Lazy kids

[Embassy]

Is there such a thing? I understand some kids just like to sit around and do nothing. Is that really laziness? It seems to me that a kid is just being a kid. I have heard many parents call their children lazy. What atypical behaviors cause them to use a label like that?

 

:bigear:

[Sharon H in IL]

I can't speak in general, but when I've seen those situations, it's been my opinion that the child was discouraged because he thinks or has been told he's incompetent, or else he's angry -- very angry.

Edited July 14, 2011 by Sharon H in IL

[missmoe]

Yes, I think kids can be lazy. I watched one at water polo today. During warm-ups she was the last off the wall to swim the lap. She didn't try very hard during those laps. And when things got hard during the game she just kinda held back and waited for someone else to pick up the slack. This is the same kid that disappears to the bathroom during chore time! :glare:

 

I don't think sitting around doing nothing is always lazyness. I think avoiding hard work and letting others do that hard work for you is lazyness.

[Embassy]

Yes, I think kids can be lazy. I watched one at water polo today. During warm-ups she was the last off the wall to swim the lap. She didn't try very hard during those laps. And when things got hard during the game she just kinda held back and waited for someone else to pick up the slack. This is the same kid that disappears to the bathroom during chore time! :glare:

 

I don't think sitting around doing nothing is always lazyness. I think avoiding hard work and letting others do that hard work for you is lazyness.

 

Interesting. Personally I don't see the example of the girl as a description of lazy. To me it sounds like a lack of interest or a lack of discipline. Lazy seems to suggest that there is a problem with who the child is rather than an issue of a child being forced to do an activity or a child who hasn't been disciplined appropriately.

[missmoe]

Interesting. Personally I don't see the example of the girl as a description of lazy. To me it sounds like a lack of interest or a lack of discipline. Lazy seems to suggest that there is a problem with who the child is rather than an issue of a child being forced to do an activity or a child who hasn't been disciplined appropriately.

 

She's not being forced to compete in water polo--her choice. She is forced to do chores. And is disciplined appropriately at home and yet she is able to continue to choose to be lazy. Which by the way, is not a term we really use in our home--we don't tell her she is lazy. At Water polo it's up to the coach, and her parents (;)) feel that sometimes real life consequences are good--that would be why she only played about 2 minutes today!

 

Is there a difference between lack of discipline and lazyness?

Edited July 14, 2011 by missmoe

[Embassy]

She's not being forced to compete in water polo--her choice. She is forced to do chores. And is disciplined appropriately at home and yet she is able to continue to choose to be lazy. Which by the way, is not a term we really use in our home--we don't tell her she is lazy. At Water polo it's up to the coach, and her parents (;)) feel that sometimes real life consequences are good--that would be why she only played about 2 minutes today!

 

Is there a difference between lack of discipline and lazyness?

 

Yes. I think lack of discipline demonstrates that the child is still in training (parent mainly responsible). Lazyness seems to denote a character issue (child mainly responsible).

 

If it is her choice to be in water polo and she isn't participating then why is she still in water polo? Her choice was not just to start water polo, but to not participate fully. It doesn't sound like she is really interested. Maybe she wanted to join for a reason other than participating in water polo.

[LauraGB]

Is there such a thing? I understand some kids just like to sit around and do nothing. Is that really laziness? It seems to me that a kid is just being a kid. I have heard many parents call their children lazy. What atypical behaviors cause them to use a label like that?

 

:bigear:

 

Absolutely.

 

Lack of motivation is an atypical behavior that causes a label like that. Which is caused by...

 

Children need to keep stimulated to keep interested to keep learning. That is a fact. And it's not just for children - it applies to adults as well.

 

Imagine, right now, you had absolutely no interest, no motivation, no...nothing. How do you react? Right. Same applies to kids. And to kids who grow up into adults, enabled to think that that is just "the way it is". Why would they be any different than adults in that capacity? I believe it is human nature.

[Embassy]

Absolutely.

 

Lack of motivation is an atypical behavior that causes a label like that. Which is caused by...

 

Children need to keep stimulated to keep interested to keep learning. That is a fact. And it's not just for children - it applies to adults as well.

 

Imagine, right now, you had absolutely no interest, no motivation, no...nothing. How do you react? Right. Same applies to kids. And to kids who grow up into adults, enabled to think that that is just "the way it is". Why would they be any different than adults in that capacity? I believe it is human nature.

 

Sorry, not totally following you. Are you talking about inner motivation?

[texasmama]

I have two boys close in age. One is willing to help, energetic, volunteers for chores, takes it upon himself to organize things, etc. The other is kind of a slug.:tongue_smilie:He does things halfway while complaining after being asked. He doesn't ever volunteer to help with things and goes out of his way to avoid anything that looks like work to him.

 

They both came from the same genetics and environment. I love them both the same. And yes, I think one is inherently lazy and the other motivated to work. I swear they came out of me that way.

[The Girls' Mom]

I have two boys close in age. One is willing to help, energetic, volunteers for chores, takes it upon himself to organize things, etc. The other is kind of a slug.:tongue_smilie:He does things halfway while complaining after being asked. He doesn't ever volunteer to help with things and goes out of his way to avoid anything that looks like work to him.

 

They both came from the same genetics and environment. I love them both the same. And yes, I think one is inherently lazy and the other motivated to work. I swear they came out of me that way.

 

 

I have identical twins that are the same way. It baffles me.

[missmoe]

Yes. I think lack of discipline demonstrates that the child is still in training (parent mainly responsible). Lazyness seems to denote a character issue (child mainly responsible).

I know lots of adults with lack of discipline--is that how you would define laziness at that point? They are certainly past the adult training them stage though I do know adults that have taken it upon themselves to become more disciplined.

If it is her choice to be in water polo and she isn't participating then why is she still in water polo? Her choice was not just to start water polo, but to not participate fully. It doesn't sound like she is really interested. Maybe she wanted to join for a reason other than participating in water polo.

 

She is participating. She is lazy about that participation. I think it is laziness because she doesn't participate and work as hard as I know she is capable of doing. And yup, it could be that she wanted to join for a reason other than water polo. That doesn't make the behavior any less lazy.

[Embassy]

I know lots of adults with lack of discipline--is that how you would define laziness at that point? They are certainly past the adult training them stage though I do know adults that have taken it upon themselves to become more disciplined.

 

Yes, adults can be lazy. They are responsible for their own discipline.

 

I just don't see how a child can be lazy:001_huh: I think inner motivation comes easier to some kids than others. It doesn't make those without much inner motivation lazy though. They are still developing. I think every child is internally motivated to do some things. Some children will need more practice in learning to push through unpleasant tasks. I wouldn't call them lazy, but still developing. At least that is how I see it.

[Peela]

I have no problem with laziness in general- if one learns to be efficient, and doesnt freeload onto other people.

 

It has taken me a long time to really realise that my ds15 is lazy in a way that is not to his benefit. He just doesnt bother to try or to focus on things. He really wants to go on a camp this weekend and had to do a few simple things to organise it for himself, and he hasnt. I have been amazed because all his friends are goign and i am pretty sure on Friday afternoon he iwll be kicking himself.

 

He is also very lazy with schoolwork- always was. I didn't want to label him at all- made lots of excuses for him- but right now, I think he is just plain lazy.

 

I guess another word for lazy is unmotivated. But again, that is me trying to make an excuse for him- he is unmotivated because of blah blah blah- in the end, lazy describes his behaviour perfectly.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I think in my view laziness isn't about enjoying time to relax, it's about relaxing when everyone else is working hard and you're not contributing. I'm big on my kids contributing to our family. I'm not above letting them learn the hard way. But like others have said, sometimes they have to miss something (playing time, camping trip) to " get" it. Some adults never do make the connection. I have worked with some :glare:

[twoforjoy]

I have no problem with laziness in general- if one learns to be efficient, and doesnt freeload onto other people.

 

This.

 

I think we have a tendency in our culture to see laziness as this horrible, horrible thing. And, it can be, but really I think it's just an inclination to not work hard enough, and really no different from the inclination to work too hard. Both can be destructive if not properly dealt with, but both can be dealt with. But we tend to applaud those who work too hard, and look down on people who may be less motivated.

 

I definitely have a tendency toward laziness. Always have. I'm just not a very motivated person unless it's something that I'm really excited about or into. I've just learned ways to get things done anyway. I make lots of lists. I try to be realistic about how much I can actually do in a day (because I think many lazy people recognize that they're lazy, feel guilty about it, and assume everybody else is doing tons more than they are, and so have unrealistic ideas about how much they should be able to do) so I don't get overwhelmed and decide to just do nothing. I try to establish routines so it's not a question of whether or not I'm going to do something, since I'm just in the habit of doing it. I make time for breaks and try not to feel guilty about taking them.

 

In my case, I think it's both just part of my personality (I tend to be a really easygoing person, which has its benefits but can also have drawbacks, like not being particularly motivated) and because, especially when I was growing up, a lot of things came pretty easy to me. I never had to work particularly hard at anything to perform as well as people expected me to perform, and so I never really developed much discipline around working hard.

[Meriwether]

I have two boys close in age. One is willing to help, energetic, volunteers for chores, takes it upon himself to organize things, etc. The other is kind of a slug.:tongue_smilie:He does things halfway while complaining after being asked. He doesn't ever volunteer to help with things and goes out of his way to avoid anything that looks like work to him.

 

They both came from the same genetics and environment. I love them both the same. And yes, I think one is inherently lazy and the other motivated to work. I swear they came out of me that way.

 

I absolutely believe kids can be lazy. I was/am pretty lazy (I also worked hard, because it was expected). I am anemic. Every time my blood is tested, I'm anemic. I think that plays a part in my situation. I'm just a low energy person.

 

OP, is it that you don't like labels for kids? In the Bible children are never called fools. Fools are adults who have never had the foolishness trained out of them. Some kids are lazy. Pretending it isn't so doesn't make the problem go away. That doesn't mean you need to go around calling them lazy all the time.

[Embassy]

OP, is it that you don't like labels for kids? In the Bible children are never called fools. Fools are adults who have never had the foolishness trained out of them. Some kids are lazy. Pretending it isn't so doesn't make the problem go away. That doesn't mean you need to go around calling them lazy all the time.

 

I'm not anti-labels. Some labels are positive. Some labels are helpful. I think calling a child or labeling a child a fool or lazy is incorrect. They may do some foolish things or be unmotivated, but they aren't finished developing yet. If you want to put a label on unmotivated behavior I agree that the label of easygoing as stated by twoforjoy. It looks at the behaviors in a positive light and reinforces the positive aspects of who the child is.

 

I wouldn't pretend unmotivated behaviors don't exist. I would focus on helping my children learn to motivate themselves. I tend to think that when you label a child that that is what they end up demonstrating especially if you label negative behaviors. So calling a child lazy, IMO, will reinforce lazy behavior.

[Haiku]

I have heard many parents call their children lazy.

 

I have referred to dd17 as lazy (not to her face). To me, she is lazy because she expects to have things she doesn't work for and fritters her time away on "activities" (I use the term loosely) that don't further her supposed goals and then complains about not getting what she wants. My dd has few interests and is not curious about the world around her. She's content to not know and not do.

 

At the age she's at, the disconnect between "want" and "willing to work for," accompanied by complaining, is not just immaturity. It's laziness.

 

That said, I consider myself an inherently lazy person. My dh and I were talking about it the other day. He said I am absolutely NOT lazy because I get things done. I said I AM lazy because I would MUCH rather lie on the couch with a book than do any kind of work, regardless of whether I actually get the work done. I'm lazy at heart even if I get things done, iykwim.

 

Tara

Edited July 14, 2011 by TaraTheLiberator

[LauraGB]

Sorry, not totally following you. Are you talking about inner motivation?

Sometimes. But sometimes it is learned behavior by others allowing laziness.

 

Are we talking about little kids? Because my answer is different for a 5 year old than it would be a 10 year old or a 15 year old. A 5 year old sitting around just doing nothing (or just thinking) is a lot different than a 15 year old sitting on the couch with a mound of food wrappers around him and dirty socks on the floor while staring off into space (just thinking), especially if said 15 year old routinely does only that.

[Boxing Hare]

I have no problem with laziness in general- if one learns to be efficient, and doesnt freeload onto other people.

 

I

 

I told my dd (10) that she was being lazy, and she replied that she wasn't being lazy, just efficient. :lol:

[Embassy]

Sometimes. But sometimes it is learned behavior by others allowing laziness.

 

Are we talking about little kids? Because my answer is different for a 5 year old than it would be a 10 year old or a 15 year old. A 5 year old sitting around just doing nothing (or just thinking) is a lot different than a 15 year old sitting on the couch with a mound of food wrappers around him and dirty socks on the floor while staring off into space (just thinking), especially if said 15 year old routinely does only that.

 

I'm not advocating allowing behavior that people deem lazy, but calling a child/teenager lazy as though they had a character flaw. Personally, I don't think your examples refer to laziness. Why is the teenager surrounded by food wrappers with dirty socks on the floor? It is only allowed if you let your teen do that repeatedly.

 

While I think a teen should have more personal responsibility than a 5 year old, I don't think it is laziness. Teenagers do things like that. It is part of the learning process. Do we allow it to continue or move them toward better habits?

[lisamarie]

I have two boys close in age. One is willing to help, energetic, volunteers for chores, takes it upon himself to organize things, etc. The other is kind of a slug.:tongue_smilie:He does things halfway while complaining after being asked. He doesn't ever volunteer to help with things and goes out of his way to avoid anything that looks like work to him.

 

They both came from the same genetics and environment. I love them both the same. And yes, I think one is inherently lazy and the other motivated to work. I swear they came out of me that way.

 

Yup, I have those in my family. One kid is always the first to volunteer and is a very hard worker. The other...ya. Not so much. The simplest chores are "so hard mommy." :glare:

[Danestress]

Just like selfishness, greed, deceitfulness, pettiness etc. I think all of these are potential character flaws, and all of them are also normal parts of growing up. We try to guide our children towards making good choices and doing the right, honorable thing, but of course along the way, they will struggle with these things.

 

Yeah, sometimes what looks lazy to me might look like relaxing to you. What looks like greed to me might look like an "entrepreneurial spirits" to you. What looks like selfishness to me might look like "coping with younger siblings" to you. So sure, we can disagree about the fair application of words to describe behaviors.

 

But I can tell you what is good and bad about my kids' behavior. I have one who tended to lazy. He's a great kid. Honorable man. There are worse things that lazy, but I think it's perfectly silly to think our kids won't have any personality flaws.

[speedmom4]

I have two boys close in age. One is willing to help, energetic, volunteers for chores, takes it upon himself to organize things, etc. The other is kind of a slug.:tongue_smilie:He does things halfway while complaining after being asked. He doesn't ever volunteer to help with things and goes out of his way to avoid anything that looks like work to him.

 

I have two daughters and my oldest is very helpful and cheerful (for the most part) but my younger daughter seems to disappear when it's time to work. She does not willingly work unless she is forced. I think I was a bit like that as a kid and I certainly DO NOT consider myself lazy at all now. I think there's hope!

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Embassy]

There are worse things that lazy, but I think it's perfectly silly to think our kids won't have any personality flaws.

 

Our kids come with a whole mess of things. I don't disagree with that. I do have a problem with calling a child lazy while the child is still under a parental authority figure. Once the child is grown and independent that is a different issue.

[Audrey]

 

I don't think sitting around doing nothing is always lazyness. I think avoiding hard work and letting others do that hard work for you is lazyness.

 

 

:iagree:with this!

[Danestress]

Our kids come with a whole mess of things. I don't disagree with that. I do have a problem with calling a child lazy while the child is still under a parental authority figure. Once the child is grown and independent that is a different issue.

 

I'm not totally sure I understand how you are thinking about this. I am no great fan of attaching labels to a whole person anyway (this person is a liar, rather than, this person sometimes lies). But would you have a problem describing a child's as being irresponsible, greedy or selfish while under a parental authority? Or is there something special about laziness? Or do you just not trust that what someone else thinks is lazy behavior really is?

[LMD]

This.

 

I think we have a tendency in our culture to see laziness as this horrible, horrible thing. And, it can be, but really I think it's just an inclination to not work hard enough, and really no different from the inclination to work too hard. Both can be destructive if not properly dealt with, but both can be dealt with. But we tend to applaud those who work too hard, and look down on people who may be less motivated.

 

I definitely have a tendency toward laziness. Always have. I'm just not a very motivated person unless it's something that I'm really excited about or into. I've just learned ways to get things done anyway. I make lots of lists. I try to be realistic about how much I can actually do in a day (because I think many lazy people recognize that they're lazy, feel guilty about it, and assume everybody else is doing tons more than they are, and so have unrealistic ideas about how much they should be able to do) so I don't get overwhelmed and decide to just do nothing. I try to establish routines so it's not a question of whether or not I'm going to do something, since I'm just in the habit of doing it. I make time for breaks and try not to feel guilty about taking them.

 

In my case, I think it's both just part of my personality (I tend to be a really easygoing person, which has its benefits but can also have drawbacks, like not being particularly motivated) and because, especially when I was growing up, a lot of things came pretty easy to me. I never had to work particularly hard at anything to perform as well as people expected me to perform, and so I never really developed much discipline around working hard.

 

Are you my long lost sister? You articulated that very well, lightbulbs going off here! :001_smile:

[Embassy]

I'm not totally sure I understand how you are thinking about this. I am no great fan of attaching labels to a whole person anyway (this person is a liar, rather than, this person sometimes lies). But would you have a problem describing a child's as being irresponsible, greedy or selfish while under a parental authority? Or is there something special about laziness? Or do you just not trust that what someone else thinks is lazy behavior really is?

 

I would have a problem labeling a child as irresponsible, greedy, or selfish too. I can picture those behaviors a little better than laziness though :) I think all children exhibit behaviors that are undesirable. I don't think a dependent child should get a negative label. Many children can't comprehend the difference between acting selfish/lazy/irresponsible/greedy and being a selfish/lazy/irresponsible/greedy person.

[LauraGB]

I'm not advocating allowing behavior that people deem lazy, but calling a child/teenager lazy as though they had a character flaw. Personally, I don't think your examples refer to laziness. Why is the teenager surrounded by food wrappers with dirty socks on the floor? It is only allowed if you let your teen do that repeatedly.

 

While I think a teen should have more personal responsibility than a 5 year old, I don't think it is laziness. Teenagers do things like that. It is part of the learning process. Do we allow it to continue or move them toward better habits?

 

I do feel the teenager would be considered lazy (barring a mental illness, broken limbs, etc). At least, *my* teenager would be considered lazy. Lazy is defined as a resistance to work or exertion; idleness. So, yes, I do think kids can be lazy.

 

Since kids are people, too, and at a certain age display the capacity to think on their own and make decisions about which they will feel passionately. If sheer laziness is enabled in younger years, it will almost certainly become an acceptable way to behave in the older years, and even hard to change (like any other lifestyle situation). The blame can't unilaterally be placed on the parent, either. I have a child who has some seriously lazy tendencies, and it's not because he was taught to be that way, nor was it because I ever allowed it, he just has the feeling it is easiest (and somehow magically in his best interest) to do the least amount possible to pass on through the task. It's annoying. It's laziness. And it's worrisome as his mother that he may grow into an adult who performs work that way (provided anyone would give him a job).

[Haiku]

At least, *my* teenager would be considered lazy. Lazy is defined as a resistance to work or exertion; idleness. So, yes, I do think kids can be lazy.

 

 

:iagree: and it describes my teen too.

 

Tara

[greenvneck]

I have identical twins that are the same way. It baffles me.

 

I have fraternal twins who are the same way and I am as baffled as you are!

[missmoe]

I would have a problem labeling a child as irresponsible, greedy, or selfish too. I can picture those behaviors a little better than laziness though :) I think all children exhibit behaviors that are undesirable. I don't think a dependent child should get a negative label. Many children can't comprehend the difference between acting selfish/lazy/irresponsible/greedy and being a selfish/lazy/irresponsible/greedy person.

 

I'm confused as to why you are so against labeling a child as lazy, but not an adult. An adult is just as capable of changing the habit of laziness as a child.

 

Are you asking about negative labels in general?

[Embassy]

I'm confused as to why you are so against labeling a child as lazy, but not an adult. An adult is just as capable of changing the habit of laziness as a child.

 

Are you asking about negative labels in general?

 

:tongue_smilie: Guess I've been a bit unclear to many on this thread. A child is under the authority of a parent and has a parent involved to help monitor and shape behaviors. Adults are independent and totally responsible for their own behaviors. Hope that was a bit clearer. :seeya:

 

Also, I guess I see lazy behavior as a normal part of childhood. I'm not saying I let lazy moments persist, but I see them as normal.

[Perry]

Kids are born with all kinds of character traits, obvious at very early ages. One of mine was intense, one laid-back. One was quiet, one very... vocal. :) I don't know why laziness would be any different. I don't think it's a great idea to call a kid lazy, but of course some kids are born with a tendency toward laziness, just as some are over-achievers from their first breath.

 

I don't doubt that parenting and modeling can have an influence, but there must be a genetic component, just as with other personality traits.

[texasmama]

:tongue_smilie: Guess I've been a bit unclear to many on this thread. A child is under the authority of a parent and has a parent involved to help monitor and shape behaviors. Adults are independent and totally responsible for their own behaviors. Hope that was a bit clearer. :seeya:

 

Also, I guess I see lazy behavior as a normal part of childhood. I'm not saying I let lazy moments persist, but I see them as normal.

 

I agree that "lazy" behavior can be part of immaturity. It can be learned and "encouraged" by parents. I also believe that we are all born with some inherent qualities as part of an overall "personality package". Among these are the propensity to be more motivated to work or not motivated to work. Before I had kids, I believed that parents were almost entirely responsible for shaping and molding their children into who they will become as adults. I now believe that children are born with personalities and I view my job as a parent largely to guide and direct them, not to change and mold them. Perhaps those two concepts sound the same, but the difference in practice is striking.

 

Because I am Christian, I believe that God created my children and endowed them with personality traits. I operate out of a paradigm that if I provide loving guidance and stay out of God's way, my children will grow to their potential in time, whatever bumps they face along the way. It is not my job to make "mini-me's" (not that anyone in this thread is asserting this). I see many parents doing this because they value certain traits over others. Generally the valued traits are the ones which are prominent in their own personalities.

 

As usual, I don't know if my meaning is clear. These are pretty abstract concepts. That is my run at making them more concrete.:001_smile: