Boys are interested in DD & I feel PROTECTIVE

[RoughCollie]

DD is 15 and in 10th grade. This problem just began this school year. There are about a dozen boys who are interested in her. She is being asked out all the time. These boys are people she thinks of as friends, so she is glad she can say she isn't allowed to date so she doesn't hurt their feelings.

 

Our rule is that she cannot date one-on-one until she is 16. She can go out in mixed groups to movies and events like the Farm Show. She is very active in JROTC and may accept a date to schools dances, but we take her there and pick her up.

 

She has accepted a date to the JROTC Christmas dance. The boy has a 4.5 GPA, is a junior, and is DS1's best friend. He is a nice boy. Just in case, DS1 had a 'she is my sister and you'd better not mess with her' talk with the boy -- which he told me about afterward.

 

DD and the boy consider themselves to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm not worried about this because the only time they see each other is on the bus to drill team practice twice a week. They go to school in different buildings on a huge campus, so they don't see each other during the school day.

 

I'm not worried about DD's moral values or judgment. She is what we called in my day "a square". Her friends are all squares too. I don't know how I got a square DD, since I've never been one, but I'm glad of it. Oh, come to think of it, DH has always been a square.

 

DD does have a black belt in karate.

 

So, this afternoon two boys are coming to meet me and pick up DD to go to one boy's house to play video games. One of the boys is the boyfriend. I've talked to the parents and they will be home. So will the host boy's teenage sister. DH will pick DD up around 4 p.m. DD will call me when she gets there, and I will speak to the parents again to make sure they are home and will be there all afternoon.

 

I have this strange desire to meet these boys at the door with a shotgun. DH pointed out that I don't have one, so that's out. Here is what I'd like to say: If you do anything to hurt my DD, I will come after you and rip you from limb to limb and run your body parts through a wood chipper.

 

I won't actually say that, of course. That would not be polite. So what do I say? How do I make it clear to boys that I may appear to be a nice, polite mother on the inside, but that if they lay one finger on DD, they will discover I am a Roaring, Hungry Lion on the inside?

 

I am primed for battle. I want to lock DD in the house until she's 30. I want to threaten boys with mayhem. This is not normal. I've been around too many criminals, know too much about crime ... but these crimes I envision are rare, in the grand scheme of things ... and unlikely to occur given the characteristics of these boys. (Crime & criminals because of my work, when I had a job, and DH's work.)

 

So somebody tell me how to handle this graciously and politely. I meet the boys. Then what do I say? Do I just hand my DD over to them with a smile? On a silver platter? My Little Girl?

 

I am not cut out to be the mother of teenagers. DH doesn't seem to have a problem. All he does is laugh at my ravings -- which DD does not know about, btw. That's the problem. Everyone thinks I am this nice, sweet, motherly woman. On the inside, I'm not so nice when it comes to protecting my children! I am a bull, horns lowered, pawing at the ground, ready to pounce!

 

RC

Hungry Lion

Edited November 14, 2010 by RoughCollie

[DaffodilDreams]

No advice since mine is only 7, but I do hear you about the "locking her up until she's 30" bit. We're already talking about that! :) I did enjoy reading your post, though, and wanted to keep it up at the top in the hopes you might receive some actual advice or, at the very least, empathy. Good luck with this! Keep us posted!

[RoughCollie]

No advice since mine is only 7, but I do hear you about the "locking her up until she's 30" bit.

 

Thank you for not accusing me of being insane! :001_smile:

[Punchie]

I'm not there either as ours are too young at the moment. Doesn't help that multiple ppl have told us we'll have trouble when they're older. However, DH is the one fantasizing as to how he'll deal w/the boys when they finally appear (it involves small bombs).

 

On a side, my best friend has two DDs. When her DH lost his leg in Afghanistan, one of his comments was that now he had some proof in the pudding, so to speak, to back up threats to potential boys. ;)

[Guest]

My dd has not yet reached that stage, but I fully sympathize with and share your protective killer instincts!

 

One of the more interesting ways I've seen this handled came from the family of dd's best friend when their oldest daughter first acquired a boyfriend. They invited the boy to dinner -- I don't know whether the boy's parents came or not; I forget -- and told him that a relationship with their daughter (at her age at this point) was a relationship with the whole family. Shortly thereafter the dad later took the boy out on some kind of outing, just the two of them, and then they came home and had dinner with the whole family.

 

The boyfriend drives all the kids to school in the mornings and has helped babysit the youngers on more than one occasion.

 

My dh will certainly never do this, but I thought it was a wonderful inspiration, and in this very religious family it worked well.

[danivdp]

I think you are doing a great job with follow up call to the parents, your DD seems on board, and such.

 

At some point, we have to trust these kids can handle themselves :eek: Looks like you've done a great job preparing her.

 

Oh, and say whatever you'd want the parents of a DS's girlfriend to say to him. I'm sure your DS's will stick up for her too, and would let you know if she was hanging with boys that weren't decent/like them.

[danivdp]

I like that KarenAnne....storing it in my mental file bank of things to do when I freak out that my DD is dating, LOL.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I know how you feel. I have 2 beautiful girls one blonde and one with reddish-brown hair and living in Guatemala--well, you can imagine the attention they get just walking down the street.

 

Dh has had to put the fear of God into more than one boy in the last few months!:001_smile:

[RoughCollie]

 

One of the more interesting ways I've seen this handled came from the family of dd's best friend when their oldest daughter first acquired a boyfriend. They invited the boy to dinner -- I don't know whether the boy's parents came or not; I forget -- and told him that a relationship with their daughter (at her age at this point) was a relationship with the whole family.

 

I like this idea. DH would never take the boy anywhere -- he's not the sociable type -- but I can invite him over for dinner.

[RoughCollie]

Dh has had to put the fear of God into more than one boy in the last few months!:001_smile:

 

I was once engaged to a handsome, charming Guatemalan man. Putting the fear of God into them is a good idea! :001_smile:

[RoughCollie]

Oh, and say whatever you'd want the parents of a DS's girlfriend to say to him. I'm sure your DS's will stick up for her too, and would let you know if she was hanging with boys that weren't decent/like them.

 

My sons get a kick out of their old mother's ravings. They think I am all bark and no bite. Then I told them this is how the parents of the girls they are interested in feel. :D

[KarenC]

It said "Guns don't kill people, Fathers of pretty daughters kill people."

 

My oldest is 13 and we haven't had to deal with boys yet, but I'm dreading it. I know none of my girls will get into a car with a boy or spend time alone with him until he has spent some time with the family.

 

I so understand where you are coming from and I don't think that you over protective at all.

 

Good luck!

 

Karen

[Carrie12345]

 

 

:D

[nono]

Heh. My uncle did have a shot gun. And he paraded in front of my (now BIL) and his buddy when they started dating my sister and my older cousin. He gave them quite the lecture, in front of everyone, which was very funny, even to me, an 8 yr. old at the time.

 

Come to find out years later, that even though the boys were ribbing my uncle right back, the boys were scared to death.

 

My aunt made a lovely dinner that night that we all enjoyed. ;)

 

Moral of the story -- If you do it with humor, you can get your point across without coming of as certifiable. :tongue_smilie:

[RoughCollie]

Moral of the story -- If you do it with humor, you can get your point across without coming of as certifiable. :tongue_smilie:

 

I don't know. Wouldn't it be scarier to be thought of as certifiable rather than funny?:001_smile:

[AK_Mom4]

One of the more interesting ways I've seen this handled came from the family of dd's best friend when their oldest daughter first acquired a boyfriend. They invited the boy to dinner...

 

This is EXACTLY how we handle it for our teens. We invite the boy/girl friend to dinner. Frequently. And make them feel welcome here. DS19 is off at college, but his girl friend still comes over and "hangs out" with our other kids. For DD16, she can go out to a movie or similiar activity with her boy friend or she can hang out with him here at our house. Occasionally, she can go over to his house, but only if his mom is home and willing to chaparone.

 

That sounds more restrictive than it really is - DD16 is pretty busy with school and sports and her boy friend is busy with school and work, so being able to hang out at our house when they both have free time works out just fine. We provide food and non-invasive chaparoning while they play video games, board games, or watch movies.

[ChristusG]

 

:D

 

I love that song! It's the first thing I thought of when reading the OP's post LOL!

 

OP, I'm not in your shoes yet since my daughters are only 6 and 3, but I will be one day! And no, I don't think you are being overprotective! Boys tend not to respect girls today. Your girl deserves respect!

[RoughCollie]

Okay, the boys came in the house. I greeted them at the door with a butcher knife in my hand -- whatever it's called -- the one with the huge rectangular blade. Just a Mommy Chef, you know, wearing an apron, swinging a blade.

 

Then I informed them exactly what Carrie's YouTube song said -- except I didn't have a shotgun to clean, darn it! I told them about the video and suggested they watch it and take it to heart.

 

Those boys sat up straight, said "Yes, Ma'am", and told me their GPAs (A to A+, honors classes)! :D They then answered a whole lot of questions. I told them that to us, DD is worth far more than her weight in Hope Diamonds.

 

They were both short. One wore glasses. They remind me of my boys. Good that my DD likes the kind of boys my sister used to date when we were in high school. Every Saturday night, a half dozen intellectual boys would come over to our house to play chess with her. I was the one out having fun.

 

Then they took my DD away with them. I made them salute me before they left. Unfortunately, they didn't seem scared. Every male I've talked to today is either laughing or grinning afterward. It is frustrating that I can't get anyone to be scared of me. My own sons, traitors all, said, "You can't be scary Mom. It's not in you."

Edited November 14, 2010 by RoughCollie

[Jean in Newcastle]

Okay, the boys came in the house. I greeted them at the door with a butcher knife in my hand -- whatever it's called -- the one with the huge rectangular blade. Just a Mommy Chef, you know, wearing an apron, swinging a blade.

 

Then I informed them exactly what Carrie's YouTube song said -- except I didn't have a shotgun to clean, darn it!

 

Those boys sat up straight, said "Yes, Ma'am", and told me their GPAs (A-A+, honors classes)! :D They then answered a whole lot of questions.

 

They were both short. One wore glasses. They remind me of my boys.

 

Then they took my DD away with them. I made them salute me before they left. Unfortunately, they didn't seem scared. Every male I've talked to today is either laughing or grinning afterward. It is frustrating.

 

You did well. You got the message across without ruining your dd's social life.;)

[RoughCollie]

You did well. You got the message across without ruining your dd's social life.;)

 

Yeah. Do I look harmless, Jean? Sigh. I think I look like everybody's cookie-baking, lap always available for the small fry, grandmother. Maybe I should dye my hair. I need some big muscles and a judo outfit to wear next time someone comes over. Maybe I'll get a big silhouette target, put holes in it, and nail it to the tree in front of the house.

[Impish]

My dh swears by this song ;)

 

[Gratia271]

One of the more interesting ways I've seen this handled came from the family of dd's best friend when their oldest daughter first acquired a boyfriend. They invited the boy to dinner -- I don't know whether the boy's parents came or not; I forget -- and told him that a relationship with their daughter (at her age at this point) was a relationship with the whole family. Shortly thereafter the dad later took the boy out on some kind of outing, just the two of them, and then they came home and had dinner with the whole family.

 

That's great advice. I am going to remember this for future use. Thanks for sharing.

[southcarolinamom]

When my daughter had her first date, my husband handed him a neatly typed piece of paper with the following dating rules on it:

 

http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm119.htm

 

Her boyfriend laughed uproariously, but got the point. :001_smile:

 

And her boyfriend's father wanted a copy of it, so he could give it to his daughter's boyfriend!

[Starr]

My dh swears by this song ;)

 

 

Just told dh I have a song for him to learn. :lol:

[RoughCollie]

When my daughter had her first date, my husband handed him a neatly typed piece of paper with the following dating rules on it:

 

http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm119.htm

 

I love it! There's also a link to The Application for Permission to Date My Daughter.

 

http://wilk4.com/humor/humorp3.htm

[unsinkable]

I know how you feel. I have 2 beautiful girls one blonde and one with reddish-brown hair and living in Guatemala--well, you can imagine the attention they get just walking down the street.

 

Dh has had to put the fear of God into more than one boy in the last few months!:001_smile:

 

I don't want to step on any toes or say anything insensitive...

 

but do Hispanic men really show more interest in women with lighter hair? Or is this just a generalization/stereotype?

[MissKNG]

I don't want to step on any toes or say anything insensitive...

 

but do Hispanic men really show more interest in women with lighter hair? Or is this just a generalization/stereotype?

 

I think it's just when the guys are used to dark hair, someone with light hair is "WOWZA"! Same thing happened while I was living in Israel with my blond haired friend (I have blond hair too), the guys were like "WOWZA" because they were used to darker haired women.

[lisamarie]

I don't want to step on any toes or say anything insensitive...

 

but do Hispanic men really show more interest in women with lighter hair? Or is this just a generalization/stereotype?

 

I can only speak from my own experience doing mission trips to Mexico and Honduras, but the answer is yes. Along with what my friend has told me about her experiences staffing mission trips to the Dominican Republic. She was there this summer and she said it was extremely difficult to keep the local guys away from the American gals. They would sit across the street and just stare at them. Which pretty much sums up my own personal experience as a teenager.

 

On the flip side, the same thing happens when a Latin girl comes to do mission work where I live in MI and is pretty (except for the ogling part. The guys at least try to be covert about it:tongue_smilie:). They look exotic next to us pasty white MI gals who barely see the sun.

[RoughCollie]

A friend of mine told me what her parents did, which sounds like a good idea to me. Her parents took the guy's drivers license and copied down the info, and wrote down the make, model, year, color, and license plate number of the car he was driving.

[Guest]

I don't want to step on any toes or say anything insensitive...

 

but do Hispanic men really show more interest in women with lighter hair? Or is this just a generalization/stereotype?

 

When I was an exchange student in Paraguay, both girls and boys were fascinated with my hair, which was not only blond (bleached by chlorine and sun) but very long.