Penny_P Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Please no flames regarding poor discipline. DD is extremely difficult. She is selfish and has recently started lying. She does not obey. School became her resisting, resisting, resisting until I lost my cool. I have considered removing all toys, etc. from her room, but I was just too tired to logistically pull it off. She cried that she was lonely and begged to go back to school. The local ps has good reviews, but I found it to be very mediocre the one year we were there. Sigh. She wasn't learning anything here- when I pulled her out after first she was about 1/2 a year behind, and I'm afraid I wasn't able to close the gap due to her total apathy in regards to schoolwork or learning even our interesting subjects. I think she'll have a rude awakening being in school all day, missing our fun activities which are just now starting back up, and having homework at night. Sorry I'm just venting, really. I've been very angry at her. Anyone else salvage their relationship with their dc by putting them in school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Flames? Never!!! We all do the best we can for our kids. Our "bests" don't always look like other people's bests. Just love her, right? And refuse to take up any guilt (I say that because that's what moms tend to do... just in case you are thinking of going there... don't!!!). :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: ETA - Sorry, I didn't really answer your question. Yes, I have salvaged a relationship by putting one in school. That way I could focus on the character issues without the need to educate this child becoming a stumbling block. Many people work out the character issues BY working out the schooling issues (and that can be very successful!). But for us, that had to become a non-issue. It's a no-win situation if mom is angry all the time. In our case, the child and I needed some distance. Things are getting better every day. Only you know what's best for your own child. Commit yourself to working on the relationship and maybe you can return to home schooling one day. Edited September 13, 2011 by AuntieM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: What are the odds that she will decide she doesn't like school? What will happen then? I am not implying that you shouldn't send her to ps just wondering if you have a plan in case that happens :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug:I hope it works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I put my dd17 in school when she was in 6th grade because it was either that or I was moving out. Seriously. I was not going to live with her being home all day, every day. It was ruining my life. I don't like schools. But I don't like my life revolving around my child's (at the time) horrendous behavior issues, either. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: What are the odds that she will decide she doesn't like school? What will happen then? I am not implying that you shouldn't send her to ps just wondering if you have a plan in case that happens :001_smile: While it has some to do with liking school, I think that the original poster is trying to salvage her relationship with her daughter or keep it from getting bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: What are the odds that she will decide she doesn't like school? What will happen then? I am not implying that you shouldn't send her to ps just wondering if you have a plan in case that happens :001_smile: Plan? No plan. I can't trust her promises to work hard at home, since she often breaks her word. I'll have to think about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) I totally get wanting to salavage the relationship and that some battles just aren't worth the cost....I was thinking that it sounds like her DD has been difficult to work with and what happens if she decides she doesn't want to do school too? Or she doesn realize she is missing out on the activities that she could have done at home? Some kids aren't happy no matter what you do to try and work on the relationship....:grouphug: to OP. I wasn't trying to imply your decision was taken lightly or it was wrong. I hear tired and frustrated and dissappointed coming from trying hard to make things work out and they aren't. Edited September 13, 2011 by QuirkyKapers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I really feel for you. My 11yo has sooo much attitude right now it is difficult. My oldest did go back to school as a 14yo and she loved high school, but didn't learn much unless the class was an honors or AP class it was below what we would have done at home. The puberty attitude does hit many home schooled kids. I thought that I would avoid it by home schooling, but I have not. It is just hard to deal with a young person trying to fight you off and make like their own.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug: I'm sorry you have had such a rough time. I hope this works for you and your daughter and that you find peace and joy in your relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I sent a kid to PS for the same reasons (and more) in 7th grade. It wasn't the best for him, but it beat the alternative. He's a (super) senior now and, I think, is starting to understand what is required of him, but there is no way I would have let him come back home. He made life miserable for everyone. :( Our relationship is MUCH better now, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug: yes, one dd has oppositional defiance disorder, and its worst with me. she went to school. now, at 25, she says that if i'd homeschooled her, it would have been a disaster. if your dd isn't diagnosable, just Really, Really Difficult, then there are a lot of the techniques that are helpful for ODD that you might work on. the bottom line is that really we can't "fix" them, we can just "fix" ourselves, and parent in the way that is likely to be most successful. we also found the book "peaceful parents, peaceful kids" by naomi drew to be a life altering experience. just spending 15 minutes a day one on one with one of our kids, doing something they want to do, completely shifted everyone's relationships into a very positive place. :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jryanbass Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I'm thinking about doing the same. :( My 6 year old DS is just SO defiant. :glare: I really wanted to keep him out of PS, but I am really not seeing much choice. He's disrespectful, doesn't listen at ALL, and constantly whining that he's BORED. It would be different if his dad would help with the discipline issues, but to daddy, this DS can do no wrong.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 I actually thought of talking with the school psychologist. Mental illness runs heavy on my side- so far I've managed to dodge a bullet. She said that while homeschooling she was so lonely. She is very social and would gladly hang out with friends all day. I wondered at times if some of her extreme behaviors was related to depression expressing itself in a pre-pubescent manner. DH thinks she might be mildly sociopathic. She would irritate ds10 constantly until he was screaming, too, so I'm hoping today is more peaceful when she's back at school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I believe that a lot of parents would agree that the time apart each day is good for the relationship. Since that is the norm for most families anyway, there isn't a lot of data or discussion about it. But I know that as much as I adore my kids, we get on each other's nerves after a while. I don't know if we could stand each other all day, every day. The sibling rivalry aspect only intensifies the issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Flames? Never!!! We all do the best we can for our kids. Our "bests" don't always look like other people's bests. Just love her, right? And refuse to take up any guilt (I say that because that's what moms tend to do... just in case you are thinking of going there... don't!!!). :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: ETA - Sorry, I didn't really answer your question. Yes, I have salvaged a relationship by putting one in school. That way I could focus on the character issues without the need to educate this child becoming a stumbling block. Many people work out the character issues BY working out the schooling issues (and that can be very successful!). But for us, that had to become a non-issue. It's a no-win situation if mom is angry all the time. In our case, the child and I needed some distance. Things are getting better every day. Only you know what's best for your own child. Commit yourself to working on the relationship and maybe you can return to home schooling one day. :iagree: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I actually thought of talking with the school psychologist. Mental illness runs heavy on my side- so far I've managed to dodge a bullet. She said that while homeschooling she was so lonely. She is very social and would gladly hang out with friends all day. I wondered at times if some of her extreme behaviors was related to depression expressing itself in a pre-pubescent manner. DH thinks she might be mildly sociopathic. She would irritate ds10 constantly until he was screaming, too, so I'm hoping today is more peaceful when she's back at school. if you have that hunch, i'd listen to it. talk to the school psychologist and/or find someone who can help figure out what might be going on. if it is something that can be helped somehow, the earlier the better, kwim? and knowing is always better than not knowing. (not easier, necessarily, but better). limiting media can help in most cases, and lots of outdoor time, too. good luck! ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emzhengjiu Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 :grouphug: I'm so sorry you're experiencing so many issues with your DD. Please listen to your intuition. If your daughter is just going through a particular difficult period of time, this too shall pass. But if your daughter has medical problems, early intervention may make all the difference in her life. Ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 My middle ds was difficult to homeschool. He was not outwardly defiant but when it came to schoolwork that didn't interest him, he just wouldn't do it and I was unable to come up with anything that would get him to work. (I tried so many different approaches. ugh!) He's always a sweet kid and does anything around the house to help or anything that interests him (like practicing guitar and banjo for hours) but he and I butt heads way too many times homeschooling and I would end up very frustrated. He asked to go to school the year after his brother first went...which was last year...his 7th grade year. The change in him was dramatic. He became very responsible for his learning, did all his homework, kept neat notebooks, and worked hard on projects. I think being responsible to someone other than me or maybe peer pressure helped him. He isn't learning as much as I would like but the difference in his attitude towards learning is so much improved that I can live with him having less challenge. We have had to deal with a few behavioral issues...a combo of teen angst and trying to do what kids at school do but this year even that has calmed a bit and he's getting back to his sweet self. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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