Peri Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I'm in a bit of a situation right now. About 1 week ago I left my husband. Yes I took the kids and left. We are now living with my parents. I am currently 1 year away from getting my Bachelors and, hopefully, starting to work. I don't know what step to take next though. We have two houses. The first one is paid off but has an equity line of credit on it that my husband used to buy the second house which is not paid off. I am afraid that if i file for divorce right now, I will get stuck with half of the credit that he owes. I am also afraid that if i wait too long he will quickly sell the houses, pay off the debt, and hide the money. If it were just me I wouldn't care. But it's not just me and I don't want my parents to feel financially overburdened. I feel like I need to get some childsupport out of him. Any input would be appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Consult with a lawyer asap. Try to get copies of all financial papers now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Find a lawyer. Now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Find a lawyer now. One that is local. Go back to the other house and get any important documents with your name on them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upstatemamma Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I agree with the others who said get a lawyer. However, I do believe that you will be responsible for half the debt but you will also get half the equity. Most times it sort of works out. Will you be planning to move into one of the homes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Go back to the house unless you are in danger. Get a lawyer, the best one around. If you abandon the property and take the kids with you, in some states that can be used against you very badly. Learn what the law says in your state before you do anything else. Make sure that you have copies of all of your household bills, accounts, retirement assets, non-retirement assets, and your tax returns going back as many years as you can, right away, in a location other than your home. Do not wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 I don't think my name is on anything. He bought both houses without my knowledge and he got the equity line of credit without my knowledge. I don't know if the bank accounts have my name on them or not but he's probably emptied them out by now. I can't go back because if I do I'll probably never have the guts to leave again. The property is not abandoned. He is living there. Another question I have is: What could the outcome be if abuse was involved? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 (edited) Contact your local battered woman's shelter or domestic violence program. In my area the YWCA has such programs. They should be able to refer you to free or very low cost services. You can have a police officer escort you to your home to retrieve personal things. Leaving due to emotional and/physical abuse can work in your favor, but you have to seek services and report this as the reason you left, soon. Editing to add: if you fear for safety you should seek an Order of protection and perhaps consider living in a safe shelter. I am guessing your husband has an idea where he can find you and the children . . . Adrianne Edited February 3, 2011 by jelbe5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 :grouphug: to you, and if abuse is the reason you left, PLEASE don't go back for any reason. Talk to a lawyer and they can tell you what to do in your specific situation. I'm saying a prayer for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 not just any law, but the law in your state. Now. Today. Go see an attorney. I know it's not cheap, and this just isn't the time to worry about that. Beg your parents if you don't have the money, and don't feel bad about it. Get every financial document you can place your hands on and take them to the consult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Contact your local battered woman's shelter or domestic violence program. In my area the YWCA has such programs. They should be able to refer you to free or very low cost services. You can have a police officer escort you to your home to retrieve personal things. Leaving due to emotional and/physical abuse can work in your favor, but you have to seek services and report this as the reason you left, soon. Adrianne This. And call a lawyer, now. Right away. Do not wait. I know the money will be difficult to come up with, but you need to get good advice for your specific situation and state that's not from a bunch of well-meaning people who are not family law experts in your state. If/when you go home, go with a police officer and a friend or family member (for moral support). Get bank statements, info on the houses, the loan, everything. It may not matter that your name is not on them, but that depends on the law in your state. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Whatever the deal ends up being with the houses and any other property, the man does have an obligation to pay you child support. You should contact whatever women's services or domestic relations type agency you have in your area and file for child support as soon as you can. You DO need a lawyer and soon, because of custody, child support, and visitation and other issues too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I wish you would have made a large withdrawal at the time you left. I'm sorry you're going through this. Do you live in a community property state? Whether you do or not, you do need a good lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catalinakel Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 This. And call a lawyer, now. Right away. Do not wait. I know the money will be difficult to come up with, but you need to get good advice for your specific situation and state that's not from a bunch of well-meaning people who are not family law experts in your state. If/when you go home, go with a police officer and a friend or family member (for moral support). Get bank statements, info on the houses, the loan, everything. It may not matter that your name is not on them, but that depends on the law in your state. :grouphug::grouphug: I agree. With this and the shelter idea. You need to know what you are up against legally, and the only way to do that is to talk to a lawyer who knows law in your state. I left my husband last May. I was afraid there would be violence. YOu can do this, but you need to make sure you are on the the right side of the law.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 :grouphug: its a hard and brave thing you've done. money is good. safety is better. both is best of all, if its possible. time is of the essence, which seems so unfair when you are dealing with so much already. if you can, contact the local abuse shelter and ask for a recommendation for a lawyer who specializes in abuse cases. sometimes all the xdh's lawyer needs to see is the name of the lawyer who specializes in abuse cases for it to go much, much more smoothly. sometimes it takes more. and ask the shelter and the lawyer what else you could/should/might do to help yourself and your kids. :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamamaloca Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 You need to get a lawyer and get paperwork moving. That's the best protection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 not just any law, but the law in your state. Now. Today. Go see an attorney. I know it's not cheap, and this just isn't the time to worry about that. Beg your parents if you don't have the money, and don't feel bad about it. Get every financial document you can place your hands on and take them to the consult. This attorney says AMEN. Please follow this wonderful woman's advice. She is absolutely correct. I am sorry for your troubles:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 You've already received excellent advice. I just wanted you to know that I read, I'm so sorry for the situation that you are in and I pray that the Lord will give you wisdom and keep you safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Ohh lord, please tell me you got a lawyer before you left? Please? If you don't want to do it for yourself, please see it as financially advocating for your children? You are securing their future. And in all honesty, I'd be worried on what he's already accessed and done. Get all the paperwork you can-last months bank statements, deeds, mortgage papers --everything. Not to 'get' you more, but perhaps to prove it was once there. You'll be in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 I wish you would have made a large withdrawal at the time you left. I'm sorry you're going through this. Do you live in a community property state? Whether you do or not, you do need a good lawyer. When he knew that I was leaving (I was packing mine and the kids nessecities) he immediately grabbed his hidden stash of cash that he keeps at home and left the house. I knew he was headed to the bank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamamaloca Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 You can see what legal aid is available in your area. You will likely have to come up with some money, but it should be more affordable than just calling lawyers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 When he knew that I was leaving (I was packing mine and the kids nessecities) he immediately grabbed his hidden stash of cash that he keeps at home and left the house. I knew he was headed to the bank. :grouphug: I'm sorry. I have no additional advice to offer, just a hug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Agree with the others. Get a lawyer NOW! You also have child custody issues and being the proactive filer may give you a margin of advantage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Saying a prayer for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I agree with calling a lawyer but don't just call one. At least in my area there are some who will do the first visit free of charge. Hugs to you from someone who has been there.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 . The property is not abandoned. He is living there. ? You've already gotten the advice you need which is to get an attorney and get to a domestic violence program if that was an issue. What is meant by you abandoning the property is that you left your joint home--not that no one is living there. (In many states, leaving the joint home becomes a disadvantage in divorce proceedings in some circumstances. That's another reason to get to attorney yesterday.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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