southernm Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I'm curious for those of you that *chose* to have 3 kids how did you finally come to that decision? I have a 6yo ds and a 4yo dd. I've always wanted a bigger family but it seems like I would be tempting fate since the first two went so well lol. I might add, this is not an easy process for us to go through which complicates things. I just remember when I was pg with the 2nd child and thought how weird it would be to have two! I feel like that a little now. AND my sweet DD just finally got over a phase where she hated every baby/toddler she saw. I'm afraid she will be very jealous! Any thoughts/advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eloquacious Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 We're there right now. Part of the decision (sad, but true) are car issues. We'd definitely have to move up in scale from the Prius. We had agreed to (and are trying for) 3, but I really want 4, so I'm praying for twins. I mean, if we're already getting the minivan, why not, right? My husband's response? Maybe we should stick to 2. You know, so we don't have to be a minivan family. SIGH. Of all the reasons! (Okay fine, he's totally joking, but there is of course the kernel of truth even in the jokes. He really does hate minivans.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 The first two have been so fun and are such good friends, that's we couldn't help but want another one. We hated minivans. Until we bought one. The first time we drove around in it, my husband said, "Let's just always buy minivans from now on. Even if we don't have kids on the house." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I was miserable because I wanted another baby so desperately. Dh took pity on my misery. If you can live with two, and both parents are happy, I'd let well enough alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 We're there right now. Part of the decision (sad, but true) are car issues. We'd definitely have to move up in scale from the Prius. We had agreed to (and are trying for) 3, but I really want 4, so I'm praying for twins. I mean, if we're already getting the minivan, why not, right? My husband's response? Maybe we should stick to 2. You know, so we don't have to be a minivan family. SIGH. Of all the reasons! (Okay fine, he's totally joking, but there is of course the kernel of truth even in the jokes. He really does hate minivans.) The car is a big reason why DH is so resistant to going from 3 to 4. We can get all three in the back of the station wagon, but unless we stash one in the back, it won't work with four. My reasoning is that we're probably going to need to upgrade to a minivan, anyway, if we ever want to drive our kids' friends anywhere, so why not add another kid while we're at it? ;) We had been unsure of a third when #3 came along. I wanted at least one more, but DH was pretty sure we were done. I got pregnant with the baby when DD was 6 months old, so at that point I wasn't thinking of trying for #3 any time soon. I'm not sure what my argument for a third would have been if I'd had to make one. Of course, I'm not sure I'll ever feel like I'm done, emotionally. I think I could have six or seven and still feel like I wanted one more baby. So at a certain point it would have come down to a practical decision of whether we could manage one more, and I do think I could have persuaded DH that three was doable. We'll see if--in a few years!--I can convince him that four would be. My first was super hard, though, so we've always had the thought that any future kids we had could not be nearly so difficult. So far that's proven true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 I was miserable because I wanted another baby so desperately. Dh took pity on my misery. If you can live with two, and both parents are happy, I'd let well enough alone. DH is of the same thought that I am. We just have such big fertility issues I feel like I am tempting fate. But it just keeps nagging me and I can't make myself feel like two is enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eloquacious Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My first was super hard, though, so we've always had the thought that any future kids we had could not be nearly so difficult. So far that's proven true. Ohmygoodness YES. That's when we went from "Let's fill a Sprinter" to "Maybe a singleton isn't so bad?" But then, thankfully, we changed our minds. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Well, we never saw ourselves as a family with 2 kids. We originally saw ourselves as having 4 children. After our 2nd son was born and he was a very difficult toddler and preschooler (later diagnosed with sensory issues) we were hesitant to have more. BUT, we just didn't feel our family was complete. We had dd and I felt I was done. So done! Our lives were very stressful while I was pregnant (a move, a tantrumming preschooler, just plain older and more tired.) While I miss the more organized, neater, on-top-of-things me that I was with 2 children, dd has been such a blessing in our lives that I couldn't imagine our lives without her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissad2 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 DH is of the same thought that I am. We just have such big fertility issues I feel like I am tempting fate. But it just keeps nagging me and I can't make myself feel like two is enough. I have a lot of fertility issues too...or so I thought! I am currently expecting #3....a surprise! We thought we were done too, but I guess this little one really wants to be here :D. I am quite glad myself as I always wanted a third but DH was happy with two although he is happy we are expecting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It was easy for me to want a third because we always wanted a bigger family. We already had a girl and a boy so everyone else thought we were crazy for wanting another. Our third baby is such a delight. His personality is so different from the other two. Every day I laugh at something he says or does and then thank God that I didn't listen to anyone who said stop at 2. He is a real blessing and I'm glad we decided to have three. Three isn't really any more work then 2. Once you have the second child you've pretty much figured out your crowd control methods. We have a regular car but we have managed to fit three large carseats in the back - so we didn't have to upgrage (we will if we end up with no.4 though). I found it easier to adjust to a third then I did to having a second child. We already had a double stroller etc etc. My 1st child was the kind of child that makes a great case for having an only :glare: in fact that was out plan. Our no.2 was a suprise and I was devastated at the thought of having another baby but he was an angel baby who helped us see that not every child was going to be such a trial ;) So we easily said yes to no.3 and as it turned out God knew my limit because both my 2nd & 3rd children together are not as difficult as my 1st all alone :001_huh: I say do it -you won't regret it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Well, for us it was a bit different. I brought two children to our marriage. I really wanted another child. My dh had never been around an infant, and was adopted, so there was a myriad of reasons why. Then I had an ectopic. We didn't know if I'd be able to get pregnant and carry to term. Wolf insisted that he was already the Dad of 2 kids, and was good with that. I wasn't, LOL. About 14 mths after the ectopic, we found out Tazzie was on his way. There were 6-7 yrs btwn each of my kids. That made a difference. Then Princess came alone 19 mths and 7 days after Tazzie. And now, 5 yrs later, we're expecting again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Ohmygoodness YES. That's when we went from "Let's fill a Sprinter" to "Maybe a singleton isn't so bad?" But then, thankfully, we changed our minds. :) BTW, I wanted to mention, car-wise, that you might want to look into the Sunshine Radian carseat. We have one for DD, and when the baby goes forward facing, we'll be getting one for him. We love it. It feels so safe, but it is so narrow. We have a small wagon, and we can fit the Radian, an infant seat, and a booster across the back easily. I'm pretty sure you could fit three Radians across the back of a Prius. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 I have a lot of fertility issues too...or so I thought! I am currently expecting #3....a surprise! We thought we were done too, but I guess this little one really wants to be here :D. I am quite glad myself as I always wanted a third but DH was happy with two although he is happy we are expecting. I think that's what makes it such a big decision for us. It's not MY issues...it's dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 both my 2nd & 3rd children together are not as difficult as my 1st all alone :001_huh: Seriously. My littles are sixteen months apart, and even dealing with a newborn and a toddler at the same time is not nearly as difficult as dealing with my son was when he was a baby and toddler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seraphina Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I don't really remember making a decision to have our third, we knew we wanted a big family and number three just happened. Now number four was a surprise as number three was only about five months old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Mine were 6yo & 4yo when #3 was born. We always wanted 4+ kids, but we were living w/ ils & finishing college when the 1st two were born (moved in w/ them because of #1). We obviously wanted to wait until we had our own home before having #3. Then I was in my 1st year of teaching. We spent the next year renovating our first house. My dad died unexpectedly & very young. By then, it was past time to really think about #3 if we wanted them less than 3yrs apart (we did, dh esp), but I felt like I'd been through an emotional roller coaster for several years. We'd had several other deaths in the family--2yo niece, great-grandparents by the scads--& I just wanted normal for a while before dealing w/ morning sickness & hormones. I got to the point that I really wasn't sure I wanted a 3rd. Everybody was out of diapers. We were in our 1st year of hs'ing. Like you, I sort-of felt like I was tempting fate. My plate was full already. I finally saw my mw for a check-up, talked to her about it, & gave in to dh's insistence that it was time. But during all of that, we hadn't been using bc, & we hadn't conceived. Not TRYING, but I was 24-27. That's about the time dh was dx'd w/ a chronic illness that contributes to low fertility/infertility. I'd begun to think about the poss of only having 2, of how different our family would look from what I'd imagined--both good & bad. I was trying to come to terms w/ that when we did conceive #3. Morning sickness was pretty bad, but otherwise, I think it was a healthy pg, healthy baby. I had trouble the whole time getting excited about the idea, although I was completely content w/ it, if that makes sense. One look at her, though, & I KNEW I wanted the #4 we'd talked about. As soon as reasonable for my body/sanity. (He came sooner than that, lol, but that's another story.) She turned out to be colicky to some extent (a lot at first, less later) for about a year. She's still got a STRONG personality. And she's AWESOME. Dynamics changed, esp since she was back-to-back w/ #4. (So much for low fertility!) Not much help, eh? I think it's a personal decision. Different dynamics work for different people. I'm currently expecting #5 &...unsure about the future. As far as common sense goes, I'm done. We struggle to make ends meet, & that's been the state for long enough that when our boat finally gets turned upright, it will still take a while to bail all the water out, so I don't figure adding more dc on purpose would be WISE. As far as what I *want,* I was really, really content w/ 4. And w/ 2. Apparently, I like even #s, though, because I think we need one more after this one to round things out. :lol: That could just be OCD talking. :lol: But we also...don't *really* believe in bc. So there's a spiritual struggle, too. I was fine w/ taking that issue one kid at a time until we got to #4 & I wasn't even 30. :svengo: So from a spiritual standpoint, I tend toward no prevention. From a sanity standpoint, I think it's individual but generally more doable than people think. But that still leaves YOU to figure out the heart issue--wanting another or not. GL! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I'm curious for those of you that *chose* to have 3 kids how did you finally come to that decision? I have a 6yo ds and a 4yo dd. I've always wanted a bigger family but it seems like I would be tempting fate since the first two went so well lol. I might add, this is not an easy process for us to go through which complicates things. I just remember when I was pg with the 2nd child and thought how weird it would be to have two! I feel like that a little now. AND my sweet DD just finally got over a phase where she hated every baby/toddler she saw. I'm afraid she will be very jealous! Any thoughts/advice? with one, I felt like I was playing with a baby doll. (did I mention she was a *really* easy baby? her sister made up for it.) I do remember strapping 1dd into her car seat when I was nine months pg and thinking - enjoy this while it lasts, pretty soon it will be two. with two, like we were playing house with "two kids". It didn't feel "real" until four. We'd always meant to have another, and he took his own sweet time coming. dh thinks its hilarous people mistake him for grandpa. I always pulled older children into my lap/sit by me on the couh when I was holding/nursing baby. the only one of my kids to push others away was #4, and he was smaller than they were for a long time. (he's now 6'1" and 200lbs). I occassionallly had to make them wait while I tended baby, but tried to get to them as fast as I could so it was never a contest for who got my attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 We're there right now. Part of the decision (sad, but true) are car issues. We'd definitely have to move up in scale from the Prius. I have a friend who put three in a Prius. Boosters and/or Radians instead of say, Britax Marathons would probably help; IDK what she had. I've always wanted five children (well, more, really, but five seemed realistic and has always stuck in my head as "our" number). DH wasn't sure how many he wanted -- at least two, so they could have siblings, but beyond that, he needs to think about them one at a time. Talking about four when we just had one was overwhelming to him, but by the time we had three, and the third one was turning two, four didn't sound like so many to him. Granted, #4 is still a newborn, but we can see a fifth. I felt really happy that our first two were a girl and a boy, because I felt like even if God didn't send us more, at least we'd had a chance to experience raising both. My second child is a sweet, shy little guy who really had a long babyhood; he really benefited from being the baby for several years, and even though we still hoped for a third baby, we could at least see the fun of moving into a new stage of life, with kids more than babies. We'd have been okay either way (though I might have had to tuck away a little bit of longing for a baby -- but I will probably have to do that at some point anyway!), but I really, really cannot imagine life without our third child. He adds something so special to our family and to everyone who knows him (which is silly, because what child doesn't?, but he's just. . . our Ben). And then our fourth baby -- he's even more icing on the cake! Having the two little boys has let our oldest son blossom in his nurturing abilities -- he is our second son's best buddy and such a good caregiver to our youngest son. Truly, I don't regret for a second having a third and a fourth. I knew I wanted a girl and a boy of my own, but I had no idea how much I needed a second son and then a third one, how incomplete my life was without them, until I was given them. How much I would have missed if we'd stopped with two! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 There's not one I wish I never had. Even the hard one. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessedmom4god Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 We had knew we wanted a bigger family. And we knew we wanted girls and boys so having a third was an easy decision. Taking the leap to 5 was a little harder, but we are so glad we did. We felt complete after #4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Our 3rd was adopted, so he was definitely planned! :D We just knew we weren't finished. Of course, after my 3rd, I figured we would have one more through adoption ;), but I have reconciled now that we are most likely finished. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 For us three is the magic number . . . But after Viv was born my exhausted dh, who was holding her, looked over at me with huge eyes and said: "I just realized we are outnumbered!":D It has been good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Last year, when DD#2 was three, I just couldn't imagine NOT having another baby in the house again. I didn't feel like our family was complete. I didn't feel like I was done holding/rocking/nursing babies. Now I'm just a few weeks away from having #3.....so we'll see how the dynamics change! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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