how would you feel. . .

[freetobeme]

if your mother kept your wedding pictures hanging up and you weren't married anymore? what if one of your children asked you why she did this? what if you asked your mother why and she said it was because there were other people she loved also in the pictures and it was her house and that was why? just curious. . .

[RoughCollie]

I would not care, unless my ex-husband had done something awful that caused the divorce (along the lines of adultery, domestic violence, or committed a crime for which he went to prison), or he did not pay child support and/or see the children frequently and maintain a close relationship with them.

 

If that were the case, and my ex was a True Scumbag, it would bother me. Still, I would not make a fuss beyond my initial communication to my mother about how I felt, because it is her house.

 

If I were remarried and it bothered my DH, I would let him take it up with my mother.

 

If it bothered anyone in my immediate family (me, my spouse, my kids) to the extreme, we would not visit my mother. Saying this, however, means I figure that there is a whole lot more going on in this situation than the choice of pictures my mother displays.

Edited December 26, 2010 by RoughCollie

[LidiyaDawn]

I would not care.

:iagree:

 

It's her house, after all.

[SonshineLearner]

My MIL kept pics of my husband and his ex up, and when I went to visit her... told me in a pretty defensive and klnda hurt my feeling way... that they were staying up because... those are her memories. I think that really... if they hurt someone else's feelings... that perhaps you should move them to a spot that isn't in front of everyone. I actually wouldn't have freaked out... just thought it weird. (And, it was pics of my husband's sister's wedding...)

[TN Mama]

if your mother kept your wedding pictures hanging up and you weren't married anymore? what if one of your children asked you why she did this? what if you asked your mother why and she said it was because there were other people she loved also in the pictures and it was her house and that was why? just curious. . .

 

If it were my mother, I'd ask her to take it down.

 

My MIL has several pictures around her house that include my husband's former wife with my husband. They include other people (like bil's wedding photo, etc.) so I've never said anything about taking them down, but I still don't like it. If she had their wedding photo up, I'd definitely say something, or ask dh to.

[nono]

:) We used to put other people's photos (like family members we liked who couldn't be at an event) over the ex. Then, we started putting famous people instead. Pretty funny stuff! It's amazing how many of our family events Will Smith has attended!

[susankenny]

If I were remarried, I'd probably ask her to take them down, that would be kind of weird.

 

 

Susan

[CandaceC]

I actually just noticed the other day (or had never thought about it before, I guess) that my grandmother has pictures from ALL of her children's and grandchildren's weddings on a big table in their foyer...she has 5 children and 12 grandchildren. 2 of those couples are now divorced...I wondered about it,but I think for her, it is the memories...and the fact that she has pictures of all other family members on that table, so she leaves them? It is a curious thing, though,and I think if it bothered me I would talk with her about it. I can see how it might be a touchy thing...

[Pippen]

My grandparents kept a picture of my parents and their wedding party on top of their dresser in the bedroom as long as I could remember. This was in the age before photoshop and my grandpa had taken a blue pen and compeltely scribbled out my dad so my mom was standing next to a solid blue unknown figure. :lol:

[freetobeme]

see, i have ignored them. my daughter asked me about it and i asked my mom. i can see both sides of the issue. and believe me, my mom will do what my mom will do. funny thing is that she has no love or respect for my ex. guess that's why i asked when my daughter brought it up.

 

thanks for your thoughts on this.

[freetobeme]

:) We used to put other people's photos (like family members we liked who couldn't be at an event) over the ex. Then, we started putting famous people instead. Pretty funny stuff! It's amazing how many of our family events Will Smith has attended!

 

guess this would be tasteless since he is my children's father. but believe me, i think this is hilarious! thanks for the laugh!

[freetobeme]

A group shot wouldn't bother me.

 

Just the couple...yeah,I'd switch that for one of just the child.

 

MIL solved this by not having any spouses in the pictures she hung up. FIL told the photographer that it was blood relatives only in the group shots....fortunately the photographer remembered who was paying his bill, so we have full family group shots as well as FILs specials.

 

there is a couple only shot. that one bothers me the most. the one of me alone in my wedding dress, not so much.

[lionfamily1999]

Did your mom like your ex? My brother divorced his first wife and there were still a vew pictures of her lingering around. Mom ended up scratching her face off (with a black pen, it made her look like the girl from "The Grudge" :lol:) when my brother got married a second time. I think Mom only did that because a. She didn't like wife #1 anyway and b. we all love sil (who pointed out the resemblence to the scary lady from TG and then begged us to not try and modify our memories to erase w1, saying she was there and deserved to be remembered with kindness :001_huh:).

 

I'm used to my mom doing some things just to cause drama. I would ignore the pictures and ask my children if they really cared that much what Gramma had hanging up.

[texasmama]

My dad keeps a huge wedding portrait (of just me) from my first marriage hanging in a spare bedroom in his house. He did move it from the living room at my request during the time my now dh and I moved in with my parents while we were building a house ten years ago. I have gotten used to it. It doesn't have any other people in it, though.

[Cindyz]

Your wedding is part of your family's history and memories (not just yours but your mom too) and he is your children's father I assume. That's also how I would explain it to my child.

[Dobela]

My MIL has pictures of dh's ex around her home. When we first married it really bothered me. Not so much the family group photos, but the casual ones. Then I remembered that she had for the most part a good relationship with her former Dil and even though the marriage went bad, well ok, awful, my MIL had some wonderful memories of this person. After the divorce, a few years later, this DIL died unexpectedly and my MIL went to the funeral. Interestingly, dh married a second time and MIL has no pictures of wife #2 anywhere. I think part of that is because she never formed the close relationship with her that she had with the first DIL. I am wife #3 and MIL has every picture we send displayed somewhere in her home so I am well represented.

 

I would tell your child that the reason you mom has the picture up is because that was a happy day in her life, a time she likes to remember and think about. And even though the marriage ended in divorce, she liked your ex.

[freetobeme]

thanks for all your thoughts.

i understand the family history thing. i don't think she should burn them or anything, but it would be nice if she would move them out of the common areas. and my child also asked why there are no pictures of my db's first wife. i didn't ask about that.

this won't be any kind of issue for us. i was just curious about what others have experienced. it's all new to me. . .;) well, except for the "it's her house" thing. i am WELL-aware of that! :D

[blakereese]

:) We used to put other people's photos (like family members we liked who couldn't be at an event) over the ex. Then, we started putting famous people instead. Pretty funny stuff! It's amazing how many of our family events Will Smith has attended!

 

I like this idea! :lol:

[Cindyz]

and my child also asked why there are no pictures of my db's first wife.

 

I would just say, "I don't know." If he asked again, I would say, "I'm really not sure!" If he asked again I would say, "what do you think?" That might bring up a discussion where I would probably mostly nod my head and say, "interesting!" :D

[freetobeme]

I would just say, "I don't know." If he asked again, I would say, "I'm really not sure!" If he asked again I would say, "what do you think?" That might bring up a discussion where I would probably mostly nod my head and say, "interesting!" :D

 

this child is almost grown. she just brought up something i'd never even thought of until then. thanks for your thoughts!

[MariannNOVA]

My mom HAD a family portrait with my 'ex' (and father of my two older dds) on her wall -- I know that she loved the photo b/c my father is in it -- but ex-h is pretty much right up there or down there with the poster who described a quite unsavory individual -- so, yes, I wanted him out of the photo. My sister took the portrait to someone who removed him from the photo.

I had dh's sister in law removed from our wedding photos -- I despise her -- she is evil (you will have to trust me on this) -- there were quite a few family photos taken at our wedding - she wore a bright red dress -- it was easy for the photographer to find her and get rid of her. MIL never asked for photos from the wedding - she had her brothers and sisters taking photos so she put together an album of her own -- my family despises this woman as well so they were fine with her not being in the photos. As things go - now, FINALLY, dh's brother and she (16 yrs later) are divorcing.

[freetobeme]

My mom HAD a family portrait with my 'ex' (and father of my two older dds) on her wall -- I know that she loved the photo b/c my father is in it -- but ex-h is pretty much right up there or down there with the poster who described a quite unsavory individual -- so, yes, I wanted him out of the photo. My sister took the portrait to someone who removed him from the photo.

I had dh's sister in law removed from our wedding photos -- I despise her -- she is evil (you will have to trust me on this) -- there were quite a few family photos taken at our wedding - she wore a bright red dress -- it was easy for the photographer to find her and get rid of her. MIL never asked for photos from the wedding - she had her brothers and sisters taking photos so she put together an album of her own -- my family despises this woman as well so they were fine with her not being in the photos. As things go - now, FINALLY, dh's brother and she (16 yrs later) are divorcing.

 

thanks for sharing. this never would have occurred to me.

oh the things i learn here! :001_smile:

[MariannNOVA]

thanks for sharing. this never would have occurred to me.

oh the things i learn here! :001_smile:

 

:) THIS is SO the place to ask and learn.

[freetobeme]

:) THIS is SO the place to ask and learn.

 

oh, i totally agree! :D

[Guest momk2000]

I would ask her to take it down. I would not even want a photo of just myself from the wedding, if we were no longer married. Maybe give her a nice portrait of yourself and your daughter she can put in it's place.

[freetobeme]

I would ask her to take it down. I would not even want a photo of just myself from the wedding, if we were no longer married. Maybe give her a nice portrait of yourself and your daughter she can put in it's place.

 

thanks. and i wish it could be so simple. she'd just add it to the wall WITH the other photos. and the one just of me, that one is in a bedroom. :confused:

 

for the record, there are no wedding photos up in my home, even the ones of just me or me with my parents. i will be keeping them for family history.

[2squared]

As a product of a divorced family, I would like to see pics of my parents together at my grandparents. Maybe that's why she does it?

[Farrar]

My grandmother kept my parents' wedding album for us after they divorced. I always thought it was a special role she had for us. She still says something along the lines that it's none of her business what happened between my parents but she always loved my mother (her former daughter in law) and always would.

[Julie in CA]

My mom graciously counts my dh as one of her children, and loves him as such. Even if, for some reason, we were no longer a couple, I would not expect her to move on just because I had. Real love doesn't turn itself on or off that easily, kwim? I'd explain that to my child (regardless of the child's age) if they asked why the picture was still up at Grandma's house.

[AnitaMcC]

As a product of a divorced family, I would like to see pics of my parents together at my grandparents. Maybe that's why she does it?

 

 

Same here.

 

At my grandma's house it was so great to see all the pics she had all over her house. She did keep some more "sensitive" ones out of the commone areas. My parents divorced when I was 4yrs old. My grandma had my parents wedding picture on the wall (even though my mom remarried two more time and my dad one more time). My grandma loved both my dad and my mom. As far as she was concerned, my parents divorced each other... but not the rest of the family. But then (as far as I know) the divorce was mutually wanted. There wasn't any abuse (well both my parents are alcoholics, but they weren't violent to anyone).

 

Now my mom's second husband... he was a jerk (to put it mildly) and abusive. My grandma got rid of all his pictures-LOL. My mom's third husband was pretty good overall. The poor man ended up with step kids with major chips on their shoulders... But he loved us anyway.

 

My grandma had pics of my dad and his wife with us grandkids in the pics but not of just the two of them.