ds10 never happy

[Scarlett]

Please guide me before I go nuts with this kid.

 

He never seems to be happy with any friend or any outing. Yesterday we went to a pool party....he complained while there, and afterwards to me about how unhappy he was with the behavior of 3 different friends. Today I let him have a 4th friend over for a very short time... 2 1/2 hours....and while the friend was here ds complained loudly and dramatically about the friend's big wrong of opening his eyes before he was suppose to when counting in hide n seek. It is always something. Even the things that are 'something' that might need to be addressed---ds can't let go of.

 

I am sick of the complaining. I talk and talk about how to get along with others, put up with others like they put up with you, let things go, be more positive, focus on the positive and let the negative go like water off a duck's back....it just doesn't seem to be working!

 

I just now told him that he will not have any more friends over or go over to any other friend's. He asked for how long. I told him until I determine that he has learned to get along with others! Until he is mature enough to do so. He of course burst into tears because everything is drama, drama, drama and poor little ds all of the time!

 

I am so frustrated. I just don't know what to do! I would think that he needs some exposure to kids with me guiding him on how to get along with others....but it isn't working!

 

Help!

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I think you just described my 10yr DD to a T !!!!

[BMW]

This sounds familiar!

 

My son turns 11 this summer. He is Eeyore most every day. He doesn't LIKE to play much. He likes to walk around and do nothing. I have to tell him what to do when it comes to free time. And he doesn't LIKE doing things. He can smile and have fun at a water park, but would say he doesn't want to go... or afterwards say something gloomy about it. We go to a local park and he can hardly wait to come home... and walk around the yard doing nothing. I got a dog for him and he loves his dog. But that only takes up so much time. He has one good friend and many times has a good time playing, but they often play two different things simultaneously. My son also complains.

I have a limit. I let him know when I have heard enough negative comments and that he has to stop. He might need reminded later. He is bright and I try to focus on his strengths. Sometimes I feel badly that he is unhappy... he really comes across as miserable some days (parts of the day) and there is nothing "wrong". I try to let him pick out a goody from the store once a month and that is just him and I and I remind him of his good fortune!

[Scarlett]

Also, I think I am the only one he says all this negative stuff too...

 

AND I will see him having a blast (like at our friend's pool yesterday) for hours and then when he comes home it is all doom and gloom. He may have had 4 hours of fun, but one kid kicked him in the face (in the water accidentally), another (8 year old) kid scared him when he grabbed him and pulled him under the water, and then another boy said something to ds that ds took issue with....all VERY mild things in the course of a bunch of kids being together for the entire afternoon. I just want to scream! (ok, I admit it, sometimes I DO yell, 'knock it off! You are driving me nuts with all the complaining and negativity!'

 

He is an only child, but honestly I think this is a personality issue more than only child issue...BMW.....don't you have a bunch of kids? :tongue_smilie:

(sorry I know I could have worded that better)

 

This is not a gloomy child. He is very bright, happy, talking, happy, laughing, joking....as long as things go perfectly his way. If I ask him to fold clothes, woe is ds! (he just lost a week of electronics due to bad attitude about chores)...or like yesterday he accidentally threw mud in one friend's eye and another friend said repeatedly, 'oh way to go ds!' (he actually used ds's name...:D) but anyway, he was just going on and on to me later about how bad 2nd friend made him feel over ds getting mud in 1st friend's eye. Who cares!!!!!!! Grrrrr......as you can see I am at my limit with this issue.

[mommytobees]

I would stick with the Love & Logic consequences of complaining.

 

If you can't appreciate what you have, then you can't have it. In this case friends over, play time, and outings.

 

HOWEVER, is he in counseling? I can't help but think that this has something to do with his life change. Life is starting to settle, really really settle into a routine. Dad, Mom, new home, old home, school (?), he really does have a lot to complain about.... does he know what he is complaining about?

 

I think this has less to do with him, and more to do with the life changes he and you and Dad have gone through.

 

Kris

[jenniferlee]

I have one just like this as well. He's the 2nd of 5, so it's not an only child problem. He's just the negative one. Just took a trip to san francisco that he's been looking forward to for months and he complained the whole time. Now he swears that he had a great and time and what a fun vacation, etc, but while we were there he acted like we planned it just to frustrate him! Very aggravating.

There is a book I read a year ago that I've been planning to have him read and talk about. It at least helped me understand him a little better and I think he's a good age now (10) to start to understand himself.

It's called What to do when you grumble too much: a kid's guide to overcoming negativity. It actually goes into the brain chemistry side of things and habits, etc.

If you're into nutrition solutions, you might want to look into some dietary changes. be careful about dyes, preservatives, additives, etc. These can trigger all sorts of emotional problems in people.

Sorry I don't have any great suggestions. At least you're not alone

 

Jen

[elegantlion]

Do you think any of this could be fallout from the divorce? If not just disregard my comments and :grouphug:.

 

I do think at 10 they are starting to see the world is a tad bit bigger than just them, I have an only too. About that age he started to realize the scope of the world and wasn't happy to find out it didn't all revolve around him.

[Scarlett]

Do you think any of this could be fallout from the divorce? If not just disregard my comments and :grouphug:.

 

I do think at 10 they are starting to see the world is a tad bit bigger than just them, I have an only too. About that age he started to realize the scope of the world and wasn't happy to find out it didn't all revolve around him.

 

Another poster mentioned the divorce too....as much as I hate to admit it his attitude probably has worsened since the seperation a year ago....

 

But your last line...wasn't happy to find out it didn't all revolve around him is probably more what is going on. We just had another big talk about it....and hopefully he will work on it. I guess I need to get control of myself and quit being so irritated and frustrated by him. :tongue_smilie:

[Starr]

There is also a let down feeling after a lot of fun. You might think of ways to change that time or talk about ways to cope. I think I wouldn't listen to complaints right after fun times. See how he is the next day or something. Now about chores and schoolwork; too bad, so sad. :D

[myfunnybunch]

My oldest was like this, especially at that age. She'd go away for a weekend, come home and complain about the one little thing that went wrong. She'd say her day was "Good!" then complain about what someone else did or tell me what went wrong.

 

One strategy that was helpful was acknowledging what she'd said briefly ("That's too bad"), then ask something like, "So what was the best thing that happened to you today?" or "It sure looked like fun when you were playing on the slide, tell me about the game you played." I'd really give a lot of attention to the conversation. If she slid into something negative, I'd acknowledge or ask, "Was it a big deal or not too bad?" (because sometimes it was something that really bothered her and she needed to talk about it), and if it wasn't a big deal, I'd redirect the conversation to something positive.

 

That helped in the moment.

 

She's grown out of it to some extent, though she seems to naturally have a glass half-empty kind of outlook. But she doesn't always choose to dwell on the negative any more.

 

Cat

[Joanne]

I'm guessing it is temperment exacerbated by major life change and only child.

 

I think at his age, I'd consider involving him in service work and starting a "gratitude journal" routine each night. The service work will help indirecty but hopefully profoundly to teach him that he's got it great. The gratitude will help him focus on something productive and positive.

 

I'd work hard on his social perspective (as you have been doing).

 

I'd teach him "scale". I never believed in "telling a child how to feel" until I birthed a child who did not have an intutive understanding of "scale". With this child, I learned they had to be told "this situation is a 2. You are reacting like it is an 8. Let me show you a 2 reaction." And require that they only return to the family setting when they can have their feelings without expected the rest of us to have them, too.

[Corraleno]

Please guide me before I go nuts with this kid.

 

He never seems to be happy with any friend or any outing. Yesterday we went to a pool party....he complained while there, and afterwards to me about how unhappy he was with the behavior of 3 different friends. Today I let him have a 4th friend over for a very short time... 2 1/2 hours....and while the friend was here ds complained loudly and dramatically about the friend's big wrong of opening his eyes before he was suppose to when counting in hide n seek. It is always something. Even the things that are 'something' that might need to be addressed---ds can't let go of.

 

I am sick of the complaining. I talk and talk about how to get along with others, put up with others like they put up with you, let things go, be more positive, focus on the positive and let the negative go like water off a duck's back....it just doesn't seem to be working!

 

I just now told him that he will not have any more friends over or go over to any other friend's. He asked for how long. I told him until I determine that he has learned to get along with others! Until he is mature enough to do so. He of course burst into tears because everything is drama, drama, drama and poor little ds all of the time!

 

I am so frustrated. I just don't know what to do! I would think that he needs some exposure to kids with me guiding him on how to get along with others....but it isn't working!

 

Help!

To me this sounds like a perfectionist child with anxiety issues, especially the part about dwelling on things and not being able to let them go, even if the issue has been resolved. Is he gifted? Does he also focus a lot on what's "fair" and get upset when he sees things he considers unfair or unjust? I would get some books on anxiety in kids; Amazon has quite a few or check your library. Another poster mentioned What To Do When You Grumble Too Much, and there's also What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety; you could start with those.

 

Rather than punishing him for a "bad attitude," or telling him it's a character flaw (which will only make him feel more anxious and more in need of controlling his life), I would tell him you're going to help him deal with his problem and you will give him the "tools" he needs: specific steps and techniques that he can use when he starts to get upset about the fact that things weren't perfect and didn't go exactly as he'd hoped. Other people have given you some good suggestions here, and the books linked above will give you other ideas as well. Providing as much of a sense of safety, security, routine, and predictability help a lot with anxiety. I've also found that there is often a biochemical component, so I would look into supplements (magnesium, fish oil, vit D3,etc) as well as possible food issues. Does he get more wound up and/or have a harder time letting go of things when he's eaten certain foods, or had a lot of sugar or soft drinks (e.g. at the pool party)?

 

BTW, I have a son just like this, and I was an anxious, perfectionist child myself (and suffered a lot of depression in early adulthood). Please don't punish him or tell him he's a bad kid for feeling what he feels. It can be a drag to be around an Eeyore all the time, but from personal experience I can tell you that it's worse to be an Eeyore, and I wish I'd had someone to help me work through it when I was a child instead of having to figure it all out as an adult.

 

:grouphug: Hugs for your little guy and for you as you work through this with him.

 

Jackie

[Scarlett]

I'd work hard on his social perspective (as you have been doing).

 

I'd teach him "scale". I never believed in "telling a child how to feel" until I birthed a child who did not have an intutive understanding of "scale". With this child, I learned they had to be told "this situation is a 2. You are reacting like it is an 8. Let me show you a 2 reaction." And require that they only return to the family setting when they can have their feelings without expected the rest of us to have them, too.

 

Joanne, you suggested this to me before and I have used it on him.....not as much recently, so maybe I need to go back to it some. You perfecty described him by saying 'does not have an intuitive understanding of scale.'

 

Thank you.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

To me this sounds like a perfectionist child with anxiety issues, especially the part about dwelling on things and not being able to let them go, even if the issue has been resolved. Is he gifted? Does he also focus a lot on what's "fair" and get upset when he sees things he considers unfair or unjust? I would get some books on anxiety in kids; Amazon has quite a few or check your library. Another poster mentioned What To Do When You Grumble Too Much, and there's also What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety; you could start with those.

 

Rather than punishing him for a "bad attitude," or telling him it's a character flaw (which will only make him feel more anxious and more in need of controlling his life), I would tell him you're going to help him deal with his problem and you will give him the "tools" he needs: specific steps and techniques that he can use when he starts to get upset about the fact that things weren't perfect and didn't go exactly as he'd hoped. Other people have given you some good suggestions here, and the books linked above will give you other ideas as well. Providing as much of a sense of safety, security, routine, and predictability help a lot with anxiety. I've also found that there is often a biochemical component, so I would look into supplements (magnesium, fish oil, vit D3,etc) as well as possible food issues. Does he get more wound up and/or have a harder time letting go of things when he's eaten certain foods, or had a lot of sugar or soft drinks (e.g. at the pool party)?

 

BTW, I have a son just like this, and I was an anxious, perfectionist child myself (and suffered a lot of depression in early adulthood). Please don't punish him or tell him he's a bad kid for feeling what he feels. It can be a drag to be around an Eeyore all the time, but from personal experience I can tell you that it's worse to be an Eeyore, and I wish I'd had someone to help me work through it when I was a child instead of having to figure it all out as an adult.

 

:grouphug: Hugs for your little guy and for you as you work through this with him.

 

Jackie

 

:iagree: When I said you described my DD perfectly....this does as well. She suffers from depression and anxiety. Once she started Celexa (for the anxiety) we saw a MASSIVE difference!!! Seriously...it was amazing!

[Scarlett]

Is he gifted?

 

I don't know. I think it is possible that he is. He is certainly different. :D

 

Does he also focus a lot on what's "fair" and get upset when he sees things he considers unfair or unjust?

 

 

Yes!!!!! He is constantly bemoaning the injustices of life. Mostly of his life, but he has an acute sense of what is fair for anyone.

 

 

I would get some books on anxiety in kids;

 

He does worry a lot....he does drive me nuts with over analysing everything....but *I* am like that and figured it was just his personality. I mean, I guess it IS his personality....but I'd like him to be able to deal with it better. I have thought he might be a little OCDish, but I don't want to plant that idea in his mind AT ALL because he will just worry! I'd just like him to be a little more carefree....kid like....

 

 

 

 

I would tell him you're going to help him deal with his problem and you will give him the "tools" he needs: specific steps and techniques that he can use when he starts to get upset about the fact that things weren't perfect and didn't go exactly as he'd hoped. Other people have given you some good suggestions here, and the books linked above will give you other ideas as well. Providing as much of a sense of safety, security, routine, and predictability help a lot with anxiety.

 

The part of your quote in red are things I need to work on. Our routine when to Hades when I discovered my XH was cheating on me last year. At first I couldn't sleep or eat and I let ds watch WAY too much tv, stay up too late, eat too much junk...you know....all that stuff. Then the legal junk, divorce, property settlement, buying a new house etc. And although I don't think I could have managed any better than I did, (I am surprised I didn't end up totally crazy) I do recognize it is time to get back to a more structured life. We just moved into our new house 3 weeks ago. So maybe things will settle down a bit. I am off to order the books recommended.

 

 

 

 

 

I've also found that there is often a biochemical component, so I would look into supplements (magnesium, fish oil, vit D3,etc) as well as possible food issues. Does he get more wound up and/or have a harder time letting go of things when he's eaten certain foods, or had a lot of sugar or soft drinks (e.g. at the pool party)?

 

Hmmmm.....I have never really thought so, but may need to watch this. He didn't have anything at all at the pool party, but we did stop just before we got there and he had a cherry slush and cheese sticks....I do have to watch his sugar intake...he loves anything sweet. I do notice he gets really crabby when he is hungry.

 

BTW, I have a son just like this, and I was an anxious, perfectionist child myself (and suffered a lot of depression in early adulthood). Please don't punish him or tell him he's a bad kid for feeling what he feels. It can be a drag to be around an Eeyore all the time, but from personal experience I can tell you that it's worse to be an Eeyore, and I wish I'd had someone to help me work through it when I was a child instead of having to figure it all out as an adult.Jackie

 

I know you are right about this...what is weird about ds though is that generally people would not describe him as anxious or Eeyorish at all. He is not shy, very outgoing, well spoken, happy....but then after an event is over he will pick it to death....goes over what he did/said, what others did and said...after I got so frustrated with his negativity yesterday afternoon we went to Bible Study last night and he as usual was having a good time before and after talking to some of the older boys. And on the way home he said, 'Mom I had a really good time talking to my friends tonight.' :001_smile: So I know he is trying to be more positive.

 

I guess it is a marathon, not a sprint huh?

 

Thanks all....really appreciate all the ideas and suggestions and hugs.

[StephanieZ]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I do think this is a personality thing. My youngest has that tendency, while my olders are much more gowiththeflow kids.

 

I don't have any magic answers. I think you are on the right track.

 

Sometimes with these kind of things, I think I let them get out of hand b/c I am too patient and understanding. . . Y'know you don't want to "punish" the kid for "just expressing a feeling". . . but then when I finally just treat the behavior like I would some other undesirable thing and discipline for it, magically it goes away (or at least improves)

 

I think you have to tell yourself "I'm not telling my kid how to FEEL. I'm telling him how to ACT." . . . he can feel as whiny and unhappy as he wants to. . . but he has to ACT happy and friendly and appreciative if he wants to be around other people!

 

So, perhaps after a couple weeks of no-kid time, you can begin again with SHORT highly supervised playtimes. . . And have clear rules such as:

 

++ you may NOT complain about any other child's behaviors AT ALL except for to come to ME and PRIVATELY complain. I will then PRIVATELY tell you what your options are (go home, sit by me, whack your friend with a stick, etc.)

 

If you break said rule(s). . . There will be a consequence when we get home.

 

(Tell ds that You/mom won't discipline there in front of the other kids b/c that will just draw further attention to the complaints and thus further injure the feelings of the other kids. . .This not only gets you off the hook from being the bad guy in public, but buys you time to think!)

 

I think 10 is old enough for both delayed and mysterious consequences. You should probably have something good/bad in mind, but not necc. spell it out to ds in advance (so you can adapt it if the consequence would mess up YOUR plans). I'd do sth pretty severe. . . With my ds, it might be 2 days w/o Wii for every complaint. . . or one hour early bedtime for every complaint. . . or sth like that.

 

HTH

[WarriorMama]

To me this sounds like a perfectionist child with anxiety issues, especially the part about dwelling on things and not being able to let them go, even if the issue has been resolved. Is he gifted? Does he also focus a lot on what's "fair" and get upset when he sees things he considers unfair or unjust? I would get some books on anxiety in kids; Amazon has quite a few or check your library. Another poster mentioned What To Do When You Grumble Too Much, and there's also What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety; you could start with those.

 

Rather than punishing him for a "bad attitude," or telling him it's a character flaw (which will only make him feel more anxious and more in need of controlling his life), I would tell him you're going to help him deal with his problem and you will give him the "tools" he needs: specific steps and techniques that he can use when he starts to get upset about the fact that things weren't perfect and didn't go exactly as he'd hoped. Other people have given you some good suggestions here, and the books linked above will give you other ideas as well. Providing as much of a sense of safety, security, routine, and predictability help a lot with anxiety. I've also found that there is often a biochemical component, so I would look into supplements (magnesium, fish oil, vit D3,etc) as well as possible food issues. Does he get more wound up and/or have a harder time letting go of things when he's eaten certain foods, or had a lot of sugar or soft drinks (e.g. at the pool party)?

 

BTW, I have a son just like this, and I was an anxious, perfectionist child myself (and suffered a lot of depression in early adulthood). Please don't punish him or tell him he's a bad kid for feeling what he feels. It can be a drag to be around an Eeyore all the time, but from personal experience I can tell you that it's worse to be an Eeyore, and I wish I'd had someone to help me work through it when I was a child instead of having to figure it all out as an adult.

 

:grouphug: Hugs for your little guy and for you as you work through this with him.

 

Jackie

 

:iagree:

 

Totally. I have one of these kids and was/am one myself. It's exhausting.

[Scarlett]

My oldest was like this, especially at that age. She'd go away for a weekend, come home and complain about the one little thing that went wrong. She'd say her day was "Good!" then complain about what someone else did or tell me what went wrong.

 

One strategy that was helpful was acknowledging what she'd said briefly ("That's too bad"), then ask something like, "So what was the best thing that happened to you today?" or "It sure looked like fun when you were playing on the slide, tell me about the game you played." I'd really give a lot of attention to the conversation. If she slid into something negative, I'd acknowledge or ask, "Was it a big deal or not too bad?" (because sometimes it was something that really bothered her and she needed to talk about it), and if it wasn't a big deal, I'd redirect the conversation to something positive.

 

That helped in the moment.

 

She's grown out of it to some extent, though she seems to naturally have a glass half-empty kind of outlook. But she doesn't always choose to dwell on the negative any more.

 

Cat

 

I somehow missed this post yesterday! I think this approach might work well with ds...it goes hand in hand with Joanne's suggestion of helping him to 'scale' things better.

 

Thank you.

[WarriorMama]

Please guide me before I go nuts with this kid.

 

He never seems to be happy with any friend or any outing. Yesterday we went to a pool party....he complained while there, and afterwards to me about how unhappy he was with the behavior of 3 different friends. Today I let him have a 4th friend over for a very short time... 2 1/2 hours....and while the friend was here ds complained loudly and dramatically about the friend's big wrong of opening his eyes before he was suppose to when counting in hide n seek. It is always something. Even the things that are 'something' that might need to be addressed---ds can't let go of.

 

I am sick of the complaining. I talk and talk about how to get along with others, put up with others like they put up with you, let things go, be more positive, focus on the positive and let the negative go like water off a duck's back....it just doesn't seem to be working!

 

I just now told him that he will not have any more friends over or go over to any other friend's. He asked for how long. I told him until I determine that he has learned to get along with others! Until he is mature enough to do so. He of course burst into tears because everything is drama, drama, drama and poor little ds all of the time!

 

I am so frustrated. I just don't know what to do! I would think that he needs some exposure to kids with me guiding him on how to get along with others....but it isn't working!

 

Help!

 

I think you've gotten great advice, so I'm just going to say how much I sympathize. I have a 5yo who still bemoans (MONTHS later) the time one of her friends pushed her. This kid will go to an event, have a blast, and then complain the whole way home about one or two things she didn't like...

 

It's exhausting and I totally understand your frustration. :grouphug:

[Scarlett]

I think you've gotten great advice, so I'm just going to say how much I sympathize. I have a 5yo who still bemoans (MONTHS later) the time one of her friends pushed her. This kid will go to an event, have a blast, and then complain the whole way home about one or two things she didn't like...

 

It's exhausting and I totally understand your frustration. :grouphug:

 

Yes! It is exhausting...I think another poster above said the same thing. He wears. me. out. And too, I am with him 24/7....he is at his dad's from this morning until tomorrow at 6:00 p.m....so I'm getting a bit of a break. :tongue_smilie:

 

Ok, everyone I just ordered 3 books from Amazon.

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591473144/ref=ox_ya_os_product Worry

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1433803798/ref=ox_ya_os_product Perfectionism

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591474507/ref=ox_ya_os_product Grumbling

 

I am excited. I just love this board for the wisdom and for how you all make me feel like improvements are possible. Thanks.

[Negin]

I think at his age, I'd consider involving him in service work and starting a "gratitude journal" routine each night. The service work will help indirecty but hopefully profoundly to teach him that he's got it great. The gratitude will help him focus on something productive and positive.

Agreeing fully here. I often deal with the same problem with our ds. The whole lack of contentment thing drives me bonkers.

I like the amazon book recommendations. I wish there were some books for kids for living in the moment and enjoying the NOW.

Service and gratitude journals are great ideas. :) I often have the kids list 3-5 things that they're grateful for. I do the same also, with them, at the same time.

[elfgivas]

there is a book (isn't there always?) about Learned Optimism. one of the things it talks about is how life is like a painting. depending on how you frame/matt it, it draws out different aspects of the Very Same Painting. we actually played around with this with one of our dds, taking pictures and making them cheerful or dark by the colors we surrounded them with.

 

then we talked about life being like that, too. we don't get to choose every moment of our lives, but we do get to choose the frame we put around it.....

 

they also suggest a family journal where at dinner we write down three good things we want to remember about the day, or that we noticed. what this does is encourage us all to look for the good things rather than those Other Things.

 

hth,

ann

[Scarlett]

Agreeing fully here. I often deal with the same problem with our ds. The whole lack of contentment thing drives me bonkers.

I like the amazon book recommendations. I wish there were some books for kids for living in the moment and enjoying the NOW.

Service and gratitude journals are great ideas. :) I often have the kids list 3-5 things that they're grateful for. I do the same also, with them, at the same time.

 

We actually do service work every week...not sure if he actually SEES it as service work though...it is just a fun activity for him...we just moved and now live very near an elderely widow in our congregation. Going to encourage ds10 to take her a treat or do a little something for her...he will like riding his bike down there and chatting with her.

 

I got the 3 books mentioned earlier in the thread. He complained about the one on Perfectionism because it had a girl on the front and he is sure his friends will see the book and think he has a 'girl' book. :glare: He read through a couple of the books---in his words to 'get it over with.' I have had time to read them though. I want to read them and go over them with him.

[Scarlett]

there is a book (isn't there always?) about Learned Optimism. one of the things it talks about is how life is like a painting. depending on how you frame/matt it, it draws out different aspects of the Very Same Painting. we actually played around with this with one of our dds, taking pictures and making them cheerful or dark by the colors we surrounded them with.

 

then we talked about life being like that, too. we don't get to choose every moment of our lives, but we do get to choose the frame we put around it.....

 

they also suggest a family journal where at dinner we write down three good things we want to remember about the day, or that we noticed. what this does is encourage us all to look for the good things rather than those Other Things.

 

hth,

ann

 

Like the idea of a family gratitude journal....great idea for us.

[sparrow]

I'm curious if he has any other "quirks" because he sounds a LOT like my 10 yo ds who is very high functioning, but is on the spectrum. I would go so far as to say ds could "pass" as NT (neuro typical) until he is put in an unstructured group of children playing, usually boys.

 

He has a very strong sense of morality, loyalty, and justice, not just for himself, but others as well. This means he incessantly bemoans when he feels he (or someone else!) has been treated cruelly or unfairly. When I say incessant, I mean he'll bring up episodes of his perceived injustice 6 months later! "Remember when Jonny wouldn't let us get to the top of the slide at the park?! That REALLY makes me angry!":glare: Notice he uses the present tense. Not that it "made" him angry. It's not fun to deal with and I also have to occasionally vent with a "Get over it!" :(

 

I'll admit my first thoughts went to the major changes your ds has in his life now, but going back and reading your post, I just saw so much of my ds, I had to ask.

[Scarlett]

I'm curious if he has any other "quirks" because he sounds a LOT like my 10 yo ds who is very high functioning, but is on the spectrum. I would go so far as to say ds could "pass" as NT (neuro typical) until he is put in an unstructured group of children playing, usually boys.

 

He has a very strong sense of morality, loyalty, and justice, not just for himself, but others as well. This means he incessantly bemoans when he feels he (or someone else!) has been treated cruelly or unfairly. When I say incessant, I mean he'll bring up episodes of his perceived injustice 6 months later! "Remember when Jonny wouldn't let us get to the top of the slide at the park?! That REALLY makes me angry!":glare: Notice he uses the present tense. Not that it "made" him angry. It's not fun to deal with and I also have to occasionally vent with a "Get over it!" :(

 

I'll admit my first thoughts went to the major changes your ds has in his life now, but going back and reading your post, I just saw so much of my ds, I had to ask.

 

Oh he is quirky all right. :) He gets hyper-focused on things....but I doubt most people notice it---I'm the one privy to his OCDish thoughts and talk. (and I NEVER tell him or anyone that I think he is a little OCDish)

 

Just last night he was watching a movie where our religion was made fun of....he said, 'I feel dead inside.' I'm like :001_huh: He said it very matter of fact dead pan...I made him explain (I was not paying attn to the movie) and then clarify what he was feeling...it made him feel bad...naturally, as no one wants their faith poked fun at...but 'dead inside'? Quirky I tell ya.

 

The other day he was telling me with such fondness in his voice how he likes it when ants crawl on him...and he doesn't hurt them. He 'just watches them closely until they scurry away.'