Facebook etiquette

[Only me]

My nephew asked me to be his friend on Facebook. it was his idea. He just broke up with his girlfriend and posted it for his status. Of course this means it shows up on my newsfeed.

 

His mom happened to call about an hour after this happened. I mentioned it to her asking if her son was ok since I know how upset he got last time his girlfriend broke up with him. His mom didn't know anything about it. She was nice but I got the impression that she felt I was being a bit nosy. It's not like I had to search for this Information. I just went on my Facebook account and it showed up. I talked to my 18 year old daughter about it and she said that usually people don't talk about what is on the status. it doesn't make sense to me since I wouldn't post anything on Facebook that I would want to keep private.

 

I just wanted to add that I just talked to SIL again to make sure that she wasn't upset with me. She really is a great sil and was very understanding. She wasn't upset at all and could totally understand my concern. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't committing a big Facebook no-no.

Edited July 19, 2010 by hpymomof3

[Daisy]

Hmm, unless I'm talking to the person who made the status update, I tend to let them share stuff like that. I don't know who everyone has befriended so I figure they can tell what they want, when they want. I have no problem mentioning it to the person who posted it though (Hey, I saw you mentioned breaking up with your girlfriend. How are you doing?).

 

You just don't know who they've decided to friend and who they haven't (unless you go hunt down their profile). It isn't worth it for me so I just keep my lip buttoned up. ;-p

[Mama Lynx]

I figure if it's on Facebook, it's public and meant to be public knowledge.

[Only me]

Hmm, unless I'm talking to the person who made the status update, I tend to let them share stuff like that. I don't know who everyone has befriended so I figure they can tell what they want, when they want. I have no problem mentioning it to the person who posted it though (Hey, I saw you mentioned breaking up with your girlfriend. How are you doing?).

 

You just don't know who they've decided to friend and who they haven't (unless you go hunt down their profile). It isn't worth it for me so I just keep my lip buttoned up. ;-p

 

I would never just casually mention it to someone else. The only reason I mentioned it was because his mom happened to call me about 5 minutes after I read it. He's had a bit of a rough time with his girlfriend lately and I was concerned about him. I guess I just assumed that his parents would already know. They are on his Facebook too but apparently hadn't seen it yet.

[Daisy]

I would never just casually mention it to someone else. The only reason I mentioned it was because his mom happened to call me about 5 minutes after I read it. He's had a bit of a rough time with his girlfriend lately and I was concerned about him. I guess I just assumed that his parents would already know. They are on his Facebook too but apparently hadn't seen it yet.

 

I don't think there is necessarily a right or wrong answer. I just tend to err on the side of saying nothing, but that's more my personality.

 

For what it is worth, I'm AMAZED at what people will post on FB.

[justlittleoldme]

I probably would of said something like "Your son posted on facebook that he broke up with his girlfriend, and I was wondering if he was ok". Then she'd know where you were coming from. If your posting something on facebook, its something you want everyone to know.

 

That being said, there's a funny video on you tube about facebook manners.

Edited July 18, 2010 by justlittleoldme
fixed link

[Only me]

I probably would of said something like "Your son posted on facebook that he broke up with his girlfriend, and I was wondering if he was ok". Then she'd know where you were coming from. If your posting something on facebook, its something you want everyone to know.

 

That being said, there's a funny video on you tube about facebook manners.

 

That is basically what I said. I made sure that she knew that I was just concerned about him. I was actually surprised that they didn't know already.

[KnitWit]

I am also shocked at what some people will put on FB.

 

There are a few friends of mine that, every now and then, when reading their status updates, I feel like I'm watching something that I can't help but see, but feel like I shouldn't look.

[Jean in Newcastle]

She may have been a bit embarrassed because her son chose to share it with the world before he shared it with her.

[Annie]

I never thought about it before, but I think I agree with your daughter. I'm not sure why/how the custom of not discussing FB statuses in person started, but I know that I avoid it and feel odd when someone else talks about mine. I actually blocked my MIL from seeing mine because she would mention them to me so often that it really made me uncomfortable... Why? I honestly don't know.

 

For the record, I don't post overly personal things in any way.

 

However, I do think anything posted on Facebook should be considered public knowledge, and people shouldn't be offended if friends talk about what they read with other people.

 

ETA: Since someone mentioned a generation gap, I'm 25.

Edited July 19, 2010 by Annie

[Danestress]

She might have been a bit hurt he didn't talk about it with her first.

 

Or she might not want to say how it seems to her he's doing until she knows what he wants her to say. Maybe he posted on FB a brief statement so that he doesn't have to talk about it with everyone or let the gossip mill grind.

 

But often when people are upset, they don't want to have their upsetness discussed. I can see posting something like "DH lost his job" and not really wanting to talk about it or else wanting to put forth a "cheerful" front when I'm actually not feeling really cheerful about it.

 

I actually never post anything at all on FB and wouldn't use it to make that kind of announcement, but maybe your nephew's generation sees it like "issuing a statement" which is not necessary then meant to be discussed at length. The fact might be something he wants to distribute, but that doesn't mean he wants his mom talking about it with her relatives, maybe. Or maybe he doesn't feel that way, but she wants to make sure out of loyalty to him.

[Cricket]

.... I talked to my 18 year old daughter about it and she said that usually people don't talk about what is on the status. it doesn't make sense to me since I wouldn't post anything on Facebook that I would want to keep private.

 

That is weird to me. Some of my FB friends are obviously friends IRL too and we discuss our FB posts all the time. Another generation gap thing I guess!

[RenayofRohan]

That is weird to me. Some of my FB friends are obviously friends IRL too and we discuss our FB posts all the time. Another generation gap thing I guess!

 

This is what I was thinking. If FB is all about connecting with people, I would think it would be a natural thing to talk about FB posts in person since it was something communicated online on a public forum ~ depending upon what the post said (and it wasn't a distasteful subject).

 

I don't think you did anything horrible. You just assumed that his mother knew about it already, especially since he was making the information very public AND his parents are on his friends list. Normally I try not to discuss things with others unless I know I have that *green light* but I can certainly understand what you did. Your heart was concerned for him.

[Kari C in SC]

My extended family talks about FB posts all the time. Actually, last night at a big family birthday party, we were joking with the TWO family members that don't really keep up with FB. We were telling them they were totally out of the loop with our family. A huge amount of our extended family from both dh and my side are on FB. This is from nieces and nephews all the way up to grandparents even with some my dh's family being friends with many in my family - so it is a huge group that chit chat back and forth. I love it!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I am also in the camp that whatever you put on FB is public knowledge and open for commentary. My friends and family talk about statuses face to face, as well.

[Kirch]

I am also in the camp that whatever you put on FB is public knowledge and open for commentary. My friends and family talk about statuses face to face, as well.

 

Me too. I like it when people bring it up, in fact--it's nice to know someone noticed and cared enough to say something.

[ChristusG]

If it should not be shared/discussed, then it shouldn't be on Facebook.

[TheCoffeeChick]

 

For what it is worth, I'm AMAZED at what people will post on FB.

 

:iagree: I once watched a huge drawn out fight between a husband and wife on facebook complete with cuss words and threats of divorce!! :confused: I just wanted to know if they were both at home at the time of the argument because I could just picture 2 people in the same room both on laptops. :confused: The biggest kicker was that the wife's aunt got in the middle and started writing nasty things to the husband!

 

The next day, their facebook posts were just as normal as can be - and yes they are still married and happy with eachother. :tongue_smilie:

[dragons in the flower bed]

I figure if it's on Facebook, it's public and meant to be public knowledge.

 

:iagree:

[ereks mom]

I figure if it's on Facebook, it's public and meant to be public knowledge.

 

:iagree:

[songbirdie]

I agree that if it's posted on facebook, it is public knowledge to all fb friends. My friends and I discuss what we put on there all the time. I've never heard of anyone having this secret code of not discussing status updates in person. We certainly do it.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

I figure if it's on Facebook, it's public and meant to be public knowledge.

 

:iagree: .. and that's how I post. There is total open discussion about such things between the people on my friends list and honestly it wouldn't have even crossed my mind that such a thing would be something not to talk about any more than if the person had shouted it to a crowded room.

 

If I wanted privacy I wouldn't use Facebook :lol:

[abreakfromlife]

I talked to my 18 year old daughter about it and she said that usually people don't talk about what is on the status.

huh. Me and my friends talk about our statuses and pictures and thing. It's kind of funny...we'll start telling a quick story or saying something that happened and the other one is like 'oh yeah I saw that on FB' LOL I'm 28. I wonder if teenagers post more random statuses so they don't need to talk about it as much? I try to actually have meaningful statuses, that give something to talk about, lol

[Hunter's Moon]

I considered deleting my Facebook for this reason but it is the only way I can stay connected with some people.

 

It really annoys me when people post their whole lives on there and then are offended when someone brings it up IRL.

 

My sister does this and it really irks me.

 

I wish there was a setting so you could only see certain people's status or none at all. If there is one, please tell :)

[Cricket]

I considered deleting my Facebook for this reason but it is the only way I can stay connected with some people.

 

It really annoys me when people post their whole lives on there and then are offended when someone brings it up IRL.

 

My sister does this and it really irks me.

 

I wish there was a setting so you could only see certain people's status or none at all. If there is one, please tell :)

 

You can set people on "Hide." Just put your cursor off the the righthand side of their status on your home page and the word Hide will pop up. Click on it. Do that for each person you want to ignore. Then their status won't pop up on your newsfeed anymore.

[Mimm]

This is why I hate facebook. People (not necessarily your nephew) will treat it as if it's a private place and post the most personal information. It's the internet- not a diary. My mother posted pictures of me on facebook shortly after I gave birth. I was a mess (does anyone look good an hour after giving birth?) and she just posted them online, for anyone to see, without even asking me if it was ok. I was very upset.

 

So yeah, I don't know if that goes against facebook etiquette or not, but in my own personal opinion, anything that gets posted on facebook is kind of fair game.

 

Edited to add: for a laugh, check out failbook.com. WARNING: language and topics not suitable for children at this site.

[Guest mblendley]

I think if you put in on facebook you need to realize that the world can see it...and if you don't want it talked about don't put it on there. I try to only be friends with those who I am 'really' friends with and not just people who are being nosy. And it's apparent that you weren't. I'm happy to see that your sil was understanding. Hope your nephew get's to feeling better soon :D

[NCJessieRN]

How about this one! My cousin announced on FB that she was expecting triplets! I called my aunt to tell her congratulations (these babies will be her first and only grands) and she did not know Amy was having triplets! I felt SO bad but reallly?? Who would make such a public announcement before telling the parents!

[OnTheBrink]

If it should not be shared/discussed, then it shouldn't be on Facebook.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[abreakfromlife]

 

I wish there was a setting so you could only see certain people's status or none at all. If there is one, please tell :)

Not only can you hide people on your newsfeed, you can also go up to Account, Privacy and you can customize your privacy settings. You can make it so certain people can't see your wall or photos or comment on things, but they could still see your basic info. Once you get into the privacy settings, it's really easy to customize it and protect yourself. Also, on the newsfeed, if you go to the very bottom and click on Edit Options, you can choose who to hide and who to show more of on your newsfeed.

[texasmama]

According to my teenage daughter, the FB "rules" for adults interacting with teens on FB (and dealing with FB info) are pretty strict.:tongue_smilie: Adults should never write on a wall, comment on a status beyond "liking" it, etc. It is "so embarrassing", according to her. I had no idea.:tongue_smilie: Teens post all sorts of things because their boundaries are more diffuse than adults, but we are evidently supposed to mostly ignore it.

[WTMindy]

I figure if it is on Facebook it is public knowledge. I would have asked the same question.

[EmilyK]

According to my teenage daughter, the FB "rules" for adults interacting with teens on FB (and dealing with FB info) are pretty strict.:tongue_smilie: Adults should never write on a wall, comment on a status beyond "liking" it, etc. It is "so embarrassing", according to her. I had no idea.:tongue_smilie: Teens post all sorts of things because their boundaries are more diffuse than adults, but we are evidently supposed to mostly ignore it.

 

 

Too funny -- I'm sure that is the way they see it.

 

I love seeing status updates and photos from my young friends and relatives when it concerns travel, proms etc., but feel uncomfortable when they are ragging on their parents or talking about relationships -- things I'm sure they wouldn't email me.

[Hannah C.]

As a 21 year old who's been using Facebook since she was a teenager, I would consider anything posted in a status message to be public knowledge, especially if it's something as major as breaking up with a girlfriend or having triplets. I would also never post anything like that without telling people like my parents/siblings/etc. first, in person or over the phone - NOT on Facebook.

 

Nor do I think adults should be limited in what they post in response to teens' stuff on FB. That's just silly.

 

HOWEVER: recently Facebook made it possible to customize status update privacy, so that not everyone can see every status update. (It's the same system that has been there with photo albums for a long time.) So, I would not go around announcing someone's pregnancy/breakup to everyone. But if I'm talking to that person's *mother* I would expect her to know about it already!! If she doesn't, that's her child's fault, not mine.

[irene]

Facebook can be a quirky thing. People will many times not display hesitantcy in posting things on Facebook that they wouldn't actually say aloud in real life. (Can you imagine your nephew calling all the people who would otherwise see his facebook status message and let them know about his girlfriend breaking up with him?)

My nephew asked me to be his friend on Facebook. it was his idea. He just broke up with his girlfriend and posted it for his status. Of course this means it shows up on my newsfeed.

 

His mom happened to call about an hour after this happened. I mentioned it to her asking if her son was ok since I know how upset he got last time his girlfriend broke up with him. His mom didn't know anything about it. She was nice but I got the impression that she felt I was being a bit nosy. It's not like I had to search for this Information. I just went on my Facebook account and it showed up. I talked to my 18 year old daughter about it and she said that usually people don't talk about what is on the status. it doesn't make sense to me since I wouldn't post anything on Facebook that I would want to keep private.

 

I just wanted to add that I just talked to SIL again to make sure that she wasn't upset with me. She really is a great sil and was very understanding. She wasn't upset at all and could totally understand my concern. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't committing a big Facebook no-no.

[cjshima]

I figure if it is on Facebook it is public knowledge. I would have asked the same question.

 

:iagree: I always tell my kids that when they start using Facebook, they have to realize that what they are saying is there for everyone to see. What if their boss was reading their posts? What they say now could affect them in the future.

[Abigail4476]

It's important to remember that just because you can see someone's status, it doesn't mean everyone else can. Technically I can have my Mom as my friend on fb, but prevent her from reading my wall posts by editing my privacy settings.

 

I have my wall posts set to "friends only", so essentially my posts aren't public--they're only up there for my friends to see. Some of my photo albums are customized so only immediate family and a few friends can look at the pictures.

 

Ergo, it isn't safe to assume that since "everyone knows" it's okay to mention.

 

That said, I wish people wouldn't post loads of drama on fb. It's just...awkward. :D