8 week old fighting sleep?

[Dianne-TX]

Anyone else dealt with this? It's only been on and off for the last couple of weeks. It's not colic (he doesn't show signs and is on a hypoallergenic formula that has agreed with him for weeks), he's eaten, dry, and showing obvious signs of sleep or even is asleep in my arms, but cries when I lay him down and then fights it. ****No flames**** Is it awful to let him cry it out a little at this age? He's my 3rd (after 7 years) and I don't remember dealing with fighting sleep at this age.

[ktgrok]

Sounds like he is just more sensitive. He also could have reflux. Or he may need longer to get into a deep sleep before laying him down. Both of mine do this. As for the crying it out, I look at it this way. The baby may just be sleepy and cranky. But there is a chance, no matter how small, that something is really bothering them. For instance acid reflux causing pain, gas causing pain, a stiff neck, true fear of being alone, whatever. And I could NEVER forgive myself if he/she was really in pain or scared and I could have comforted them but didn't. So on the off chance they really need me, I go to them.

 

Besides, I personally believe it is totally natural for babies to need their mamas to help them sleep. My son needed to be touching me in order to sleep until he was around 2 years old. Now he is almost 11, and he won't let me kiss him good night. I miss the snuggle days too much to want to wish them away. You will look back on the nights you spent snuggling with fondness. I can't say the same about nights spent listening to them cry.

[Lara in Colo]

There is a difference between crying and talking and throwing a fit. Its hard to tell the difference since they only have one word. If the baby is talking, or even thowing a fit, I would stay in the room and do something while this is happening. Fold laundry, tidy the room, generaly walk around, ignoring the baby but being seen. My first threw fits and I would rock her to sleep and she still has problems going to sleep, my second I did this, she falls asleep easily, #3 more rocking --less sleep now--#4 less rocking more sleep now. This is not a scientific study--just my life. Not to say that I let them cry themselves to sleep, but I did let them sort of work on it by themselves before I intervened. I had plenty of snuggle time with them at other times during the day and now I actually get more snuggle time at bedtime and lots less yelling to get to sleep (like with 1 &3)

 

Lara

[Pretty in Pink]

Well, since you asked...yes, I think it is awful to let an 8 week old cry it out a little. There's a difference between waiting a few minutes to see if baby is just 'fussing' and drifting back off on his own and realizing that he is crying for you but not picking him up; I've done the former but never the latter.

 

It's natural for little ones to want that physical closeness with their mother and I do my very best to meet that need. Eight weeks is too young (IMO) to allow an infant to just cry.

[Ellie]

Define "crying" and "fighting."

 

If he's just fussing, you could wait and see if he'll self-comfort and go to sleep, but *I* would be uncomfortable letting a baby that young cry it out.

[Giraffe]

See if it's a positional thing. DD would cry if she was on her back, but would sleep on her side. I know, no stomach, but the pedi ok'd the side if I had a sleep positioner that kept her from going onto her stomach.

 

You might also see if a slight incline helps - if it does, it could be reflux.

 

Or your little one is just really touchy-feely. DD still needs to have a foot or hand or something touching me to fall asleep.

[Terabith]

Eight weeks ago he was inside you. Totally enveloped and enclosed. He had never known hunger or cold or thirst. Now all of a sudden he is thrust into a world in which he is a separate entity from you, and he is experiencing hunger, cold, pain..... The world is utterly foreign to him. Don't deprive him of the only thing he has ever known, when he is possibly in discomfort.

 

Even though it's enough to drive you up the wall. :D

[Amber in AUS]

When you pop him down if he fusses i would gently rock him onto his side and stay with him patting his back and sushing him to sleep, don't leave until he is in a deep sleep and you can rock him back onto his back. Also i always swaddle my young babies it helps them have that secure feeling. If he is screaming madly, not just fussing then pick him up, you really can't spoil a bub this young. Personally i don't like the cry it out method, i actually have a friend who's daughter has permanent vocal damage from this method.

[Lucy in Australia]

The best thing I did at that age (and I think it was Amber who pointed me in the right direction:)), was to put DD down in her cot drowsy but awake, and then pat her bottom (she slept on her stomach) while shhhhh- ing loudly until she stopped crying. If she got really upset I would pick her up, cuddle her till she calmed down then put her down again. It took forever and I thought I was going to be patting her bottom till she went to high school :D but now at 7 months she is happy in her cot. I can usually put her down wide awake, she talks to her teddy, grizzles quite a bit, then goes to sleep. When she does really cry( not that often anymore) all I have to do is pat her a little bit and she settles quickly.

 

PS I'm not recommending the sleeping on the stomach thing. That was just how DD slept better.

[Amber in AUS]

Yay Lucy! Glad it worked for you :)

[Wendy Inman]

My son fought sleep too. He was a perfectly happy baby otherwise.. but when it was time to go to sleep... he would thrash about in our arms, scream, cry, then just pass out. It didn't take more than 5 minutes usually but it was really weird. And we were always cuddling him, rocking him, having him in bed with us. For us it started when he was around 4 months... i can't remember when he grew out of it... 4-5 months? Ahhh those days seem so long ago now :)

[MelanieM]

Well, since you asked...yes, I think it is awful to let an 8 week old cry it out a little. There's a difference between waiting a few minutes to see if baby is just 'fussing' and drifting back off on his own and realizing that he is crying for you but not picking him up; I've done the former but never the latter.

 

It's natural for little ones to want that physical closeness with their mother and I do my very best to meet that need. Eight weeks is too young (IMO) to allow an infant to just cry.

 

This.

 

Yes, I think it is awful to leave a baby that young to cry, and I think it leaves a lasting energetic imprint that affects them for a lifetime. Wanting the safety of another person near you is a biological need for babies. Starting life without having your natural needs for safety met is not going to be a good foundation to grow on.

[OrganicAnn]

My DD has always fought sleep. I don't remember what she was doing at 8 weeks. But we tried co-sleeping, putting her down sleepy, staying next to her, everything. Some babies are more difficult about sleep and some are easy sleepers. If you've only had an easy sleepers, then you had it easy before. Over the years we've tried every sleep book except Ferber. None of them really worked. And we would try to do the technique faithfully for two weeks or more.

 

I have a friend who has one easy sleeper and one difficult sleeper. She said that if she didn't have one of both, she wouldn't believe the difference.

[JFSinIL]

See if it's a positional thing. DD would cry if she was on her back, but would sleep on her side. I know, no stomach, but the pedi ok'd the side if I had a sleep positioner that kept her from going onto her stomach.

 

You might also see if a slight incline helps - if it does, it could be reflux.

 

Or your little one is just really touchy-feely. DD still needs to have a foot or hand or something touching me to fall asleep.

 

I was going to say about the same thing - one of my twins slept better in the bouncy chair (not bouncing,of course) because it kept him on an incline.

 

The alternative was Daddy's shoulder...for hours at a time.

 

(PS - he survived it and is off to college in two months! (Baby, not Daddy!)

[PineFarmMom]

My 3-month old is like this. He MUST be swaddled, in my arms, or in the sling on me to sleep. During the day, after falling asleep in my arms, I started swaddling him and laying him in the middle of my bed (he can't roll yet), then putting pillows on every side and covering him with a blanket. Something about that combo helps him sleep for a good length of time. I've been fighting this off and on since birth.

[PineFarmMom]

This.

 

Yes, I think it is awful to leave a baby that young to cry, and I think it leaves a lasting energetic imprint that affects them for a lifetime. Wanting the safety of another person near you is a biological need for babies. Starting life without having your natural needs for safety met is not going to be a good foundation to grow on.

 

:iagree: I just made the decision that things will be different in a year and I'll hold him if he needs me. It can be a pain, but I don't like the alternative. The swaddling thing has answered our issues for daytime sleeping.

[NanceXToo]

I, too, am against the "cry it out" method, and particularly for a baby as young as yours. Two months old...that's still newborn as far as I am concerned! (Even with much older babies, I could handle a little bit of winding down fussing, but never any distressed crying).

 

This is where your baby learns that you will be there when needed, no matter what time it is. Where your baby learns that his one and only way of communicating with you at the moment is actually effective. Where you learn to trust your instincts (which surely tell you to respond to your baby's needs, even if they are emotional rather than physical). Where you strengthen your bond with your baby. Where your baby learns to be more secure and independent rather than less, because he never has to be afraid that he's going to cry alone and Mommy isn't going to come because of what the numbers on the clock say, etc.

 

You say this is your third. So even though this baby's sleeping patterns are a little bit different than the others, you still know that this stage of development is fleeting. Eventually your baby will sleep through the night without needing you. Until then, I'd absolutely respond to their cries, for whatever reason.

[Snickerdoodle]

I thought I was going to have another fussy baby when a week after his birth I found my second just preferred to sleep on his stomach.

[Dianne-TX]

Thanks for all the responses and advice. I would never leave a little one like him to just cry forever. I wasn't letting him cry at all, though, because of his age. I, too, know he's only been here for 8 weeks. He still crosses his eyes to focus for goodness sake. :) I'm glad for all the strategies you all shared. Thankfully, it's not all the time that he fights it, but when he does nothing seems to work except for just holding him. And, believe me, we hold him and love on him and cuddle on him all the time (with 9 and 7 year old siblings he always has someone to hold him willingly!), but sometimes you just have to put him down to get something done that requires both hands and I can't use the wrap while doing some things. I will just continue to do what we do and add some ideas you all shared. One benefit of having older children and a baby, someone can always be available. Once he's older, though, we will allow more time for him to self-soothe. I was a horrible and paranoid sleeper until I was an adult and still don't like it when my husband is gone. I slept on my parent's floor until I was 13, but made myself become independent. I could have stayed on their floor longer because I was so paranoid to sleep by myself. And, when I went to my own room, I had to have a lock on my door and noise, etc. It was horrible. (by the way, I had no reason to be afraid or paranoid. Noone molested me or anything like that, I was just paranoid and noone helped me early on in my life to help me to be secure and independent.) So, I've always been determined to help my children be secure and independent sleepers at a certain age.

[lighthouseacademy]

Dianne, this is NOT a flame in ANY way. I totally respect your decisions, but I wanted to share my experience with my kids. I have 3 that I can share their later sleep habits with confidence. I never allowed CIO as an infant. Once they were about 9 months, I had 2 who would need to fuss for maybe 30 seconds to fall asleep SOMETIMES but I ALWAYS tried to nurse and rock them down as my first attempt to put them to bed. My 3rd nursed to sleep until she was 2. I invited them all into my bed as infants gently and slowly weaning them out starting at about 7-12 months depending on the child. I held them to cry when they were weaning at night and did not allow them to CIO. All three are extremely secure in sleep, all stay in their own beds at night and have NEVER once asked to come back to bed with us after they are weaned out. My girls were still occasionally in our bed just before 2 when they were totally weaned out. I had one child who WOULD NOT SLEEP for anything. She hurt. I had some cranial sacral work done on her and she still never slept but she wasn't screaming anymore. I have one who wakes at the slightest noise unless she is nursing (that is my 8 month old). I still do put her down, but she usually gets very short naps as a result...

[naturelovinmama]

My first child fought sleep terribly. We tried everything we could think of-rocking, swing, car. She never fell asleep nursing--uggghhh! She did seem to have colic, although the sleep issue never really got better until she was a year or older. One night I was so frustrated and just plopped her in the front carrier so that I could at least wash dishes and she went to sleep. After that we put her into it every night and rocked her into it until she fell asleep. She was really needy--thought there was no more difficult child in the world, but now she's 14 and (well, still has trouble falling asleep--heehee), but goes to bed on her own. With my second, I just automatically carried him in the sling--and that's pretty much how he slept, and thankfully he would fall asleep nursing. Guess I'm really not much help here, other than to say just do what works for now and if you have to take a break from school, let yourself. Hope you will get it all figured out.

[m4given]

Thanks for all the responses and advice. I would never leave a little one like him to just cry forever. I wasn't letting him cry at all, though, because of his age.

There are so many techniques & opinions & lifestyles in this world -- it sure makes it all interesting.

 

I think that you seem to have a balanced view on the sleeping aspect. I believe you when you say you all cuddle your baby lots!

 

My philosophy/opinion which I think is what you are saying: I think that a few minutes (not extremely long) of fussing (not sharp, high pitched crying) is OK and IF I know that baby is OK in other ways & has been taken care of. Some babies, from what I've observed, seem to need a time of not being handled after being around lots of people & being held a lot. (NOT neglect --just for clarification.) It's all in the balance of what works for your baby. ETA: I'm not saying that you're handling your baby too much! I just know that my babies & other babies needed a little break from gatherings where there were lots of people. (I'm probably digging myself into a hole here.)

 

Swaddling as my sister taught me & whom she learned from a friend of hers from Central America was a lifesaver for me & my babies. The way they did it was really snug, but I often watched babies calm down. You've probably already tried that with lots of other ways. And then there is just doing what you've been doing - rocking & holding & cuddling until your baby goes to sleep. Maybe then keep trying on patting himself to sleep while he is in his crib - if that is your goal. I'd reassure myself that there is plenty of time to continue to work with your child in becoming more secure & independent in going to sleep.

 

When you were younger, you must have been proud of yourself that you become more independent on your own. Best wishes! It sounds like your baby landed in a very loving home.

Edited June 6, 2010 by m4given
changed "prowd" to proud. :)

[Dianne-TX]

There are so many techniques & opinions & lifestyles in this world -- it sure makes it all interesting.

 

I think that you seem to have a balanced view on the sleeping aspect. I believe you when you say you all cuddle your baby lots!

 

My philosophy/opinion which I think is what you are saying: I think that a few minutes (not extremely long) of fussing (not sharp, high pitched crying) is OK and IF I know that baby is OK in other ways & has been taken care of. Some babies, from what I've observed, seem to need a time of not being handled after being around lots of people & being held a lot. (NOT neglect --just for clarification.) It's all in the balance of what works for your baby. ETA: I'm not saying that you're handling your baby too much! I just know that my babies & other babies needed a little break from gatherings where there were lots of people. (I'm probably digging myself into a hole here.)

 

Swaddling as my sister taught me & whom she learned from a friend of hers from Central America was a lifesaver for me & my babies. The way they did it was really snug, but I often watched babies calm down. You've probably already tried that with lots of other ways. And then there is just doing what you've been doing - rocking & holding & cuddling until your baby goes to sleep. Maybe then keep trying on patting himself to sleep while he is in his crib - if that is your goal. I'd reassure myself that there is plenty of time to continue to work with your child in becoming more secure & independent in going to sleep.

 

When you were younger, you must have been prowd of yourself that you become more independent on your own. Best wishes! It sounds like your baby landed in a very loving home.

 

Thank you. Your post was so kindly written. I was wondering what way they swaddled. Is it different from the way we do it in the USA? He fights a swaddle these days and pushes his way out until he succeeds. :) If there is another way, I'd like to try it.

[lighthouseacademy]

Somehow my post disappeared. Anyway, you might consider taking a look at The Happiest Baby on the Block. The author talks about how to swaddle and help baby to settle down. In my experience, my kids appeared to not like to be swaddled, but once they were swaddled and sucking or being pat, they calmed down. It helped to have a blanket large enough, slightly stretchy, and do it in such a way that they couldn't get out.