s/o mix swim

[StephanieZ]

Just curious:

 

To those who don't mix swim. . . Is there something inherently s*xual to you about water? What about sharing a pool or lake is specifically inappropriate? If both genders dress in ways that are suitable to your taste/moral code, then why can't they swim in the same body of water? How is it different from sharing a tee-ball field or croquet lawn or whatever?

 

I find this intriguing!

 

Thanks!!!!!!!!!

[Lizzie in Ma]

be interesting to see answers

:lurk5:

[fairfarmhand]

We do mix swim (modestly attired of course) but in my family of origin, they didn't. My father called it "mixed bathing" , a phrase which still amuses me.

 

A unchurched girl who came to our youth group suggested a church youth group pool party. After a long awkward silence my dad (the preacher) stated "We don't believe in mixed bathing" This girl gave him a weird look and said, "I don't want to take a bath with anyone...I'm just wanting to go swimming."

 

:)

 

I've also heard it stated, that "I'm not against mixed bathing...I'm against mixed nakedness." Mostly it is the attire that is the problem IME.

[kdeno]

think it is the clothing or lack of clothing that is the problem.

[Scarlett]

think it is the clothing or lack of clothing that is the problem.

 

A bunch of us took our kids to a water park the other day and I noticed the teenagers...um....doing a lot of rough housing....I may be 45 but I clearly remember being at the pool and boys using rough housing as an excuse to touch me and other girls. I don't think that in and of itself is necessarily wrong...but proof that these kids need constant supervision.

[oasis]

Just curious:

 

To those who don't mix swim. . . Is there something inherently s*xual to you about water? What about sharing a pool or lake is specifically inappropriate? If both genders dress in ways that are suitable to your taste/moral code, then why can't they swim in the same body of water? How is it different from sharing a tee-ball field or croquet lawn or whatever?

 

I find this intriguing!

 

Thanks!!!!!!!!!

 

It's definitely about the lack of clothing, and not the water. Why does SI feature models at the beach, instead of sharing a tee-ball field, or playing croquet?

 

We don't mix swim if people are dressed with lots of skin showing, but we do if both genders are dressed modestly (and in clothing that doesn't cling after it's wet.)

 

Hopefully this helps explain it! :001_smile:

[AHASRADA]

I agree that the clothing is the primary issue, and also the close quarters, intimacy/familiarity associated with a backyard pool. If a family's beliefs are that there should be a heightened level of propriety and respect for personal space between genders, it is more appropriate and more comfortable for everyone to enjoy this type of activity with same-gender friends. Even with appropriate clothing, the water causes it to float, stick to the form of the body, etc. There is usually a lot of squealing, goofing around, limbs flying and kicking in the water, etc. As a PP mentioned, the water can also mask inappropriate behavior/touching, especially in a pool full of people. Among pubescent children, separating the genders for recreational swimming is just more comfortable and appropriate for all, particularly for girls who are self-conscious about their changing bodies.

 

As for swimming in a large body of water, it is a bit less of a concern, IMO, since there is plenty of room for everyone to spread out and have their own physical space in the water and on shore.

 

This, of course, doesn't even address swimming in public places, where the dress code and behavior of those in attendance will likely be far outside the guidelines of those held by the family. For this reason, many people prefer to avoid public swimming, and host their kids' friends in their backyard pool, with groups of boys and girls taking turns throughout the day.

 

HTH,

[ourjourneys]

I have to say that I understand how some would not understand this. However, when you look at our culture (sexiness will sell just about anything) it is something to think about. If we allow our children to be comfortable around the opposite sex in string bikinis, then why not in their panties and underwear? If we allow this then we are just asking for our kids to have hang ups when going through puberty. My children are not to that stage yet, but we are modest. When swimming (we do swim mixed) we wear board shorts and rash guards. Many have asked me where to get these for their families.

 

Think about this: Why is it 'the style' for boys to wear baggy swim trunks down to their knees but girls need to wear the smallest tightest swim suit available?????? :bigear:

[Scarlett]

Think about this: Why is it 'the style' for boys to wear baggy swim trunks down to their knees but girls need to wear the smallest tightest swim suit available?????? :bigear:

 

Boys wear baggy swim trunks down to their knees because girls wear the smallest tightest swim suit available...:tongue_smilie:

 

(and I have a swimmer who has grown to detest the baggie trunks..says it slows him down-much prefers his Jammers)

[Cindyg]

In the church I grew up in -- a church that didn't believe in mixed swimming -- we were told constantly about the lust and temptation caused by bathing suits and glimpses of knees, thighs, etc. And that grew into "anyone who would dress like that is not on 'our team'." And that made us very conscious of who was wearing what. Since our sensitivity to this was so heightened, we assumed everyone else's was as well.

 

It was a real surprise to me, as I left that church and that way of thinking, to realize no one is really paying any attention to me and how I dress.

 

This attitude of people-are-always-watching-me was very difficult for my husband to let go of. No, he didn't think anyone was necessarily lusting after him; but he seriously did think that people were noticing him, judging him, and that it gave him a bad testimony, and could even cause them to fall in to sin. It took him years to realize that no one really cared if he took the trash out in shorts.

 

And this was no weakness in him. It's very hard to shake off how you were raised.

 

My current pastor (in a very conservative church that does not teach against mixed swimming) tells this story: He was once pumping gas in a pair of shorts. Now my pastor is a SERIOUS Christian. I mean a SERIOUS Christian. To say he has devoted his life to God's work would be an enormous understatement.

 

So here he is pumping gas in a pair of shorts. A guy comes up to him and says, "I know you. You're Pastor So-and-so from xxx Church, right?"

 

My pastor says, "Yes I am."

 

Stranger says, "And you're standing here pumping gas in a pair of shorts?"

 

My pastor says, "Yes I am."

 

Stranger says, "And you call yourself a minister!" shaking his head in disgust.

 

Pastor says (in church, years later), "What am I supposed to do with that? Here's a guy who takes the whole message of God and boils it down to judging someone else's clothing."

 

That's a hypersensitivity. I get where that comes from. And I get that the rest of the world doesn't.

[katemary63]

Boys wear baggy swim trunks down to their knees because girls wear the smallest tightest swim suit available...:tongue_smilie:

 

 

:iagree::lol::lol::lol:

[RegGuheert]

How is it different from sharing a tee-ball field or croquet lawn or whatever?

Are you saying you participate in (Dare I say it?) mixed croquet?

 

How can you live with yourself? :D

[dangermom]

 

Think about this: Why is it 'the style' for boys to wear baggy swim trunks down to their knees but girls need to wear the smallest tightest swim suit available?????? :bigear:

They do? And here I thought board shorts and rash guards were becoming popular.

 

"Allowing mixed swimming" does not automatically translate to "girls wearing string bikinis and eeny weeny tight swimsuits." Pretty much everyone I know allows mixed swimming, and their kids are dressed in modest athletic swimwear. Girls wear one-piece or modest tankini suits, or often rash guards and swim shorts, boys wear shorts and sometimes the rash guards as well.

[fairfarmhand]

In the church I grew up in -- a church that didn't believe in mixed swimming -- we were told constantly about the lust and temptation caused by bathing suits and glimpses of knees, thighs, etc. And that grew into "anyone who would dress like that is not on 'our team'." And that made us very conscious of who was wearing what. Since our sensitivity to this was so heightened, we assumed everyone else's was as well.

 

It was a real surprise to me, as I left that church and that way of thinking, to realize no one is really paying any attention to me and how I dress.

 

This attitude of people-are-always-watching-me was very difficult for my husband to let go of. No, he didn't think anyone was necessarily lusting after him; but he seriously did think that people were noticing him, judging him, and that it gave him a bad testimony, and could even cause them to fall in to sin. It took him years to realize that no one really cared if he took the trash out in shorts.

 

And this was no weakness in him. It's very hard to shake off how you were raised.

 

 

 

 

I was raised like this too and was so surprised that people weren't scandalized when I wore a dress 3 weeks ago that gave glimpses of my knees!

 

I am better than I used to be but it is hard to get away from your raising sometimes.

[Scarlett]

Stranger says, "And you're standing here pumping gas in a pair of shorts?"

 

My pastor says, "Yes I am."

 

Stranger says, "And you call yourself a minister!" shaking his head in disgust.

 

Pastor says (in church, years later), "What am I supposed to do with that? Here's a guy who takes the whole message of God and boils it down to judging someone else's clothing."

 

That's a hypersensitivity. I get where that comes from. And I get that the rest of the world doesn't.

 

Crazy. People are just crazy.....

 

What I notice as I read through these types of threads is it often boils down to balance. I know that is a subject word.....but this story above seems unbalanced to me....and I see string bikinis on young girls as they prance around in front of everyone and I think...what a beautiful girl---who needs to be taught modest behavior as much as modest dress.

 

Balance....:)

[ChristusG]

I'm curious about one thing.....if you own your own pool and DO allow mixed swimming with modest clothing, do you have any dress codes for your own pool? Something such as "one pieces only", or something like that? If so, how do you go about enforcing that? Do you warn people before inviting them over?

[K-FL]

 

Think about this: Why is it 'the style' for boys to wear baggy swim trunks down to their knees but girls need to wear the smallest tightest swim suit available?????? :bigear:

 

That irritates me too. Looking at running mags, the women are barely clothed while the men look "normal" in running short (or compressions) w/tank tops. Do shorts that come over your hips & have a 4" inseam really slow women down, but not men?? During the Olympics I couldn't stand to see the beach volleyball players for the same reason. :glare:

[mommaduck]

I believe the thinking comes from a period of time where there wasn't a lot of options (in swimwear). And remember, even kids playing in a country crick would strip down (sometimes to their skivvies and sometimes to nothing).

[Cindyg]

I'm curious about one thing.....if you own your own pool and DO allow mixed swimming with modest clothing, do you have any dress codes for your own pool? Something such as "one pieces only", or something like that? If so, how do you go about enforcing that? Do you warn people before inviting them over?

 

We own our own pool. We are sensitive about the mixed swimming thing, but we do swim together.

 

We have never invited anyone over whom we thought would not dress modestly, and we've not been shocked. And, no, we've never yet had to tell our guests that we have a dress code. That has not yet been an issue.

 

As my son approaches the teen years (he turns 13 this week), I realize things might get more touchy as he and his friends are more aware of boy/girl things. We will cross that bridge as we come to it.

 

Our pool is in full view of the entire house and yard, so any teenage guests will be supervised.

 

I do think the trick is in whom you invite in the first place.

 

I canNOT imagine a scenario where my (future) teenage boy and his (imaginary) bikini-clad girlfriend would lounge privately in our pool for an afternoon. That is simply not going to happen. Nor, frankly, can I imagine any of the church and homeschool-group families we invite over showing up in anything indecent. I suspect if someone did, we would not make a big deal out of it; but they would not get another invitation without my chatting privately with their mom, or whatever seemed appropriate.

 

ETA: Olympic beach volleyball is not a sport. It's a photo op.

Edited August 4, 2010 by Cindyg

[fairfarmhand]

That irritates me too. Looking at running mags, the women are barely clothed while the men look "normal" in running short (or compressions) w/tank tops. Do shorts that come over your hips & have a 4" inseam really slow women down, but not men?? During the Olympics I couldn't stand to see the beach volleyball players for the same reason. :glare:

 

 

I felt the same way about the volleyball. I couldn't even stand to watch it.

[Cindyg]

I'm curious about one thing.....if you own your own pool and DO allow mixed swimming with modest clothing, do you have any dress codes for your own pool? Something such as "one pieces only", or something like that? If so, how do you go about enforcing that? Do you warn people before inviting them over?

 

I need to answer this again. (I already answered, above.)

 

I've been thinking about the idea of telling people about our dress code. Part of why my current church, though very conservative, does not teach a dress code is that our pastor feels strongly that each Christian has to work this out between himself and the Lord.

 

If I were to tell a house guest what my dress code is, I would feel like I would be insulting them. No different than if I told a house guest that I expected them not to steal or commit fornication in my house. That goes without saying! I expect that they've already come to some arrangement with God on this, and that while in my house, they will live consistent with their own code of ethics.

 

I would only intervene if matters were truly out of hand. For example, if a young lady in my pool was seriously and purposely turning the boys' heads with her body, I would intervene (privately). But this is not something a different bathing suit (or even a dress!) would fix. This is a heart issue.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

 

ETA: Olympic beach volleyball is not a sport. It's a photo op.

 

Not getting into the swimming thing, but I must interject to say that beach volleyball is, indeed a sport. How do I know? The litmus test: Can you drink beer while performing this activity and still perform it well? The answer for beach volleyball (esp competitive, pro & Olympic) is no. Therefore, it must be a sport. :D

[Scarlett]

Not getting into the swimming thing, but I must interject to say that beach volleyball is, indeed a sport. How do I know? The litmus test: Can you drink beer while performing this activity and still perform it well? The answer for beach volleyball (esp competitive, pro & Olympic) is no. Therefore, it must be a sport. :D

 

Your post begs the question....you know this from experience?

 

:D

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Your post begs the question....you know this from experience?

 

:D

 

well...yes. <take that any way you want:tongue_smilie:

[KidsHappen]

I felt the same way about the volleyball. I couldn't even stand to watch it.

 

This is something I do not even begin to understand. My dd made the school volleyball team. She can wear either the 2" or 4" volleyball (spandex) shorts (not softees) for the games. Same thing with the cheer squad and dance teams. But none of these clothes meet the school dress code so they have to wear regular clothes to school and then change for games. How can they even justify this? Why is this type of clothing appropriate for school sports but not school itself. It certainly isn't necessary. When she played city league they wore softees with a 6" or 8" inseam.

[misidawnrn]

That irritates me too. Looking at running mags, the women are barely clothed while the men look "normal" in running short (or compressions) w/tank tops. Do shorts that come over your hips & have a 4" inseam really slow women down, but not men?? During the Olympics I couldn't stand to see the beach volleyball players for the same reason. :glare:

 

Short shorts would slow me down! My chub rub would get in the way!:lol:

 

I am so glad I am not the only one that feels the way most posters above feel. I do wear a swim suit and in public:001_huh: but it has a little skirty thing on it. My girls wear regular swim suits but no bikinis. In fact, DD 6 just asked the other day while in JC Penney's "mom, when can I get a bikini?" my reply was "never while you are living in my house!" I then went on to explain that we don't wear bikinis because they don't cover our bellies. We go to the public pool maybe 2 times a summer....We prefer to take the boat to the lake (if we have time).

 

I wan't raised in a modest home at all, infact my mom used to change oil, work on the front yard etc in her bikini or bikini top and the shortest cut off jeans she had (still has them GAG!) and I remember being SOOOOO embarrased to live there! I am complete opposite of that. I don't wear shorts that don't come at least almost to my knees, I don't wear tank tops or tops that show cleavage. I actually prefer pedal pushers/coulots/capris than shorts.

 

My step daughters wear bikinis but that is not by my choice! I wouldn't allow it at all if I had a choice.

[fairfarmhand]

This is something I do not even begin to understand. My dd made the school volleyball team. She can wear either the 2" or 4" volleyball (spandex) shorts (not softees) for the games. Same thing with the cheer squad and dance teams. But none of these clothes meet the school dress code so they have to wear regular clothes to school and then change for games. How can they even justify this? Why is this type of clothing appropriate for school sports but not school itself. It certainly isn't necessary. When she played city league they wore softees with a 6" or 8" inseam.

 

 

YEAH! What is that all about? The cheerleaders near here wear sweat pants under their uniforms to class and take them off to cheer! My friend who coaches a middle school softball team ordered shorts thinking they were decent. They have a 2" inseam! How do they not skin up their legs when they slide? My friend says they are stuck with them since they are paid for.

[kdeno]

I'm curious about one thing.....if you own your own pool and DO allow mixed swimming with modest clothing, do you have any dress codes for your own pool? Something such as "one pieces only", or something like that? If so, how do you go about enforcing that? Do you warn people before inviting them over?

 

We do not have a dress code for others but generally we haven't had too many problems. Most people wear swimwear that I would not allow my family but that is ok.

[ciyates]

I come from an old southern family who was very conservative and we swam in cut offs and tshirts but never would we not be allowed to swim with our male cousins or friends.

 

DS is on the swim team and has made it to the level where he has to wear the speedos.

 

At the pool he wears regular board shorts and sometimes he wears a shirt and sometimes not.

 

I am really surprised this is an issue with so many people. I guess we are not as conservative as I thought.