Mentoring our daughters...

[creekmom]

I still remember the week before I moved into my own apartment at 22 years of age - my mom told me, "I think it's time you learned how to clean a toilet." She also taught me how to cook a roast that week (I did know how to make mac and cheese from a box, but that's about it). I never washed dishes, cleaned bathrooms, budgeted my $, cooked meals, etc. when I was young bc my mom always took care of it all. I wish she had trained me in these areas when I was young.

 

I'm taking a much different approach with my girls, but I need some help. I see a tendency in me to want to do it all (cleaning, cooking, etc.) myself bc honestly, it's easier and faster than taking the time to train them.

If you feel like you do a good job training your daughters to clean, cook, and basically be able to run the home without your help, how do you do it? I'd love any tips, and/or inspiration.

Edited October 9, 2010 by creekmom

[HistoryMom]

I have no answers, but I'm :bigear:, and if I can expand your question to include sons, I'd be grateful.

 

-- Says the mother of 1 DD and 2 DSs.

[brownie]

Step by step? Give them what you think they are ready to handle. I picked out 3 recipes for ds9 this past summer that did not involve him cutting raw meat. He did most of the work. I helped. I've seen suggested somewhere that you make them a recipe book of all the recipes they know. I may do this for Christmas. Some homeschooling book also suggested you turn these skills into classes from which the children choose. Anyone know what book that was?

 

My big hangup is that I don't feel comfortable handing chemicals to my little boys. They sweep, wipe the table, vacuum stairs, and do laundry but that's as far as they've gotten. (and by the way, my house is a disaster so I am not a good example) Regardless, I find this easier to implement over the summer when it is not competing with a full school load.

 

Brownie

[GoVanGogh]

Well, I have a boy, but I want him to know how to run a house and cook a decent meal. I was on bed rest when I was pregnant and nearly starved to death because my DH doesn't know how to do more than put together a sandwich. I lived boxes of cold cereal. :tongue_smilie:

Needless to say, knowing how to cook is high on my list of life skills my son will learn before he leaves home!

DS and I decided on a cookbook and we are working our way through the book. He has to read the recipe and we decide together what we need to buy and make sure those items are written down on our grocery list. I have schedule 'home ec' one day a week - we cook a recipe, clean or do some chore, etc.

Otherwise, I just work on good habit training - making sure dirty laundry is put where it belongs, making sure shoes are put away, assisting with laundry, etc.

I also take DS to the grocery store with me and let him pick out produce so that we can talk about what to look for with each item. Granted, I don't do that each and every time. There are some times we just run through the store and buy what we need. But I try to plan to go to the store right after lunch one day a week, as that is when they are least busy so we have room to shop around.

[creekmom]

I have no answers, but I'm :bigear:, and if I can expand your question to include sons, I'd be grateful.

 

-- Says the mother of 1 DD and 2 DSs.

 

:iagree: sons too!

[Clear Creek]

My mom trained me in all of this stuff when I was a kid, but for the same reasons you mention I am failing in training my own kids in these things. If you look at my house you will see that I am not allergic to a messy house, I just hate to add to it....

 

I am :bigear: here, too!

[rwjx2khsmj]

I am sure there are more experienced and successful mentors than I am here. These are some of the things that I do for all my children (girls and boys) and they seem to be getting it.

 

Taking the time is truly key. It is easier to just do it yourself. That's not the point. These are life skills and they are just as important as identifying a noun. When I get frustrated because my dc still forget that the bathroom needs to be swept, I try to breathe deeply and remind myself that every grammar book I've ever seen includes the definition and identification of a noun.

 

I teach them to make simple things with my help and then I allow them to make those things on their own. DD6 can operate the microwave and toaster oven with supervision. DS8 can do that + make basic grilled cheese on the stove top, again with supervision. DD11 can do do all that DD6 + DS8 and make simple meals (mac & cheese, frozen pizza, etc.) with minimal supervision. DD11 can also follow a simple recipe with minimal assistance and while she doesn't truly feel comfortable taking hot things in and out of the oven, she is capable. DD14 can do all that DD6 + DS8 + DD11 and she is capable enough in the kitchen that I'm pretty confident she could successfully follow any of our basic meal recipes.

 

As for cleaning, they all have assigned rooms to clean. We divide up the chores by day (Monday - declutter, Tuesday - dust, Wednesday - vacuum, Thursday - bathrooms, Friday - rest). DD6 and DS8 work with my supervision, DD14 and DD11 are on their own. I've let go of things being perfect but I do enforce minimum standards. If a job is done poorly or undone, I teach it again.

 

They all have various responsibilities in the kitchen as well. Setting, clearing, washing, putting away.

[rwjx2khsmj]

My big hangup is that I don't feel comfortable handing chemicals to my little boys.

 

There are so many non-chemical cleaners on the market that this really doesn't have to be a concern.

 

I use vinegar, water and baking soda for almost every cleaning situation.

[TKDmom]

Hmm, I don't feel like I'm a good example, but I did have one idea this week. I was so proud of myself. :D

 

I use workboxes for my dc. Yesterday, I figured out about where my dd would be in her schoolwork at lunchtime, and I stuck an index card in that box. It gave her some simple directions on preparing lunch for the day (we had fish sticks and carrot sticks). She loved being in charge of lunch. I've decided that she is braver (like with opening the oven) and does a better job all around if I'm not standing behind her looking over her shoulder . I had planned to put the fish sticks in the oven and take them out for her, but she did both tasks before I had a chance to walk into the room.

 

Now, the trick for me will to figure out how to teach her more complex tasks without overwhelming her or frustrating me.

[kathkath]

something in MOTH that we've tweaked a bit is an (almost) daily scheduled time that in our family we call "nitty gritty." That is when we spend 10-15 minutes talking about how to do something that need addressing like how to take towels out without letting them fall--and how to put them back :tongue_smilie: or how to scrub the sink, or clean the toilet---just little jobs. My friend told me about cleaning the toilet with oxiclean so that makes it safe for my littles to use. My oldest are 6 and 4 so I put aprons on them and they think it's great fun.

 

Another thing that I think is helpful that we *sometimes* do is have a designated meal helper. One child is the breakfast helper for the week and the other is the dinner helper. It's amazing what they have learned to do. My 4yo can be a huge challenge but he loves helping in the kitchen. Already he is a pro at cracking eggs and peeling carrots. I think the key is to break it down and a have a planned time on a regular basis and do a bit each time. Once you've shown them a little skill here or there, it's easier to say--hey-go in the bathroom and do x.

[imhim]

"There are so many non-chemical cleaners on the market that this really doesn't have to be a concern.

"

 

Can you please give me some names/brands, or products that are like this? I would like to teach my 7yodd to clean the bathrooms, but don't want her to use the chemicals and cannot find our gloves either.

 

I start really simple - sweeping the kitchen floor, putting dishes away, and helping with setting the table. No laundry yet at 7, it is just hard to lift her up to push buttons and all and don't have a stool in the basement yet. She empties the drier and puts away her stuff - folding is not great either, yet.

SHe knows how to peel potatoes, but it takes a loooooong time. Learning to use measuring cups and spoons. Getting good at vacuuming. Of course, since 2yo, knowing how to clean the toys off the floor.

[GoVanGogh]

Taking the time is truly key. It is easier to just do it yourself. That's not the point. These are life skills and they are just as important as identifying a noun.

:iagree:

 

My DH and I grew up in the same small town, same decade. But our families were vastly different.

As an example:

His family lived on a farm and kept chickens. His mother always did all the work of 'dressing' chickens by herself. She still groans about how awful it was. DH doesn't have a clue what 'dressing' chickens involves. To him, you buy chickens chopped up into pieces at the grocery store.

I grew up in town, but all my extended family kept chickens. When it was that time of the year, all the family would go to one relative's house one weekend and it was "all hands on deck" to dress chickens. Even from a small age, my sister and cousins helped out. We were 'promoted' to bigger jobs every year - from chasing down the headless chickens to dipping/plucking to actually cutting up the chickens. At the end of the day, we had a large family meal, complete with homemade ice cream. (The guys did all the hard, heavy or dirty work, then they sat around and cranked the ice cream machine and chatted while the ladies finished off the chickens.)

Every weekend for a month, we would go to a different extended family member's farm until everyone had their chickens 'dressed.' My sister and cousins all have grand memories about this time we spent together.

I imagine it was hard work for the adults to teach us children how to do each step. But I have always been comfortable buying a whole chicken and cutting it up, not a skill that most people now days know how to do.

Anyway.

My point was - my MIL has always had the attitude that it was easier to do it yourself than teach a child how to do the job. She has four children that entered adulthood not knowing how to do basic skills.

Literally, she is my inspiration! :lol: When I think about how hard it is to teach my child how to do chores, I think about how hard it will be on him if I don't teach him!

[Mallory]

My kids do everything to take care of the house. We do clean almost exclusively with baking soda, vinegar, and elbow grease. I am also very comfortable with my kids cooking and cutting at ages many think are too young. They also do many repairs and use drills and other tools quite young too. Both boys and girls!

 

Meals- starting about 7 or 8 they start making meals. I usually pick something that we eat often, isn't too hard and they like. And they make it and it becomes thier "specialty". We talk this up big and pretend like no one else can make it quite as well as they can. My current 9yo makes french toast, tatertot casserole, and sloppy joes. Most weeks one of those comes up (or something similar- "hey tonight we are having spaghetti, it is pretty similar to your special sloppy joes, could you start browning the meat?")

 

My 11yo can make most anything and while he does have his specialties too (biscuits, enchiladas, and stir fry and rice) he will try most things. Lately he has really become interested in baking sweets.

 

My 15yo is very competent in the kitchen and she often makes our menus and grocery lists for the week too.

 

Chores- They also can clean most everything. We have tried several different chore schedules some work and some don't, but ultimately the only way that really works is when we are all cleaning together. Right now we have a basic rule that if you eat then you clean up 10 things, and our big cleaning is every evening about 8:00 (in fact they are cleaning right now :D). I also think this works because if I get up to work, then that means I track every one down and we all work together. We put on music and sing. There is a lot of work that needs done around here and I am not doing it alone- that makes me mean and cranky. I also believe that it is important that they are very involved in helping keep our house and land in good shape

 

We rotate through who is in charge for the evening and they tell the rest of us what to clean (I had the school room and living room tonight and I already finished my rooms). One night a week is my turn and one is dh's and one is the 15yo, so really they get modeled what to do 3 nights well. But being in charge also means keeping everyone on task and checking thier work. It is much more fun to walk into the bathroom and carefully check that the toilet got cleaned, the sink and mirror wiped off, and the trash emptied when you get to tell your brother or your mom to fix the parts they missed. It is also more fun to "beat" your brother, by doing it carefully and correctly the first time, than when I am the only one telling everyone what to do.

 

Outside- They also do much work outside and repair work. This is mostly the 9yo and 11yo, but others do work outside too (the 14yo has her own herb garden). In fact today my 4yo was responsible for using the hammer to go around the house and the decks and nail back in all the nails that have worked them selves out. They feed animals and fix fences and build chicken coops (been the big project lately). They mow and weed and harvest vegtables. They build benches and glaze windows and paint walls.

 

I have probably talked enough, but I would encourage you to get your kids involved boys or girls!

Edited October 9, 2010 by Mallory

[Ravin]

DD is expected to pick up after herself, and has a few chores in the kitchen plus encouragement to fix things for herself. She recently learned to make scrambled eggs on the stovetop, and baked brownies doing everything except putting in/taking out of the oven (and had me double check her measurements) for a contest/potluck.

 

Mine will NOT be the kid who gets ribbed in boot camp for having never previously used a broom.

 

As for cleansers, put some vinegar in a spray can and baking soda in a container with a lid with holes poked in it, sprinkle, spray, wipe when it slows on the foaming. You can clean just about any surface that way.

 

Also, Simple Green, which comes concentrated in a big jug or in a spray bottle, will clean almost anything and is quite nontoxic--in the Navy I had ample opportunity to peruse the MSDS and on that basis we dared someone to drink some, and he was fine.

[MerryAtHope]

Budgeting--since I saw lots of comments on chores, I'll address this one. I attached allowance to some of my kids' chores starting around ages 8 & 6. Not all of our chores are that way (and we actually call them family service because we all serve and help each other), but I wanted my kids to have a way to earn some money. With that came responsibility and budgeting. I set up an envelope system for them. First we talked through what their expenses were (no, not food & clothes! Mom & Dad still pay for those :) ).

 

They had: Gifts for others, AWANA Dues, long-term Savings (for college, car etc...), tithing, and spending. Then I had them think through what they thought should go in each envelope. I already had amounts in mind, but wanted them to think about it a bit. I guided where necessary, and we set up their envelopes.

 

Each week they divide up their money into the amounts needed for each envelope.

 

If they decide they want to save for something extra (like a Nintendo DS), then they set up a separate envelope for that, and decide what they can set aside. We usually discuss it, but I give them some lee-way in deciding now that they are much older. At age 12.5, my son started mowing the lawn to earn money for youth group (more expensive trips etc..., but we wanted him to earn the money for them, to save up for them, to pick & choose etc...), so he has more money to work with to save up.

 

My kids have made money deals with each other (ds sold a used nintendo DS to his sister for half price so she could have one & he earned enough to get the upgraded model he wanted).

 

One year they wanted to buy something together (a slip & slide) but my ds didn't have enough money in spending--so my dd hired him to do her jobs that week, LOL and he earned it by working for her!

 

I also use a savings incentive plan--I match what they save for their bank accounts each year, so if they save $50 or $100, I match it.

 

Eventually I'll have them budget their own clothing expenses for the year, and let them in on the household finances. They see some of this already--we do a cash envelope system for food, clothing & household items, and they've been surprised to see how much it costs to feed them, LOL! And they've seen us go to the store with X amount of cash, get to the register, and occasionally put an item back if we estimated the total incorrectly. They understand if we have money for something one month or if we don't have money for it--they understand that we live within our means etc...

 

When we set up bank accounts, I actually had them go with me and talk to the bank manager to give all of their information etc...

 

I let them in on as many financial dealings as I think wise for their age, and gradually increase that each year, letting them know that family finances are not something to discuss with friends. I want them growing up knowing how all of this works.

 

HTH! Merry :-)

[Little Nyssa]

I'm not the expert, but here are some thoughts:

1. I like to have DD use the swiffer mop. She loves to do this and I don't have to worry about her making a huge mess while trying to clean. I can make my own cloths for the swiffer out of rags so it is not so wasteful as using the store-bought ones.

2. Flylady has some good routines for helping kids get involved in household tasks.

[thowell]

Budgeting--since I saw lots of comments on chores, I'll address this one. I attached allowance to some of my kids' chores starting around ages 8 & 6. Not all of our chores are that way (and we actually call them family service because we all serve and help each other), but I wanted my kids to have a way to earn some money. With that came responsibility and budgeting. I set up an envelope system for them. First we talked through what their expenses were (no, not food & clothes! Mom & Dad still pay for those :) ).

 

They had: Gifts for others, AWANA Dues, long-term Savings (for college, car etc...), tithing, and spending. Then I had them think through what they thought should go in each envelope. I already had amounts in mind, but wanted them to think about it a bit. I guided where necessary, and we set up their envelopes.

 

Each week they divide up their money into the amounts needed for each envelope.

 

If they decide they want to save for something extra (like a Nintendo DS), then they set up a separate envelope for that, and decide what they can set aside. We usually discuss it, but I give them some lee-way in deciding now that they are much older. At age 12.5, my son started mowing the lawn to earn money for youth group (more expensive trips etc..., but we wanted him to earn the money for them, to save up for them, to pick & choose etc...), so he has more money to work with to save up.

 

My kids have made money deals with each other (ds sold a used nintendo DS to his sister for half price so she could have one & he earned enough to get the upgraded model he wanted).

 

One year they wanted to buy something together (a slip & slide) but my ds didn't have enough money in spending--so my dd hired him to do her jobs that week, LOL and he earned it by working for her!

 

I also use a savings incentive plan--I match what they save for their bank accounts each year, so if they save $50 or $100, I match it.

 

Eventually I'll have them budget their own clothing expenses for the year, and let them in on the household finances. They see some of this already--we do a cash envelope system for food, clothing & household items, and they've been surprised to see how much it costs to feed them, LOL! And they've seen us go to the store with X amount of cash, get to the register, and occasionally put an item back if we estimated the total incorrectly. They understand if we have money for something one month or if we don't have money for it--they understand that we live within our means etc...

 

When we set up bank accounts, I actually had them go with me and talk to the bank manager to give all of their information etc...

 

I let them in on as many financial dealings as I think wise for their age, and gradually increase that each year, letting them know that family finances are not something to discuss with friends. I want them growing up knowing how all of this works.

 

HTH! Merry :-)

 

This is GREAT! My oldest girl, now 18 and wanting to get out on her own, has no idea how to budget. She has no concept of savings and spends everything she makes. Even though I thought I was teaching her the value of a dollar and how important it is to save I never broke it down into specific obligations. She just waits until she gets paid and then has to use her whole check to pay a bill that is due. The system you talk about is very similar to what I use to budget my household. I don't know why I didn't think of using it with my girls. I am going to rethink things and considered implementing your plan with my 7, 10, and 11 year old to start them off early.

[JenC3]

I agree with giving them simple things to do.

My dd 7 can crack eggs..well and can make simple things like oatmeal, toast. We are working on more this year. She is amazing with a broom and can load and change laundry. She dusts and picks up really well, waters plants on her own and cleans windows. She helps unload the dishwasher and folds laundry.

 

My 4 yr old is in charge of recycling and shoe duty. He will also dust and clean windows. He loves to help cook things so I think making him in charge of more meals as he gets older will be great.

 

I look at our family as a team. Right now I'm the leader, but eventually we'll all be equal players here in the house. I don't think the mother should be responsible for everything except when the kids are little. I cleaned the house for pay growing up and took care of my siblings. I learned to cook on my own, but I had helped out and watched my mom for years. No my parents DID NOT teach me about money so that's a big part of HS Curric for me.

Edited October 9, 2010 by JenC3

[KAR120C]

When we set up bank accounts, I actually had them go with me and talk to the bank manager to give all of their information etc...

 

I let them in on as many financial dealings as I think wise for their age, and gradually increase that each year, letting them know that family finances are not something to discuss with friends. I want them growing up knowing how all of this works.

I don't have much to add to the chores either :) but on dealing with banks - I think the actually-talking-to-the-bank-manager part is actually key. Knowing what information you have to provide, and what they can tell you, and what all those tiny pieces of paper are for, and being polite to the teller even when you're irritated, and yes this is when you do have to hand over your social security number... I actually take DS inside to make his own deposits himself - fill out the deposit slip and sign the back of the check and all that. It's all too easy to just swing by the ATM and shove it in, but I wanted him to do it the old fashioned way for a while (and he doesn't yet have an ATM card of his own, and I'm NOT handing mine over!!)

 

This is the first year he'll have to file a tax return... and I've already got a day's worth of economics/ tax law/ finance lessons in my head... ;)

[MamaT]

I have always had my kids help around the house, and the chores rotated so that they eventually learned how to do it all. They all know how to do their own laundry.

 

They have been through personal financial classes by the time they graduate and deal with banks all the time helping their dad in our business.

 

My oldest ones could even be handed a newborn and feel like a pro! When we adopted our third daughter, I had a newborn, 9 month old, 2 year old, 6 year old, 11 year old, and 13 year old. They had to help, it was necessary. The 13 and 11 year olds even got up with babies during the night, and the 6 year old learned how to change diapers. Our youngest three will go through babysitting classes (because they asked to).

 

As far as cooking goes, my oldest dd cooks as well as I do, and bakes desserts better than I do. My problem teaching anyone else is that they ask her to do it for them! I need to work on that. Everyone can cook enough to survive if they had to (but on mac and cheese and scrambled eggs).

 

It is more work to teach your kiddos how to do things than it is just to do it yourself, but it pays off in the end. If I leave the house for a couple of days, I know things will be handled well while I'm gone. I won't come home to a mess or chaos. I know that when they leave home, as two have already done, they are capable of running a home.

[creekmom]

Thank you for all the great advice! My problem now is that I'm feeling overwhelmed!!:001_huh: So much to teach them besides the 3 R's - YKWIM??

I'm going to try setting a goal for each child for the week- just one thing I'm going to focus on with each one. I think maybe I'll buy a special pocket calendar for writing down what I'm working on with each kid. I'm hoping that seeing it in writing will help me to remember and also give me a sense of accomplishment - however small - to keep me motivated.

 

One more thing, do any of you have book recommendations for mentoring our children? A couple I have that I thought I'd mention:

 

Life Skills for Kids Christine Field

401 Ways to Get Your Child to Work at Home Bonnie Runyan McCullough

[MerryAtHope]

Thank you for all the great advice! My problem now is that I'm feeling overwhelmed!!:001_huh: So much to teach them besides the 3 R's - YKWIM??

 

I get that same feeling every time I see one of those comprehensive lists of what our kids should know--it freaks me out! Yet we touch on most of them just as we live. I think the biggest thing is to not fall into the trap of thinking it's easiest just to "do it myself"--whatever you are doing, involve a kid.

 

Doing one thing at a time is a great plan. You may or may not be able to do 1 per week--depends on whether it's just a one-time kind of thing (like when dh teaches the kids how to do something on the car), or whether you are starting a new habit (like a weekly chore). Some things need a few weeks or a month to really become a habit.

 

I like to teach new chores during the summer when we're on break from school. Then we have plenty of time to focus on them and learn them together, for me to inspect etc...

 

Take it slow & have fun! Merry :-)

[kathkath]

safe cleaners:

 

a bit of palmolive and a glug of vinegar in a spray bottle of water works wonders. I bought some small ones at sally beauty which are more manageable for little hands.

 

we use simple green diluted in water too but it makes me cough sometimes so that's why I give the kids dishsoap/vinegar.

 

suave shampoo works great on shower doors to get rid of soap scum, as well as shower walls.

 

Oxy clean does the inside of the toilet bowl.

 

I figure even if all of that is not as *good* as the harsher cleaners or pricey organics, they get clean enough and good practice. I can always make up with bleach during the off times :).

 

I know it is overwhelming--if you just build a small daily timeslot into your schedule, you will fill it with good things. For us it helps to do it right after we clean up from lunch. We always eat lunch so there's no forgetting :)

[Joyofsixreboot]

I haven't read the other replies yet but my 18yo can run the house as well as me and my 12 yo makes dinner, gives baths, changed diapers etc. My 6yo can clean the house almost as well as I, honest. She cooks simple things like eggs. My boys can clean and cook. Honestly, I just let them do it. I would hang around in the other room if they needed me but that was it. Let them make some mistakes and messes and they'll figure it out. Re-doing a job not done well enough helped too. If that means sweeping the kitchen 3 times (my 9yo) then so be it. Give them jobs early and often.

[LittleHouseHomeschool]

This is the philosophy I've always followed in mentoring my young people.

 

To mentor a child -

 

1. Teach them how to________. "Let me show you..."

2. Do it with them. "Let's practice together..."

3. Watch them do it. "Okay, let me see you do...."

4. Let them do it by themselves. "You are ready to try by yourself!"

5. Have them teach someone else. "You are doing so well, let me see you teach your little brother..."

 

It takes time. But it's time spent well. At the end of the journey the young person will be full of skills and more confident because of it.

 

I've got three boys and a girl. My oldest three are boys. They began cooking and cleaning with me back when they were in the first grade. My oldest is in college now and can cook anything I can and probably better. They do a very nice job in housekeeping too. I'm currently mentoring my oldest in calling for insurance quotes and managing time for college courses.:001_smile: Time flies!

 

Some ideas that worked for us:

 

I had a "kitchen helper," once a week. Each child took a turn helping me cook the evening meal, including clean up.

 

When I did laundry, everyone helped. Everyone grabbed clothes from the hampers, everyone marched into the laundry room, and they all took turns measuring the soap, setting the dial and pushing the button. By the time they are twelve, they are sharing in the laundry duties by themselves.

 

For the insurance quotes, I made the first call and he listened. Now he calls the next person and I listen. He should have the hang of it quickly.

 

Don't worry about the long lists of things kids should know. Just do life with them in an active manner.

[LittleHouseHomeschool]

I remembered this post over at Guilt Free Homeschooling was helpful to me as well. The title of the post is The Biblical Model of Discipleship. I thought it gave a very nice step by step of how to mentor our children. She has a different 5 step process than I do...but it's fairly similar.

 

I hope it helps.

[angela in ohio]

I haven't read any of the other posts yet, so this may be repeating...

 

Our goal was to have each dd run our home succesfully on her own for a period of time before she leaves home, and be ready to get married, have a child, and keep her home (though they will go to college first.) I think my 14 yo could do it now, and my 12 yo is close. They would certainly be better at it than I was at 23!

 

The 14 yo does all of the laundry, and the 12 yo does most of the cleaning and dishes. They can do any home task and cook anything (even if they need a recipe to do it.) They are a blessing to us and to others (yesterday, they were at my sick sil's watching her ds and cleaning up,) so you aren't just doing it for yourself or for them, but also for others and for their future families.

 

It was hard for me to teach them instead of just doing it myself. I am a bit obsessive. Learning to open the towel closet and be okay with it not looking like Martha's took a bit. But I let them fold all the towels at 5 yo anyway.

 

I tried organized programs, charts, etc. a little bit. None of that seemed right. What you said - mentoring - is what works. For example:

 

When I am doing something, they help. Then they do it with me helping. Then they do it, over and over again for a period of time.

 

I let them make mistakes, and we laugh about them. They are welcome to try to cook something and have it turn out a mess, for example.

 

I tell them they are capable. I tell others in front of my dds that they are helpful and capable. They are fully competent young women, and I tell them that and treat them as such.

 

I tell them I don't know everything, and we learn things together.

 

I've seen a lot of friends set up complicated things - charts and projects and allowances and games. Often, they are pretend and meant to be "more fun" than the real work. I taught my dds to find joy in the actual work instead. Instead of having them plan a family meal or such when they were little, I started them at the bottom. Once they learned to do the dirty work and the basic skills, they moved up the ladder. Now they get to have control, but only because they earned it.

 

I have used many outside resources, and we work through them together: Home Comforts, Training Your Daughters..., Martha Stewart's Cooking School, etc.

[MadsandLilysMom]

My girls are 2 and 4 but they both help out as much as they are able to. We bought them a kitchen helper (enclosed stepstool) for Christmas 2 years ago. I have it pulled up to my kitchen island and they spend most of their time on it while I am in the kitchen. In the meantime they have learned fractions, addition, measuring and basic chemical reactions all from helping me cook and bake. My 4 year old can scoop and level, crack an egg and recognize most fractions as a result of our time together. As they get older I give them harder and harder tasks.

 

They also help fold laundry, set and clear the table, wash the floors (their favorite task!), dust and sweep. These tasks are as much a part of their daily lives as playing and having fun. We make the chores into games which they enjoy. As they get older (and taller) I will add new things to their list. I hope by doing so I will raise two, self-sufficient young ladies.

[Deb in NZ]

By the time mine are teenagers they know the basics of managing a household (both my dd & my 2ds). Dd went away to uni this past Feb. & she is the one who cooks for her flat. She says that her flatmates only know how to make pumpkin soup (& even that is just boiled pumpkin & water :001_huh:) She bakes, cooks, & cleans as well as handles some of the basic maintainance of the flat. Together with one of her flatmates she built a compost bin & put in a veggie garden the first week there.

 

Both ds can cook, clean, do laundry, etc. I started teaching them when they were in kindy by having them help me with one basic food at a time. When they mastered the 1st, we moved on to the next. (i.e. peel potatoes for mashed potatoes>>>peel & cut potatoes for wedges>>>peel & slice apples for apple crisp>>>etc.) Ds#1 can cook enough that he won't starve or have to depend on Dominos. Ds#2 is very proficient in both cooking & baking. He even makes up his own recipes.

 

It took longer to get dinner on the table by having them help when they were little, but now I can ask one of my dc to cook dinner & they do it all themselves. Cleaning gets done, not perfectly, but good enough. Laundry they can do from start to finish. I haven't been great about teaching them to iron, but I don't iron more than once or twice a year as it is. ;) If ds#1 needs to get good at ironing, the Navy can teach him.

 

Dh has taught all our dc the basics of house & car maintainance. He gave dd a basic tool kit, as well as the things she would need to keep her diving gear in good working order, when we took her to school.

 

Do one thing at a time. When that is mastered move on to the next. Even a preschooler can sweep under the table with a brush & dust pan.

 

JMHO,

[Tracy]

Step by step? Give them what you think they are ready to handle.

 

 

Actually, I recommend giving them just a little more than you think they can handle. I cringe every time my dh gives one of my kids a task, thinking it is too complicated or risky or messy or whatever. And I can't believe now what he has them doing. So I have been trying very much to follow that example, though I personally have a long way to go.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

OK I have not read any posts- but this is how we do things-

 

My dd's just do things along with me at a young age. When it comes to cooking they start with the basics (get me the________ open the _________ poor in the_________) then as they get older it turns into cut up the ________ and put it in, stir it in the____________ . Now my dd 12 is making dinner many nights on her own. She makes bread, cookies, cakes, pie (and the crust) all from scratch. She is turning into a very good cook. We do the same with cleaning. We just start when they are young by helping and gradually start doing more and more. My 9 year old is really getting more independant and showing more of an interest in doing household things so I am getting more detailed with her as well. I think my oldest started around 9 (for the big stuff) as well .

Edited October 10, 2010 by wy_kid_wrangler04

[AKMsMom]

I read a book a few years ago I got from the library. It was called "Children who do too little" by Patricia Sprinkle. It has a list of chores that most kids should be able to do at each age. I found it very helpful.

[Zann]

What I do is talk through what im doing. (This is also suggested in WTM) So when my girls and boys watch me cook I talk through what im doing. (This also can introduce them to measuring and fractions) This technique works with everything and is a great way to save time and still teach.

 

Afterwards or during ask them questions to test there knowledge of what you have been saying. This will give you a baseline of how much they are retaining and weather or not they are ready to try it on there own.

E.G. We are going to make pancacks, I need Milk, Eggs, .... now I got to mix 1 cup of Milk with 2 eggs. ... ect.

E.G. I just put the cloths in the washing machine. What do I do next? If they answer (Hopefully in a complete sentence) Now we add the luandry soap ect..

 

The talking through technique doesn't take much time so it wont hinder your time as much. Becuase you took the few seconds to question the child, moving from them listening stage to them doing stage is much smoother and again requires less time.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Zann