DawnM Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 how much do you accommodate them? Here is the situation. A friend of a friend moved to town. I have tried to befriend her and do things with her and she wants to do more with me. She has no children, so that has been a bit of an issue with time, etc.... But the biggest thing/concern I have is in inviting her over for a meal. She is now on some special diet where she ONLY eats organic meats and vegetables and won't touch gluten, sugar, processed foods, etc.... This is some dietary program her chiropractor put her on. So, would you just invite her over for coffee/tea/water or would you ask her to bring her own food or what? Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Part of the problem with spending time with her is that she preaches this to others. I find it rather ironic though that she says they can't invite people over because they can barely afford to eat this way for the 2 of them and yet she is touting that I go and do it for the FIVE of us. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I would do things with her that didn't require food. Going for a walk, taking a pottery class, walking the dog, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 We have friends like this that we see often. When they come over to our house, we usually just do something really simple....like grill out hamburgers. They bring their own meat. They bring their own salad dressing, ketchup, etc. They have SO many "cannot haves" between the two adults and three kids that I just can't keep up with them all. It would be nearly impossible to cook for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) I read all of your posts here, and she sounds selfish. I'd do movies or resturants with someone like that. Or I might not. I don't need someone badgering me. Good and dear friends who have dietary needs are happliy accommodated. My vegan etc friends also tend to be very generous. "I will bring salsa and fruit!" etc Edited September 6, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 If I was the one with all the can't haves then I would not expect my host/hostess to accommodate my needs. I would be supplying my own food. As pp stated, I would look for activities that do not involve food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I wouldn't invite her to meals in the future unless it is a potluck that she can bring what she wants . . . Or it were some major large social thing for some large group of which she is a part. In that case, I'd let her know what I was preparing, and invite her to bring her own meal, or eat before hand, or whatever. It would not be practical for you to cook those items for her, as it will get very expensive quickly, and generally be a pita. If this were your BFF, or your mom, then well, you might want to figure out how to cook for her. But, no way given the nature of your relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 She is now on some special diet where she ONLY eats organic meats and vegetables and won't touch gluten, sugar, processed foods, etc.... This is some dietary program her chiropractor put her on. So, would you just invite her over for coffee/tea/water or would you ask her to bring her own food or what? Dawn her "chiro" put her on a diet? they are ONLY lisenced to adjust the muscular/skeletal system. He may have recommended the diet, but I seriously doubt any blood/stool tests were run to determine food intolerances/sensitivites. I have a child who is nitrate intolerant (we can tell if there's been an infraction). I think it means more to you than it does to her to feed her. I'd stop inviting her for meals, and just meet other places/restaurants that she accepts. (she'd probably complain you aren't using the correct water filter if you offered her water :tongue_smilie:) I have neices with celiac - they make do with what is on the table. (we try to make sure there are gluten free things they can eat. The vegans' do the same thing.) Unless you only/mostly eat organic, it's pretty selfish of her to expect you to provide an entire meal of it. organic isn't exactly cheap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 If I have friends with special restrictions, I am usually happy to accommodate them with my cooking. I will prepare vegetarian meals or even vegan. I would have no problem accommodating a gluten free diet for a person suffering from celiacs. But THIS? And preachy? I think I would go hiking or to the movies with this person, but not have her for meals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Lee Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I will gladly cook for people who have allergies or other special dietary needs. Most people who have REAL special needs are sorry to be a bother and happy to make-do with what's available. Somebody who's been put on a diet by a person who is not qualified to prescribe a diet and then preaches that you should be on that diet, too, is not someone I'd be willing to cook for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I will gladly cook for people who have allergies or other special dietary needs. Most people who have REAL special needs are sorry to be a bother and happy to make-do with what's available. Somebody who's been put on a diet by a person who is not qualified to prescribe a diet and then preaches that you should be on that diet, too, is not someone I'd be willing to cook for. :iagree: This seems to be a bit beyond a legitimate special dietary restriction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 If I had this person over it would be for after or between meal snack. So, decaf/herbal tea and fruit at like 8 pm or regular tea and fruit at 3 pm. I would also consider this person more of someone to go for a walk with. I never have enough time for friends or exercise so when I can combine the two I do. Maybe meet at 7 or 8 am on a Sat and hike/walk/jog for an hour or so before the rest of your family gets rolling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 her "chiro" put her on a diet? they are ONLY lisenced to adjust the muscular/skeletal system. He may have recommended the diet, but I seriously doubt any blood/stool tests were run to determine food intolerances/sensitivites. I have a child who is nitrate intolerant (we can tell if there's been an infraction). . The chiro in our town is the exact same. Dh will not go to him anymore because during the whole session he would preach to dh about his food choices and how they are killing him. That gluten is going to be the death of us all and how it causes all the diseases that are rampant today.. and on... and on... and on.. Dh finally told him that if that is the way he choses to live/view things then thats fine but he didn't plan to come back until he could accept that others did not have to live the way he (the chiro) did. Also- the chiro raised his prices $25 a session because he could not afford groceries anymore. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy (TX) Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 My chiro recommended and I chose to go on a diet like this for autoimmunity. It was based on lots and lots of tests, so that part's not necessarily unusual. That being said, I NEVER expect someone else to make my food just the way I need it - I always bring my own. In fact, I hate to even bring attention to it, so I try to choose non-food activities. Obviously, she doesn't think like me, lol. I wouldn't try to accommodate her. Offer her what you're having if you feel like it. She should be prepared with her own food if she's really serious about the diet she's chosen. The preachiness is what's really off-putting, though. Doesn't sound fun at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 the chiro raised his prices $25 a session because he could not afford groceries anymore. :001_huh: gee, wonder why ;) you'd think providers would realize that if they offend (or overcharge compared to the guy down the street) enough customer's, they won't have any customers . . . . his bottom line, and not my problem. I'll just take my money elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Thank you all. I feel better about this now. My chiro told me to follow some plan and I even got a blood test and paid for it to have her tell me what supplements to take and what to eat. Then one day they asked me to wait in her office. The "awards" on her wall revealed three 8 hour long trainings put on by the distributor of the supplements as her "qualifications" training in nutrition. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our insurance doesn't pay as much in copays and I quickly became unimpressed with her so I have stopped going completely. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I would do things with her that didn't require food. Going for a walk, taking a pottery class, walking the dog, etc. :iagree: And we eat a pretty good diet here and buy organic is much as we can. But I wouldn't expect someone else to change the entire way they shop and cook to accommodate me for dinner. And when in Rome, we eat like the Romans! :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Food4Thought Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I'll chime in from the perspective of your friend. I am on the GAPS diet, along with my son, for major digestive issues. I don't do any grains (which includes gluten), dairy, or sugar - and my system is pretty sensitive. That said, I don't preach about it. I'd rather NOT talk about my food choices, since it requires some personal and complicated histories. And if you're my friend, I *don't* want to do something involving food. I'd rather go to a book shop, or make art, or just be with you to chat. A cup of tea/coffee is good for me. If you're planning on making food, let me know, and I'll offer to bring something comparable that I can eat. If your friend is expecting you to change your diet because she did, it's possible she is being insensitive. It's also possible that her life has changed significantly due to the different foods, and she might be trying to encourage you to try the same (I'm sure I did some of this, unwittingly, when I first experienced my life without gluten). If she's overpowering about it, just tell her you don't plan to change the way you eat. And unless she's avoiding beans, it's a good chance to pass the bean dip. :tongue_smilie: You can hope she'll get the hint and stop being a snob about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I eat that same way- organic produce and meats, gluten-free, unprocessed foods. Whenever we are invited somewhere, I offer to bring food. I don't expect others to provide the kinds of food I want to eat if they don't already eat this way themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeganCupcake Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 If I was the one with all the can't haves then I would not expect my host/hostess to accommodate my needs. I would be supplying my own food. As pp stated, I would look for activities that do not involve food. As someone who has some dietary restrictions, I really don't expect people to be able to feed me. I either bring my own food, or eat before I go somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Maybe the two of you could do something together at which it would be hard to eat: *Singing lessons *Tennis *dental exams ;) *Get your teeth whitened *A flossing excursion *Playing kazoos together *Trying on lipstick *Juggling lessons *The aforementioned pottery class :tongue_smilie: Once upon a time I put myself on an elimination diet to try to figure out why my nursling was so fussy. I offered to bring food when we went anywhere so at least I knew I could eat something, kwim? That way no one was put out trying to figure out what I could eat. It was no one's job but mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aquinas Academy Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 We're a vegetarian family and one of my kids has several food allergies. If we go to someone else's for dinner we always bring our own food or at least part of it. To expect someone else to cater to your very specific dietary needs and to preach about it is ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Since having to go gluten free, I'd prefer to bring my own food. I react so badly, and can end up dehydrated, which endangers my baby, that I've become somewhat paranoid. Its such a sneaky thing, popping up in places ppl just wouldn't expect, that I'd rather not eat anywhere that they aren't compeletly familiar with the issue, and most ppl aren't. Heck, *I* wasn't, so I wouldn't expect others to be, kwim? That's with a genuine allergy/intolerance issue. Your friend is doing this from a choice, and is being a bit of a pita about it. I'd simply go out for coffee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I would find things to do that did not involve a meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 1. Just curious, is this question of yours because she is seeking a meal invitation at your house? If so, you could make a joke of it and say something like, 'Wow, I wish I could eat like that but the money I would have to pay for even one meal would leave me no money left for food the rest of the week! Oh, but we would love an invitation to your home if you're up for cooking for all of us!' :D Okay, maybe not the last part, but I would sure say something about it. 2. Is this just something you normally do with friends but you don't know how to approach it since she doesn't eat the way you do? If so, she may not be as bad as some are making her out to be, unless you have a problem with #3. 3. Does she preach to you about food all the times you are together, or only when you are eating? If it's all the time, I would set boundaries and just tell her you think it's great she is making some lifestyle choices but you feel embarrassed and insulted when she insinuates that everyone, including you and your family of 5, eat that way. She might not realize she's being a badinsky! If it's only during eating that she preaches, stop eating around her at all. You don't need to eat meals or snacks every time you get together, do you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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