WWYD Violin Teacher Dilemma

[cdrumm4448]

Both my kids play Suzuki violin. We're been with our current teacher for 5 years. She is getting older and cancels lessons at least once a month. (Many times she cancels more-there was a month this spring where we didn't see her at all, and she tends to cancel when I'm on my way to her house 1/2 an hour away.) She also expects to be paid for those lessons as she says we can make them up during the summer. We've had exactly 1 lesson this summer. In the past she has given me money off the next year's tuition, but this past year was the worst for cancelling. I have not kept track of the cancellations as I know I should have. I can just see this situation getting worse and worse the older she gets. She needs to slow down and reduce her student load, but won't or can't. My dh is getting really mad about the wasted money, and my kids aren't learning anything. So, I contacted another teacher in the group (there are three-one of which we will never go to) and she said she would take my kids on as students if we could find a way to do it without hurting the original teacher's feelings. I don't want to create bad blood between the teachers, so I can't tell her the truth about why we're switching. Also, the teacher that cancels is my dd's group violin teacher as well, so we'll still see her once a week and for recitals and such.

 

Now, I don't make a habit of lying, but telling the truth unfortunately isn't a good idea here. WWYD?

[Aggie]

I would tell her you're changing teachers because your dc need consistent lessons. For every lesson that is cancelled, your dc backslide in their playing.

 

It may hurt her feelings, but you are not responsible for her feelings in this case. Perhaps it will be a wake-up call to her and a service to her students this year.

 

I would be furious over the money issue, too. Lessons aren't cheap.

[Terabith]

Maybe mention that this teacher has lesson times that work better with your schedule? Try to make it as if it's YOUR schedule that is the problem? Though she could try to change her schedule with that......

 

Or, you think that your kids could use some variety in instructors to make sure they are generalizing their skills?

[Country Mouse]

I do think you should tell the truth. This is a business relationship and basically she has not held up her end of a verbal (or written?) agreement.

 

I know how frustrating this is. My ds has a wonderful piano teacher but we have had numerous times where we've shown up at her house (also a 30 min drive one way for us) to find a note on the door that she is sick or her dd is sick and lessons are canceled. No call even! If it weren't for the rapport and patience she has with my ds I would not put up with this. And if she messed around with the money stuff (she always credits us for the next month if a lesson is canceled), I would be gone! :auto:

[plain jane]

Do you have to go with the same group of teachers? You stated in your post that there's one of the three that you would never go to, and your current one sounds like a real flake. If it were me and my money, I'd be looking for another teacher entirely. Violin lessons are not cheap and any teacher I hire had better work for that money.

 

At the end of the day, it's your money and you're entitled to get what you pay for. Don't let these people walk over you like this.

[cdrumm4448]

All are good suggestions. The problem is that we belong to a group, meaning there are private lessons with one teacher and group lessons on another night with another teacher. The new teacher we want to switch to has mentioned that she would only take my kids on as students if we protected the feelings of the old teacher (probably because the new teacher is a very nice person, and also because she will still work for the old teacher. The old teacher of one of the directors of the group. The new teacher is just a teacher. KWIM?) I am not willing to leave the group, so we are stuck with limited choice of these three teachers. One is very difficult with younger students, our current one is getting flaky, and the new one is wonderful.

 

My BIL lives 5 minutes away from the new teacher's house, so I thought maybe I could think up some reason I'd have to stop by his house every week. He doesn't have kids, isn't married. Any ideas?

[WishboneDawn]

My BIL lives 5 minutes away from the new teacher's house, so I thought maybe I could think up some reason I'd have to stop by his house every week. He doesn't have kids, isn't married. Any ideas?

 

You're having trouble with the expense and time commitment of the current 1/2 hour drive and your BIL has offered to help out?

[Lolly]

I would tell her the truth. If it hurts her feelings, I would find another group/teacher. If it doesn't hurt her feelings, stick with this group and use the new teacher. Guess I don't understand why you must stick with this particular group.

[cdrumm4448]

I would tell her the truth. If it hurts her feelings, I would find another group/teacher. If it doesn't hurt her feelings, stick with this group and use the new teacher. Guess I don't understand why you must stick with this particular group.

 

There are no other violin groups within a 1 1/2 hour drive. It's not like a dance studio or karate place. There just aren't very many Suzuki violin groups in the world. So, there is no other group for us to go to.

[kalanamak]

There are no other violin groups within a 1 1/2 hour drive. It's not like a dance studio or karate place. There just aren't very many Suzuki violin groups in the world. So, there is no other group for us to go to.

 

Could you talk to the teacher who said "as long as you don't hurt her feelings"? Tell her you have trouble fibbing (I wouldn't use the word lying, as that could upset that teacher), and did she think the excuse "we'd like to try this other teacher" (which is true) would work to everyone's satisfaction. BTW, if the second teacher said "you have to do it without hurting her feelings because, ahem, she can be very vengeful, and could make my life very difficult", that is a different kettle of fish. If people behave ridiculously about the truth, they deserve a lie. It isn't as if you are trying to swindle her. You just want to change teachers, something surely protected by the laws of your fine state.

 

P.S the first teacher has already proven herself to be "unreasonable" in her business dealings. I wouldn't be surprised if she's the type who thinks nothing of pooping on others, but get really nasty if pooped on herself, AND takes the merest slight as a major defecation. Such people can seem extraordinarily "sweet" when first met. Real operators reel you in first. Then the bludgeoning begins.

Edited August 8, 2010 by kalanamak

[MotherMayI]

Could you tell the original teacher that you can not only no longer afford the drive, but the expense of the missed lessons? Perhaps she has gotten more flaky over time because it works for her. She is making money while cancelling lessons- and she has only had to make up 1. I have a feeling if you told her that she would only be paid for lessons that were completed her percentage of missed lessons would dramatically drop. Just a thought;). Also-I find the stipulation that the older teacher's feelings can't be hurt to be odd- how can you predict how she will "feel" even if you come up with the best ever excuse?

[WishboneDawn]

Also-I find the stipulation that the older teacher's feelings can't be hurt to be odd- how can you predict how she will "feel" even if you come up with the best ever excuse?

 

Good point. She may see right through your excuse and be hurt that you weren't up front with her.

 

The "can't afford the missed lessons," seems like the best course of action.

[StephanieZ]

As a veteran suzuki mom (10+ years, 3 kids, multiple instruments!) and one who has funded hundreds of lessons. . .

 

I don't see how it is hurtful to use $$ and/or time as an excuse. It might be hurtful if you said you don't like her, you like the new teacher better, she smells bad, etc. . . But, to say. . .

 

"My kids have learned so much from you, but I have realized that they didn't make very much progress last year and I think this is due to the fact that I am not knowledgable enough to be their home teacher w/o weekly lessons. A large number of lessons were cancelled due to your illnesses, and we went over a month without lessons sometimes. The kids are just stagnating. So, I need to try something else. We are so glad you'll still be their group teacher so we can continue the relationship they enjoy with you!"

 

If she is professional and a decent human being, she will be gracious about it. Really, these things happen all the time. If not, well, then, you might need to consider the 90 min drive to the alternate studio.

 

I've been driving 90 min each way for Suzkuki for 5 years now. . .(Their teachers were gracious enough to prioritize giving my dc their private lessons on the same evening as groups were held, so this was mostly once a week except for the occasional concert) and ds's new teacher is FOUR HOURS away each way (just doing that twice a month)! Sometimes it is worth a longer drive if what you have locally is just not working.

 

FWIW, I think you have been totally taken advantage of financially. I would personally ask her to let you know "how many lesson credits you have on account from the illnesses last year" and to "transfer those credits to the new teacher or refund me the balance." I think that is the absolutely clear fair thing to do at this time, although I think you should not allow this to happen again. If the teacher cancels, the teacher refunds the payment immediately! If *you* cancel, you might be out of luck totally, but the teacher cancelling is not at all the same! If you decide to let it go in this circumstance, I encourage you to be more assertive next time. Not only have I never been billed for a lesson cancelled by the teacher, I have never even *heard* of that!

[Ame E.]

If you stick with the teacher, make sure you keep track of cancelled and non-made up lessons, and demand your money back... not fair to you or to your children.. even if it was unintentional. It is unfair to ask you to pay for a service you did not receive.

 

Also, after 5 years, it might be time to change teachers.. your kids might be at a new level and may need a teacher more suited to their needs...

 

You also might want to go to a larger venue (a music school or conservatory), even if you have to travel... that way you are dealing with an objective third party (the administration).

 

Many, many violin teachers (I am just a parent not a Suzuki teacher) use the Suzuki books to get the kids started... Many local venues offer chamber music groups or orchestra to beginning intermediate players... if you do switch that might be a nice alternative to the group lessons...

 

Best of luck.

[HS Mom in NC]

That's the most outrageous unprofessional behavior I have heard of from a teacher. Over the years my children have had 3 different teachers teaching 3 different instruments and I have two close friends who are private music teachers. This is completely unacceptable.

 

Change teachers now. Let the teacher know you will not be back and that you want your money back because you did not cancel the lessons and she has not made them up in a reasonable amount of time. Children need consistent practice and consistent teaching. Suzuki teachers should be the MOST aware of the importance of regular consistency.

[Cindyg]

She is getting older and cancels lessons at least once a month....She also expects to be paid for those lessons....my kids aren't learning anything. So, I contacted another teacher in the group ...and she said she would take my kids on as students if we could find a way to do it without hurting the original teacher's feelings. I don't want to create bad blood between the teachers, so I can't tell her the truth about why we're switching. ...Now, I don't make a habit of lying, but telling the truth unfortunately isn't a good idea here.

 

What?! I'm sorry, but this is nuts. Don't go along with this.

 

You tell the old teacher, "Mrs. Jones, thank you so much for teaching my children all these years, but next Wednesday will be our last lesson."

 

(This paragraph is optional. You may skip down two paragraphs.) If she asks why, and she probably won't, you say, "You have been a wonderful teacher, and we look forward to seeing you at the recital; but my children need need weekly lessons."

 

(This paragraph is optional. You may skip to the next paragraph.) If she presses and says that she's been giving you weekly lessons, you say, "You have been a wonderful teacher, but we did miss 26 out of 52 lessons last year. But thank you so much for working with us. We're looking forward to seeing you at the next recital."

 

If she asks anything more, say, "You have been a wonderful teacher, and thank you. But our decision is final."

 

I do think you're entitled to a refund for the missed lessons, but I don't know how you're going to get that.

 

You tell the new teacher, "We have officially ended our student relationship with Mrs. Jones, and we're ready to begin with you next week." You are not responsible for how Mrs. Jones feels about that!

 

Do not involve your brother in law!

 

There is absolutely no need for you to lie!

 

Would you keep paying the grocery store if they wouldn't give you your groceries?

 

Would you feel you had to lie before begining to shop at the grocery store across the street in order to avoid hurting the store manager's feelings?

 

Don't feel bad. Just do it.

Edited August 9, 2010 by Cindyg

[AlaskaGrownFamily]

That. ^^

[Jean in Newcastle]

Cindyg gave you very good advice. My advice is to take it:D

[violinmom]

Yeah, not ok. As a Suzuki violin teacher and a mom, that really makes me sad and mad at the same time.

 

What Cindy said :) Just be kind, firm and don't apologize. Honestly, she has to know it's a problem deep down. I really think if you act like it's ok, then she will feel ok and that you don't hate her. That will make group class less awkward. You don't really have to explain. "We have decided to make a switch this year, but look forward to seeing you at the group class." Like what Cindy said.

[emubird]

You don't have to stay with Suzuki. It works, but it's not the be-all and end-all of violin teaching. We have plenty of wonderful teachers around here who do not teach strict Suzuki (although they may use their books). The best students I've heard did not stay with Suzuki and may not have even started with it.

 

Do you have any other options for teachers? You might be surprised at what another teacher could do. You could another teacher/studio/group for a year and then go back to the original place (if you still think it was meeting your needs better) and request the teacher you want with fewer hard feelings.

 

Also, I found that letting my daughter take time off lessons (but still practicing) ended up with her learning more than with a teacher. But switching teachers can also be very positive. Sometimes it helps to take a break from a particular teacher (who is telling the student the same thing all the time), either to process the information that she did pass on, or to find another teacher who will focus on different things.

 

And it may be that your current teacher has been trying to send the message that she really wants to cut back on her students. That may be why she's been cancelling lessons.

[FaithManor]

You do not need to give her an excuse about why you want to "visit" your BIL. You can just simply say that due to family dynamics, it is important to you to move your children to the other teacher's studio because she is only five minutes from your family there and then leave it at that. She can think what she thinks and you can't stop that.

 

Personally, as a music teacher on long sebatical, I have a major issue with someone who cancels lessons this much. She is probably having a health problem but doesn't want to admit it and needs the money from her studio. But, regardless of her financial issues, it is unethical to continue and expect payment or for parents to remain loyal.

 

I would probably just say something like, "We are having some issues in our family and I need to radically change our schedule, practice times, consolidate traveling, etc. I will be switching the children to teacher B. because not only can she accomodate these changes but she lives very near my BIL and this is going to greatly ease my stress." Don't engage in any kind of argument or defense of your reasoning. If she has been, up to this point, a great teacher for your children, take some sort of thank you gift, a thank you note handwritten by your children, maybe a picture of them at a recital, and then shake her hand and leave. Keep it short and sweet.

 

Faith