Anyone else feel guilty about letting their 3yo play by himself all day?

[Tracy]

We started our 3rd year of homeschooling a few weeks ago. Dd is the kind of child that wants to do everything together and hates being left alone to do things independently. I have been happily homeschooling dd while ds3 goes off to play by himself. I thought things were going so well given all the threads I see about what to do with the interruption of active 3yo's.

 

But yesterday, ds3 and I went to the store together, and we had such a great time. He told me the letters on the large store sign. He led the way through the store, pushing one of those little kid carts. He noticed the numbers on the aisle signs, and we had fun trying to figure out what the next aisle number would be or where aisle number such-and-such would be. It was just so much fun, and I realized that I have not been doing anything like that at all with him.

 

So do any of you do anything purposeful with your little ones, even if they are happy to play by themselves? I would love to hear what you do!

[freeindeed]

When my older children are doing independent work, I take that time to do "school" with my 3yo. I do several things with her, such as reading, having her "write" on her dry erase board, playing with blocks or play dough, water play, painting, listening to music, or doing crafts. I have several posts on my blog about some of the things we do. Of course she also listens in on her siblings' schooling, too.:)

[truebluexf]

Totally guilty. Which is why I started a thread for ready-made things for my 3yo to do, kind of a schooly way to occupy her and not banish her from the room. ;)

[Tracy]

Totally guilty. Which is why I started a thread for ready-made things for my 3yo to do, kind of a schooly way to occupy her and not banish her from the room. ;)

 

I actually have a whole crate full of things for him to do. But he doesn't want to do any of it most of the time. I often invite him to join us and pull out stuff from the crate. He does sometimes, but most of the time, he goes off by himself. So I guess I am thinking I need to be doing things with him. I am just not entirely sure what it is we should/could be doing together.

[Terabith]

I think that's why Tot School was invented. :-)

 

Also, preschool.

[Joyoflearning]

Dd is the kind of child that wants to do everything together and hates being left alone to do things independently. I have been happily homeschooling dd while ds3 goes off to play by himself.

But yesterday, ds3 and I went to the store together....It was just so much fun, and I realized that I have not been doing anything like that at all with him.

 

So do any of you do anything purposeful with your little ones, even if they are happy to play by themselves? I would love to hear what you do!

 

I actually have a whole crate full of things for him to do. But he doesn't want to do any of it most of the time. I often invite him to join us and pull out stuff from the crate. He does sometimes, but most of the time, he goes off by himself. So I guess I am thinking I need to be doing things with him. I am just not entirely sure what it is we should/could be doing together.

 

:grouphug: I can't offer advice, but I can sympathize as I've been feeling the same guilt. I feel like I'm totally neglecting him compared to the amount I used to do with DD when she was that age. When I have worked with him one on one, we both enjoy it, but I find it hard to find the time. The difference is that DD demanded it. DS likes to work on things, but he's very stubborn and does not want anyone to give him answers which DD can not help but doing. My DD (5) also doesn't like to work independently. I have several things (My father's world number pegs, coloring, etc..)to do with DS and I offer to do them with him at the table while DD is doing something. Sometimes he does, but mostly he would rather be off playing. I have to be careful what I let him do though because DD wouldn't understand why she couldn't join (can't do playdough or paint without all involved). He's more active and would rather be running around. I would love to be doing more active things with him inside, but I'm finding it hard to incorporate since if I do those things, DD wants to join and it is hard to get her back on track afterwards (she works better in chunks). Anyways, enough rambling about me...but yes I feel the guilt.

[sagira]

Yes. Oh, yes. This is why dd (now 4) is in a quality Montessori with a teacher who loves teaching. The materials are

great, and promote concentration. Dd gets the intellectual stimulation she needs, while I work with my ds8. It's only three hours, it's free, and it's about 15 minutes away.

 

 

:grouphug: I can't offer advice, but I can sympathize as I've been feeling the same guilt. I feel like I'm totally neglecting him compared to the amount I used to do with DD when she was that age. When I have worked with him one on one, we both enjoy it, but I find it hard to find the time. The difference is that DD demanded it. DS likes to work on things, but he's very stubborn and does not want anyone to give him answers which DD can not help but doing. My DD (5) also doesn't like to work independently. I have several things (My father's world number pegs, coloring, etc..)to do with DS and I offer to do them with him at the table while DD is doing something. Sometimes he does, but mostly he would rather be off playing. I have to be careful what I let him do though because DD wouldn't understand why she couldn't join (can't do playdough or paint without all involved). He's more active and would rather be running around. I would love to be doing more active things with him inside, but I'm finding it hard to incorporate since if I do those things, DD wants to join and it is hard to get her back on track afterwards (she works better in chunks). Anyways, enough rambling about me...but yes I feel the guilt.

[jer2911mom]

Yes, feeling guilty here. I have a first grader and a 3 year old. My first grader still requires a lot of time from me, and I, too, am having a lot of trouble getting in enough focused time with my 3 yr old. We start the day with calendar work and songs in circle time on a rug, so they both do that. We do LHTH after that and sometimes a page or two out of the R&S preschool workbook, and then my 3 yr old buzzes around us doing different activities available to her on shelves or in bins while I work with my 1st grader. Later in the morning she starts bringing me books to read to her or asking me to do things with her. Depending on whether or not we are in the middle of a lesson or not, I either read with her or tell her not to interrupt, in which case she goes off to play again. When we finish the lesson, she is engrossed in something else and I either don't interrupt her or she doesn't want to read anymore. We do a couple of Sonlight SL P3/4 books before naptime, but I definitely feel I should be doing more. My 1st grader went to Montessori preschool, so I know what my 3 yr old could be doing. I've bought some Montessori works, but I'm not getting in the time with her to show her exactly what to do with them.

 

I do hope that as we get further into the year and over the initial hump of using new curricula and figuring all that out, I'll figure out a way to work in more time with her. I'm realizing I may have to be willing to go further into the afternoon with my 1st grader to get more time in with her. It's really a hard balance because my 1st grader is much more alert in the mornings. I think once they are older and doing work more independently, things will settle out better, but for now they just both need a lot of mommy time. I've just got to be as efficient as I can with both of them, and let go of the guilt as best I can.

 

Kathy

[jer2911mom]

Yes. Oh, yes. This is why dd (now 4) is in a quality Montessori with a teacher who loves teaching. The materials are

great, and promote concentration. Dd gets the intellectual stimulation she needs, while I work with my ds8. It's only three hours, it's free, and it's about 15 minutes away.

 

I've thought about doing this next year, or even starting in Jan. if I really start feeling my dd3 isn't getting what she needs. Do you plan to keep her there just one year? How disruptive is it to go back and forth to drop off and pick up? We'd be about the same distance away. I dread interrupting our morning like that and having to be on someone else's schedule. And the fundraisers, uggh. Can you tell yet if it is worth it?

 

Thanks,

Kathy

[joannqn]

Yep, I've basically neglected my third child to the TV for the last two years while I homeschooled my older two and nursed my youngest. It showed in various ways, so we started making a concerted effort spend more time with him one-on-one, like taking just him to the store or dad taking him camping alone.

 

This year, I'm doing preschool/kindy stuff with him even if it kills me. And I'm including my youngest with his stuff. I'm not doing a lot thanks to his short attention span and our schedule, but it's so much better and the littles are so much happier. Of course, I'm might go crazy.

[chepyl]

On really good days, DD is still asleep when we do school. Most days, she wants to do school with us, so I bounce back and forth with a color page for her, and math set for him. On bad days, she watches tv which distracts DS; or she tries to get in bubby's face.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Actually I don't feel guilty. Her imagination is overwhelming and she has picked up a ton of stuff without anyone 'teaching' it. I tend toward the "don't be formal until 6" side though.

[boscopup]

Actually I don't feel guilty. Her imagination is overwhelming and she has picked up a ton of stuff without anyone 'teaching' it.

 

:iagree: No guilt here at all.

 

From the OP, I see that the 3 year old has learned letters and numbers with no formal teaching. That's wonderful! Just follow his lead. My oldest was like that during those years. If I *tried* to teach him, he'd resist big time. So I let him be. He was beyond K level before starting K, having done nothing with him but talk while going to the grocery store, and reading books, of course. ;)

 

I think preschool kids learn MORE by playing independently than they do by us "doing something with them" as in a structured preK time.

 

My 4 year old has some curriculum in his desk only because he sometimes wants to "do school" with his brother. We pull out math or phonics and work for 5-10 minutes - however much he wants to do. Then we put it away and he goes off to play. It's completely on a "when he asks to" basis, so some weeks we don't do it at all. My 2 year old has some used workbooks that he can do on his own, practicing his coloring and drawing skills (which are actually pretty good :001_huh:). He's clearly been learning plenty by "going off and playing", as he can sing the ABC song, draw a couple letters, sort of count to 10, etc.

 

I'm NOT a better late than early person, but I do think preK isn't necessary for most kids, and learning to entertain themselves and use that imagination is more important to me at that age than learning how to read or do math. If the kid wants you to teach them, teach them. If the kid is happy to go play, enjoy it! Just have a special reading/cuddle time with him and be guilt free. :D

[msrift]

Another person feeling guilty here. I'm trying to make more of an effort in spending time playing, cuddling, and enjoying the littles. One of the solutions I'm trying this year is having the olders 'school' the littles. Each older child is assigned a block of time (30-45min) to spend with the little ones. They are given a list of things to do during this time: read books, coloring pages, games, crafts, etc. I use this time to school one of the older ones, and when the older ones are doing independent work, I spend time with the younger ones. So far, everyone is enjoying the new system. The kids like getting their 'teaching guides' and they are also getting some extra experience reading aloud and following directions.

[skueppers]

Yes, this is my biggest concern about having my younger child at home this year. Last year he was in preschool, but he really didn't want to go back this year, and since havng him there was pretty inconvenient, we decided to let him stay home.

 

He doesn't like to play by himself, so he uses to computer some, and then comes upstairs to use his school area, which is in an adjoining room. I have lots of stuff for him to do -- play-doh, cutting projects, LüK, mazes, etc. He picks whatever he wants to do. I spend some time with him and some with his sister, and I have time set aside in our schedule when I can work with him on reading or math if he wants to. Or we can play a board game or something if he'd rather!

 

I don't feel a need to teach him anything in particular, but I do feel like he needs to be with us.

[Tawlas]

My littles is just 2, but I do feel guilty sometimes. When my older ds was that age, we did Tot school type stuff and had so much fun. But he was in a different place than ds2. Ds2's aspan etc just isn't there. We barely get through a picture book just looking at pictures, not even reading. Don't know if that's lack of practice or just the way he is :glare:. I do a mini-tot school with him while older ds is on starfall or pbskids at least, but it's not very long at all, and I keep a supply of blank paper and felts for him if he ever wants to join in on our paper work.

[truebluexf]

My thoughts weren't to completely ignore her while she does something independent, but to have activities ready at her level that she can do beside us, with me there to attend to her as well. She does actually love to go off and play with her toys be herself, always has, but I do want to get the tv OFF more than on for her this year. I don't think she "needs" preschool, but if it makes her feel like a part of things when she does a coloring page or something, then I'll do it! I think it's important to have a balance of things for her to do with me and independently, and usually just a short connecting activity fulfills that need so she can be more independent again. Color the same page with her for a few minutes, read a short story to her while the other two do workbooks, etc. I also purposefully chose our curricula this year, making changes that allow my older two to be more independent so all of my attention isn't focused directly on them all morning. They can do math and CLE without my help (overall, of course I will have to teach some) first which leaves the first hour of school not completely preoccupied for me. History and science should be fairly easy to include her in if she feels inclined to participate, and we do that all together.

[8filltheheart]

I don't feel the slightest guilt about not doing "purposeful" things with my little ones. I think the brain development from self-entertaining w/imagination far outweighs "pre-school."

 

I do feel guilty about not doing normal mommy-little kid stuff like going to the park, playing outside, and just every day mommy stuff that I did w/my older kids.

 

My current toddler loves music. I mean she loves it in a way none of my kids have. She loves to keep rhythm, do finger plays, and sing as many words as she knows. I ended up purchasing a program that is sort of like Kindermusik and instruments to do music w/her. She loves it! So do my 6 and 9 yr olds who always sneak in to do it w/her. ;)

[Veritaserum]

My 3yo gets a school turn with me before anyone else. She has a school list in her color (each kid gets a color) and a box of school supplies with her name on it. Her turn consists of me reading her a story and doing some preschool activities with her. She loves the one-on-one attention and happily plays after her turn is done. :)

[Mommy22alyns]

Sylvia played by herself a lot at age 3. I was just glad she could occupy herself and not interrupt all the time! Yes, I did do some purposeful things with her, and she joined in some fun SOTW activities, but she also had time to just play around. She's not lacking in any way from that.

[wapiti]

Another guilty mom here. The more I leave them alone, the more messy things get. A few weeks ago, ds3 started preschool, at the same Montessori school his brothers attend. I've been very happy with the school generally; we'll see about the new teacher. Now my guilt turns toward dd2 - she's the only one home with dd10 and I in the mornings - a spunky girl with a mind of her own, and messes to match. "hmmm, what will happen if I sprinkle this brown stuff (cocoa powder) all over the kitchen?" or the ever-present "wet! wet! I'm wet! shirt off! shirt off!"

 

Mostly, the time is evaporating all too quickly. I'm afraid it'll be gone and I'll have regrets about failing to provide sufficient stimulation and exposure, etc. But, they do find plenty to do on their own - I usually only hear whining when they're tired or fighting over something.

[MerryAtHope]

Yes, I used to do a "school time" first with my little one--read, counting, shapes, etc... Then I set her up with a variety of activities, some I planned, some she got to choose (things like playing with manipulatives, puzzles, play-dough, dolls, dress-up and so-on). If you have more than one older child, I'd also schedule a break for each child when they have some one on one with the 3 yo.

 

I don't feel guilty for letting a child have uninterrupted alone time, especially if they like it, but I do like to have that together time too and feel a combination of both is important.

 

Merry :-)

[RootAnn]

Actually I don't feel guilty. Her imagination is overwhelming and she has picked up a ton of stuff without anyone 'teaching' it.

 

:iagree: No guilt here at all.

 

I think preschool kids learn MORE by playing independently than they do by us "doing something with them" as in a structured preK time.

 

I don't feel the slightest guilt about not doing "purposeful" things with my little ones. I think the brain development from self-entertaining w/imagination far outweighs "pre-school."

 

:iagree: I have a just-turned-4 yr old who generally wants to be with the rest of us, but if he wants to play on his own, I'm all for it. I make sure he gets a hug and time with me when I'm not in the middle of something with my olders. He always get priority on books being read to him or me setting him up with coloring/puzzles. He also learns to wait his turn when I'm helping one of the olders with math.

 

I think the 'learning to be independent' is a great skill to work on when they are so little. My olders are jealous of the littles more often than the littles are jealous of all the time mom spends with the olders "doing school."