meggie Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 We went to park day today. (Local Yahoo homeschooling group meets weekly, nothing formal, just there for whoever wants to go). Pigby started out having fun. Most of the kids were little, about Digby's age. There were two other boys Pigby's age there, but every time he went up to them, they turned his back on them and walked away. Not wanting to get involved, I kept telling him, "You need to go up and ask if you can play with them. Don't just stand there." So finally he did. They both said "No," and walked away. My heart hurts every time he gets rejected like this and it makes me want to never go to park day again. The last time we went, we were the only ones for the whole time, except the last 20 minutes when another family showed up. There was a sweet little girl he got to play with for a few minutes, but then we had to leave. And the time before that, he was trying to play, but some bossy girl told him he had to go away because it was the girl tree and he wasn't allowed. Why? Why do I care? Why do I bother? Sometimes I feel like being a hermit and staying home and not letting him get hurt like that. On the way home, he asked why we keep going to homeschool park day and I told him so he could make friends. He said he's made enough now. And now I'm considering putting him in kindergarten for a crash course in making friends. Somebody slap me before I walk down to the local elementary school and register him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 :grouphug: That is so hard. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Is there a different place you could take him? It really doesn't sound like he gets much of a chance to make friends. Would an organized sport/activity be a possibility? :grouphug: for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 HE knows how to make friends. The OTHER kids don't. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Poor little guy! :sad: Are there any other parks nearby? Sometimes a different park attracts different kids. It's weird, but some seem overrun with regulars (cliques?) more than others. I must confess that I had to think a minute about what a "yahoo" homeschool group might be. :tongue_smilie: (I occasionally refer to my kids as "yahoos" if they're not particularly behaving at the moment...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Is there a different place you could take him? It really doesn't sound like he gets much of a chance to make friends. Would an organized sport/activity be a possibility? :grouphug: for him. HE knows how to make friends. The OTHER kids don't. :grouphug: :iagree::iagree: I'd stop going to this park day and try to find another outlet. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 HE knows how to make friends. The OTHER kids don't. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Somebody slap me before I walk down to the local elementary school and register him. That won't help. He'll get that all day long in school. Many kids are mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pee Dee Mama Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 :grouphug: It is definitely NOT your son. I agree about finding a different outlet for making friends, either a different park or organized sports or something. The park you're going to doesn't seem to be the most conducive for making friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Is there a different place you could take him? It really doesn't sound like he gets much of a chance to make friends. Would an organized sport/activity be a possibility? :grouphug: for him. I had signed him up for a boys group. Details here. The park days are so inconsistent with who comes every week. And the boys group would be the same kids every week, so maybe he could get to know some of them better. I'm hoping it works out. I'm going to stay the first few times and see how it goes. I feel like I've failed him somehow. On a one on one play date, he does fine. In a big group activity, he just doesn't know what to do. He thinks talking to someone makes them his friend, so then he runs back to me to tell me he made a friend and then is too nervous to go back and talk to them. I had to keep telling him, "Go ask to play. Go talk to them. Go do things with them." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) There were two other boys Pigby's age there, but every time he went up to them, they turned his back on them and walked away. Not wanting to get involved, I kept telling him, "You need to go up and ask if you can play with them. Don't just stand there." So finally he did. They both said "No," and walked away. And the time before that, he was trying to play, but some bossy girl told him he had to go away because it was the girl tree and he wasn't allowed. I often confront the unfriendly kids myself in this type of situation. I really don't care what the parents think of me for doing it either. I make more progress by speaking with the kids about being nice. Even when I do "nothing" I make a point for the rude kids to overhear my comments regarding their behavior and how being mean hurts feelings. And now I'm considering putting him in kindergarten for a crash course in making friends. Somebody slap me before I walk down to the local elementary school and register him. I don't think school enrollment would help. It would just be more hours per day in the company of peers who are not receiving adequate adult guidance about how to treat others. A lot of kids get their lessons in how to behave this way from kindergarten. It's part of the lessons they learn from their peers, not their teacher. Edited August 26, 2011 by laundrycrisis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Don't do it!!! Seriously, just because a child is IN school doesn't automatically mean friends galore. I'm sorry your DS had his feelings hurt with rude kids though. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 This is why I stopped going to Park Days around here with my local homeschool groups. Parents don't supervise their children at ALL and kids who won't play with you unless they already know you. It was so frustrating. We've found friends from other outlets - dance, Girl Scouts, church, etc. They're not homeschooled, unfortunately, but at least they're friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Sounds like a crummy group honestly. There are good and bad homeschool park groups, just like any groups. We had to try a few before we found one. Don't give up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cloversandlions Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Don't do it!!! Seriously, just because a child is IN school doesn't automatically mean friends galore. I'm sorry your DS had his feelings hurt with rude kids though. :grouphug: This is true. My ds is an introvert; he always has a hard time making friends. In kindy, the boys all talked about cars and sports (yes, even then!) and my ds was not interested in those. And the girls in kindy already thought boys were not friend-worthy, and they wouldn't play with any of them. It was a very lonely year for my kiddo. (I don't think this dynamic is true of all K classes, but it was definitely true of this one.) In our (homeschool) playgroup, when there has been an unkind thing that has happened, we bring it up with the parents. Some are more responsive than others, but this mostly works. Of course, at that age, the parents are watching pretty closely and they would have already encouraged the other little boys to include new friends. Is there any chance that you could ask the parents of the boys if they could help their sons include your little one? It's once they get older that we've really struggled - at least for the same ds I mentioned above. The boys in the group merely tolerate him, although thankfully, most of the girls are very kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) I'm going to get it for this, but I care about your family, and so I'm willing to risk it :D... Years and years of experience have shown me this: You are better off making friends at a structured homeschool activity, preferably one that is more academic. You will find... ummm... a different set of families at those activities than at park day. Edited August 26, 2011 by angela in ohio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Honestly, I don't think you need to stress out about homeschool groups. I used to think I needed to but 8 years in the parent I know that's closest to me on my parenting and educational philosophies and whose kids are ones I love to have around mine sends her two to public school. Getting together with other homeschoolers is often sketchy anyway. It's the old "herding cats" story. Get him involved in some community groups instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 We went to park day today. (Local Yahoo homeschooling group meets weekly, nothing formal, just there for whoever wants to go). Pigby started out having fun. Most of the kids were little, about Digby's age. There were two other boys Pigby's age there, but every time he went up to them, they turned his back on them and walked away. Not wanting to get involved, I kept telling him, "You need to go up and ask if you can play with them. Don't just stand there." So finally he did. They both said "No," and walked away. My heart hurts every time he gets rejected like this and it makes me want to never go to park day again. The last time we went, we were the only ones for the whole time, except the last 20 minutes when another family showed up. There was a sweet little girl he got to play with for a few minutes, but then we had to leave. And the time before that, he was trying to play, but some bossy girl told him he had to go away because it was the girl tree and he wasn't allowed. Why? Why do I care? Why do I bother? Sometimes I feel like being a hermit and staying home and not letting him get hurt like that. On the way home, he asked why we keep going to homeschool park day and I told him so he could make friends. He said he's made enough now. And now I'm considering putting him in kindergarten for a crash course in making friends. Somebody slap me before I walk down to the local elementary school and register him. I'm sorry. :( We haven't been going to park days because they are in the mornings and we keep those for school. Are you on ING? There's interest in an afternoon group for those of us who are too busy homeschooling to go to the park in the morning. :tongue_smilie: Digby can play with my soon-to-be-5yo dd. She is a social butterfly who will make friends with people at the grocery store. :) School is not the answer here. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NatashainDFW Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Well if you are in south Utah County I have a 6 year old boy and 3 year old girl that would love to play. We haven't been to park day because I honestly don't have the want to to drive out to Provo or Utah in the morning when I can be working/getting school going. I have meant to go multiple times but oversleep or the kids do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Ok, I added the afternoon park day to the ING group calendar. I think more people will be able to come more consistently if it's not in the morning. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I must confess that I had to think a minute about what a "yahoo" homeschool group might be. :tongue_smilie: (I occasionally refer to my kids as "yahoos" if they're not particularly behaving at the moment...) LOL, that's the problem right there! Honestly, I don't think you need to stress out about homeschool groups. I used to think I needed to but 8 years in the parent I know that's closest to me on my parenting and educational philosophies and whose kids are ones I love to have around mine sends her two to public school. Ditto for us. I also recommend a more structured activity. My kids have developed their friendships in choir and karate and Awana, which have then carried over outside of the activities. On park days, we take a toy with us, something that more than one person can play with. Sometimes that attracts other kids. Also, I've noticed that "What are you playing?" engages other kids a little more readily than "Can I play with you?" Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 Thank you for the good ideas everyone. I don't have time to reply to everyone right now, but I did read them. I might be able to get back on later. Community activities would probably be a good idea. I know our city has a few, I'll have to find out what there is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 To this day when we go to park days I make sure both of my kids have cool, interesting toys to play with. Then the other kids have to talk to my kids to play with them. Sometimes it is just a frisbee, a ball of some sort, or toys for digging in the dirt. It makes my kids more accessable, and it gives them the power of somewhat being a leader. If that doesn't work, then we just leave and go do something pretty cool by ourselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I'm afraid I was never that keen on "social" events, like Parent and Toddler Groups, Homeschool groups (not many have any academic element around here) etc. The whole let-the-kids-play-freely never seemed to work out very well. My dc have found friends in the extra-curriculars that they do; DD11's best friend is from her ballet class; DD9 has some good friends from ballet and swimming; DS6 is beginning to make good friends with a lad at hockey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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