DS, 7, struggling with learning to tie his shoes. What to do?

[Happy2BaMom]

My ds, 7 (8 this fall), is having a lot of difficulty learning to tie his shoes. This does not bother me at all, but I'm wondering:

 

a) whether I am deficient in my shoe-tieing-teaching skills

 

and/or

 

b) whether 7-1/2 is still too young for some kids to be able to handle the manual dexterity (which seems to be the main source of the problem)

 

Basically, he understands the steps he needs to follow, but by the time he has made the loops they are big and sloopy and the knot is loose and sloppy and so it does not hold together.

 

I don't want him to be discouraged or stressed - we've been working on this for about a month now, and not making much progress - and I'm wondering if I should drop the issue for another six months or so. But maybe it's the way I'm teaching it...which is the only way I know how to tie my own shoes...but perhaps there's another way.

 

What have other hivers done/found? What would you recommend?

 

Thanks!

[RanchGirl]

B. I would consider this a low priority skill that he will pick up later when he wants to/needs to/has the ability. Try again in 3-6 months.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Neither one of my boys can tie their shoes. DS 7 can do it, but not tight enough so that they stay tied. DS (almost) 6 cannot even get close.

 

They have been kind of behind on other fine motor skills, too, though.

[MLT]

My 8 year old JUST learned to tie his shoes. I just kept encouraging him to work on it. One day it clicked.

[Sasharowan]

Have you tried doing the 2 loops that cross and tie? My oldest learned that way, he could not get the one loop then going around and back through. Dd kinda magically learned on her own, I never showed her, didn't even have it on the list for another year or more. She taught ds9 at some point. She also ties knots in ropes and stuff that are actual knots by the boy scout book and she was never taught them either. Ds4 still can't tie shoes, but he can put on velcro ones by himself finally :)

[Laurie4b]

My ds, 7 (8 this fall), is having a lot of difficulty learning to tie his shoes. This does not bother me at all, but I'm wondering:

 

a) whether I am deficient in my shoe-tieing-teaching skills

 

and/or

 

b) whether 7-1/2 is still too young for some kids to be able to handle the manual dexterity (which seems to be the main source of the problem)

 

Basically, he understands the steps he needs to follow, but by the time he has made the loops they are big and sloopy and the knot is loose and sloppy and so it does not hold together.

 

I don't want him to be discouraged or stressed - we've been working on this for about a month now, and not making much progress - and I'm wondering if I should drop the issue for another six months or so. But maybe it's the way I'm teaching it...which is the only way I know how to tie my own shoes...but perhaps there's another way.

 

What have other hivers done/found? What would you recommend?

 

Thanks!

 

If he has any trouble with any other fine motor skills such as writing, I would take him to an occupational therapist for assessment. Not that shoe-tying is such a necessary skill, but at 7 most kids can do it, and not being able to do it may be a red flag of broader issues that you would want to get a jump on.

[AnitaMcC]

My ds, 7 (8 this fall), is having a lot of difficulty learning to tie his shoes. This does not bother me at all, but I'm wondering:

 

a) whether I am deficient in my shoe-tieing-teaching skills

 

and/or

 

b) whether 7-1/2 is still too young for some kids to be able to handle the manual dexterity (which seems to be the main source of the problem)

 

Thanks!

 

My Aspie Ds15yr didn't learn to tie shoes until he was 11 and he still isn't that proficient with it. He often just ties a bunch of knots in his laces as the bows don't stay. My youngest learned about age 8 and he still has some difficulty at age 9.

 

I find, that when kids are ready, they will learn it. Keep encouraging him to try learning to tie shoes every now and then. In the mean time, have some slip on shoes available for any "get going fast" times that you just don't have time to deal with laced shoes.

[Forget-Me-Not]

My 7 yo can't tie shoes either. But he does tie his own karate belt, which is a somewhat complicated process, so I don't worry about it. I think it's just a result of the fact that he's rarely had every-day tie shoes. His school shoes were velcro and he practically lives in Crocs the rest of the time. Only his Sunday shoes are tied.

[Chocolate Lover]

Lemon Pie,

I agree with you. I think there is a threshold of exposure. This generation of kids just haven't seen or worn that many tied shoes. I just turned 50 last week and as a child all of my shoes were tied laces except for the dress up patent leathers with a buckle. I thought alot about this when DS was small, but he too wore many velcro closed shoes. I did find a board book series at the dollar store - a lace book, a snap book, a button book, and we worked with those in the pre-K years.

 

Let's not pathologize our kids; lets just work with where they are at. Remember, it's progress not perfection.

 

Off my soap box now.:001_huh:

[hornblower]

My guy was technically "late" at being able to tie his shoes.

 

One thing I did do was have him practice sailing knots (only with my supervision because he was liable to tie himself up & I kinda worried about what he'd end up doing) and also I had him practice tying a shoe knot on length of long shoelace (skating ones work well) placed around his thigh.

 

For him, the bending over to reach his feet is very difficult (some hip issues too with one leg really turning out) so he needed to be able to master the skill in another, more comfortable position but one that still looked similar in terms of perspective, kwim? Once he got fast at doing a lace around his thigh, the shoes became easier because he doesn't have to spend much time in that, for him, uncomfortable position b/e the fingers have a 'muscle memory' now & can do it almost blind.

 

eta - in the meantime, crocs were our lifesaver. He actually still spends most of his time in crocs & only wears runners for specific fitness & gym activities.

Edited June 16, 2010 by hornblower

[Mommy22alyns]

I suppose Becca knows how to tie shoes. We practiced on the big laced shoe until she could do it 3 times in a row, then she insisted I teach her to knit. I agree with the threshold of exposure thing - each girl has about 1 pair of shoes that tie and they hardly wear them!

[SquirrellyMama]

I know of 3 ways to tie shoes. I taught my dd8 when she was almost 7 with one way. My ds7 just learned to ties his shoes the second way. The 3rd way is the way most people know how to tie shoes.

 

The way my dd learned was the 2 bows tied together like someone else mentioned. I tried to teach her the regular way but she couldn't get it. My dh taught my son his way but I'm not sure I can explain it. I'll have to watch him do it. It has to do with bring the second loop in backwards after you take the lace around the loops. That sounds so confusing.

 

I'm assuming my third child will tie her shoes the 3rd way :001_smile:

 

I also agree it has to do with exposure. My kids have tie shoes but they mostly have slip on sandals and crocs.

 

Kelly

[Mom0012]

I haven't read all the replies. My son has a lot of motor problems and wasn't able to tie his shoes when he was younger. It was one issue I felt I didn't need to push since velcro shoes are widely available. This year, now that he is 10, it literally took 5 minutes to teach him to tie his shoes. I was so glad I just waited!

 

(Of course the only downside was that my son was proudly telling everyone that he could now tie his shoes since he had no idea that he was reaching this developmental milestone a little on the late side.:))

 

Lisa

[dansamy]

My boys were both slow to get shoe-tying. I didn't fret over it. They were both born early and have a tendency to be "delayed", which really isn't a delay after you adjust for their gestational ages. We just bought Skechers and other velcro shoes until shoe-tying was easier.

[duckens]

I have taught many many many many many kids to tie their shoes as a nanny/babysitter.

 

Put it on his daily list to do:

Every day, he ties his shoes 3X in a row. Doesn't have to be good. Doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be 3 attempts. You just do it 3X, get praise from mom, and move on.

 

I do also agree that some kids don't have the fine motor control/manual dexterity until they get a little older. You know your son; if you think that he needs a little more time, then give it to him. Are there any fine motor skills you can work on? Legos? Sewing cards? Pony beads on yarn for necklaces for his sisters or mother?

[Laura Corin]

I'd use velcro for another couple of years if you feel that his dexterity isn't up to it. Calvin learned to tie his shoes at nine (the same year he learned to ride a bike). It was the right time for him.

 

Laura

[Legomom]

One of my sons took a long time to learn to tie his shoes, mostly he didn't want to be bothered with tying them. My other son ended up teaching him how -- that worked well because he didn't really want me to teach him. One kid to another was a good option for him.

[rafiki]

.

[TX Bluebonnet]

My ds will be 8 in October and he can't tie his shoes. I have been working with him lately only because he asked. Other than that he wears sandals or velcro. It is not on my list of things to worry about. Getting him to do a good job brushing his teeth is another story.:glare: