clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Against my better judgement my oldest child and daughter goes to a public school. She does all right for the most part. I originally started hsing when she was in 4th grade and to be honest she was never really thrilled with it. So she goes to school. She makes good grades and really seems to still be her own person and not a crowd follower so it's OK I guess. She is the most friendly little thing you will ever meet. She has friends, alot of friends. One in particular that I am not crazy about because it seems she is a drama queen. She tried a year ago before my daughter met her to commit suicide. She is supposedly bi-polar but she doesn't take any meds for it. She has also been commited. My daughter says she feels really bad for her because the kids she hangs around all seem out for something and the girl is different when she is around her. OK I am trying to let her make her own choices she is getting older, in highschool. She feels as if she can save this girl. She is always so sad and my daughter just wants everyone to be happy. She often calls my daughter the only honest friend she has ever had. It was posted today all over facebook that girl had killed herself. My daughter has been in tears wondering why her friend would do this. They picked the same classes for next year, they were talking about colleges etc. My daughter all night has asked what could she have done? Could she have been a better friend? Maybe if I would have allowed her to sleep over the girl wouldn't have done this. I don't do sleep overs especially with a parent who has time and time again proved she don't look out for her own daughter (thats another story). It was all a lie. Her and another girl cooked this little idea up for attention. First she was dead, then she was in the hospital and now she is waking up frm this suicide attempt and going home tonight. I could strangle someone for this nonsense. I understand the child has issues but this is way too far for me. My daughter was frantic and faulting herself. I am so angry. I called the hospital and they have no patient by that name and they haven't. I live in a small town with 1 hospital so it can't be a matter of the wrong 1. My daughter is in her room and won't talk to anyone right now. I am just so ticked off! OK vent over, thanks for reading I feel a bit better getting that out in some form. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 You know what, I wouldn't blame that girl, because she honestly does sound like she has a mental illness, and needs medication and therapy. It's her parents (and especially her mother for participating in this farce) I'd be disgusted with, and very angry. The mom might think it's a joke now, but given the girl's behavior, I put her at high-risk of actual suicide if she doesn't receive treatment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I guess being somewhat internet savvy you would see this type of person as a "troll" I think we have all been taken in at one point. Fool me once....ya know? Are you sure she is bi-polar, has been committed, tried to commit suicide previously? Or is all of that made up as well? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 :grouphug: sounds like that girl needs some serious mental help if she is faking her own death online for attention. I can't imagine the level of betrayal your dd must be feeling right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Find an article for your dd on toxic people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 I guess being somewhat internet savvy you would see this type of person as a "troll" I think we have all been taken in at one point. Fool me once....ya know? Are you sure she is bi-polar, has been committed, tried to commit suicide previously? Or is all of that made up as well? That is kind of what I am wondering right now. I am not insulting bi-polar I know it is a very real illness and not a joke but, from what I have read it seems all people with bi-polar would be on meds. Especially if she has tried suicide and all in the past. I just moved to this area about a year ago. I have never been able to pinpoint a period to meet the mother just have read online stuff and what my daughter has told me she hears from the girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Against my better judgement my oldest child and daughter goes to a public school. She does all right for the most part. I originally started hsing when she was in 4th grade and to be honest she was never really thrilled with it. So she goes to school. She makes good grades and really seems to still be her own person and not a crowd follower so it's OK I guess. She is the most friendly little thing you will ever meet. She has friends, alot of friends. One in particular that I am not crazy about because it seems she is a drama queen. She tried a year ago before my daughter met her to commit suicide. She is supposedly bi-polar but she doesn't take any meds for it. She has also been commited. My daughter says she feels really bad for her because the kids she hangs around all seem out for something and the girl is different when she is around her. OK I am trying to let her make her own choices she is getting older, in highschool. She feels as if she can save this girl. She is always so sad and my daughter just wants everyone to be happy. She often calls my daughter the only honest friend she has ever had. It was posted today all over facebook that girl had killed herself. My daughter has been in tears wondering why her friend would do this. They picked the same classes for next year, they were talking about colleges etc. My daughter all night has asked what could she have done? Could she have been a better friend? Maybe if I would have allowed her to sleep over the girl wouldn't have done this. I don't do sleep overs especially with a parent who has time and time again proved she don't look out for her own daughter (thats another story). It was all a lie. Her and another girl cooked this little idea up for attention. First she was dead, then she was in the hospital and now she is waking up frm this suicide attempt and going home tonight. I could strangle someone for this nonsense. I understand the child has issues but this is way too far for me. My daughter was frantic and faulting herself. I am so angry. I called the hospital and they have no patient by that name and they haven't. I live in a small town with 1 hospital so it can't be a matter of the wrong 1. My daughter is in her room and won't talk to anyone right now. I am just so ticked off! OK vent over, thanks for reading I feel a bit better getting that out in some form. Wow!!! I would be freakin' mad too. Take this from someone who has tried to commit suicide. This is not something to joke about at all and not even for attention. This "friend" and I use that term loosely needs to get some help very soon. Alot of times these can be called cries of help but the next ones may go unnoticed if she keeps this up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Find an article for your dd on toxic people. I am just so angry. If you knew my daughter you would understand. She is just sweet and loving. She is funny and wants the world to be a wonderful place. she wants to save everyone and be friends with everyone. In 2nd grade a down syndrome student was put in her class, none of the kids would talk to the little girl. My daughter did though. She was her friend and everything, even if she got made fun of. It's like my boys are just boys that can fight with the best of them. My daughter is sweet and kind and it kills me when she is hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 That is kind of what I am wondering right now. I am not insulting bi-polar I know it is a very real illness and not a joke but, from what I have read it seems all people with bi-polar would be on meds. Especially if she has tried suicide and all in the past. I just moved to this area about a year ago. I have never been able to pinpoint a period to meet the mother just have read online stuff and what my daughter has told me she hears from the girl. It can be hard to tell, there has been some bad results with younger people and meds. However...I would discuss this with her mother. I would think she wasn't getting attention at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I am not clear on your dd's age, but in your shoes, I'd be requiring her to block this person on fb. And I'd probably fly in under the radar for a little meeting with the school guidance counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 I am not clear on your dd's age, but in your shoes, I'd be requiring her to block this person on fb. And I'd probably fly in under the radar for a little meeting with the school guidance counselor. I fully plan on talking with the counselor as soon as school starts. It doesn't go back till the 22nd here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Talking to the guidance counselor is probably a better idea than talking to the mom yourself. She would be better equipped on how to deal with something like this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Talking to the guidance counselor is probably a better idea than talking to the mom yourself. She would be better equipped on how to deal with something like this Yes. The mother has never been able to find the time to meet me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Yes. The mother has never been able to find the time to meet me. So, was the mom aware of this "prank"? What is her view on her dd's obvious mental illness and has the girl gotten any help in the past or does mom just ignore the obvious? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogMom5 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Find an article for your dd on toxic people. :iagree: Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 So, was the mom aware of this "prank"? What is her view on her dd's obvious mental illness and has the girl gotten any help in the past or does mom just ignore the obvious? At this point I have no idea who was aware of what. I would assume all mothers look at their childrens pages though. It was everywhere even the schools facebook page until that got deleted because of the comments being posted. I know the mother is not very responsible from what the daughter has said. Seems utilities and phones are always getting turned off. Supposedly the mother knew the girl had been talking suicide, ecleast from what she told my daughter. I just don't know what to believe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 At this point I have no idea who was aware of what. I would assume all mothers look at their childrens pages though. It was everywhere even the schools facebook page until that got deleted because of the comments being posted. I know the mother is not very responsible from what the daughter has said. Seems utilities and phones are always getting turned off. Supposedly the mother knew the girl had been talking suicide, ecleast from what she told my daughter. I just don't know what to believe. Maybe CPS needs to get involved then. If mother is ignoring what obviously is going on with dd, could this be considered neglect? I don't know so I am just wondering out loud. But, it is obvious that daughter needs and has needed help and mother is ignoring what is right under her nose. Just a thought. I am sorry for your daughter and can't imagine what she has gone through and how confused she must be right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Maybe CPS needs to get involved then. If mother is ignoring what obviously is going on with dd, could this be considered neglect? I don't know so I am just wondering out loud. But, it is obvious that daughter needs and has needed help and mother is ignoring what is right under her nose. Just a thought. I am sorry for your daughter and can't imagine what she has gone through and how confused she must be right now. Thank you that is very kind. She just said I don't want to talk about this ever. I feel bad for her. I feel bad for that kid too but still, to upset people this way. You should read some of the posts on her facebook wall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I myself suffer from Bipolar and take meds for it. All of the things that this girl is doing does not follow what people that suffer from Bipolar do. She sounds to me as though she is starved for attention since she's not getting any at home, and your daughter showers her with it. Your daughter is a kind heart that is being taken advantage of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I am not clear on your dd's age, but in your shoes, I'd be requiring her to block this person on fb. And I'd probably fly in under the radar for a little meeting with the school guidance counselor. This is what I was thinking. I would print out as many of the posts relating to this as you can find and take them in. Any kids who knowingly participated in this need help. Some may just need some sense knocked into them. Others may need medical interventions. FWIW, the way that you can specify who sees a FB post could mean that the adults who are FB friends with this girl haven't seen these posts. It could even be something specifically targeting a small group of school friends who are seen as being "in" on the joke or who are being targeted as gullible. (FB status controls allow you to only send an update to certain people or to exclude some people without unfriending them). I don't think this girl is a healthy friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 At this point I have no idea who was aware of what. I would assume all mothers look at their childrens pages though. It was everywhere even the schools facebook page until that got deleted because of the comments being posted. I know the mother is not very responsible from what the daughter has said. Seems utilities and phones are always getting turned off. Supposedly the mother knew the girl had been talking suicide, ecleast from what she told my daughter. I just don't know what to believe. You can have someone as a FB friend and yet block them from seeing specific (or any) status updates. It can be done in a way that looks pretty seemless (ie, the girl wouldn't totally drop off from posts, but certain posts just wouldn't show up). Sounds like a sad situation that needs a lot of help. But also as if your dd has been taken advantage of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livingnlearning Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I would take this as a lesson in developing a healthy dose of skepticism without losing the wonderful trust and kindness that your daughter has. She has some great personality traits but twisted or ill people can use that against her; it will be good if she can learn some discernment in just how helpful and trusting she can and should be toward different people. As was said, an article on toxic people, maybe some coping ideas for when you get too tangled up with a toxic person, the warning signs, how to set limits. How to be very skeptical on the internet! My poor DD went through something very very similar and she learned a lot about internet drama. I felt so bad for her but we used the incident to install some self-protection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Wow, that is horrible, so sorry for your dd. I would definitely talk to dd about how this person was willing to throw their friendship under the bus. If this unhealthy girl truly considered your dd to be her best friend, then she knew how hurt, angry, emotional she would be upon reading the false details of her demise. Yet, she did anyway. Regardless of how public the 'friend' did this, the fact is she did it to your dd personally. Does that make sense? She had to know, her friend, your dd, would think she was dead. This thought did not bother her at all or else she would have contacted your dd and said, be warned I am pulling this prank. Obviously, this was a horrible thing to do to anyone. But, if your dd can see how badly she was disregarded, then maybe she will be willing to walk away and pray fro her from a distance. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I'm not sure what I would do about the situation but I know for certain my daughter would have nothing further to do with this child. My daughter sounds very similar to yours (wants to be everyones friend, is a peacemaker, etc). I have to butt in and tell her that her "friendship" with a friend was about to end. She had a friend that would put her down constantly (my house is nicer than yours, bigger, I am better at skating than you, I am better at this and that). My daughter was feeling horrible about herself but never thought to distance herself from this person. We spent a long time talking about it and me telling her how to advocate for herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 When I was in highschool I had a male friend who threatened suicide quite a few times. About the 3rd time I was really tired of the drama. My momma caught wind that he had threatened and reminded me that I still should take evey threat as real and we(she) should call the police. I begged and pleaded with her not to blow this up!!!! I ranted about how he was all about the attention. She conceded, so long as I informed her how he was at school the next day. That was the night he tried to follow through. He ended up in treatment and got help. He was in a divorce situaton with a mom who was numbing herself with alcohol. Thankfully, another of my friends took him seriously and called the police. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 :grouphug: what a Very Very sad thing. we can't fix other people, but we can fix ourselves. we can't save them, either. so i would be taking my dd to see a counsellor to help her learn to set healthy boundaries and what a healthy friendship looks like. this isn't it. she needs to come up with some simple clear statements about what happened and how it affected her. then she needs to figure out how to keep some emotional distance. because this has the potential to set her up to expect to be mistreated, and that's different from being sweet and loving.... :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Well some of the stuff has been deleted. The girl herself has yet to post anywhere. Friends are still posting on her wall RIP stuff like that. I can't seem to find her mother or anyone who is family on her page. I have once again called the hospital and nothing. This is all just stupid attention seeking junk. The phone number has been disconnected so I can't get ahold of any actual adult. My daughter is sleeping and I hope that she feels better when she wakes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 "I love your kind heart and the fact that you want to help people. There is something that you need to know about this girl, though. She canNOT be helped through friendship alone. She does not have healthy boundries. You are not qualified to help her. Neither am I. She needs professional help and you must distance yourself from her. You may not understand this now, but in time you will. I know this hurts and I'm here for you." That is what I would say if this were happening to MY dd. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 "I love your kind heart and the fact that you want to help people. There is something that you need to know about this girl, though. She canNOT be helped through friendship alone. She does not have healthy boundries. You are not qualified to help her. Neither am I. She needs professional help and you must distance yourself from her. You may not understand this now, but in time you will. I know this hurts and I'm here for you." That is what I would say if this were happening to MY dd. :grouphug: Very well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 "I love your kind heart and the fact that you want to help people. There is something that you need to know about this girl, though. She canNOT be helped through friendship alone. She does not have healthy boundries. You are not qualified to help her. Neither am I. She needs professional help and you must distance yourself from her. You may not understand this now, but in time you will. I know this hurts and I'm here for you." That is what I would say if this were happening to MY dd. :grouphug: :iagree: My highly suspicious and cynical self would be exercising my authority as parent and cutting off all contact with this highly unstable individual. It is just your daughter's heart that was injured this time. There is no telling what this other kid will do next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Just a thought...if the girl herself hasn't posted, is it possible that she is a victim in all of this? Perhaps it is all other girls being cruel and posting all this crap, and this girl didn't have anything to do with it? Just a thought... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I fully plan on talking with the counselor as soon as school starts. It doesn't go back till the 22nd here The guidance staff are often in during the summer to deal with new incoming students. I wouldn't wait to try to get in touch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sushi's Mom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 The guidance staff are often in during the summer to deal with new incoming students. I wouldn't wait to try to get in touch. I was just going to post the same thing. Definitely call today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 "I love your kind heart and the fact that you want to help people. There is something that you need to know about this girl, though. She canNOT be helped through friendship alone. She does not have healthy boundries. You are not qualified to help her. Neither am I. She needs professional help and you must distance yourself from her. You may not understand this now, but in time you will. I know this hurts and I'm here for you." That is what I would say if this were happening to MY dd. :grouphug: :iagree: This friendship needs to end even if it is the parent making this decision.:iagree::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 I wish I could get a hold of the mother. I don't even know her name and my dd doesn't know her last name. It is different from the daughters. I don't know who knows what but the original poster who started it all is her best friend and neighbor. Supposedly she saw it all then as the night went on her story changed and changed and as far as I know the actual girl who supposedly did this has not been heard from by anyone. The hospital even told me they couldn't give any information beyond confirming if she was there and they say no. It is all just stupid to cause anyone to think you are dead. I am printing out from the originals posters wall and I will be taking that to guidance. I just really don't get all this drama and no adults have seen it yet except of course me who knows no one in this town to call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I wish I could get a hold of the mother. I don't even know her name and my dd doesn't know her last name. It is different from the daughters. I don't know who knows what but the original poster who started it all is her best friend and neighbor. Supposedly she saw it all then as the night went on her story changed and changed and as far as I know the actual girl who supposedly did this has not been heard from by anyone. The hospital even told me they couldn't give any information beyond confirming if she was there and they say no. It is all just stupid to cause anyone to think you are dead. I am printing out from the originals posters wall and I will be taking that to guidance. I just really don't get all this drama and no adults have seen it yet except of course me who knows no one in this town to call. Something you might ask at guidance is if your dd's schedule can be made to minimize contact with this girl. For example a different lunch period or different class sections. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Something you might ask at guidance is if your dd's schedule can be made to minimize contact with this girl. For example a different lunch period or different class sections. That is a good idea Thankyou! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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