I would appreciate your responses :)

[babysparkler]

 

or would you have a "well, I do trust my spouse, but if he's going to be potentially alone with and socializing with only ONE person for so much of his time, I'd feel more comfortable if it were a guy" attitude?

 

This exactly.

[NanceXToo]

As I have said, he does not do any tattoos or piercings on any body parts that cannot be covered by a reasonably modest bathing suit. That means no tattoos or piercings on butts, genitals or breasts, period.

 

Also, Rentheadmommy, he was not a tattoo artist when I first met and married him. He became one after the fact. When we first married, he was working repairing and refinishing string instruments in a music shop. Then, somehow, someway, he got into a tattoo apprenticeship and from there ended up owning his own tattoo shop and that's what he does now. And to be honest with you, when it first came up, I didn't love it at all. That he'd be spending his days touching other women at all. I came to terms with it because I love him and respected HIS wishes for the direction he wanted to take in his life and career, so I had to come to terms with it and deal with it. Part of the way in which I did that was by asking him to make the rule mentioned in the first paragraph in this post. After that, I just sort of got used to it as time went on.

 

But I still don't want him spending the bulk of his days potentially alone with a woman who isn't me!

[Dawn in OH]

I do trust my husband, but it would bother me if he were going to be spending 35-40 hours per week alone with a female apprentice/co-worker.

 

The possibility of there being accusations with no witnesses to back either side would bug me as well.

 

 

This is my answer also.

[katemary63]

I trust my husband 100%. If there is a man on this planet who COULD. NOT. CHEAT. it would be him. I would not allow this situation and neither would he. We are all human, after all.

[Tap]

It wouldn't bother me.

 

In fact dh often does business trips with women and one in particular. Half of his coworkers are women.

[Audrey]

You don't even know how much I WISH I could feel like you do! That I could just be THAT secure. I'm just not though. And it's not that my husband has ever done anything in 10 years of marriage to cause me to think he'd ever do anything inappropriate with another woman, but I could never rid myself of that niggling little 'what if' doubt. That probably has a lot more to do with ME than it has to do with HIM. I wish I could be more like you... but I am glad to see that there are others like me lol.

 

Thanks again for the responses! All of them are appreciated!

 

 

Hey... it was a long road to get to here. I understand WHY people feel it would be an issue, but I think most of that is personal insecurity/ self-esteem. I struggled with that terribly, but I've gotten much better about it. I think, as women, we're almost conditioned to be insecure and have low-self-esteem in relationships, when we really don't have to be that way, especially if we do have a partner who is truly trustworthy.

 

I think it's a pretty cool thing about your relationship that you guys could even talk about it. You could tell him it made you uncomfortable and he was cool with that and respectful of your feelings. That says TONS about the strength of your relationship. Too many people would say nothing, then let the resentment build up. They'd start projecting negativity and the other person would be left wondering "what the heck?" That's the sure recipe for disaster.

 

So... you're good Nance. If you want to not let this bother you, it takes work, but it sounds like you've got a partner who would hold your hand along the way. Sometimes, that's all you need.

[alpidarkomama]

Jewish law actually prohibits such a situation. It prevents any kind of he said/she said situation, and avoids the possibility of anything being misconstrued.

[alpidarkomama]

I trust my husband 100%. If there is a man on this planet who COULD. NOT. CHEAT. it would be him. I would not allow this situation and neither would he. We are all human, after all.

 

But is the other person in the room 100% trustworthy too??? False accusations are easily come by in that situation.

[AuntieM]

Yes, it would definitely bother me, unless she were old enough to be my grandmother. And that's old, because I'm old enough to be a grandmother.

 

I would think he would not want to set himself in that position, either. If she would get mad about something and decide to dishonestly accuse him of sexual harassment, it would be he said-she said and that could get pretty messy.

 

Just doesn't seem wise on a number of levels.

[NanceXToo]

Jewish law actually prohibits such a situation. It prevents any kind of he said/she said situation, and avoids the possibility of anything being misconstrued.

 

Hey, I should have thought to mention that one to him! haha. (We aren't very religious but we DO come from a Jewish background, both of us :D)

[holdoll]

Jewish law actually prohibits such a situation. It prevents any kind of he said/she said situation, and avoids the possibility of anything being misconstrued.

 

DH and I have always had this mindset since the beginning of our marriage.

[brehon]

I'm in quite the opposite situation. I'm a paramedic working the traditional emergency service schedule (24 hour on/48 hours off). I've had mainly male partners in my almost 13 years of doing this job. This means that I'm with a male who is not my husband for 24 hours straight. And although most of our stations now have separate bedrooms, this was not always the case. I've slept in the same room with my male partners. Talk about "getting to know you...":tongue_smilie:

 

In all that time nothing, not. one. inappropriate. thing, has ever happened. Before dh retired I actually spent more cumulative time with my partners than I did with my hubby and kids. It's the nature of the job.

 

I asked dh once whether he was bothered by any of this or not. He said he trusts my partners and me implicitly. Most of my partners have also been married and their wives have also not been bothered by the working arrangements. As previously mentioned, I'm simply too busy keeping the ick off me to worry about what others might be thinking.

[LibraryLover]

I would think if you were getting tats in those places you should bring your own chaperone.

 

 

Chaperone because the artist might be a predator, or for the artist so they would not be accused of impropriety while s/he inks your privates? The way an assistance needs to be in the room if a doctor is doing a pelvic exam?

 

What about body hair waxers? Massage therapists? Should these professions require chaperones? How much should a bikini wax cost? A massage? Do you tip the chaperone? Does your SO or best friend want to watch you get waxed?

Edited July 15, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Nestof3]

I think that's the difference between asking, "Would it bother you (or your husband)" vs. "should a man and a woman work together." We are all just giving our opinions for our personal situations. My husband would actually prefer to work alone period. He is not a social person. He owns a very small lawn maintenance business and has two part-time helpers: our son and another young man. This young man is starting up his own business, so he has a few yards on the side -- some that my husband sent his way.

 

My husband wouldn't want to work in an office or any other confined area all day long with a man, and his feeling about that is even stronger with a woman. He would not be comfortable at all driving around in his truck with another woman all day long. When I met my husband, he used to pick me up in his old work truck (his own vehicle). We still have that '89 Ford F150, but he uses his newer one for work. That would just feel strange to have another woman in my spot. Perhaps it's the difference between the kind of work my husband does, or maybe it has to do with his level of sociability.

 

I'm in quite the opposite situation. I'm a paramedic working the traditional emergency service schedule (24 hour on/48 hours off). I've had mainly male partners in my almost 13 years of doing this job. This means that I'm with a male who is not my husband for 24 hours straight. And although most of our stations now have separate bedrooms, this was not always the case. I've slept in the same room with my male partners. Talk about "getting to know you...":tongue_smilie:

 

In all that time nothing, not. one. inappropriate. thing, has ever happened. Before dh retired I actually spent more cumulative time with my partners than I did with my hubby and kids. It's the nature of the job.

 

I asked dh once whether he was bothered by any of this or not. He said he trusts my partners and me implicitly. Most of my partners have also been married and their wives have also not been bothered by the working arrangements. As previously mentioned, I'm simply too busy keeping the ick off me to worry about what others might be thinking.

[FriedClams]

It absolutely would bother me. It is best not to put ourselves in situations that may be unseemly, or shall we say, to avoid impropriety it would be better if we avoid situations like that.

Yes, I trust my husband. It would also depend on how long this apprenticeship is lasting, the age of the female and what kind of work they're engaged in, how closely they're working, etc.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[brehon]

I think that's the difference between asking, "Would it bother you (or your husband)" vs. "should a man and a woman work together." We are all just giving our opinions for our personal situations. My husband would actually prefer to work alone period. He is not a social person. He owns a very small lawn maintenance business and has two part-time helpers: our son and another young man. This young man is starting up his own business, so he has a few yards on the side -- some that my husband sent his way.

 

Yes, you're right. These are two different (though not necessarily separate) questions. And we're giving our opinions based on our individual circumstances. I was just throwing my 2 cents into the ring. The above bolded actually describes me as well. My dh is the social one of our dynamic duo.

 

 

My husband wouldn't want to work in an office or any other confined area all day long with a man, and his feeling about that is even stronger with a woman. He would not be comfortable at all driving around in his truck with another woman all day long. When I met my husband, he used to pick me up in his old work truck (his own vehicle). We still have that '89 Ford F150, but he uses his newer one for work. That would just feel strange to have another woman in my spot. Perhaps it's the difference between the kind of work my husband does, or maybe it has to do with his level of sociability.

 

Well, I don't think there's any right or wrong here. Just differences. I think that our innate personalities/tendencies tend to influence our career choices, in general. Though if you saw me on-duty and then saw me off-duty you'd think I was two people. Or maybe I had a doppelganger. So, maybe I just disproved my own thought.

[Nestof3]

No, I am glad you posted your response. I was in agreement with you that it's all about our individual situations. :D

 

Well, I don't think there's any right or wrong here. Just differences. I think that our innate personalities/tendencies tend to influence our career choices, in general. Though if you saw me on-duty and then saw me off-duty you'd think I was two people. Or maybe I had a doppelganger. So, maybe I just disproved my own thought.

[Medieval Mom]

It's driving me crazy that I can't find the original study to link you... There is a study conducted by Yvonne Aberg, Oxford University, that men who work closely with women are much more likely to divorce their wives. (Also university professors who spend time with their young, female students.) See this article for one person's comment. Look for the second topic in blue.

 

I like to think of myself as being okay with dh working exclusively with a female, but honestly, it would make me uncomfortable.

[ktgrok]

I think the paramedic situation is different, because 1. there are other people around (patients) and 2. it's my understanding that it isnt the same partner every shift.

[Parrothead]

(I didn't read past page 2.)

 

Aside from the possible strain on the marriage, a man working with a woman for long hours is likely to draw the attention of others.

 

People gossip. People make things up in their pitiful little minds and insist they are true. Even if nothing ever happen, all it would take would be one guy to say to his bud, "She's hot. I wonder if dude is getting some of that." And bud to say, "Well, you know he is."

 

Eventually it gets back to you. And who are you going to believe.

 

All this and nothing has ever happened except your trust is broken and quite possibly your marriage.