehand. As a midwife I would not want to be misled by a client in this way. Also, if the expectation was that you are hiring me for prenatal, birth, and postpartum care, I would expect that you pay for that care, even if it was at a reduced fee.

 

 

Oh yes, I will plan everything with her ahead of time. I have an appointment with her next week, and I'm going to go over our options before then. I'm just trying to figure out what I want before I talk to her, and also what exactly we can afford. We're still receiving more bills for DH's medical care, and as they come I have to call each dr's office and make payment arrangements...so what I thought we could afford last week has been reduced quite a bit. Last week, I thought we would be able to pay the midwife the last half of our deposit, and get our $150 ultrasound. Now we can't do either one. I don't feel like I can put off paying his drs, because he will more than likely have to go back in to see them soon. I'm thinking that I might ask her if we should postpone our appointment until next month, and maybe by then I will be able to scrape up enough money to pay the rest of our deposit. I will also see she would be ok with bartering.

Edited November 23, 2011 by funschooler5

[funschooler5]

Just wanted to note that I am still in information-gathering mode. I've been lurking on several UC boards, and reading birth stories, watching videos, etc. I'm taking this decision very seriously, and DH reiterated today that he doesn't want me to make this decision purely for financial reasons. Whatever we decide, I know that I do want my midwife involved, I'm just trying to work out at what capacity....what will work for us and for her.

 

Thanks everyone for all of the info!

[happypamama]

If you do need to postpone your appointment with the midwife, look at mothering.com's UC board, and find some suggestions for doing self-care.

[caedmyn]

Wow, this is DH and me to a "T." He saw our homebirth as me doing everything and the midwives sitting back (as I had requested them to do) doing nothing. He's not getting why I want them there for the "what-ifs" because we've never had to encounter them before.

 

I am really going back and forth about this. Honestly one of the main factors in deciding to do my last homebirth was the cost. I also had always wanted to try it, as I hated my hospital experiences, but cost was the deciding factor. I also thought I was a good candidate for it because of my birth history and all of the research I had done. Of course, I'm so glad that I did it, it was a great experience, and I want to do it again, but...

 

Thinking back to my homebirth, I have to say that I was very uncomfortable with having everyone in the house: my mother, MIL, and the two midwives. I felt like everyone was waiting for me. I do not like to be the center of attention at all, and I felt like I was constantly worried about how I was coming across to everyone. It is completely irrational, I know, but that's how I felt, and I know I would feel that way again (which is why, at the very least, mom and MIL won't be there this time). Sure, my midwife could wait upstairs, but I will still *know* that she is up there, waiting for me to give birth...I know this sounds stupid, because that's her job. Maybe as a PP suggested, the compromise would be to call her when I'm in labor but tell her I'll let her know if I need her to come over?

 

A question for those of you who have bartered with your midwives...what did you barter? I feel like I don't really have anything to offer. I am an artist, and I do children's portraits, so I could paint her a portrait of her kids or something, but other than that I don't know what I could offer. I just don't want to go into it not knowing what the normal thing is...like maybe most people offer some homemade canned food, and then I offer to draw her a picture and look like an idiot. :tongue_smilie:

DH bartered handyman services. For my 2nd birth the midwife's husband was renovating an old building and he helped with that. By the time I was pregnant with my 3rd, he'd started his own handyman business and he bartered with the midwife for repairs on a home she owned.

 

Keep in mind that your midwife may not feel comfortable with waiting in another room, and definitely may not feel comfortable with waiting outside the house. Which I can understand, as technically she is liable if something goes wrong and she has no way to monitor anything if she's not aware of what's going on. You'll just have to find out what her comfort level is.

 

I have VERY hands-off births, and I do not like being watched during birth. There were WAY too many people around for my 3rd birth. The other two were just DH & the midwife (plus my then 2 YO DD for the 2nd one). The 3rd one was DH, 2 midwives, DD, plus my mom and DS1 were in a different room, plus my dad was there for the first 2/3 of labor (he and my mom were visiting for the weekend) and I had to send him away. Didn't help that both midwives were in the room the last 15 minutes or so and one kept talking in a stage whisper, and DH sat in a chair and watched me (other two births he'd been in the room but I couldn't really see him). If we have another it will be just DH and one midwife (plus any kids) and they can come in at the last minute and stay out of my line of sight so I don't feel like a watched pot! So I can understand not wanting to feel like people are there just waiting for you to birth.

 

I hope you are able to find a way to make your birth the experience you want it to be.

[Heather in OK]

Oh yes, I will plan everything with her ahead of time. I have an appointment with her next week, and I'm going to go over our options before then. I'm just trying to figure out what I want before I talk to her, and also what exactly we can afford. We're still receiving more bills for DH's medical care, and as they come I have to call each dr's office and make payment arrangements...so what I thought we could afford last week has been reduced quite a bit. Last week, I thought we would be able to pay the midwife the last half of our deposit, and get our $150 ultrasound. Now we can't do either one. I don't feel like I can put off paying his drs, because he will more than likely have to go back in to see them soon. I'm thinking that I might ask her if we should postpone our appointment until next month, and maybe by then I will be able to scrape up enough money to pay the rest of our deposit. I will also see she would be ok with bartering.

 

:grouphug: I've BTDT with wanting to afford a home birth and feeling like we couldn't. It's a tough place to be in. I also know that things always work out exactly the way they need to.

 

Just be honest with the mw. Let her know your desire to be at home and the financial restraints you have at this time. I certainly hope she is willing to work with you.