Living internationally as a child

[Embassy]

Has anyone here had experience living internationally during childhood? Was it a positive or negative experience? We are considering a move to Asia and was wondering how children normally react to a change like that.

[Laura Corin]

I didn't but my children have. If you are interested I can ask them what they think.

 

Laura

[Melinda in VT]

Google "Third Culture Kids."

 

There are some good books out there on the pros and cons. I looked into it 8 years ago, but our lives ended up taking a different turn.

[Mom in High Heels]

I personally didn't, but we live internationally right now and Indy loves it. He doesn't want to move back to the US! We live in Europe and it's a wonderful experience. He's met so many people from all over the world and has been to 9 countries. He loves exploring and going new places. As a child I would love to have lives in another country. I say go for it if you can. Kids are very adaptable and while they may be nervous at first, I'll bet they love it.

[Debbie in OR]

I lived in Germany for a total of 6 years as a child/teenager. Granted, it was a very similar culture/climate as I was used to, but I absolutely loved it and wouldn't have changed a thing. The suggestion to read Third Culture Kids is a good one. There does seem to be some common characteristics that emerge from kids who have lived abroad that is helpful to understand.

 

Living in a culture that is very different from one's own, I can't really speak to that.

[Amira]

I read a lot of books on this topic before we moved to Asia the first time and Third Culture Kids was the best one, like others have suggested. I didn't live overseas as a child, but my husband did and my children have and will again.

[coffeegal]

Has anyone here had experience living internationally during childhood? Was it a positive or negative experience? We are considering a move to Asia and was wondering how children normally react to a change like that.

 

Yes, I was overseas for 6 months and 10 months as a child. Both times were wonderful experiences. The hardest part was actually the return home, probably because I expected things to have stayed the same. :001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I grew up in Japan and found it a wonderful experience. I was born there though so did not go from another culture to the Japanese culture. I did however go from Japanese culture 3x in my childhood (when I was 3, when I was 8 and when I was 13). The cultures themselves were no problem since I learned to wait and watch a bit before jumping in to do something.

 

The school system however was another thing. That was very difficult not because I couldn't figure out how to do what the teacher wanted me to do but because of bullying because I was different. I did not have that problem in the Japanese neighborhood (for the most part) and did not have that problem in the American neighborhood.

[CalicoKat]

I grew up in Africa, Third World Third Culture Kid.

 

Every child will have a different experience--even within the same family.

 

I have three older sisters (we're 3 yrs apart -- twins in the middle). 1 of my sisters is very intellectual about her experience and still works mainly in that part of the world. Another sister is completely submerged in the USA suburan lifestyle without ever looking back. Another sister is utterly bitter about her experience growing up and is busy blaming my parents for her every perceived disadvantage.

 

Life is what YOU make it.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

I lived most of my developmental years in Europe. Loved it then. Some days, I still miss it.

 

I wish I could give my son the same opportunity, but financially just can't.

 

I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[Embassy]

I didn't but my children have. If you are interested I can ask them what they think.

 

Laura

 

Sure, I am interested.:001_smile:

[Embassy]

Google "Third Culture Kids."

 

There are some good books out there on the pros and cons. I looked into it 8 years ago, but our lives ended up taking a different turn.

 

Thanks, I'll check that out.

Edited June 14, 2010 by Wehomeschool

[Embassy]

We will be in the third world most likely with no sub-culture. My kids have already moved to another country and adapted easily, but it was just from the US to Canada. They already would not fit in with peers in their country of birth.

Edited June 14, 2010 by Wehomeschool

[swimmermom3]

My husband grew up in Japan and loved the experience. He attended an international school and is still in touch with many of his classmates. The most difficult part of living abroad was the year-long furloughs to the United States; he didn't see the point in making friends when he was going to return to Japan the following year.

[Classical Country Mama]

I grew up in Asia, and though I'm blonde and just about as white as they come, still consider myself brown-blooded. :D We moved there when I was 5 and moved back to the U.S. when I was in high school.

 

I wouldn't trade my childhood for the world. In those years I experienced everything from village life to the terrors of a national revolution. Every day we lived among people who truly had nothing, which forced me to learn compassion and gratitude and how to put others first. I loved the heat, the smells, the frankness, the varied cultures, the FOOD.

 

Living in Asia was never hard for me; returning to the U.S. was, where I was ostracized by fellow teens for being poor and not knowing who U-2 was. It actually took me quite a few years to acclimate to living here and liking Americans--and even longer for me to begin considering myself one. The home of my heart will forever be that little village from the first few years we lived there (even though the village itself is actually gone now).

 

And I suspect I will NEVER get used to wearing shoes... :lol:

[mktkcb]

I was a TCC...my parents were missionaries in Mali, West Africa. Very third world. Frankly it was a big adventure to me at age 10. We lived in France for 6 months prior, where I (and my brother and sister) was tossed into into the french school system. It was a bit scary, but I survived, and (assumedly) learned some french in the process :o). That was actually a fabulous experience, as my folks made sure we toured everything there was to tour in the Paris area while we were there. I have wonderful memories of all the wonderful museums, palaces, and cathedrals we visited. Living in Africa was overall a good experience also. I have an appreciation of life that I might never have had growing up here. The perspective on cultural differences, the experience of going without a good many luxuries, of making up our own fun, of dealing with lots of different people, has been invaluable as an adult. I live in Timbuktu (yes, the real one) for a number of years, then attended a boarding school in Ivory Coast during high school. Naturally, I'm a semi reserved, a little fearful in general, type of person, but I was forced to deal with life as it was. It made me a much more confident adult than I might have been. And there were times as a child and teen that I was in situations that scared the bajeebers out of me, but I learned from them. Every kid is different, and will react differently to a new situation. I don't know how old your kids are, but I would guess that the younger your kids are, the easier the transition will be. Just like any new experience, there will be ups and downs. Enjoy the ups, endure the downs. HTH,

Kayleen

[juelle]

We moved to England when I was 9, and I am eternally thankful to my parents for choosing to broaden our horizons.:001_smile:

 

I tried my best to fit in, worked very hard at it, and succeeded - I'm a chameleon.

 

Sister 15 months younger fit in easily.

 

Sister 7 years younger never knew the difference.

 

We are all back in the States now, even though my parents were there for 20 years and one sister married an Englishman.

 

Haven't read 'Third Culture Kids', but we definitely are. It takes some readjustments to come back here. I'm still glad we had the opportunity. Most Americans have no experience of life beyond these shores.

[Embassy]

I don't know how old your kids are, but I would guess that the younger your kids are, the easier the transition will be.

 

True. My kids are 8, 6, and 2 so they are on the younger side.

Edited June 14, 2010 by Wehomeschool

[Cammie]

We moved to India when my son was 1 and my daughter 5. For her it was a much more difficult adjustment because she had to jump into the Indian school system (even though she was in the most non-traditional school we could find!) After four years she still would rather be in the US but grudingly admits she has lots of fun/friends here too. My son really doesn't know any different from our life here. I think it has been fantastic for both of them. My dd had to learn a second language from first grade and now in fifth a third language! They have had an immersion in their father's culture that we never could have given them in the US. I think/hope it will also make them better global citizens.

[Hannah C.]

No personal experience here, but I am married to a missionary kid and know many other missionary kids, most if not all of whom have lived overseas at some point in many different locations. I've never heard any of my friends who lived overseas as children say that they hated it. I think most of them are really glad they had the experience, actually.

 

My best friend from high school moved to Germany her senior year with her family, and really enjoyed it. She did miss her friends back home though.

[jld]

Dh is French, I'm American, and we have 5 kids, 15, 11, 8, 5, and 1. We moved to France for 16 mos. 4 years ago, and while we were there, dh was transferred to India. The kids and I went home to America for 10 mos., and then joined him here in India.

 

Dd15 says living in India is like living history. We see things done here that most people don't do anymore, like washing clothes by hand, or sewing garments on street corners. She likes having so much study time, as there are few distractions. The whole culture is family-oriented, which is pretty different from America, where the emphasis is often on friends. While she has appreciated living abroad, she plans to make her life in America.

 

Ds11 is okay wherever we live, although he would enjoy going back to the comfort of America. He plays with all the Indian kids in the complex, and yesterday made some Japanese friends. He's going to France for 6 weeks, so he'll get re-immersed in French and probably make some friends in his grandparents' village.

 

Ds8 and ds4 probably don't remember much besides international living, with occasional trips to America. Both just seem to accept life wherever we are. They just got home yesterday from 2 mos. in France, and their French is very good. Maybe in the fall we will all start Hindi, too.

 

Ds1 has full understanding of Tamil and English, and probably 1/2 understanding of French (dh is not often with us). At some point he'll go on extended trips to the grandparents' house, too, but not until he's 4 or 5. Depending on how long we stay in Tamil Nadu, he may feel more Indian than French or American. Really knowing the local language has a lot to do with immersion and acceptance in the culture, I think.

 

As hard as it has been to live abroad (in France it was very expensive and in India there have been many inconveniences and, of course, the general injustice), I think our kids are learning things they would have only read about in a book at home. It's just not the same.

 

Dh says the kids won't be scared of the world when they are older, and that they will be more open-minded. I just hope they appreciate the advantages they have as Westerners, and will use their freedom responsibly.

Edited June 15, 2010 by jld

[Ester Maria]

I'm not sure if I qualify as an internationally raised child, being that I always had a stable location in Rome and our stays abroad were always only temporary stays, longer or shorter, as opposed to actually living in another culture "full time" as an insider.

We were rarely "tourists", my parents have a net of relatives, friends and colleagues abroad and more often than not, we used to stay in their homes (and return the favor if they wanted or needed to stay in Italy).

 

That being said, before I went to school I had probably spent as much time abroad as home; particularly large portions of my toddler years were spent in Vienna (because of that it eludes me why German is by far the worst of my foreign languages - the one I don't even bother to list in my CV due to how bad it is - since with all those stays in Austria and Switzerland as a child, it should have been my first second language).

Before I started school my parents decided to settle down a little with all those trips, but that didn't actually happen; in elementary, not only I spent nearly all of vacations and holidays abroad and/or travelling with my parents, but on a couple of occasions I was even "late" for school and in the third grade I finished the school year earlier, for the purpose of going to Geneva with my parents. Then I went to school there because my parents didn't know what to do with me :lol:, so the relative arranged that I spend a few weeks at school his children attended.

 

When I started fifth grade the school suddenly became "serious", so my parents stopped taking me out as they please and made sure I had a decent continuity at school, but it didn't mean that I didn't spend nearly entire winter and summer breaks abroad. By high school I spoke French just as well as I spoke Italian (which doesn't mean it didn't deteriorate later) due to all that time spent in the francophone areas.

Then in high school I wasn't so much into going abroad (an occasional yearly trip was fine with me, but I started enjoying long periods of freedom at home - particularly if my parents were abroad).

 

My husband spent a good chunk of his childhood and youth in Israel - for a while they lived there, and afterward he didn't live there any longer, but used to come for extended stays.

 

Our daughters were born in Italy, moved to the US when they were 3 and 4 years old, and we took a lot of care to ensure they be connected to Italy by spending a LOT of time there, including entire summers, all summers. They also spend a relatively lot of time in Israel (yearly family visits that vary from a week to a few), and have spent at least some time in all of "my" childhood places, particularly in Austria and Switzerland, and in France (my husband's family). Our daughters are definitely among the "most internationally raised" children we know, even though both my husband and I come from a similar mindset.

 

I think it can only do good to see the world, learn languages, understand people, understand better their own cultural context and where they come from, etc.

 

The best thing is, we're considering a change upon the expiry of my husband's current contract. There are a couple of options (though frankly, the one of returning to Italy is the one I like the most :D, since despite the fact I love the big world, adventure and all of that, I love Italy more than anything), but nothing for the next year at least. :)

[Heather in Neverland]

Well we have been living in Malaysia for one year now (gosh time flies!) and so far it has been a really amazing experience. The international school where we work and where my children attend (one full time, one part-time and part-time homeschool) has kids from 28 different countries. My kids are meeting people and having experiences they never would have had staying in suburban Michigan.

 

Sure, some of it has been challenging but it has helped build character in all of us. My kids are wanting to know where we might live next! :D

[LG Gone Wild]

I grew up overseas, mostly Africa.

 

You can't predict or prevent what is going to happen with your kids as a result of living overseas. Nobody knows, really, how living overseas will affect them individually.

 

Overseas is tough and great. Definitely has helped me to be less parochial and small minded. Adjustments to living stateside after living overseas are difficult but not overwhelmingly so.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I lived overseas as a child in Asia, but, I was young enough that I don't remember it much.

 

We currently live overseas in Latin America with our 3 dc. When we moved here they were 7, 9, and 11 years old and they are now 12, 13, and 15.

 

It was an adjustment for sure. They didn't speak Spanish and we had never been outside the US (except the girls went with their dad to Mexico for a few days on a missions trip). It was difficult to leave family and friends--which by their age was getting extremely important to them. We didn't have an easy time finding friends at first and it was a little bit difficult to feel like we fit.

 

But, I can honestly say (and my entire family would agree) that it was a great move for us. We've made it our home and love it here. We've had opportunities we wouldn't normally have had in the US and we love what we do here. My dc have great friends here and we've found a group of people that we fit with and that has made all the difference. It's also been great to see them learn Spanish and speak it fluently and be able to use it to help teams and groups down here for a visit.

 

It's been more positive than negative. For sure.

[Pretty in Pink]

I grew up in Germany. I actually spent more time abroad than I did stateside growing up: 11 years abroad before age 18. I loved it!

[Parrothead]

I was in Naples, Italy for two years in my early childhood. From what I remember it was great. I do enjoy saying that I went to kindergarten in Italy.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Never underestimate how important your response, as a parent and individual, is when living overseas. Much of how your children view life overseas will depend on how you react.

 

There is another interesting study of TCKs. It focuses primarily on the assumed need for repatriation.

 

http://www.smith.edu/newsoffice/releases/NewsOffice09-034.html

[Embassy]

Never underestimate how important your response, as a parent and individual, is when living overseas. Much of how your children view life overseas will depend on how you react.

 

Good point. I'm sure that makes a big difference.

 

There is another interesting study of TCKs. It focuses primarily on the assumed need for repatriation.

 

http://www.smith.edu/newsoffice/releases/NewsOffice09-034.html

 

Thanks for the link. That was interesting. We don't forsee moving back to North America either for short stays or long term. If we move we will probably not come back unless visiting.

[momofkhm]

Has anyone here had experience living internationally during childhood? Was it a positive or negative experience? We are considering a move to Asia and was wondering how children normally react to a change like that.

 

I did. We lived in Germany. But my memories started overseas. We moved there when I was 2 and came home when I was 5 1/2.

 

Coming back to the States is what I remember and the hard part there was the first morning my brother and I both got tummy sick. The good thing was that we got sprite for breakfast the bad thing was we were stuck at a hotel in NYC waiting for our car to arrive. Other than that I don't remember it being good or bad.

 

I have very few memories from living in Germany because I was so young. But even while we lived there, we were living on base.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dh is a tck and spent many years in a small poor village in Asia. There were defiantly some wonderful things and interesting experiences but he is adamant that our children will not grow up like that. I'm not sure if it is due to village life, trying to fit into american life when returning or attending boarding school, but it just isn't what he wants for our kids and he never wants to live overseas permanently again. It was an amazing life though and his younger siblings have more positive memories. They were young enough that they ft in better.

 

I would go back to live in Japan but boarding school left scars. But I do know many people who have happy memories of boarding school.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I grew up in Africa, Third World Third Culture Kid.

 

Every child will have a different experience--even within the same family.

 

I have three older sisters (we're 3 yrs apart -- twins in the middle). 1 of my sisters is very intellectual about her experience and still works mainly in that part of the world. Another sister is completely submerged in the USA suburan lifestyle without ever looking back. Another sister is utterly bitter about her experience growing up and is busy blaming my parents for her every perceived disadvantage.

 

Life is what YOU make it.

 

This individual reaction is something that the Third Culture Kids book does a pretty good job of capturing. For one person, moving around might make them quick to forge new friendships. For another, it might make them every wary of making friends at all (since they'll just move again).

 

One person might embrace the diversity that they've experienced and pull a little from each culture. Another might feel like they are rootless or ever the outsider looking in.

 

It is very much what you make of things. I think that it can be really wonderful. But I also realize that my kids are giving up certain experiences (staying in one home, staying in one school situation, being a few hours drive from grandparents, establishing holiday routines that endure from year to year, being friends with the same kids for years) that their cousins back in the US will take for granted. In exchange my kids will have encountered a number of other countries and cultures and have drunk deeply at a couple of them. But I have to be honest that there was in fact a trade off.

 

Perhaps one of my bigger regrets is that my kids don't know my parents well. They only see them about once a year and it will stretch to about two years before we get to the US again. My parents will be nearly 70 by the time my kids are able to spend extended time with them. So while they have memories of Christmas cookie baking with our German church group, they won't have much memory of Grandma's kitchen. (On the other hand, the distance might have kept all of us on our good behavior.)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Never underestimate how important your response, as a parent and individual, is when living overseas. Much of how your children view life overseas will depend on how you react.

 

There is another interesting study of TCKs. It focuses primarily on the assumed need for repatriation.

 

http://www.smith.edu/newsoffice/releases/NewsOffice09-034.html

 

I wonder if they controlled for the reasons for living overseas and for the countries that they were living in. I could see for example that someone from the same economic/education level that was overseas as an MK in Africa vs business related expat in Berlin might have different reactions to the experience.

 

I wonder too how they measured things like authoritarianism and ethnic bias. I don't think that my encounters for example to certain cultures who were typically encountered begging on the streets with an obviously drugged child (to keep it quite) swathed in a snow suit in May have left me with the sympathetic feelings that I might have had toward that culture if they had stayed as a more distant quaint construct.

 

Update: I should add that I noticed a lot of differences just among our peers who were overseas with the same program from the same sender. I viewed Egypt as somewhere a little too dangerous to vacation with small children, while our friends in Eritrea regarded it as a move up in safety. I experienced Germany as our overseas setting, while for several of our friends it was a Little America or restful return to the West. By the same token, when we got to Hawaii it was a return to America for us, while I kept meeting other people who felt very out of place in a culture that was foreign for them (having come from the mainland US). Much is relative. Much is about attitude.

Edited June 15, 2010 by Sebastian (a lady)

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I wonder if they controlled for the reasons for living overseas and for the countries that they were living in. I could see for example that someone from the same economic/education level that was overseas as an MK in Africa vs business related expat in Berlin might have different reactions to the experience.

 

I wonder too how they measured things like authoritarianism and ethnic bias. I don't think that my encounters for example to certain cultures who were typically encountered begging on the streets with an obviously drugged child (to keep it quite) swathed in a snow suit in May have left me with the sympathetic feelings that I might have had toward that culture if they had stayed as a more distant quaint construct.

 

 

I wish I could answer your questions but I have never found another discussion of the study. I think this may have been an initial release of early findings and they are still processing some data or looking to do further studies to support their conclusions. It was certainly food for thought though.

[coffeefreak]

It depends on your child's personality, ages, and situation. I'm an Army brat who spent most of her childhood in Germany. I personally loved it. I traveled everywhere I could, spoke the language, shopped on the economy. LOVED IT!!! However, I experienced horrible culture shock when when we moved back to the states my sophomore year of high school, and was MISERABLE the last 3 years of school. I think if we had moved back sooner, I would have been better off.

 

My sister, on the other hand, hated living overseas, had some culture shock back in the states, but got over it quickly. She's 3 years younger than me, and she blossomed once we moved back to the states. She is a serious introvert and a homebody. She hates to travel, even to see me :lol:. She'd rather be at home, in her bed, with her cats, and on her schedule.

 

I know that doesn't help much, but, I think my parents could have helped her a little. They lived off base, so it would have been helpful if they had worked with her on her German. Also, she didn't have a lot of friends her age, so she was very lonely. I think if they would have tried to help her connect, she would have felt a little more comfortable.

 

Blessings!

Dorinda

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I wish I could answer your questions but I have never found another discussion of the study. I think this may have been an initial release of early findings and they are still processing some data or looking to do further studies to support their conclusions. It was certainly food for thought though.

 

No worries. I was mostly just thinking out loud (and trying to avoid the last few lessons of school this year). I was curious if MKs would tend to give more conservative results than say, international banker's kids or children of State Department employees.

 

I could see how a conservative response might be interpreted one way while a more Weltkind orriented response might seem another way.

[Susan in TN]

I keep seeing this thread and thinking it says living intentionally as a child. No, but it's tempting. ;)

 

My foot cramp is gone. Better get back to bed.