Am I Being Unreasonable?? LONG

[Guest ME-Mommy]

Background: My oldest daughter wanted to apply for dual credit courses at the local community college. There is a program called "On Course for College" that provides 2 courses tuition-free to any high school junior or senior. The requirements to apply for this program are to complete the application and include a transcript and copy of Letter of Intent filed with the Superintendent of Schools of our local school district -- easy enough.

 

Fast forward: We made an appointment to meet with the Dean, register for her course and pay the course fees and order the book. The Dean tells me that I need to meet with the Guidance Counselor at our local high school and get his/her approval for my daughter to participate in the program. :001_huh::001_huh: I made it a point with the Dean that we have never met the Guidance Counselor and he/she would have NO idea if my daughter was capable of college-level work or not...he assures me this is their policy and that, in the past, he had tried to "push homeschoolers' applications through" without the signature and it "had come back to bite him." So, he returns the paperwork to me and we go on our way. All the way home, I'm "steaming" about this ridiculous policy and how it doesn't make any sense. So, I contacted HSLDA (of which we are a member) and I give the background and am assured that they can probably make a phone call and get this straightened out. They did request that I email the Dean and ask for clarification and a copy of their policy...which I did and I forwarded that information to HSLDA. Thursday we received an email from the Head Dean saying that the Dean we spoke with was "mistaken" and the High School Guidance signature wasn't required. So, I forward this email to HSLDA and in an email back to the Dean above the Dean we spoke with, I expressed concern that the Dean wasn't familiar with school policy and that I was frustrated.

 

Today: My husband takes a phone call from the Dean that we spoke to on Tuesday, and he proceeds to tell my husband how he is hurt and shocked that a Christian brother/sister would do this to another Christian. (My question is "Do what? I'm just trying to clarify their policy and asked a few questions...")

 

What says the hive??

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

What does religion have to do with the fact that he was unfamiliar with how to handle your situation? I think you resolved it in a logical manner.

[holdoll]

"Blessed are the peaceMAKERS." Matt 5:9

 

IMHO, all you did was cut through the bureaucracy and make peace for those coming up the ranks behind you.

[Farrar]

He messed up, got rightly reprimanded and then made it personal by taking it out on your family. It's not personal, - it was a business transaction. You acted professionally and he's not.

[fhjmom]

I agree with the replies above. You didn't do anything to him, you only asked for clarification. I am a little confused on who you emailed asking for clarification - did you email the Dean you spoke with or the Head Dean the first time? Not that it matters, but he may have felt like you went over his head and was offended by that, but then I am sure he probably also go taken to task over giving erroneous information. too.

[Sun]

I don't see that you did anything wrong. I suspect the first dean got called on the carpet a bit and was lashing out at you as the "cause" of his talking-to. I'd try to be like a duck and let it roll off!

[elegantlion]

:tongue_smilie:Well as a christian you could be just as offended that he spouted false information and did not represent the school's policy correctly to you. Thou shalt not lie. If it was not a blatant lie, was it incompetence that he did not understand school policy? :tongue_smilie:

 

Sounds like NOT pushing this homeschool app through came back to bite him, so sad (not). :001_huh:

[tofuscramble]

He messed up, got rightly reprimanded and then made it personal by taking it out on your family. It's not personal, - it was a business transaction. You acted professionally and he's not.

 

:iagree:He took it way more personally than he should have. Its SO annoying when professionals do that.

[nono]

Today: My husband takes a phone call from the Dean that we spoke to on Tuesday, and he proceeds to tell my husband how he is hurt and shocked that a Christian brother/sister would do this to another Christian.

 

My reply would have been short: "Funny. I was thinking the same thing."

[Murphy101]

My reply would have been short: "Funny. I was thinking the same thing."

 

:iagree: and I'd let his dean/supervisor know of that conversation and how insultingly inappropriate it was for him to do that. I'd be fuming.:glare:

[Alyce]

He probably feels hurt because you sent the second email to the Dean above him. The one about not know the policy and you being frustrated. I think you should have sent a copy of that email to the original Dean as well. The Bible says to confront the person you have the problem with first. Now in this situation you couldn't exactly do that but in the end it might have been just a courtesy to send that final email to him as well.

[Supertechmom]

WoW!!!! I'd be fuming! First, he's upset that you went over his head instead of jumping through his hoop (You go GIRL! Every homeschooler should do the same IMHO when faced with obvious not in the law requirements) Second, he probably was spoken to by his upper and felt foolish and probably had to dig around and find all the ones he's done this way to correct that (maybe, just thinking out loud there) Third, he pulled the religion card (and I would let his boss know that too because that is uncalled for. That is just a no-no)

 

He's out of line, got caught, and is taking his correction out on you.

 

And thank you for looking into and going the extra step to stop it. If more homeschoolers did that, some of the mess around here would have never taken the foothold it has. Thank you for making it right for all the ones coming behind.

[2cents]

IMO religion has nothing to do with it. I think that I would have requested the written policy from him before going to HSLDA or over his head. He clearly was skewing the rules by his comments so I think that telling him you wanted the policy might have clued him in and he might have backed off sooner. But the bottom line is that he was making his own rules (for whatever reason) and got caught. He is just miffed that he was busted.

 

:thumbup: To you and your dh for pursuing this. There is no telling how many other hsers he discouraged with his policy manipulations.

[Joanne]

What an icky, manipulative boundary violation.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Third, he pulled the religion card (and I would let his boss know that too because that is uncalled for. That is just a no-no)

 

Yep, I'd drop another email to the boss for sure. That is inappropriate and uncalled for, to say the least.

 

How did your husband respond in the phone call?

Edited July 30, 2010 by LemonPie

[amydavis]

Yep, I'd drop another email to the boss for sure. That is inappropriate and uncalled for, to say the least.

 

:iagree:

I would also be placing another phone call, or e-mail, to the head dean to allow him to know about the inappropriate phone call that was made.

[Pretty in Pink]

Agreeing with the others. His last email to you was completely unprofessional. I would bring this to the attention of the head dean.

[CAMom]

So, what did the Dean suggest you should have done? Just follow a non-existent policy?:confused: Very, very unprofessional behavior. How did he even know your religious persuasion anyway and how did he expect you'd know his? Not that it matters. Is he saying Christians should never question another Christian on anything they say? Ridiculous.

 

I'm currently hoop jumping with our local community college as well. I just keep going up the ladder until I find someone who knows what they are talking about. I've had someone there even tell me that you can't homeschool in CA unless you go through the school district and that the district needs to provide all of your materials. Uh...no. I've been homeschooling in CA for 11 years and that is not the case.:lol:

 

You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your course of action was entirely appropriate.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your interaction with him was as a professional in a community college setting. It is inappropriate for him to make it a personal issue between two Christians.

[Guest ME-Mommy]

for affirming what I *thought* was the right thing -- I was starting to doubt myself.

 

Some additional info that I left out in the OP:

 

1) This man - the first dean we spoke with - is a Christian and attends the same church as we do. His son is in my husband's small group on Wednesday night. So, I was thinking maybe I had messed up by "mixing business and personal"...

 

2) This man is leaving today -- it's his last day before he takes a new position down south (MS, I think) and the second dean I contacted is actually currently the Assistant Dean but she will be taking his job after today.

 

3) I suspected that he wasn't "homeschooler friendly" by the way he was suggesting that home school applicants had to be handled -- and that he had "pushed some through in the past" and "they had come back to bite him".

 

4) When he called my husband this AM, he told a totally different story than what he told my daughter and me on Tuesday regarding how the application would be handled by the incoming Dean. He made it sound like I wanted "special handling/consideration" and that I didn't realize what a "favor" he was doing us...:glare:

[Mimm]

I think you handled it quite reasonably and at this point I'd be tempted to email the head dean again and tell him you got a phone call from the other dean complaining about the whole situation and that you find such behavior very unprofessional. But people who try to make people jump through pointless hoops to satisfy their own power trips really infuriate me.

[SOCKSINFOX]

I think since he's leaving I'd just let it go and be glad that someone more sensible is coming in to take his place. His reaction to you was unprofessional and totally uncalled for though.

[Mommyof4ks]

I think since he's leaving I'd just let it go and be glad that someone more sensible is coming in to take his place. His reaction to you was unprofessional and totally uncalled for though.

 

:iagree: He made a mistake, he should have just let it go once the situation was corrected. You did nothing wrong, and I hope your dd enjoys her time at the college.

[Guest ME-Mommy]

I've had extensive conversation via email with the new Dean...I get the impression that she is NOT happy with the way the outgoing Dean handled the situation. She has apologized profusely...

 

Anywho, we are going to meet her tomorrow AM and she assures me there won't be any issues and we'll get my oldest DD registered for her class.

 

Please be praying for this...Thanks!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I hope it is a great meeting. I am so glad that there is a new dean.;)

[Ellie]

Today: My husband takes a phone call from the Dean that we spoke to on Tuesday, and he proceeds to tell my husband how he is hurt and shocked that a Christian brother/sister would do this to another Christian. (My question is "Do what? I'm just trying to clarify their policy and asked a few questions...")

 

What says the hive??

Oh please. That guy needs to get over himself already. If he had done his job properly, there wouldn't have needed to be any telephone calls. If he got in trouble because he was dumb, that's his problem. It has nothing to do with being a Christian.

 

Now, if you had known he was a Christian, and you had, say, called his church and complained about him, that would be a totally different issue, and *you'd* have been wrong. But it isn't, and you weren't.

[Guest ME-Mommy]

OK -- so we met the new Dean this AM...VERY nice lady and seems to be very knowledgeable and willing to walk us through the registration process.

 

Incredibly, she didn't even look at my daughter's transcript!!! :w00t: She took the application, and the "under-18 waiver" and the copy of the Intent to Homeschool and stapled them together...took the transcript/course descriptions -- all 4 pages -- and paper clipped them to the first bundle. *NEVER* even looked at it...

 

She asked my daughter which course she wanted to take this fall, made sure it was open, walked us to registration and to the bookstore to purchase the book. Then walked us to the Library to get a Student ID...end of story.

 

I think we were in and out in about 40 minutes...including parking the car and walking to and from...:001_huh:

 

Now, I'm not complaining -- I'm just SHOCKED that they didn't even look at the paperwork!!! (If she gets an 80 or better, in both courses she is taking, she doesn't even have to take a placement test...)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm glad that it went smoothly for you. Perhaps she didn't look because she felt that you had been under too much scrutiny already?

[Guest ME-Mommy]

I'm glad that it went smoothly for you. Perhaps she didn't look because she felt that you had been under too much scrutiny already?

 

Maybe...:001_smile: Jean, you're a smart lady!!!