What do you do with your day besides homeschooling and housekeeping? LONG

[Mom0012]

When the kids were younger, I was very happy and felt fulfilled. I was very busy meeting their needs. Homeschooling didn't take all day, so we did lots of fun field trips and I was often at the park meeting up with friends while the kids played. I felt like I was playing a very important role with my young children, I was very excited and passionate about homeschooling and it was just a great time in my life.

 

Now, my kids are now 9 and 11 and will be entering 4th and 6th grades this year. I spend a few hours each day teaching them and reading to them and then I spend time running them to activities (where I usually sit around and read or just wait) and the rest of my time doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.

 

In a lot of ways, I have too much down time. I am easily able to complete everything I need to and I have lots of time to read during activities, and I spend way too much time on the computer, which I'm actually bored with a lot of the time anymore. I could spend more time cleaning the house, but I already keep it in a state where I don't have a problem with someone just dropping in and I'm not into having everything perfect. Neither is my husband. I exercise about 4 times a week.

 

All the playground friendships I had when the kids were younger have turned into more casual acquaintances and I hardly see these people anymore except to greet them and talk briefly when we exchange kids for playdates. My best friend from high school has moved 2.5 hours away. My sister, who I was always close to, is now a single mother with 3 special needs kids and my mother is very busy helping her as well as bonding with my brother's first baby. My husband works very long hours. I've always just needed just one or two close friendships and now I can see the drawback in that and I'm not finding it as easy to make new friends at this stage in my life.

 

So, basically, I feel like the kids still need me, but it's more in a "just be there" kind of way a lot of the time and I no longer have the social support that I used to. I've never felt so alone in my life. I've thought about trying to do tax work at home again for an old friend of mine. We could certainly use the money, but I'm afraid that the job will become a burden and just add stress and pressure. In reality, I'm not really sure I can easily carve out regular periods of time to work with the homeschooling, activities, etc. During the summer, it would be easy, but not during the school year. So maybe I am busy, but just bored.

 

So has anyone else hit this stage at some point or is it just me? I honestly feel kind of bleak about the future. It just stretches out before me like a long, dull road. I feel loved by my family, but not really needed in the way I used to be. I know I have to find a new focus or interest, but I'm not sure what direction to head in. And I am not depressed. Just a little lost at the moment.

 

Lisa

[Negin]

Being here. :)

Talking to dh.

Groceries.

Reading.

Exercise, or thinking about it. ;)

Sorry, but I haven't yet had time to thoroughly read your post. I will. Interesting question, but my initial reaction to your question was "nothing, I mean really, who has time for anything other than homeschooling and housekeeping?" :lol: The latter usually gets neglected in my case.

[NanceXToo]

I do a lot of running to activities and waiting too but I like having that time to sit and read or play games on my phone in between watching lol.

 

I do still have a 5 y/o so not the same situation, but I homeschool my 10 y/o, I interact with my 5 y/o, I read aloud to both of them, we watch educational shows together or play games together, I keep the house and laundry under control, errands and various kid's activities and so on.

 

We are active in my homeschool group so I'm always planning different field trips, tours, playdates, outings and so on and try to do those things kind of frequently.

 

I like to write, so I keep up my blog and sometimes write articles, reviews, etc.

 

It does sound like you are kind of lonely for adult company/friendship so maybe you should try to join a meetup group or an activity or take a class or something (when someone else can watch the kids for you perhaps) where you can meet people who have similar interests to yours if you aren't finding that in say a homeschool group setting, like a hobby type thing, and see if you can make a friend or two of your own, or couple friends that you and hubby can invite over for a casual get together and see how it goes, or reach out to someone that you don't know so well yet and invite them for coffee or lunch.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I would suggest taking up a hobby. I'm all about the scrapbooking, but there are so many things you could do. You could take an evening class and learn to paint or throw pottery. What about photography or knitting or some other type of activity where you might be able to spend some of your idle time doing something creative rather than hanging out on the computer.

 

Also, volunteering is a great way to meet other people and also feel useful at the same time. Check your local newspaper for volunteer listings to see if there is anything that would work for your schedule. Meals on Wheels is a good program. We have filled in for a friend's route when she goes on vacation, and the kids can even participate. They also need people to help in the kitchen packing the lunches.

[Chris in VA]

Could you do a Community or Stonecroft or Beth Moore bible study? It would give you a regular period out of the home just for you (they often provide childcare, so your kids could take schoolwork with them or just hang out), and have homework so you'd be doing something during the rest of the week.

 

I find it really wonderful to go deep with people--I bond well when I'm sharing and listening to sharing about spiritual things. Are you the same way?

 

I like adding bible study to my day. It gives me more of a purpose and focus, and a reminder of future hope, too.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

.

[....]

What, there's more to life than homeschooling and cleaning the house????

 

DOH! :tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie: I didn't get that memo.

 

Altho, we tend to do a lot of outdoor adventure stuff...hiking, climbing, fishing, boating, kayaking, cycling...our garage kinda looks like a Bass Pro Shops. We do all this with our kids and I guess it's an adult activity, too.

[texasmama]

Join a ladies Bible study, a book club, or a knitting/scrapbooking/other interest group?

[Denisemomof4]

I really think you need something in your life just for you! Find something you enjoy and do it, whether it be volunteer work, a class, a hobby. SOMETHING you have wanted to do when you had more time. Also, maybe invite one of the acquaintances for coffee/dessert or something.

 

I was so focused on being a good wife and mom, and having a perfect home, and I always thought it crazy when people said to do something for myself, to not neglect my own needs. I felt my time would come when my kids were grown. But I did come to feel isolated and lonely living like that. If my husband had worked long hours, that would have even been worse!

 

I find that I am a happier mom when I have regular time with friends. I just told dh this weekend that I'm going to be signing up for some workshops on herb gardening, etc. I'm thinking about doing more things for myself that I enjoy.

Edited May 1, 2011 by Denisemomof4

[Mom0012]

LisaTheresa, I think I may be your long lost twin. ;)

 

I could have written your post word for word. Right down to the longer academic days with none of the 'fun' stuff, keeping the house in a way that's comfortable-but-not-perfect, not seeing old friends but finding it hard to make new ones, spending too much time on the computer while really hating it but not having anything much else to do.

 

So, no real advice here but a :grouphug:. I've been looking for a curriculum or lecture series to do for myself over the summer. I am not much into crafts or scrapbooking, and we live too far from civilization to make activities there feasible (esp if gas goes up to $5-6 this summer as is predicted). Like you, I think a job would keep me busy for a while, but in the long term would add to my overall burden.

 

I'll be watching this thread for ideas. Best wishes to you

 

Bless you, Shari! :grouphug: Just hearing that someone can so completely relate to me gives me such a lift! Finances are restricting me quite a bit as well and I am very careful about where I drive, so that is having a real impact here too.

 

Lisa

[mommyto4]

Could you volunteer? I help run and teach Sunday School and help organize VBS. It gives me a chance to do something for people outside my family, and helps me to connect with others. If you don't have a fiath community, there are lots of community organizations that have volunteer opportunities.

 

Or perhaps a part-time job would be good? I tutor twice a week and that helps me feel more fulfilled. It is difficult to find something that is fulfilling and flexible, for sure.

 

Keep your eyes open... something will come up!

:grouphug:

[snickelfritz]

Thank you for posting this. My kids are younger, but I am going through the same thing.

 

I've tried daytime Bible studies, but my kids hate going to the childcare. They are too young to be alone, but don't like being in a room of babies and toddlers. Short term, I do them occasionally. But, I need long-term to build real relationships.

 

Many of the volunteer opportunities are not appropriate for kids to be there. At least, not the ones that I am interested in doing. I would eventually like to volunteer at a women's shelter, where they have volunteers come play with their kids. Or at the library, in an adult literacy program. But, nights and weekends are busy and probably won't get better. And, honestly, I hate night commitments. Especially in the winter, when it is cold and dark. I just want to get home and get snuggled in with a hot chocolate.

 

Friends are back at work and busy with their own kids' activities.

 

I don't know what the answer is, but just know you aren't alone.

[happypamama]

I still have more very young children than older ones, so my day is plenty full, LOL, but I think you're in a great spot to pick up a hobby or skill for yourself. (Maybe even something to share with one or both of your kids too.) I love the hour when the boys are at home with DH, and I am waiting at DD's dance class, because it is an hour just for me to knit without interruption, or to read, or to chat with other moms. Do you have a homeschool support group/co-op? Getting to know other moms would be good for you too. Also, I think you're heading into a great stage of life to volunteer/mentor -- lead a Bible study, volunteer for a charity organization, teach a homeschool class, organize things (field trips, moms' nights, etc.) for a homeschool co-op. . . I'm sure you have plenty of expertise to share with moms of younger children!

[Nestof3]

Wow! My boys are the same ages as yours, and I feel like I never have enough time. I am also the person who takes care of all household and business paperwork (which surprisingly takes up a bit of time each day).

 

I am also dedicated to working out each day. In this nice weather, I've tried to add a daily bike ride as a family too. I'm also open to going alone.

 

In my spare time, I enjoy scarapbooking and making people cards.

 

I also enjoy flower gardening, so during this beautiful weather, I often walk around admiring the blossoms and doing a little light weeding. Oh, and I love birds, so I feed them and refill the hummingbird feeder often. Summer is depressing to me because the ground is dry (flowers aren't as beautiful, foliage not as green), yet the air is too moist. It is hot and the mosquitoes fill our yard.

 

For me, I really want what Anne of Green Gables referred to as a kindred spirit. I really enjoy some one of one friendship time, but people are so busy (including me sometimes).

 

If I had so much more free time, I would probably read to my boys more than just science, history, one chapter book and a composer/artist book.

 

I only take the boys to one thing a week -- piano, and that's enough!

[....]

I am also dedicated to working out each day. In this nice weather, I've tried to add a daily bike ride as a family too. I'm also open to going alone.

 

 

We also started doing this about a month ago. I bought a baby seat for my bike and I've been taking all 4 kids for a bike ride during the day. It's a great workout. My 6 yro cried because we couldn't go for the bike ride on Friday. :D

[Mom0012]

Thanks for all the suggestions and commiseration!

 

I guess I need to just work harder at trying to find something I want to do. I used to enjoy scrapbooking, crafting, etc. but I have no interest in it anymore. I've been trying to read more, but I'm having to really push myself to get into a book these days. I used to love to hike and go biking with the kids, but now I have chronic lyme and have been on medication for years that has the side effect of photosensitivity, so I can't be in the sun. Getting back on the bike trail is one thing I know I would enjoy, but I'm just not able to do it right now.

 

I do have a mom over every week or two with her kids, but none of these relationships are very close. I guess I really miss having one very close friend that I could just reach out to anytime.

 

Someone mentioned a bible study and I've done that in the past, but it just makes me feel more lonely because I don't really fit in there. The women in those groups have a connection that I don't have. (I wish I did, but I don't.) I've also done Meals on Wheels, but there's no way I can do that with gas prices and our finances right now. I may look into the local food pantry or teaching reading to adults. I've done both of those things in the past. I know I've just got to push myself to do something and then maybe it will spark an interest I didn't know was there.

 

Lisa

[....]

Thanks for all the suggestions and commiseration!

 

I guess I need to just work harder at trying to find something I want to do. I used to enjoy scrapbooking, crafting, etc. but I have no interest in it anymore. I've been trying to read more, but I'm having to really push myself to get into a book these days. I used to love to hike and go biking with the kids, but now I have chronic lyme and have been on medication for years that has the side effect of photosensitivity, so I can't be in the sun. Getting back on the bike trail is one thing I know I would enjoy, but I'm just not able to do it right now.

 

I do have a mom over every week or two with her kids, but none of these relationships are very close. I guess I really miss having one very close friend that I could just reach out to anytime.

 

Someone mentioned a bible study and I've done that in the past, but it just makes me feel more lonely because I don't really fit in there. The women in those groups have a connection that I don't have. (I wish I did, but I don't.) I've also done Meals on Wheels, but there's no way I can do that with gas prices and our finances right now. I may look into the local food pantry or teaching reading to adults. I've done both of those things in the past. I know I've just got to push myself to do something and then maybe it will spark an interest I didn't know was there.

 

Lisa

 

 

:grouphug: I had no idea you had chronic lyme. I'm sorry. And Meals on Wheels would be rough with gas prices right now. Do they not compensate for gas? I know it's a volunteer organization, but gas prices...are rough. I'm not going to church this morning because I won't have enough gas to get through the week if I go. :blush: In fact, we won't be going anywhere this week, but work. :nopity:

[Carol in Cal.]

I really, really dislike waiting around. It was very difficult for me to accept DD's lessons that involved doing that. And the other parents' waiting around as well made me feel like reading was a bit anti-social. So that's when I took up knitting again--I had learned how as a child, and it came back to me pretty fast. Now I am never without a project. The requirements--it has to be an easy stitch that I can do while conversing, without looking at a pattern. It has to involve enough yarn to never run out in mid-piano lesson. It has to be yarn that looks and feels good, so that I enjoy the process, not just the product. The result--I now have a hobby that satisfies me kinesthetically, that calms me down, and that is productive. I make a TON of scarves and baby blankets, and I never have too many. I knit a scarf for each person in my book group from time to time, and I knit for the homeless, and for people I love, and for the women's group at our church's craft sales.

 

If I were in your state, I would have a lot of pent up demand for things I've been wanting to do around the house, but I think that it sounds like you're caught up and don't have that issue/fallback. The other thing I would be doing is serious self-education in science and literature. I would do this whether I was planning to homeschool through high school or not, because students benefit from knowledgeable support either way.

 

Regarding the friendships, I know it's hard to be isolated and to make friends at this stage of life. The moms' group that I was in when DD was young continued to meet long after the kids went their separate ways at the elementary school level--we met about once a month for 11 years for a dinner out. It was just right--not too much, not too little. Maybe you could organize something like that with your old friends? It doesn't make up for not having one close friend, but it's a start.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

.

[Mejane]

I'm also right there. You can see the ages of my kids. They are both gone six hours per day six days a week, and sometimes out with friends on Sunday. I have a lot of free time! In the beginning, I thought it was fabulous. Hadn't had any time to myself in 18 years. :D As time went on, though, I started feeling bored, then almost panicky. All those hours - what to do??? Because of dh's travel schedule, a regular job is not feasible. Volunteering or socializing is difficult due to the weird hours (2-8). My friends have kids in school, so theirs are getting home about the time mine are going off to dance. I joined a book club, but it meets in the mornings as well.

 

So, I fill the time as best I can with exercise, reading, computer and Netflix. Honestly, though, I'm not enjoying it much. I WILL go back to work someday, but probably not until the kids are truly gone. I guess that's not much help to you, but know you're definitely not alone. :grouphug:

Edited May 1, 2011 by Mejane

[JFSinIL]

I have several different projects going at once - researching the history of our house/neighborhood; cleaning out "stuff" so maybe we can sell/move in a couple years; READING; watching old films and foreign films on Netflix, READING; trying to master Photoshop; exercise; READING.

 

Did I mention reading? :D

 

I'd find a job...but in less than two years SillyAutismMan will be home 24/7 and he can't be left alone for too long....I can't leave the house until he is on the schoolbus to his special school as he can not tell time, is pokey in the morning, and would miss the bus otherwise. I guess you might way another hobby is researching options for SAM's activities/work etc. once he ages out of school!

Edited May 1, 2011 by JFSinIL

[regentrude]

I work, sing in choir, and learn French

 

My kids are 12 and 14. the work independently, and prefer to spend their free time with their friends instead of mom (I get nostalgic when I think back to the several hours a day we spent at the park for many years, and the family hikes on weekends). Oh well, all things have a season.

I would go crazy if I did not have a job. I find it hard enough to deal with summers when I am not teaching - if I don't have enough to do, I don't feel well.

I actually would like to take some college classes in a field completely different from my own...

[Carol in Cal.]

I really like this. I'm relatively well read, but my knowledge of the sciences is pretty sketchy.

 

They have so much better popular intros to sciences now than they used to. I have a stack of them, although I have not read them yet. It's hard for me because I'm working fulltime. However, one thing I did was subscribe to National Geographic. I read that every month now, and it's filling in some gaps and making me feel like the science side of my brain is getting a little bit of exercise. And I made the commitment to throw them away after I read them, so there's no clutter, and I put them out in my office waiting area, so the subscription is a write off. It's all good!

[TammyinTN]

When the kids were younger, I was very happy and felt fulfilled. I was very busy meeting their needs. Homeschooling didn't take all day, so we did lots of fun field trips and I was often at the park meeting up with friends while the kids played. I felt like I was playing a very important role with my young children, I was very excited and passionate about homeschooling and it was just a great time in my life.

 

Now, my kids are now 9 and 11 and will be entering 4th and 6th grades this year. I spend a few hours each day teaching them and reading to them and then I spend time running them to activities (where I usually sit around and read or just wait) and the rest of my time doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.

 

In a lot of ways, I have too much down time. I am easily able to complete everything I need to and I have lots of time to read during activities, and I spend way too much time on the computer, which I'm actually bored with a lot of the time anymore. I could spend more time cleaning the house, but I already keep it in a state where I don't have a problem with someone just dropping in and I'm not into having everything perfect. Neither is my husband. I exercise about 4 times a week.

 

All the playground friendships I had when the kids were younger have turned into more casual acquaintances and I hardly see these people anymore except to greet them and talk briefly when we exchange kids for playdates. My best friend from high school has moved 2.5 hours away. My sister, who I was always close to, is now a single mother with 3 special needs kids and my mother is very busy helping her as well as bonding with my brother's first baby. My husband works very long hours. I've always just needed just one or two close friendships and now I can see the drawback in that and I'm not finding it as easy to make new friends at this stage in my life.

 

So, basically, I feel like the kids still need me, but it's more in a "just be there" kind of way a lot of the time and I no longer have the social support that I used to. I've never felt so alone in my life. I've thought about trying to do tax work at home again for an old friend of mine. We could certainly use the money, but I'm afraid that the job will become a burden and just add stress and pressure. In reality, I'm not really sure I can easily carve out regular periods of time to work with the homeschooling, activities, etc. During the summer, it would be easy, but not during the school year. So maybe I am busy, but just bored.

 

So has anyone else hit this stage at some point or is it just me? I honestly feel kind of bleak about the future. It just stretches out before me like a long, dull road. I feel loved by my family, but not really needed in the way I used to be. I know I have to find a new focus or interest, but I'm not sure what direction to head in. And I am not depressed. Just a little lost at the moment.

 

Lisa

 

Yep...this was me about 1 year ago. Last kid at home..doesn't need me as much.

 

I took up sewing and loads of crafts.

I get a pedi and mani every 2 weeks.

Haircuts every 4 weeks.

I cook loads of different foods.

I play with our dog---she's a big baby. :)

I flower garden daily.

I read like crazy.

I write and talk to my grown kids each day.

I take a long bubble bath every other day.

I'm always caught up on cleaning and laundry....so I can travel at the drop of a hat.

I take the convertible out several times a week and take the last kid at home for ice cream a lot.

Basically I'm a super laid back mom now. ;)

[herbalgirl]

This is probably a case of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but...I WISH I had this problem sometimes!! ;)

 

I definitely agree with trying to get a hobby. Make a list of things you enjoy or would like to learn more about that you haven't gotten around to doing. You can then either sign up for classes or learn them yourself and get that sense of fulfillment you are desiring.