Grandpa is giving the kids a college account...guess why

[Tess in the Burbs]

Ok, I could say so many things right now but just trying to let it bounce off me...pass the bean dip may have changed the subject but not my emotions!

 

My dad's wife passed away and I am here planning a memorial. He tells me in a few months he's opening a college account for each of my kids. The amount was very large for each of them. I was shocked and gave my appreciation for the gesture.

 

He then says, " we are not on the same page as far as homeschooling goes, so I want to make sure they have a chance to succeed in life".

 

:confused:

 

So while his generosity is appreciated, the motivation behind it bothers me. I kept quiet. He is still grieving but do I ever get the chance to say how I feel??? This post is probably more of a vent since I am visiting my dad and can't call my dh right away.

 

I knew he had concerns over 'socialization' but when I told him my ds got Awana's Clubber of the Year he had nothing positive to say. My child succeeds in a social setting and there's no acknowledgment???

 

My dad had high standards for me growing up academically so his only questions about the kids are how their schooling is going. Oh forbid if they aren't perfect or way ahead!

 

Ok, thanks for reading. I can't turn down the college money, and at this point I can't tell my dad his motivation ticks me off, but I am so angry right now.

[JFSinIL]

Vent here all you want - pretend I am Grandpa, if you like, and tell me off for not supporting homeschooling. :001_smile: Just smile and thank the actual Grandpa for the college funds. With luck, he will live to see how great your kids turn out...maybe they will all be accepted to Harvard/MIT etc and won't he feel silly about his stand on homeschooling then!!!

[Scarlett]

Ok, thanks for reading. I can't turn down the college money, and at this point I can't tell my dad his motivation ticks me off, but I am so angry right now.

 

I have been in a very similar situation and had to keep my mouth shut for the greater good....I really do know how you feel and I'm sorry you don't have the support you need from your dad.

[Tess in the Burbs]

is my kids are very young. both are ahead for their ages. my son is now reading on an early 5th grade reading level. It's humbling to teach him something and see him run with it. I have a family blog I post to on occasion about their school stuff. When grandpa visits I insist the kids read to him. But he has never shown an interest in their academics. but apparently had an opinion!

 

he has shared the socialization concern with me. my kids have church/sunday school, awana's(at another church so all other adults/kids to interact with), sports, local PE group at the park, and playdates. My son also did a science class this winter(teacher with kids and he did fine!). So I thought I had addressed his concern.

 

he goes on to share about my years as a teen(horrible years I hate to hear about/think about) and how my kids will have those bad years too. And it's then I want to SCREAM at him and say, maybe, maybe not! They don't have to be teased or have a teacher give them a bad grade b/c the teacher lost their notebook. They don't have to rush into dating b/c everyone else is. They don't have to be away from family all day and learn to enjoy others over family. they can be normal kids without as many fears, hangups and problems as others.

 

ok, this is so helpful. thanks for letting me get this off my mind :-)

[WTMindy]

is my kids are very young. both are ahead for their ages. my son is now reading on an early 5th grade reading level. It's humbling to teach him something and see him run with it. I have a family blog I post to on occasion about their school stuff. When grandpa visits I insist the kids read to him. But he has never shown an interest in their academics. but apparently had an opinion!

 

he has shared the socialization concern with me. my kids have church/sunday school, awana's(at another church so all other adults/kids to interact with), sports, local PE group at the park, and playdates. My son also did a science class this winter(teacher with kids and he did fine!). So I thought I had addressed his concern.

 

he goes on to share about my years as a teen(horrible years I hate to hear about/think about) and how my kids will have those bad years too. And it's then I want to SCREAM at him and say, maybe, maybe not! They don't have to be teased or have a teacher give them a bad grade b/c the teacher lost their notebook. They don't have to rush into dating b/c everyone else is. They don't have to be away from family all day and learn to enjoy others over family. they can be normal kids without as many fears, hangups and problems as others.

 

ok, this is so helpful. thanks for letting me get this off my mind :-)

 

I'm so sorry about that!!! I think it is hard for that generation to really "get" homeschooling. In our parents generation, they used "experts" for everything. They had bankers and travel agents and teachers. They didn't do things themselves, so I don't think they understand why someone would (or could) teach their own kids. I think time will win them over. When they see what fine, well adjusted, well behaved children you have, they will eventually come around.

 

My grandpa couldn't stand that my aunt homeschooled some of my cousins. I wish he had been alive to see my cousin graduate as valedictorian from a large high school where she went after homeschooling almost the whole way through. But, he did at least come around a bit as time went on.

 

You are wise to give him grace during this sad time for him!

[Barb_]

Vent here all you want - pretend I am Grandpa, if you like, and tell me off for not supporting homeschooling. :001_smile: Just smile and thank the actual Grandpa for the college funds. With luck, he will live to see how great your kids turn out...maybe they will all be accepted to Harvard/MIT etc and won't he feel silly about his stand on homeschooling then!!!

 

...almost word for word. Take the money and wait for him to eat crow. It will happen, I promise. Some people just take longer than others to come around.

 

Barb

[kalanamak]

Someday you can laugh about this, I hope.

[Kimberly in Sedona]

When we first started homeschooling for Kindergarten only my mother was somewhat supportive. Later, the relatives seemed to hope we'd grow out of the home school phase....hopefully before high school. At one point some relatives started a college fund similar to how yours was started for you. They felt it was one way to help get the girls a "REAL" education.

 

Long story short...in time they ALL came around...some sooner than others. My father eventually said, "If we were raising children today, we'd home school them, too." My mother-in-law says to others, "We wish all our grandchildren were home schooled!" My father-in-law became my biggest cheerleader.

 

Most of the relatives felt much better about it all when the oldest two got into college. However, my grandparents (90 and 95) only recently decided we did a good thing....and that is only because my oldest two graduate from college next month!!

 

And all that college fund money that the relatives set up...only a part of it was used, as the girls got some great scholarships and will be finishing college early!

 

For encouragement and support, you might need to pick a "new family" to provide that (boards, lists, friends, local home school groups)...at least until your biological family comes around!

 

Hugs!

 

Warmly,

Kimberly

[Gwen in VA]

Sometimes family doesn't come around.....All the relatives love our kids...but they think they are wonderful in spite of homeschooling, not because of.....

 

But vent here -- and ONLY here! :glare:

 

My son had to turn down his first choice college (U Chicago) because of money.....and that was hard. God willing, your kids will be able to go where they want to (and the admissions office agrees!)

 

That is an absolutely awesome gift your father is giving your kids!

[Remudamom]

Oh well, here's a virtual kick in the carumpus for Grandpa, bless his heart.

[Tess in the Burbs]

You all had the right thing to hear tonight. :-)

[Anne]

Tess said:

he goes on to share about my years as a teen(horrible years I hate to hear about/think about) and how my kids will have those bad years too. And it's then I want to SCREAM at him and say, maybe, maybe not! They don't have to be teased or have a teacher give them a bad grade b/c the teacher lost their notebook. They don't have to rush into dating b/c everyone else is. They don't have to be away from family all day and learn to enjoy others over family. they can be normal kids without as many fears, hangups and problems as others.

 

 

Tess, I could have written this. My dad REALLY disapproved of my hsing choice, and my mom kept saying about my firstborn: "wait until she's 13" . Over the years, the age of disaster was revised upward, and finally, the saying just died out when it became apparent there would be no disaster!

 

Eventually my dad realized that I had not scarred his granddaughters for life and they were turning into pretty nice young women.

 

At least your dad is putting away some $$ for your kids - that's a huge blessing!! It's really hard for people to change the way they think about things - but I'll bet your dad will change his mind as he watches you raise your kids and sees the great people they become.

 

Anne

[Jenny in Florida]

I'd just consider that kinds of skepticism a kick in the pants to make darned good and sure my kids were in a position to spend every one of Grandpa's pennies on a nice ivy league education.

 

But that may just be my passive aggressive side showing . . .

[Kanga]

The grandparents were our sharpest critics and now they are most obnoxious cheerleaders for homeschooling. They are more pro-homeschooling than I am. All they see now are the results: well educated teenagers who are not only comfortable conversing with anybody in any setting, but able to add something relevant to the conversation.

 

Just thank your dad and hope he doesn't change his mind when he sees how well they are doing both academically and socially : )

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I'd just consider that kinds of skepticism a kick in the pants to make darned good and sure my kids were in a position to spend every one of Grandpa's pennies on a nice ivy league education.

 

But that may just be my passive aggressive side showing . . .

 

Or at a selective, expensive, small liberal arts school. (Mary Baldwin, or something. :D)

 

I completely agree with this. And hey, whatever the motivation, the results will be the same -- your kids will have a great opportunity in life. Thank goodness you'll provide them with the foundation they need to take advantage of it to its fullest extent. Take the money, be properly grateful, and use it as impetus to provide the best foundation that is in your power to provide.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

and if not, enjoy the boost to your children's education fund anyway.

[Apiphobic]

I originally posted this in response to True Blue/Elaine's concern about professionals working with children who still hadn't "seen the light" about homeschooling. As I read your post, I wanted to say the same thing so I just thought I'd copy and paste.

 

Thank you to everyone who has posted in this thread. I've read everything and taken it to heart. I haven't responded and probably won't because I don't really want to talk a lot about it right now or debate any issues. I'm kind of in a sensitive/vulnerable place with this topic and tomorrow I call the psychologist and ask some more questions before our appt. this week. Thanks again for all the replies.

 

I didn't reply to this thread earlier because you'd gotten a lot of responses already. But this post just makes me want to reach out and hug you.

 

You're right. You shouldn't have to defend your decision to homeschool your child/ren. I know it's easy to get suckered into rattling off all the positives of homeschooling in an effort to educate the "nonbelievers." I know it gets tiring when it seems like you're being grilled yet again. And I know it's easy to assume that "experts" working with children really should be more aware of the intricacies of homeschooling.

 

I don't know how long you've been homeschooling, but I hope you can take solace in the fact that this whole homeschooling adventure does work for thousands of families. This board is living proof. Sometimes there are some wonderful AHA! moments when a previous doubter can see or hear your child/ren and realize this homeschooling thing may actually work. And then there may be some wonderful AHA! moments when the doubter can see it but yet still refuse to see it. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.

 

Don't waste your time and energy banging your head against the wall. Don't try to convert everyone and prove to them that you're right. I would even say don't worry so much about it. If the professional is good at what he or she does, hopefully, with time, he/she will see that this works for you and your family. There may be moments when you'll cringe and think, "Oooh, that didn't really sell homeschooling very well, did it?" And then there are other times you'll see it as a bright light shining through the rainstorm. Maybe they'll get it and maybe they won't. It's not up to you.

 

You have to trust yourself more and know that it's worked for thousands of other families and it's working for your family. Now I hear Dory singing, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ..."

 

I didn't mean to for this to get so long. Originally I was just going to put the group hug icon on, but I wanted to explain why I wished I could hug you.

 

FWIW, my youngest has been seeing a speech therapist for over a year now. The therapist has met all my children. My kids actually came in and played games with the therapist and dd one day, and the therapist occasionally will chat with them if they come to the session with us. Time and casual conversation has opened her eyes a lot to the world of homeschooling. Plus she sees us as a family, and that gives her more information than I could ever give her with my laundry list of "Why We Homeschool."

 

Good luck to you! I hope you find someone open-minded, caring and professional. I hope you also find peace with your decision. :grouphug:

[Maura in NY]

I'm so sorry about that!!! I think it is hard for that generation to really "get" homeschooling. In our parents generation, they used "experts" for everything.

 

I never looked at it this way, but it might explain why my dad was the first to be accepting of our homeschooling, while my father-in-law (12 years younger than my dad), and several of my siblings, have been much slower to come around. Dad was born in 1928 and grew up very poor, pulling himself up by his bootstraps, as it were, (worked up to 4 jobs at once while in high school, the first in his family to go to college -- Notre Dame, at that) and always said that an "expert" was an "unidentified drip under pressure" -- weirdo engineering humor -- get it? X-spurt? Anyway, he had no time for so-called experts and never asked for help doing something he could do himself. So I guess our decision to homeschool made perfect sense to him.

 

Maura

[*anj*]

My vote is "take the money and run!"

He may come around, he may not, but he loves your kids enough that he wants to help pay for their college education. Try to think of it this way: he could be offering you the money with strings attached, but it doesn't sound like he is. I'm sure he knows that you aren't going to stop homeschooling just because of what he said, but some people like to say their piece even if it doesn't change anything. And he's not saying "You can have the money if...."

 

You want to hear something really bad?

My friend's grandmother was very wealthy.

She wanted to leave money to her grandchildren, but none to her own children. So she left the grandchildren each with a large inheritance, but they can't have a penny of it til their parents are dead. Can you believe that? This woman had two children. One died about 30 years ago and her dc got their money when they turned 18. Her son is still alive and his two children have yet to receive their inheritance. Unreal.

Her son called her "a controlling old bitty."

:glare: