Today is my birthday! Ta daaaa! Also, my current dilemmas. CC last paragraph.

[Carpe Diem]

Hello friends. I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I am so thrilled to be celebrating my birthday cancer free! I have been enjoying my time away from doctors.

 

I went for a horseback riding lesson today. The first in years. It was given to me by another bc survivor. She donated her time and another wonderful person donated the horse. I was scared but excited. We did some trotting and I didn't fall off! This was with an english saddle which was new for me.

 

Tomorrow I have to decide if I am going to go back to work in the fall as I had been doing. Part of me wants to not go back because I hate leaving my kids although it is only 1-2 times per week for about 4 hours each time. Not really a lot. Also, it will be nice not to have any stress about work. BUT, the pay is good and it is a fairly easy job. Having the extra money would help give us a bit of wiggle room in our budget and maybe I could actually take some more horseback riding lessons/do something for myself. It would be impossible to find a similar flexible work situation in my field. With today's economy and our medical bills it would be good to keep it.

 

My eldest daughter wants to go to HS. We will probably let her try it. I am scared for what path that will bring our family. My sweet 10 yo dd also wants to go to school. I do not want to let my two youngest go at all but then I wonder if it would be better for them. During this last year education wasn't the top priority. Just surviving this cancer battle as intact family was our priority.

 

Last night I prayed about if I should go back to work and just said in my mind over and over "Jesus is Lord. Jesus I trust in you." My brain started to drift off to sleep and I heard myself saying in my sort of dream "see my son's anguish." I bolted awake. It was me imaging telling my son that I was going to go back to work and that he would be so sad. Then later (I was not sleeping well) my brain replayed something from earlier in the day. We were standing on the sidewalk and my son was on the curb/too close to the road. I told him to step back. So my brain reviewed this and I heard my voice saying. "You have to step back." I bolted awake again. I laid there all night wondering if this was God telling me to not go back to work.

 

Please pray for me that I can make the right decision for my family and myself. If there is any wisdom you can pass on please do so.

 

edited to add: I am at a higher risk of the cancer returning due to being triple negative. So, this plays into my thoughts. I am cancer free this birthday but next year I may not be. Should I keep my kids home to spend as much time with them as possible in the event that I am facing cancer again?

Edited August 9, 2011 by Carpe Diem

[NanceXToo]

Christine,

 

Happy birthday, and I am SO glad you are celebrating it cancer free and that you had a good birthday!

 

I am not particularly religious and I am not a Christian so I don't know whether you want my input on the work issue- but I say, take the job! If it were a full time job that would have you out of the home five days a week, 8 plus hours a day, with a five year old still at home- I would definitely hesitate.

 

But just two days a week, just four hours a day, paying well enough to help you whether it is for your own entertainment, schooling, bills, or whatever, and a relatively stress free job? Yes, take it. 8 hours or so away from your kids a week is not a lot in the grand scheme of things and your 5 year old isn't a baby anymore. I am pretty sure he will adjust very quickly even if he doesn't like the idea when it is first presented.

 

Let your 10 y/o try school if she wants to and if you are okay with it. Continue to homeschool your 5 y/o. Most of your time will still be spent in the home with him.... do it, and don't feel guilty about it.

 

:grouphug:

[Ginevra]

Happy Birthday and I'm so happy that cancer is in the past now.

 

You will make the best decision about work. I don't have any words of advice, but just know that, whatever you decide, it will work out. :grouphug: I don't know if the dozing thoughts carry any meaning or not, but there will be one decision or another that will resonate with you and you will know what to do.

[*Inna*]

Happy Birthday! :001_smile:

[ELaurie]

:party:Happy Birthday Christine!

 

Keeping you in my prayers.

[Denisemomof4]

SO GOOD to hear from you! CANCER FREE!!!:party: Happy Birthday!!! :party:

 

I think that if you're blessed with a good paying, flexible job of only 8 hours per week, in this economy I would take it. It sounds like a blessing that you wouldn't want to give up!

 

School - that's between you, your dh, God, the kids. I did not have a positive experience when I put my boys in, your family very well could!

 

I'm SO glad to hear from you, to hear you happy, to celebrate another birthday, TO BE CANCER FREE!!! :party::party::party:

[newlifemom]

Happy Birthday! Will be praying for His wisdom for you.

[TN Mama]

Happy Birthday to you! So happy to hear from you! :) Praying for discernment for you. You will make the best choice for your family.

[amyable]

I have no good advice but I wanted to wish you a wonderful happy birthday!!

 

:party:

[speedmom4]

When I am trying to make a decision I often try to imagine what my older self would have wanted me to do. I hope that isn't too confusing. For example, there have been many many times when I have wanted my kids to go to school. I started trying to imagine myself at 50 and what I advice I would give to myself now. That may sound absolutely crazy but it has really worked for me. I try not to think about what is good for right now but what is the right decision for the long haul.

 

Anyway, congrats on being cancer free! Keep us updated when you can.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Harriet Vane]

I'm so very, very glad to hear from you, and so glad you are cancer-free!!!!

 

As for What To Do--on this one, only God can say. Humanly speaking, all your options look good. I think the answers will only come with prayer and quietness.

 

Keep us posted--I pray for your health often when I'm on the boards.

[Annie G]

Happy cancer free birthday!!

 

I'd probably opt to go back to work since it's only part time. You can always quit if it's not working out, and it will still leave lots of time to school your son.

 

That extra money might come in handy for some girls' night out events with your daughters- if they're in school all day, you might want to do that kind of thing occasionally so you can stay connected.

 

Praying your cancer won't return. It must be scary- my mom and dh's mom both fought cancer at the same time and we're always a bit edgy that it might return.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:Happy Birthday:grouphug:

[Impish]

Happy birthday!!

[Unicorn.]

Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy Birthday!! What a wonderful gift to be cancer free! :party:

 

As for the job/school decision.... Go w/ your heart! Do what makes you feel the least stressed. You need to stay healthy, and make your life as stress free as possible.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Happy birthday, Christine. :):):)

[Sara R]

Happy birthday! Hooray for birthdays!!!

 

I found that after all the treatment was done, that was when I had more mental stuff to process. During treatment, all your energies go towards the fight. Afterwards, you are different and you need time to think about how you want your life to be now, in view of the fact that you might not get all 80 years you had been planning on before.

 

What I did that really helped, was to make TWO plans for the rest of my life. Plan one: I only have a year left. (Like you, that was a strong possibility with me. I wasn't triple negative, but I was stage IIIC and had a 50% chance of recurrence.) Plan two: I live to a ripe old age. I actually got pages out in my planner and "planned" in 5 year increments. What year will it be? How old will my husband and I be, our kids, our parents? What would I like to be doing?

 

If I only had a year left, what are my priorities? I wrote them down. But if I live a long time, what am I aiming for?

 

Bills and such are important, and it sounds like you have a sweet job opportunity. If I were you, I'd continue with that unless you feel strongly it is wrong.

 

And your kids' education is really important too. What's your neighborhood school situation like? I put my kids into school during my treatment, and they are still there because it is a good situation for them. I'm still very involved in their educations, but I view the school as a subcontractor. If our local schools were different, I would not have made that decision.

 

Praying for guidance as you make your decisions.

[Carpe Diem]

Hello Everyone,

 

Thank you for your replies and for your thoughts and/or prayers. I realized that if money wasn't an issue I would have probably not gone back to work but since in this economy money IS an issue I decided to tell my employer that I would come back. When I called I found them to be so wonderful. They said I could slowly transition back. When there was a mention of an upcoming responsibility that would be due in less than a month I immediately started to feel stressed but they said the other covering person could finish that. Also, it was mentioned that if I couldn't handle the job I could always back off so I was relieved. So that is my approach right now. To give it a whirl and see what happens. Now I just have to figure out how to handle my job and homeschooling and all the other stuff I have to do. ORGANIZATION will be key.

 

I hope my decision is right.

 

Thank you for listening.

[mytwomonkeys]

happy birthday! i will pray for you:grouphug:. i pray you choose the path with no regrets. hugs.

[mcconnellboys]

Happy Birthday! Praying that God grants you both peace and wisdom in deciding how to proceed....

[MBM]

It's wonderful to read your good news, Christine! I am sure you will work out a good plan for you and your family.

 

The riding lessons sounds like a good idea, too.

 

Anyway, I wish you the very best as you continue to get healthier and healthier.

 

:) HAVE A HAPPY, FABULOUS BIRTHDAY!

 

[ma23peas]

Awwww!!! :grouphug:

 

Happy Birthday :party:

 

Here is my advice, REST IN THE LORD!!! Do not feel that YOU have to make this decision! Trust in Him that He will make it abundantly clear to you! He knows your future, He will not leave you hanging...I think more than anything at this point today, He wants you to rejoice in the moment...embrace your children, spread/share your joy...do not let 'cancer' steal one more moment of your time or energies....

 

Your children have been through an awful lot. I have a dear friend who has battled stage 4 for 6 years (she is doing GREAT!)..but I have seen the toll it has taken on all of them..I can see your daughters wanting to try something new, girls often do...but I would want them to want it for the 'new' experience not solely to get away from the facts they've had to face the past year...I do not know your personality, your struggles...but if you can walk into this next year not fretting about the return of cancer, minimizing any future doctor visits...(kids really hurt when they see their mom in a place of uncertainty)..but trusting deeply that God has you covered...that lesson alone will be one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. If the job is just 4 hours 2x a week, I think it's fine...I think it would be good to have your children see you focusing on something besides your health..

 

God will take care of the details!! If your girls ask again, tell them everything is always a consideration and ask them to join you in prayer that God would make it as clear to them as it is to you...you don't have to go into the what if's (my cancer comes back and my time is limited) that can be too much a burden for them to bear (believe me, they've already gone there) but if you focus on what God will provide, clear understanding and untold blessings...I would go there.

 

Praying for you all and rejoicing with you in this special day!!!