JeanM Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I'm so tired of my family, my parents especially, not being supportive of our decision to homeschool. We've been homeschooling since my oldest was in kindergarten, and he's 12 now. Both boys are accelerated, and homeschooling works great for us. We don't live close to my parents, but we're in touch all the time. My dh and I do some work for my mom. Most of the time I just ignore the negative comments from my parents, but the comments today just set me off. We're thinking about buying a house, and my father offered to help us with the down payment, but only if we would put the dc in school. :confused: I'm so offended that I can hardly speak. Thanks for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NatashainDFW Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I am so sorry you are dealing with the negativity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 ugh, how frustrating!!!! Have they said what their specific concerns are or is it just a general don't like homeschooling thing? It makes no sense to me when your kids are obviously doing well. I don't get the overt statements like that one from my relatives (possibly because I would really have words for them) but there is an unspoken disapproval from my husband's family and it really bugs me. We just got awesome news about a selective math program my son qualified for. My family all said way to go kid, and also way to go teach, you both worked hard!! My husband's mother said "he's always been good in math since he was little". And his father said nothing at all. Like my son hasn't done anything in the way of work since birth, and I had nothing to do with it at all, and it's no big deal anyway. They never ask about the kid's school work at all, while my parents and step-mother ask to see their notebooks whenever they come over, talk to the kids about what they're doing, etc. Isn't that normal grandparent stuff?? Dh's brother is a high school math teacher and the cousins are fairly average public school students, and not into sports or any sort of activity at all... which is fine for them, we don't mind that they make different choices than us. But somehow that means they can't be excited for us about anything, and anything we try to achieve just means we are trying to be better than we should, wasting our time, crazy to spend our weekends doing X. Our personal choices are actually offensive to them. I really don't get it!!!! With the recent news on the math program, we only told dh's parents, not his brothers, even the math teacher, because we know they will judge us for it. It's so sad. Oh I'm sorry, this is supposed to be *your* vent thread LOL!!! I got carried away; I didn't realize I was feeling so hostile about all this until I started typing! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks. I have just been feeling so down all day. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I am so sorry you are dealing with the negativity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Oh, feel free to add your vents. My father thinks that because my dc are doing so well, that they should go to public school so that they can be at the top of their classes. His main concern is that they should compete with other children. I've tried to show him that my dc have competed in sports and in academic competitions. To him, the only real way to succeed is to be at the top of your class in school. ugh, how frustrating!!!! Have they said what their specific concerns are or is it just a general don't like homeschooling thing? It makes no sense to me when your kids are obviously doing well. I don't get the overt statements like that one from my relatives (possibly because I would really have words for them) but there is an unspoken disapproval from my husband's family and it really bugs me. We just got awesome news about a selective math program my son qualified for. My family all said way to go kid, and also way to go teach, you both worked hard!! My husband's mother said "he's always been good in math since he was little". And his father said nothing at all. Like my son hasn't done anything in the way of work since birth, and I had nothing to do with it at all, and it's no big deal anyway. They never ask about the kid's school work at all, while my parents and step-mother ask to see their notebooks whenever they come over, talk to the kids about what they're doing, etc. Isn't that normal grandparent stuff?? Dh's brother is a high school math teacher and the cousins are fairly average public school students, and not into sports or any sort of activity at all... which is fine for them, we don't mind that they make different choices than us. But somehow that means they can't be excited for us about anything, and anything we try to achieve just means we are trying to be better than we should, wasting our time, crazy to spend our weekends doing X. Our personal choices are actually offensive to them. I really don't get it!!!! With the recent news on the math program, we only told dh's parents, not his brothers, even the math teacher, because we know they will judge us for it. It's so sad. Oh I'm sorry, this is supposed to be *your* vent thread LOL!!! I got carried away; I didn't realize I was feeling so hostile about all this until I started typing! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Wow. Sorry he's trying to manipulate you like that. That is just so wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks. I sort of feel like he wants me to sell my kids. Not that public school is that bad, but that's how it feels to me. Wow. Sorry he's trying to manipulate you like that. That is just so wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 :grouphug: I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I think I'd tell him where he could put his downpayment. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linj2fly Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) We're thinking about buying a house, and my father offered to help us with the down payment, but only if we would put the dc in school. :confused: I'm so offended that I can hardly speak. Thanks for letting me vent. Are you kidding me?? Wow...I'm speechless....seems kind of manipulative to me. BIG group hug! :grouphug: So sorry!! My in-laws are luke warm about us hsing; my mom is very supportive...she regrets not hsing us. Although my inlaws don't really say anything anymore, when we put my oldest back in ps for a short while, my MIL broke down crying in RELIEF that we had finally decided to do that...she was so WORRIED about him. At some point I came to the place where I decided I didn't need others' approval for our choice. (Mind you, it is sometimes hard for me to maintain that kind of emotional independence....and it would definitely be harder if my mom wasn't so supportive). Also, although there is sooo much wisdom to gain from our elders, I do take their opinions about the need for ps with a big grain of salt, since their era of psing was different from ours in so many ways. I just don't think they "get it" (the changes) if I can be so bold. Edited March 18, 2011 by linj2fly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks to everyone! I'm wiping away my tears and trying to move on. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I think I'd tell him where he could put his downpayment. Lisa :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I don't think he is necessarily manipulative. I mean, to some extent, aren't we all a little with our kids :tongue_smilie:? I think he's worried and thinks that since the kids are doing so well, why not be top of the class at school. He's proud of the kids, but maybe wants it more publicly known that they are ahead. It's difficult when there is little family support. Do you think you could show him the API scores of your town's schools (unless of course they are in the high 900s)? I have people actually comment to me that I'm doing a disservice to DD because she is not experiencing being bullied. What?!?! According to these people, kids need to be bullied in order to survive as adults. Wow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 I'm not sure what API scores are, but I'm not sure it would help our situation. It might just convince him that we shouldn't buy a house in this area... And wow, I can't believe that anyone thinks that your DD should be bullied. That is extreme! I don't think he is necessarily manipulative. I mean, to some extent, aren't we all a little with our kids :tongue_smilie:? I think he's worried and thinks that since the kids are doing so well, why not be top of the class at school. He's proud of the kids, but maybe wants it more publicly known that they are ahead. It's difficult when there is little family support. Do you think you could show him the API scores of your town's schools (unless of course they are in the high 900s)? I have people actually comment to me that I'm doing a disservice to DD because she is not experiencing being bullied. What?!?! According to these people, kids need to be bullied in order to survive as adults. Wow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 I think I'd tell him where he could put his downpayment. Lisa I put it in more polite terms, but that was basically my answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy2BaMom Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 So sorry....it is so difficult when your parents don't lose an opportunity to take a shot at something they disagree with. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you might want to consider reading a book or two to help you deal with your parents (this sounds like a long-term thing and you sound as if you are getting worn down). I personally credit Harriet Lerner (this link takes you to a page of her books) with having a major (positive) impact in my life / relationships with my family. "Dance of Anger" was my personal fave, but I read several of her books and they were very, very helpful for me to become more skillful in my interactions with my family members. Another one I've heard is good is: "Defending Yourself Against Criticism: The Slug Manual". Sorry if I'm throwing too much pop psych at you....just sounds like you could use some shoring up. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I am very sorry you are having to go through such emotional manipulation. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: If this is what you know is right for your family, then politely decline and stand firm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 That is so wrong....:grouphug: Equally wrong but I have (and did do this) I moved out of state because my mom said we could only rent her house (which I was paying a decent amount for but less than the going rate) if we put my oldest dd in school. So I bit back with. Well, we can't afford suitable housing around here and PS is not an option so we are moving to PA. and I did. that wasn't the only reason for the move but was a big factor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitascool Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I have people actually comment to me that I'm doing a disservice to DD because she is not experiencing being bullied. What?!?! According to these people, kids need to be bullied in order to survive as adults. Wow! And this is why I regularly harass my children. I try to get in some shoving and arguments at least once a week. But mostly I call them nasty names, like four-eyes, dork and retard. :ack2: But seriously... some people are soooo stupid... can I say stupid... the kids are asleep so they wont hear. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bird Girl Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 And this is why I regularly harass my children. I try to get in some shoving and arguments at least once a week. But mostly I call them nasty names, like four-eyes, dork and retard. :ack2: But seriously... some people are soooo stupid... can I say stupid... the kids are asleep so they wont hear. :lol: This is hilarious--yes, we homeschooling parents can do it all--nurture, support, and trash-can! What a depressing thing to have to hear from your parents. It sounds like your dad never quite internalized the message that learning should happen for its own sake, and not to receive external recognition. Too bad for him--if only he'd been homeschooled! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I'm not sure what API scores are, but I'm not sure it would help our situation. It might just convince him that we shouldn't buy a house in this area... And wow, I can't believe that anyone thinks that your DD should be bullied. That is extreme! I actually know a family (close friends of ours, actually), whose son is BEING bullied, and begging to homeschool. The father is adamant he "learn how to deal with it," and refuses to homeschool him. He has told us our kids "won't learn to make it in the real world." I fear for his boy. This man doesn't have the best relationship with his father... and I fear he is going to lose his oldest son too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I'm sorry about this situation. It has to be frustrating. Nothing that extreme has come our way (more the other way... if you DON'T homeschool your kids I'll disown you...lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 :grouphug: Even last summer, 7 years after bringing dd home, I heard a few things. I'd mentioned that dd wanted to go back to ps for her junior year and got the socialization comments. She has gone back, and while she likes it and is doing well, she hates much of the socialization part of it due to all the teen drama, gossiping, etc. I'm sure they'll be happy when my middle one goes back (she probably will as she has been lobbying for it and is becoming very argumentative.) It irks me, because even with the good honours program here, they have to teach to the test through the sophomore year. Honours kids do get more depth, particularly because the class discussions are deeper, but it's not what you can do at home. As for bullying, my dd's take care of bullying ds and each other. Not that I put up with it. Then, of course, we have kids in the neighbourhood who aren't always nice (some are.) But wait, aren't homeschoolers supposed to live as hermits?;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Oh, feel free to add your vents. . To him, the only real way to succeed is to be at the top of your class in school. Right, neve rmind the intense pressure, the brown nosing some of those top teens do, the cheating some do, the health problems due to stress, the lack of balance in their lives. Of course, there are gifted dc who can carry it off without all of that, bt they aren't the majority of dc in honours classes. Here it's about 10 percent of students who are in honours math, and that's far more than that of gifted students. Not that all kill themselves trying to be at the tops of their classes. To do it here you have to do all the honours and AP classes you can to even be in the running to be at the top of your class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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