fairfarmhand Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Just chatted with my dad on Facebook. As many of you know, my mom passed in January after an extremely long illness that over the past few years resulted in at the end her being somewhat mentally incapacitated. Dad told me he is considering dating again. He has somebody in mind. Not sure what I am feeling. But I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Some people just don't do well without a partner. I'm sorry you are so conflicted. :grouphug: I'll pray that you have peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 :grouphug: I'm sorry. I experienced something similar after my mom passed away, within weeks of her passing. It all worked out for the best, but it caused a lot of pain for my extended family to hear these things from my dad. My thought is that lonely bereaved people aren't always able to see how things affect those around them.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 :grouphug: I'm happy your father has hope, and optimism, and is still interested in people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 I have always known that he would need someone else. I guess I am still grieving my mom. The idea of him being with someone else right now is hard. I don't expect him to be alone forever, but right now....sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 :grouphug:s to you. I remember my Granddad dating within 6 months of my Grandmom's death. It wasn't until after he died that I appreciated his companion. They never lived together but were always together for activities and such. I've always found that people who had good marriages tend to crave the companionship, and seek someone sooner than those who did not. Not sure if it's statistically true but that's been my experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Just chatted with my dad on Facebook. As many of you know, my mom passed in January after an extremely long illness that over the past few years resulted in at the end her being somewhat mentally incapacitated. Dad told me he is considering dating again. He has somebody in mind. Not sure what I am feeling. But I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. :grouphug:You are grieving the loss of your mom, and that is good. It is possible that your father started grieving the loss of his wife a long time ago, and is therefore in a very different place in his grief. Know that his desire to spend time with someone else is NOT a poor reflection on his love for your mother. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 :grouphug:Men, especially if they are a bit older, do not do well on their own. In fact - this woman may be helping him through his grieving process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 We just went through this last year this time with my FIL. MIL was sick for a long time- Less then a month after her death, FIL had a "friend". After much heartache from DH and my BIL- they realized that even though they had just started grieving when she died, he had been greiving for years. We are thankful that he has someone to go to dinner/ a movie with. He is still very much alive and deserves to be happy. I know its hard- I went through the same with my dad as well- but I know my mom would have wanted him to be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Some people just don't do well without a partner. I'm sorry you are so conflicted. :grouphug: I'll pray that you have peace. :grouphug::grouphug::iagree::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 It is possible that your father started grieving the loss of his wife a long time ago, and is therefore in a very different place in his grief. yes. I do realize this. Mom hadn't been a wife to him for years before she passed. And I KNOW he loved her. He took amazing care of her in the past 10 years. It is so strange to think of my dad with someone else. I think the word that describes it best is "intrusive". And I am really hoping that whoever she is, she does not have kids at home. (selfish of me I know, but that is what I am hoping) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 If it helps at all, I remember reading a study that showed people who had been happily married were much more likely to become romantically involved more quickly after a spouse's death. I'll be hoping for peace for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 yes. I do realize this. Mom hadn't been a wife to him for years before she passed. And I KNOW he loved her. He took amazing care of her in the past 10 years. It is so strange to think of my dad with someone else. I think the word that describes it best is "intrusive". And I am really hoping that whoever she is, she does not have kids at home. (selfish of me I know, but that is what I am hoping) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I will be praying. I haven't dealt with this personally, but I can see where I would be a big jumbled case of conflicting emotions if I were you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 If it helps at all, I remember reading a study that showed people who had been happily married were much more likely to become romantically involved more quickly after a spouse's death. I'll be hoping for peace for you. :iagree: I have noticed this with friends of my parents and ILs. In this way it could be interpreted as a great compliment to your mother. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 My aunt got very sick and was incapacitated for yeaars. The last 2 years or so she wasn't even really "there". My uncle loved her dearly and took great care of her. But he had lost her years before and had been grieving for some time. After my Aunt died, an old friend of my uncle (they had dated in high school!) sent a sympathy card, and, well, within a few months they started dating, and ended up getting married. His daughter, however, was very bitter about the situation, and never accepted it. She won't be a part of his life anymore and still resents him (it's been 10 years or so now). It's very, very sad for him! But, as others have said, he had moved through the grieving process already, and needed a companion. I totally get how you're feeling, I think I would feel that way and have to really work through those feelings for awhile! Don't feel bad for feeling that way! You're reaching out for prayer and support during this time, and that's a good thing! I know God can help ease the pain over time! I'm praying for you! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 yes. I do realize this. Mom hadn't been a wife to him for years before she passed. And I KNOW he loved her. He took amazing care of her in the past 10 years. It is so strange to think of my dad with someone else. I think the word that describes it best is "intrusive". And I am really hoping that whoever she is, she does not have kids at home. (selfish of me I know, but that is what I am hoping) :grouphug: I truly understand your feelings. Of course you want your dad to be happy, but you are in the big middle of adjusting to life without your mom...and this intensifies that adjustment. Just have your feelings, try not to feel "selfish" about them and get some support in counseling if needed. You can always pm me, too. I really "get it".:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I'm sorry you are dealing with such conflicting emotions. My dad died when I was 10 and my mom started dating someone when I was in college, so I had plenty of time to get used to the idea of her dating. They got married 5 years later and he has kids from a previous marriage, but I don't think I would call them stepbrothers, there's just no connection with them. My stepdad is a wonderful addition to the family, more like a friend than a dad to me (although he did give me away at my wedding), and as my mom ages I am so glad she is not alone. She's had some major health issues and it helps knowing someone is in the house with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 :grouphug: Just give it time. Maybe he simply needs someone to talk to. I know when my Mom died the ladies were all over my Dad (weird, yeah) so maybe he is just trying to heal a little. Change is tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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