Proud mama to an average child

[fairfarmhand]

I am the proud mother of an average child. When I started homeschooling, my oldest dd was making me proud. She was reading at 4 and raring to go. Even now she is a year ahead in her studies, which I am proud of.

 

But my dd #2 has been a different story. Learning is not so easy for her. While she can do 9 back handsprings in a row, she's just....average. And I am SO proud of her. What she has is diligence (she keeps trying, even when it is hard), compassion (she feels so bad for others when they are struggling cause she knows what it is like), patience (when I've explained things about 20 times and I'm getting frustrated she is still so patient with me) and she is just so much fun to be around.

 

DD#1 is so smart and a great kid. But so is DD#2. Book learning is great. But along the way, I've had to learn that schoolwork is such a small part of our lives... there's so much more to it, and being average in school is Ok with me, as long as she's trying hard and doing her best!

[DaffodilDreams]

Beautiful post!:001_smile:

[Barb_]

I am the proud mother of an average child. When I started homeschooling, my oldest dd was making me proud. She was reading at 4 and raring to go. Even now she is a year ahead in her studies, which I am proud of.

 

But my dd #2 has been a different story. Learning is not so easy for her. While she can do 9 back handsprings in a row, she's just....average. And I am SO proud of her. What she has is diligence (she keeps trying, even when it is hard), compassion (she feels so bad for others when they are struggling cause she knows what it is like), patience (when I've explained things about 20 times and I'm getting frustrated she is still so patient with me) and she is just so much fun to be around.

 

DD#1 is so smart and a great kid. But so is DD#2. Book learning is great. But along the way, I've had to learn that schoolwork is such a small part of our lives... there's so much more to it, and being average in school is Ok with me, as long as she's trying hard and doing her best!

 

What a nice post. I totally agree. My oldest two were/are academically inclined. For whatever reason, d#3 is not, or at least not to the same degree. She is in a rigorous classical charter this year (but will be back home next year, YAY!) where she is a B-C student. During conference time, some of her teachers had a lot of advice about bringing her grades up. They offer tutoring sessions before and after school to help struggling students. They have offered them to her repeatedly but were concerned that she didn't want to take advantage of them. I told them that I was very happy with her B's and C's. It takes more effort for her to earn her average grades than it takes for my older child (also in the school) to earn her straight A's. She already has little time for friends, no time for free reading, and very little free time on the weekends. No way am I going to encourage her to devote even more time to study. She needs time to simply be who she is. She doesn't need to shave off her corners for anyone.

 

Barb

[Dandelion]

Beautiful post, and wonderful reminder to appreciate our DC for who they are... Thanks for sharing! :)

[Desert Rat]

What a great post. And a great reminder to appreciate all the things that make our children special-not just academically.

[fairfarmhand]

What a nice post. I totally agree. My oldest two were/are academically inclined. For whatever reason, d#3 is not, or at least not to the same degree. She is in a rigorous classical charter this year (but will be back home next year, YAY!) where she is a B-C student. During conference time, some of her teachers had a lot of advice about bringing her grades up. They offer tutoring sessions before and after school to help struggling students. They have offered them to her repeatedly but were concerned that she didn't want to take advantage of them. I told them that I was very happy with her B's and C's. It takes more effort for her to earn her average grades than it takes for my older child (also in the school) to earn her straight A's. She already has little time for friends, no time for free reading, and very little free time on the weekends. No way am I going to encourage her to devote even more time to study. She needs time to simply be who she is. She doesn't need to shave off her corners for anyone.

 

Barb

 

I have berated myself over and over, thinking that her educational struggles were my fault, until I figured out that right now, she is not very academically oriented.

 

It was a serious blow to my pride to realize that my older daughter's success in school most likely had very little to do with ME either:

 

:)

 

The whole experience has been VERY GOOD for me as a mother.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Thanks for sharing your wisdom. This is a great reminder for us to appreciate the gifts in our children.

[meet me in paris]

Moms of average kids - UNITE! I love my average kids. :D

[Mommyfaithe]

Just because they are average at 9 or 10 or 11 doesn't mean they won't be AWESOME at 20 or 21. My "average" kids ...who had to learn to work HARD and STUDY hard, are not afraid of a challenge, are not afraid to try and are not afraid to try again and agian if they have to. My ones who things came easy for can be intimidated by a challenge...or not try because they can't be successful first time out.

 

I think my "average" ones actually have quite the advantage over the quick ones.

 

I love my quick ones and my average ones and even my reeeeaaaaally slooooooowwwww one.....But I do think the ones who have to work at it early and HARD are in a better place later on.

 

Faithe

[fmont6bu]

I totally agree with Mommyfaithe. I think sometimes people don't bloom academically until college or even later in life. Also being average can prepare you for the challenges later in academia and life. If you develop study skills early it is so much better than later. My DH is so smart but because he was never challenged in high school, he really floundered in college.

 

But having said all that I really like your post and outlook on your kids.:iagree:

[ChristusG]

Great post!!! Around here you always hear about the kids who read at 3 years old and the ones who are working three grades above their "actual" grade level. I think there's a belief in the homeschooling community that homeschooled kids are usually advanced. But it's nice to hear that not everyone is advanced and that some children are just average....even homeschooled ones.

[Gooblink]

Thank you for posting this! I was, just the other day, thinking about this very thing. :)

[jenL]

What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing with us!

[spradlin02]

Help them find what they love to do and they'll never be average...by whatever arbitrary standards are attributed to exemplary people.

[Twinmom]

What a wonderful, encouraging post! After spending the week worrying over my "average" child, I really appreciate seeing this on the board! Not every kid has been designed by God to be an early academic bloomer, and that is just fine. I am, honestly, more proud of DD and her hard-won achievements than I am of DS's easily won academic prowess. DD may have lower grades but she works hard for what she has, whereas DS will have a big meltdown if I actually find something that doesn't come easily to him. Though I am proud of both, I see DD as the one whose hard work will take her far in life and I hope that DS sees her good example and follows suit.

[Sweetpeach]

Precious post. Sacred, even.

Academic ability is truly a small slice of overall development.

Blessings, Tricia

[LibraryLover]

:)

Edited May 9, 2010 by LibraryLover

[May]

Two average dds here and I'm proud to be called their Mom.

[Revwife]

AWESOME POST!! What a blessing! I'm almost in tears as I'm typing this. Thank you for reminder of what TRULY is important!

 

Blessings -

Carla

[herbalgirl]

Thanks for the awesome reminder of what is truly important! Sometimes I think we all get so caught up in academics as homeschoolers. It truly is but one piece of the overall picture! :001_smile:

[twilkin]

I look at my children, at their academic strengths and weaknesses, at their social strengths and weaknesses, at their interests, passions, dislikes, temperments, and I ask God how will you use this? None of my children are average. They have all been wonderfully created by an exceptional creator. I do not look to the world's standards to judge them but to God the judge of all; and he sees my children as brilliant, radiant, beautiful, talented, wonderful beings whether or not they can do math or spelling. And I admit bias, because I have no problem seeing them that way either. Children are a blessing from God.

[Mom0012]

Dh and I are not about 'outcome -based' parenting or hsing. We want our children to be who they are. We want them to enjoy whatever talents or strenths they have, in a way that matters most to them.

 

I love how you put this. I wonder if you know whether there are any parenting or teaching books that embrace this philosophy that you could recommend. I am very goal oriented and am constantly reigning myself in. I would love to parent more in the way you have described.

 

Lisa

[fairfarmhand]

I have never read this book, but heard a broadcast on Focus on the Family regarding it. The author really made alot of sense.

 

Raising Kids for True Greatness: Redefine Success for You and Your Child

 

By: Tim Kimmel

 

http://family.christianbook.com/raising-greatness-redefine-success-your-child/tim-kimmel/9780849909511/pd/909511?item_code=WW&netp_id=427921&event=EBRN&view=details

[Mom0012]

I have never read this book, but heard a broadcast on Focus on the Family regarding it. The author really made alot of sense.

 

Raising Kids for True Greatness: Redefine Success for You and Your Child

 

By: Tim Kimmel

 

http://family.christianbook.com/raising-greatness-redefine-success-your-child/tim-kimmel/9780849909511/pd/909511?item_code=WW&netp_id=427921&event=EBRN&view=details

 

I will have to check this out. Thank you!

Lisa

[LibraryLover]

Lisa--

 

First of all, I am not perfect about this...I can be a worrier...but I know that doesn't help anything and interferes with clear thinking. I am not trying to raise doctors or artists or whatnot...that's what I mean by 'outcome- based'. I don't do something today so they will be something tomorrow. If a toddler is 'still' nursing or using diapers, I don't think "If I don't wean him now, or make him use the potty , he will still be nursing or using diapers when he's 11". "If I don't put my foot down and force him to put every single block away he will become a slob of an adult". "If I don't make sure my 5 yr old sits down every single day for a hour to do math, he will never learn math. He will get into bad habits that will last his whole life and he will never go to college." "If I don't 100% control my teen's FB, cell phone, computer time etc., they will become predator or prey. They will learn to love fashion more than family, peer more than sibling". etc.

 

I try to meet the present need (nursing, fi) and realize that when the need it met, it's met. I help the child put the blocks away--we do it together because I know a room full of blocks that seemed so easy to take out over the course of play now looks totally owerwhleming. I know that a wiggly 5 yr old is simply a wiggly 5 yr old. It doesn't mean he will never learn math, or become a slug living in my basement as an adult. I know a 5 year old is not an 8 or 9 or 10 or 30 yr old.

 

My kids are individuals. Dh and I can easily see that, and so we try to be present and mindful of their individual natures. I think we just lucked out with personalitites that mesh, but sometimes I do wonder if this attitude hasn't also helped our kids to get a long so well. I don't see any sibling rivalries, and I see very close bonds.

 

Any books I would recommend would be about mindful parenting and living in the present. Chop Wood, Carry Water is a book I enjoy. We can't make out kids something we want them to be without detriment to who they are. Dh and I know that worrying about how a 6 or 7 yr old will score on the SAT is a waste of our time. If we focus on the present, our kids will get what they need from us, and understand their own needs better. Saying "Let's put these blocks away together" (knowing the parent is going to be putting the majority away simply because they are larger, can hold more in their hands, and can reach farther, with less effort) is far more helpful and productive than thinking "He's such a slob. All he ever wants to do is play, but he never wants to clean up". I use this example because we project all sorts of terrible future scenarios on cognitively normal kids when we should simply be seeing the actions of today as simply the actions of today.

Edited May 9, 2010 by LibraryLover

[spradlin02]

I love how you put this. I wonder if you know whether there are any parenting or teaching books that embrace this philosophy that you could recommend. I am very goal oriented and am constantly reigning myself in. I would love to parent more in the way you have described.

 

Lisa

 

Howard Gardner has written extensively on the subject.