Stuck in a vicious cycle of planning, planning, planning . . . but not DOING.

[Christy B]

First of all, yes, I am painfully aware of the IRONY of sitting on my bum at my computer, bemoaning the fact that I am stuck in this rut of seemingly endless hours of planning, researching, organizing, and scheduling, and not getting anything DONE. I have no doubt my time could be, at this moment, better invested in DOING something (even folding laundry).

 

That said. :-)

 

I really could use some help. I hope that I am not the only person who has found herself in this bind, and maybe there are some great ideas and concrete suggestions to help me break this cycle.

 

I am a planner and organizer by nature -- I love administrative work. I am also a perfectionist. I don't want to start a project until I know EXACTLY what the desired end result will be, until I'm SURE it's the right thing to do, etc.

 

I have a home -- that I adore (it's my actual dream house) and all the stuff that goes along with keeping house AND a lot of projects (some big, some small) that I want to tackle. So I need to decide on things like paint color, systems of organization, etc. I have projects that are about 90% completed and projects that I haven't even started and everything in between.

 

I have a job -- I teach piano and I have 30 students and that is WAY too many, so I invested countless hours and sleepless nights trying to figure out a way to let some go -- and I can't. There is no way. So then countless more hours and sleepless nights working on a schedule to fit everyone in. And now I need to order music and tell everyone a start date -- I know what day we should start in August and for some reason I can NOT bring myself to send that email and say, okay, here is when we are starting.

 

I have a highschooler who needs all her PSAT SAT, etc done this year. I have scheduled the PSAT and am working on the SAT, ACT, etc. HOURS of trying to figure all of this out. Of course, in the meantime, I have discovered that I actually love doing this -- and now I think this is what I want to do when I "grow up" and finish homeschooling -- I want to put my two years of liberal arts college credits toward finishing up a bachelor's degree to become a guidance counselor . . . and do you know how HARD it is to stay focused on my daughter's junior and senior year of high school when now all I can think about is finishing my own degree? Dang hard, is what it is.

 

And then there are the activities: band, martial arts, 4H, etc -- all require my participation to some degree or another (I am hugely invested in the homeschool band, martial arts just requires my services as taxi driver -- other activities fall somewhere in between). But then there's the remembering and accounting and scheduling ALL the activities and keeping everyone coordinated, making sure everyone has a ride, etc.

 

I KNOW there is time to do all of this -- I know it because I know I spend HOURS thinking about it, planning it, and organizing it. I have HOURS upon hours invested and yet nothing is actually. getting. done.

 

HOW do I break out of this cycle? And what is wrong with my brain that I am like this? I am so frustrated that my summer has almost slipped away and I feel like have nothing to show for it but a bunch of to-do lists with nothing checked of. :confused:

 

What steps do I take to become a DOER instead of a PLANNER?

[Parrothead]

Set an alarm.

 

Seriously you need to get this stuff done by a certain date. So use your planning skills to plan a date to send out your email, start PSAT/SAT prep, whatever.

 

Then go on vacation so you can be done planning. Even if it is a weekend thing. Just plan a date to be done planning and then go away from it all for two days.

[Pink Fairy]

I have the exact opposite problem. Maybe we could come together and become something in the middle? :D

 

Is the opposite problem someone who does it all without planning any of it? :bigear:

[profmom]

I can relate somewhat. Here are a couple of quotations that are helpful to me.

 

"Do something small because doing something small is bigger than doing nothing at all."

 

"The enemy of the best is the good."

 

I'm a perfectionist too, but I'm gradually letting go of some of this because I know more will be accomplished if I do!

 

Are you putting off the piano email because you know it's too many students. Do you know a good teacher to whom you could refer some of these "too-many" piano students? It sounds like you know you really need to let them go. Or, do you have an experienced student (or another adult) who could take some of yours and still be part of your studio and join in your recitals? (This way you'd get to stay in touch.)

 

Now that you've got your plans, prioritize and decide on a time to start the most important one. (So, I'm working on the school supply closet now and then will tackle planning school subjects and then maybe I'll still have time to begin work on the mess in the spare garage.) You're a planner, so I'm sure you know this, but have you broken down the task into manageable steps?

 

The hardest part is getting started, and it's downhill from there!

 

Not new info, I'm sure, but maybe something there will help you over the hump??

 

ETA: I understand the frustration with the summer slipping by, but, really, you still have many weeks left -- 3 more weeks of July and 4.5 of August. You can accomplish A LOT in that time, so choose not to be paralyzed by not being perfect about your start date. :)

 

Also, for difficult things, I try to seek out an accountability partner! My sil and I are texting each other at 5:30 am right now as we work on establishing that habit.

Edited July 8, 2011 by profmom

[Karis]

Maybe the amount of things you set yourself up to do are what is overwhelming.

 

Not that you aren't capable of doing each of them well.

 

You need a "box." maybe even a box within a box (within a box) ;)

 

 

The box has the must do's and a specific date for accomplishing the stuff in the box. Do not look at the other stuff until your first set of stuff is accomplished. and stick to it.

 

Do you have a good friend who could partner with you? Sometimes working with a buddy helps.

 

What things are most urgent? What can you accomplish over a weekend?

 

Having someone else helps us stay accountable and on task/ schedule.

 

Sometimes we have to set ourselves to be successful.

 

A timer might be helpful. How about Having a certain and specific "hive time?"

[Christy B]

Are you putting off the piano email because you know it's too many students.

 

ETA: I understand the frustration with the summer slipping by, but, really, you still have many weeks left -- 3 more weeks of July and 4.5 of August. You can accomplish A LOT in that time, so choose not to be paralyzed by not being perfect about your start date. :)

 

Also, for difficult things, I try to seek out an accountability partner! My sil and I are texting each other at 5:30 am right now as we work on establishing that habit.

 

YES. I'm putting off the email because it's too much. I said yes to a lot of students last year simply because we were in a financial bind and I needed the income. Dh had NO IDEA how many hours I was working; he has now taken a new job that allows him to work from home -- he was shocked to discover how many students I had (I teach almost 20 hours a week). He has been "on my case" for me to shed some students and I just can't. Well, I haven't been able to -- since posting my original question, I just got a call from my doctor, and the "nothing" that she was checking out last week using a Holter monitor turns out to be "maybe something" and so I'm being sent to a cardiologist. So, I may be able to bring myself to let go of some things. People will cut me some slack if they think they're literally killing me with their demands. ;)

 

School starts August 16th for us (we're enrolled in Classical Conversations). So it feels like July is "it". Next year will be better, we'll finish in April. And, we have a family vacation planned in October. I prefer the beach in the fall, anyway. But, my window for getting stuff done is closing, thus the panic.

 

Accountability is a great idea! My mom would actually be great at that. She's more of a doer and less of an over-analyzer. Good idea.

[tvaleri]

First of all, yes, I am painfully aware of the IRONY of sitting on my bum at my computer, bemoaning the fact that I am stuck in this rut of seemingly endless hours of planning, researching, organizing, and scheduling, and not getting anything DONE. I have no doubt my time could be, at this moment, better invested in DOING something (even folding laundry). (Psst! That's what kids are for) :lol:

I have no suggestions, because I, too, am sitting on my bum spending hours researching and planning. Reading WTM threads ;)

 

I waited too long to submit my application to co-op and found out at the last minute, they are full-OUCH!:confused:

 

So, I have to plan to do it all this year. With a rising senior and entering freshman, I am feeling overwhelmed.

 

Did manage to get the TOG put in binders and look through Units 1 & 2, compile a list of school supplies, and made a decision on math.

 

Nice to know I'm not the only one. Hey pass the chocolate :001_smile:

 

Teresa in NC

[1bassoon]

This illustration helps me when I get in the same state you're in (and I teach 4 science classes and have a piano studio, so I can commiserate)

 

As a homeschooling Mom, I am a juggler.

 

I juggle many balls. Housework is a ball. Homeschooling is another. My marriage. My piano students. My children. You get the picture.

 

Some of my balls are rubber, some are glass. Guess which ones I'm going to drop first? Yup, the rubber ones. They will bounce.

 

If I drop my marriage, it will break. If I drop taking care for my children's hearts, they will break.

 

If I drop my piano students? There are other piano teachers out there.

 

My kids have only one mom. My dh has only one wife.

 

Not much help, but it does sound like you need to let some students go.

 

Best wishes -

[Snoopytwo]

I was actually in the same situation as you regarding piano students. I finally had to ask myself what was more important. I really didn't enjoy teaching piano anymore and money was no longer an issue, so I quit. I told my students that family comes first and teaching was interfering with family things. Everyone understood - at least they said they did. :)

 

Do you like teaching? Is this something you really want to continue? I think you need to ask yourself these questions or your might end up being miserable all year long.

 

As for the other activities, prioritize there too. Ask yourself what is most important right now and go from there.

 

Last year I felt the same as you. After reducing a lot of extra responsiblities, my year went so much better.

 

HTH

[cougarmom4]

I am also a planner...and a thinker...and not so much a doer. But what does help me is dangling a carrot in front of me...whatever it is, if I have a little bit of "when I finish this, I get to do this" then it helps nudge me along.

 

Just a warning...Do not check out pinterest! Lots of time spent on 'pinning' things that I love or want or would like to do or need to do...and very little time spent on doing any of them! (But it is so very fun...) :D

[Rhonda in TX]

I get caught up in planning all the time. Then, I don't follow through. That's one of the reasons I'm switching to textbooks next year. Minimal planning and they actually get done around here.

 

My problem is my ADD. I tend to hyperfocus, and can't let go of things. It can be quite debilitating. I'm not saying you have ADD, but it does sound like you're hyperfocusing.

 

About the piano students - find another teacher you can recommend and let some go. I would decide by "last hired, first fired", if that makes sense. My children take private lessons. We have been fired and have done the firing. That's the way things go. DD has an excellent cello teacher that I love. I would be very upset if he dropped us, but I would understand and find another cello teacher. We would survive. So will they.

[sassenach]

Is the opposite problem someone who does it all without planning any of it? :bigear:

 

That's me, too. But that bites me in the rear sometimes.

 

YES. I'm putting off the email because it's too much. I said yes to a lot of students last year simply because we were in a financial bind and I needed the income. Dh had NO IDEA how many hours I was working; he has now taken a new job that allows him to work from home -- he was shocked to discover how many students I had (I teach almost 20 hours a week). He has been "on my case" for me to shed some students and I just can't. Well, I haven't been able to -- since posting my original question, I just got a call from my doctor, and the "nothing" that she was checking out last week using a Holter monitor turns out to be "maybe something" and so I'm being sent to a cardiologist. So, I may be able to bring myself to let go of some things. People will cut me some slack if they think they're literally killing me with their demands. ;)

 

.

 

I am in the middle of the "nothing being something" heart thing. It does make you rethink priorities, doesn't it? I have already let go of one commitment because I realized that it was a rubber ball (great analogy!). It's the best excuse you're ever going to get. Pick how many students you need to cut (by half sounds about right) and then do it. Which days of the week would you rather not work? Send a letter to all of the students that come on that day and give them an end date. Please take this the right way, you are replaceable. Nobody will be mad. Have dh write the letter if need be. I don't know where you stand on submission, but you should consider your heart posture on that as well.

[Christy B]

I don't think there's a doubt in anyone's mind that I have ADD. Mix ADD with perfectionism (possibly OCD) and the hyperfocusing is off-the-charts funny (well, in a sad, "bless her heart" kind of way).

 

I'm sad to say it, but the double whammy of one doctor wanting me to see a cardiologist, followed by another doctor seeing my chart and ordering a bucket of bloodwork has given me the "permission" I needed to cut some of the more stressful "extras" out of my life. I need to act quickly, because I'm sure that all the bloodwork and tests are going to end up coming back just fine, and then I won't feel like I have a legitimate reason to scale back. (I know, theoretically, that I don't need a reason beyond the fact that I'm so exhausted I can't think straight, much less get anything done -- but it's rather deeply ingrained in me that you don't let people down unless you're literally dying and have no other choice -- and even then, you had better darn well apologize for inconveniencing them.)

 

It was the second doctor's assessment of the situation that made me realize part of the reason nothing is getting done, is because it's kind of hard to get stuff done what with the exhaustion, dizziness, and nausea coming from my heart beating backwards or whatever it's doing. That makes me feel like less of a loser. :tongue_smilie:

[profmom]

Christy, I do hope all those tests will come out just fine. Hurry and get out of your overload of commitments and then set aside some time to get refreshed and rested. Hopefully the doctor will tell you the same thing ('cause I know you'll feel better doing it that way)!

[Christy B]

Thank you, each of you, for just being plain nice to me.

 

I started the thread honestly thinking that I was just a big lazy unfocused dolt who needed a kick in the pants, and between your comments and the doctor's office calling me twice (literally, between posts) I realized that the biggest part of the problem is that I'm overwhelmed with too many responsibilities AND I'm trying to do it all -- perfectly -- and I don't know how to say no, or stop, or slow down.

 

Actually, I take that back. I do say no, and stop, and slow down. The problem is I am surrounded by people who won't hear it.

 

So, thank you. Thank you for hearing me, and for listening between the lines and knowing that what I needed, more than anything, is permission to stop being super-human.

[Jujudalu]

I too can relate to the searching, searching and planning, planning striving for the perfect curriculum and then not executing. Twice it has driven me to buy a boxed curriculum which have been terrible flops... my children are just not out of the box students. Two quotes that I have found helpful are... "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." and “Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.â€-St Francis of Assis

 

I hope your health issues are resolved quickly.

[veggiegal]

The only thing that has worked for me is changing my mindset. Instead of trying to create a perfect structure / system / plan ahead of time, I now think of things as an experiment. Do a bit of planning, enough to find something I want to use (the hypothesis). Actually use it (test) and note results. Change up some variables (does it work for both my kids? Does it work better at one time of day than another? Do some parts of the program work well, but others are confusing, or unnecessary, or just busywork?) Do I like it enough to continue? If yes, great. If no...well, it was just an experiment. So let's try something else. Rinse, lather, repeat.

 

You might want to read Barry Schwarz' book The Paradox of Choice as well. He has a some great concrete suggestions for how to get past the paralysis of too many choices, which I see as parallel to that of overplanning.

[jenncslp]

I have no advice, but can completely relate! Big :grouphug: !

 

Jenn

[LaxMom]

I tend to break out the project management software, so I can see the trajectory of projects broken out in realistic time. (So, we mark school time as "unavailable" for everyone, my husband's work days as unavailable for him, etc)

 

But, then, I need a spreadsheet to buy a dishwasher, so... :001_huh:

[Beth in OH]

Hi Christy--

 

Flylady's thinking is what helps me with the planning/not doing problem: I can do anything for 15 minutes. At the end of 15 minutes, I will stop working on that task and move on to something else. Set a timer and force yourself to move to the next task. You can come back to the first one at another time.

I suspect that efficiency experts might cringe at this method, but for perfectionists, it really helps change the thinking that leads to inaction. I've tackled some really huge projects 15 minutes at a time. I began doing this 10 years ago, and it still helps me.

 

Here's my advice for reducing your studio size, and I speak this as a mom who spent 15 years pursuing weekly lessons with her musician kids: 1. Let the families know ASAP. By doing so, you are giving them the gift of time to find a new teacher without panic. If you can give them a list of potential teachers, it would be even better. Don't wait to create the list before letting the families know, though ;) 2. Our teachers tended to reduce their studios by letting the newer and/or less advanced students go. By using an objective standard like this, you won't be hurting feelings, and it's often less of a crisis for those families to move to another teacher. They don't have the same level of relationship investment with you. 3. Don't worry about feelings and your students' expectations. You have a career, and you need to shift your focus. (Homeschooling/parenting is also part of your career even if it doesn't produce income). 4. Your students will get over it. We've sometimes been the family that was asked to move on. We did, and we still liked the teacher who let us go :)

 

Good luck!

Beth

[speedmom4]

Christy,

 

I think you and I would really get along IRL!! I am the exact same way. I have a highschooler in the midst of prepping for the PSAT and SAT. I have so many projects to do at home. My oldest daughter teaches piano (I don't) and I am struggling to find out how we are going to fit in all of her piano students into our schedule. I also need to finish writing out everyone's schedule for next year and organizing curriculum. BUT, I have been sitting on the WTM boards researching and checking on people I have been praying for. I will start a project, then I pass the computer and a legitimate question will pop into my head that I "have" to check on the WTM boards immediately. I have never thought that I had any kind of attention issues until recently.

 

Anyway, no advice just :grouphug: because I totally relate!

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Nestof3]

I just wanted to say that you are not alone. I have loved organizing since I was a little girl. I know I've said this about myself before here, but it's the most absurd example I have to give. I used to regularly sample each marker I owned because I hated the thought of having a dried up marker in my container. I also confess to doing the same with my boys' markers.

 

I love, love, love planning my homeschooling, but there are things we just don't get to. Sometimes I'm not reasonable with the amount of time it takes, and sometimes I'm not good at factoring in how much the rest of life takes from our homeschooling.

 

We have much more to tackle this year, so I am hoping for the best!

 

Honestly, I like finding small steps to completion. Break a project down into things you can finish in little time. I have a lot of home projects I want to complete this summer along with lesson planning, so I have tried to do one thing toward a home project and a lesson planning goal a day.

[swellmomma]

I just wanted to say that you are not alone. I have loved organizing since I was a little girl. I know I've said this about myself before here, but it's the most absurd example I have to give. I used to regularly sample each marker I owned because I hated the thought of having a dried up marker in my container. I also confess to doing the same with my boys' markers.

 

 

 

Funny you mention this. Last night at midnight I was finishing up organizing our new homeschool cupboard in the kitchen, and I went through every marker and pen we own and tested them to make sure they worked before putting them in there. I do this with our markers both here at home and at work at least once a month.

 

DD said to me once "mom your a planner not a do-er" and often reminds me of that ever since. I am a huge list maker and planner, but actually implementing the plans is another story. I have been forcing myself to be more active in accomplishing the things I have planned etc since the day she said that. It is one of the reasons I encourage her to let me know when she sees me sitting around doing mountains of planning but getting very little actually accomplished.

Edited July 9, 2011 by swellmomma

[happyhomemaker25]

The part I related to the most was your perfectionist attitude. I plan, plan, plan and then the day we start if I am missing one thing the plan goes out the window. It's crazy! I have had to learn to PUSH THROUGH that. Literally I make myself do it even if something is missing. The good news is, it usually does not make a big difference. :)

[profmom]

The part I related to the most was your perfectionist attitude. I plan, plan, plan and then the day we start if I am missing one thing the plan goes out the window. It's crazy! I have had to learn to PUSH THROUGH that. Literally I make myself do it even if something is missing. The good news is, it usually does not make a big difference. :)

 

"Push through that" = great advice!! Well put!

 

I had to resist the urge to test all our pens and markers before putting them in their place in the newly organized school closet yesterday! I had to remind myself that my goal was to finish the closet, and testing all those pens and markers would delay finishing that goal.

[mom2scouts]

I wish I could help you, but I'm the same kind of person. I love to do all the planning, but the doing is difficult. I have so many projects I need or want to do and I'm overwhelmed. Maybe that's the issue. Sometimes I just try to do one small thing towards a bigger project and other times I just need to dive in.

[Christy B]

Well, it's good to know I'm in good company, and since so many of us seem to share this struggle, I'll tell you what amazing thing happened to help me this weekend!

 

I went for coffee with a dear friend and neighbor who is my exact opposite in many ways -- she is a genius science-y person, and a PROJECT MANAGER. She is a concrete, analytical, problem-solving, linear thinker. I am am abstract, global, spiral thinking musician. I spilled out my rambling incoherent thoughts and problems. She pulled out her notebook (even that made me laugh -- all my notebooks are gorgeous things, with matching ink pens -- she had freebie from a drug rep).

 

Within five minutes she had determined that:

1. I am literally killing myself (or at least, wearing myself pretty doggone out) and

2. I knew what I had to do, I just didn't want to do it and

3. I had a list -- a checklist, with boxes, and deadlines -- call these three teachers by this date to see if they have openings; contact these eight families by this date, explain that you are not healthy enough to teach piano this year and give them the names of the other teachers.

 

She explained that it's just a totally different approach to life -- she sees every situation as a project to be managed: identified, categorized, and completed. I see situations as they relate to people and people's feelings. (It helps that she does not know the students and families -- I'm emotionally attached and she is not.)

 

She also threatened/promised that if I blind cc'd her on the contacts by the deadline, she would take me out for coffee (decaf, see item #1).

 

So.

 

I actually came home and did what I was supposed to do.

 

Maybe some of us just have brains wired to be more all over the place and we just need friends who can cut through the mental clutter and help us focus. (And I'm going to help her choose paint and paint her dining room, which sounds like the most fun EVER to me and for some reason scares her to death, lol.)

[NorCalMom]

I see so much of myself in this thread. I thought there was something really wrong with me...hormones, the levels in my brain were off, etc. I tend to feel very anxious while attempting to put all my planning into action. If it all goes off with out a hitch - great; but if it doesn't, I can get very depressed and moody. And it's not just with school - I love planning trips and all that we're going to do, but when it comes time to leave I start to feel anxious and weighed down by all that we're supposed to accomplish. For me, it's VERY important to push through & get up and over that "mountain" (as I see it). Once I do, I usually make it all the way through and have a blast doing it! I really just want to eliminate all that stress beforehand and be able to just roll from the planning to the doing.

[NorCalMom]

Well, it's good to know I'm in good company, and since so many of us seem to share this struggle, I'll tell you what amazing thing happened to help me this weekend!

 

I went for coffee with a dear friend and neighbor who is my exact opposite in many ways -- she is a genius science-y person, and a PROJECT MANAGER. She is a concrete, analytical, problem-solving, linear thinker. I am am abstract, global, spiral thinking musician. I spilled out my rambling incoherent thoughts and problems. She pulled out her notebook (even that made me laugh -- all my notebooks are gorgeous things, with matching ink pens -- she had freebie from a drug rep).

 

Within five minutes she had determined that:

1. I am literally killing myself (or at least, wearing myself pretty doggone out) and

2. I knew what I had to do, I just didn't want to do it and

3. I had a list -- a checklist, with boxes, and deadlines -- call these three teachers by this date to see if they have openings; contact these eight families by this date, explain that you are not healthy enough to teach piano this year and give them the names of the other teachers.

 

She explained that it's just a totally different approach to life -- she sees every situation as a project to be managed: identified, categorized, and completed. I see situations as they relate to people and people's feelings. (It helps that she does not know the students and families -- I'm emotionally attached and she is not.)

 

She also threatened/promised that if I blind cc'd her on the contacts by the deadline, she would take me out for coffee (decaf, see item #1).

 

So.

 

I actually came home and did what I was supposed to do.

 

Maybe some of us just have brains wired to be more all over the place and we just need friends who can cut through the mental clutter and help us focus. (And I'm going to help her choose paint and paint her dining room, which sounds like the most fun EVER to me and for some reason scares her to death, lol.)

 

Wonderful! :)

[mommymilkies]

I share your woes. :grouphug:

 

I am a very OCD perfectionist Virgo. I make more lists than things that I actually do. I will plan for months over one tiny insignificant thing and stress myself out. And sometimes I carry out my plans, but not usually. I need an intervention or something. :lol: