I would like to hear stories of how your homeschooling has changed over time.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I'm about to finish up my first official year of homeschooling. (My kids have never been to PS but we start in first grade.) I read The Happiness Project recently and I was struck by this statement: "I have an idea of who I wish I were, and that obscures my understanding of who I actually am." I think this is my problem in a nutshell. I feel like this first year has left me at a crossroads; I need to mature and grow as a homeschooling mom to become more like the person I wish to be or I must accept my limitations and start making choices that recognize them. I understand it's not entirely either or. No matter what, I have to accept my limitations before I can begin working to change them. Still, this is the way in which I feel torn.

 

How many of you here have changed your homeschool style, curriculum, etc. from what you wished it could be to match who you are as a person and teacher (warts and all)?

 

How many of you here have wished for a certain type of education for your children and overcome personal limitations to make it happen? What specifically did you do to work on your limitations and improve as a homeschooler and mom?

 

Really, I'd like to hear any stories...long ones especially...from those of you who have been doing this for years especially...

 

I'll admit I am a bit of a Pollyanna. Unfortunately, I'm currently feeling like she does at the end of the movie after her accident and before the townsfolk cheer her up! :lol: Don't get me wrong; I actually feel that our first year (in terms of what the kids have learned) has been a success. However, I don't feel comfortable that my wishes are lining up with what's actually happening so something has to change.

Edited May 3, 2010 by Alte Veste Academy

[LoveBaby]

Oh, my!! I have a lot to say about this, but I need to mull it over some. I'll post it on my blog, because this is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Who I actually am as opposed to what I want to be. What our homeschool and our children actually are as opposed to what I want them to be. Or our marriage, house, life, etc.

[Tullia]

I'm about to finish up my first official year of homeschooling. (My kids have never been to PS but we start in first grade.) I read The Happiness Project recently and I was struck by this statement: "I have an idea of who I wish I were, and that obscures my understanding of who I actually am." I think this is my problem in a nutshell. I think it's a common situation. Sounds to me like you're on the right track. It's always a mistake to try to be something you're not. That doesn't mean you make no effort to better your understanding of life; just be realistic. Start where you are and go from there.

 

I feel like this first year has left me at a crossroads; I need to mature and grow as a homeschooling mom to become more like the person I wish to be or I must accept my limitations and start making choices that recognize them. What comes to mind when I read this is to issue a warning to not get too caught up in making the perfect curriculum or methodology choice. Consider what works best to allow you to teach effectively. Most of the time your dc won't know the difference. But, if a bad curriculum choice makes you crabby or inefficient they'll surely notice!

 

Do you need a complete solutions manual or videos to teach math effectively? Then invest in a curriculum that offers that even if it's not the hot new item.

 

I understand it's not entirely either or. No matter what, I have to accept my limitations before I can begin working to change them. Still, this is the way in which I feel torn. I'd suggest you think about whether your limitations are true hindrances or just how you are. This is a process; it doesn't happen over night. If you fall down, you can get up and go on. Keep your focus on improving yourself and helping your child master one thing at a time, then move on. If you do that consistently you will see results. The one thing at a time rule is good for moms too. ;)

 

How many of you here have changed your homeschool style, curriculum, etc. from what you wished it could be to match who you are as a person and teacher (warts and all)? I finally achieved a measure of peace when I realized that my distaste for and refusal to have messy hs projects all over the house wasn't going to hopelessly cripple my son. [To you more relaxed parents, please don't take offense; I envy my more easy-going peers!] I did, though, make an effort to do a credible job with arranging nature hikes and keeping a nature journal which was something that did not come naturally to me. Guess what? My only has graduated and I'm contemplating starting my journal again because we didn't have time to do it during high school. I didn't like using textbooks for elementary but needed the reassurance and structure textbooks provide for high school.

 

How many of you here have wished for a certain type of education for your children and overcome personal limitations to make it happen? What specifically did you do to work on your limitations and improve as a homeschooler and mom? I realized pretty soon after becoming fascinated with the classical model (after waiting 6 weeks to get my hands on TWTM and reading it as fast as I possibly could) that it was going to take serious self-ed program to get myself to the point where I could attempt that path. It didn't happen overnight either. I got a lot of good advice and encouragement here. Thank you, thank you, SWB for making these boards available--they cost her a lot of time and money!

Really, I'd like to hear any stories...long ones especially...from those of you who have been doing this for years especially...Hmmm...one thing that comes to my mind is how easy it is to set up hsing as some kind of idealized happy existence. But ya know, real life just sometimes happens all around and sometimes right in the middle of schooling. Sometimes you have many, many days of drudgery, arguments, and even tears and the good days can be too few.

 

I'll admit I am a bit of a Pollyanna. Unfortunately, I'm currently feeling like she does at the end of the movie after her accident and before the townsfolk cheer her up! :lol: Don't get me wrong; I actually feel that our first year (in terms of what the kids have learned) has been a success. However, I don't feel comfortable that my wishes are lining up with what's actually happening so something has to change.

 

I laugh about this now, but the advice I heard starting out was to RELAX, which was the one thing I simply could not do. I heard that through the years, and watched as several new crops of hsers were told to RELAX, and almost none of them could, either. Well, eventually I got too old, too tired, and too distracted by life to stress out. And when that happened, life got better in a lot of ways. So, now my son's in college, doing well, and wants to keep attending home school conventions to encourage the next generation. Looking back, there were some things I did well, and some other areas where my son has succeeded in spite of my inadequacies.

[kelouis75]

I totally understand where you're coming from. We haven't been hsing long-- just 2.5 years. But one of the most important ways that our school has changed is that I've stopped trying to do it all. I had to recognize my limitations...:D

 

I used to spend lots of time hunting for narration exercises and copy work, divising reading lists and pouring over different curricula.

 

I realized that sometimes paying a pinch more $$ can be worth the time I spend trying to do it all. I love the WWE workbooks and the SOTW Activity Guides for this reason. I still have the flexibillity to choose what I want to do, but I'm not pulling my hair out looking though all our books and the library's books to find corresponding literature/reading selections.

 

I wish I could find something like this for science... But for now Usborne is working pretty well for us.

 

We also use more music now because my children love it. They retain a lot of information that way.

 

Finally, I've also taken to heart more of what they want to study. I've modified our calendar to include 40 weeks of formal schooling. Again flexibillity is key here... We school year round in an aprox. 10 weeks classical (structured), 2 weeks unschooling, 1 week total break rotation.

[MtnTeaching]

Hi Kristina,

Personally, I feel I'm evolving continually as a teacher and curriculum chooser. My kids did go a few years to ps, and one thing I do know is, that is the type of education I would rather them not have right now. That said, homeschooling seems to me to be a total process that grows and gets better as YOU grow.

 

For me, homeschooling has taken a lot of research, hours pouring over the incredible amount of info from other members on this forum, and just basic hit and miss (sometimes expensive misses). It is constantly evolving.

 

However, there are definitely times when I look up from the books and say to myself, "This isn't exactly what I wanted when we started homeschooling". Either I find I'm trying to cram too much stuff into their heads or too many things into the day and it's just not fun anymore. I want learning to be something they love for a lifetime and for there to be joy, excitement and laughter along with the learning. If our homeschooling isn't going that way, then I know it's time for ANOTHER reevaluation. Just sitting with a cup of coffee and making a set of goals for the direction you want to take in your homeschooling journey helps. Unfortunately, you also have to accept that there will be bumps in that road, decisions at every crossroad and that we aren't Superwomen. We do have limitations and we will make mistakes, but if we love those babies with all our hearts, they will be better off than having society raise them.

 

Good luck in your journey!

Leslie

[kelouis75]

I laugh about this now, but the advice I heard starting out was to RELAX, which was the one thing I simply could not do. I heard that through the years, and watched as several new crops of hsers were told to RELAX, and almost none of them could, either. Well, eventually I got too old, too tired, and too distracted by life to stress out. And when that happened, life got better in a lot of ways. So, now my son's in college, doing well, and wants to keep attending home school conventions to encourage the next generation. Looking back, there were some things I did well, and some other areas where my son has succeeded in spite of my inadequacies.

 

Your post has really been an inspiration to me, too! :D

[lovemykids]

Oooh, I love storytime. I'll BBL to read. :lurk5:

 

:D

[KrissiK]

I've struggled all my life accepting myself for who I am - thus this tranfers over in to my homeschooling. I would love to be a relaxed, CM, nature walkin', "learning happens thoughout my day" type of homeschooler. I would love to be that sort of person in all aspects of my life. But, I am a type A, introverted, task oriented, structure needin' person and that's the way God made me. Do I hear an "Amen"? No, just kidding. Anyhow, I think I'm learning that to be able to enjoy homeschooling and enjoy my life I need to look at myself the way I am, look at my kids the way they are and try to make things work for all of us and not have to feel like I'm not "good enough" because I'm not like everyone else, or the way I think I should be. I feel like it's wrong to force my kids into a mold that's not them, so why isn't it wrong to try to force myself into a mold that isn't me? Anyhow, we're just finishing up 1st grade and I wouldn't say we've done drastic changes. We've definitely gone more TWTM way - switched from A Beka writing to WWE, switched from BJU- Heritage Studies to SOTW1. Those have been good changes for all of us and I guess in a sense, I am making baby steps toward being more relaxed.

[woolybear]

This could be a very long answer, but I don't have time right now to do that. So, one thing I will say is that remember this is a journey, yours as well as your childrens. You can't rush it, that I can see. It is sort of like my soon to be 10 year old son being eager to become 16 so he can learn to drive. It will take him 6 years to turn 16 no matter how eager he is. Try to enjoy the journey. You will grow. You will learn a lot. About all sorts of things, including yourself as a teacher. But about lots of other things too. You will learn about compromise. You may end up doing things differently than you wanted to, than you thought you would. You may not.:001_smile: You will figure out what is important for you and your family in all of this. And once you figure it all out, it will probably change. Or it might.

 

At any rate, I won't tell you to relax. As you've heard it already.

 

About limitations? I am just starting us out in a new hsing direction that is definitely out of my comfort zone. However, it seems the right path for my dc. Do I feel I have limitations in this arena? Definitely. I'm jumping in anyway. I will figure this out. And I know it will not be "perfect". It will be good, though. I am learning from others, reading, planning, and lol, procrastinating. But it will happen. Shakily at first, but's that's just as much as I would expect from dc. To do it, try it, and then improve.

 

As for how my homeschooling has changed. Briefly, I started out unschooling, changed to eclectic, Charlotte Mason, and am now doing Oak Meadow (a "Waldorf inspired" curriculum). I will probably actually use a bit of all these methods.

 

So, my approach has changed quite a bit.

 

That's the short answer.:D Perhaps I can add on later.

 

Woolybear

[....]

I've figured out the hard way that when I lay off and take it easy with my 2 oldest kids, they get irritable, bored and ultra-competitive. When I push them, they get excited and do very well.

 

I've also decided to let science go (because my 8 and 7 yros are surpassing me in knowledge of zoology and are incessantly reading science books). I'm adding more liberal arts-type stuff because my kids seem really math/science top-heavy.

 

I've also spent a lot of time browsing thru college prep school scopes and sequences for ideas about curriculum, extra hands-on activities (my kids are putting on a virtual herpetology show this week and they screamed and almost fainted when I announced it), etc.

 

We started off homeschooling with a "school at home" philosophy and now, geez...virtual herpetology shows?

 

We're such weirdos.

[jenL]

I've struggled all my life accepting myself for who I am - thus this tranfers over in to my homeschooling. I would love to be a relaxed, CM, nature walkin', "learning happens thoughout my day" type of homeschooler. I would love to be that sort of person in all aspects of my life. But, I am a type A, introverted, task oriented, structure needin' person and that's the way God made me. Do I hear an "Amen"? No, just kidding. Anyhow, I think I'm learning that to be able to enjoy homeschooling and enjoy my life I need to look at myself the way I am, look at my kids the way they are and try to make things work for all of us and not have to feel like I'm not "good enough" because I'm not like everyone else, or the way I think I should be. I feel like it's wrong to force my kids into a mold that's not them, so why isn't it wrong to try to force myself into a mold that isn't me? I am making baby steps toward being more relaxed.

 

AMEN!!!!

 

Alte Veste, I could have written your post as I've been really struggling lately with who I am, where our hsing is going, where my life is going, friendships, etc. It's been a tough month for me, and I fully understand your thoughts. I wish I could say I have an answer for you, but I don't have a solid one. The quote above is as close as I can come since her response is what I'm realizing about myself. I am who I am, and right now, I'm trying to figure out how that fits into the journey of homeschooling. This is a path most do not take, and walking along the edge of the mainstream, but not crossing it, has been a tough thing for me because my life is not the same as most of my peers. Since I'm limited in some ways by having my kids with me constantly, my friendships are changing, and I struggle with that immensely. Moreover, family dynamics with two intense children (whom I'm learning are "spirited") is something I also struggle with on a daily basis. Parenting and homeschooling is a difficult road!

 

As for my actual homeschool, I'm trying to find a balance of fun (when I don't feel as if I'm a fun person) and academics (without burning all of us out). Some days, I scare myself because ds#1 is only in first grade, and I stress about making sure he's getting it all. Yet, on another day, I may feel perfectly content and think things are moving along fine. Being fully relaxed is not really in my nature, but I sure wish it was!

 

I started out trying to follow the true WTM path, but it's difficult to implement, and with a newly 3yo, some days it was just impossible. As a result, I'm assessing where I really want to go because I don't want to spend the next x-number of years worrying about this constantly. I also have days where I feel downright saddened when I find myself saying to ds, "We can't study that now because we have to finish 'this' first." I know he'd love to go off on rabbit trails constantly, but that is too unschoolish for ME, and it goes against my "check-off the boxes" nature. I'm trying to find a balance with this, and I'm thinking we can use summer to run down those trails. I won't seek out a curriculm, rather, we'll just learn. Some may say this is what I should be doing all the time, but I feel I NEED curriculum to guide me. I think I don't have enough faith in myself to get it done as I am learning (to my dismay) that I am lazy. :sad: This is an area of which I believe I can improve, and I'm making that one of my goals...

 

Anyway, all this to say that I'm still trying to figure out where we're going. Every year adds another year of experience (we're finishing year 2), and in some ways it becomes easier, yet in others it becomes harder. I think this is always going to be a process that will ebb and flow with some days, weeks, months being better than others. There will be points where I will find contentment and others where I may feel unsettled. However, I'm aiming for more moments of feeling content... :)

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Oh, my!! I have a lot to say about this, but I need to mull it over some. I'll post it on my blog, because this is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Who I actually am as opposed to what I want to be. What our homeschool and our children actually are as opposed to what I want them to be. Or our marriage, house, life, etc.

 

I'm so glad someone else can relate! I look forward to seeing your blog post. :001_smile: BTW, your new baby is giving me infant envy. What a cutie! Those cheeks! My heavens!

 

I totally understand where you're coming from. We haven't been hsing long-- just 2.5 years. But one of the most important ways that our school has changed is that I've stopped trying to do it all. I had to recognize my limitations...:D

 

Trying to do it all is definitely part of my problem. The funny thing is that this is really an internal struggle though. The kids (and DH, to a certain extent) are oblivious and play so much of their day that no one would begin to believe I put anywhere near this much thought into their education! :lol:

 

I used to spend lots of time hunting for narration exercises and copy work, divising reading lists and pouring over different curricula.

 

I realized that sometimes paying a pinch more $$ can be worth the time I spend trying to do it all. I love the WWE workbooks and the SOTW Activity Guides for this reason. I still have the flexibillity to choose what I want to do, but I'm not pulling my hair out looking though all our books and the library's books to find corresponding literature/reading selections.

 

I use WWE and you have hit on a big internal struggle for me, as evidenced by my first post. I do have this exact image of what our school should be and my hand-picked copywork selections and reading lists are a big part of that.

 

However, there are definitely times when I look up from the books and say to myself, "This isn't exactly what I wanted when we started homeschooling". Either I find I'm trying to cram too much stuff into their heads or too many things into the day and it's just not fun anymore. I want learning to be something they love for a lifetime and for there to be joy, excitement and laughter along with the learning. If our homeschooling isn't going that way, then I know it's time for ANOTHER reevaluation. Just sitting with a cup of coffee and making a set of goals for the direction you want to take in your homeschooling journey helps. Unfortunately, you also have to accept that there will be bumps in that road, decisions at every crossroad and that we aren't Superwomen. We do have limitations and we will make mistakes, but if we love those babies with all our hearts, they will be better off than having society raise them.

 

I loved this. Thank you. The funny thing and the thing that's so hard to relate (wish we could all be flies on the wall of each others homes sometimes) is that I actually feel like we're doing too little right now, that the things I say I believe in and want to incorporate into our school are not happening. I remember taking the teaching style quiz in Cathy Duffy's book and WTM, CM and unschooling came out almost dead even. I thought that was HILARIOUS because no way, no how is my Type A self an unschooler. Well, what a joke on me because despite my lovely WTM/CM plans and dreams, the relaxed pace I keep for the kids in the early years didn't magically morph into the perfectly executed spreadsheet of lesson plans I created for first grade. The question is, if it's so easy to let it go, did I really care that much for the dream in the first place? Or was I lazy? :001_huh: Neither answer is very pleasant.

 

If I'm completely honest, I am most inclined to light a fire under myself and get busy. :tongue_smilie:

 

I've struggled all my life accepting myself for who I am - thus this tranfers over in to my homeschooling. I would love to be a relaxed, CM, nature walkin', "learning happens thoughout my day" type of homeschooler. I would love to be that sort of person in all aspects of my life. But, I am a type A, introverted, task oriented, structure needin' person and that's the way God made me. Do I hear an "Amen"?

 

Amen! But wait... I think I completely lack self-awareness. I am totally Type A. I was? I am in some situations? :001_huh:

 

I am starting to recognize that a huge part of my problem is that there are few accolades in this business. I understand that the final "product" of homeschooling is not something you can measure when you're just starting out. My tomato seedlings aren't blessing my salad bowl right now but I water them faithfully. The thing is that I must water them now or they will never bless my salad bowl. That's how I feel about my homeschooling now. Am I laying the groundwork for what I want to accomplish in the end? Am I giving the kids enough academic water? More to the point for my situation (and so very CM), am I giving them the habits they need to bless a salad bowl one day. :lol:

 

Back to the need for accolades... DH just completely trusts me and curriculum discussions make his eyes glaze over. The kids, especially at this age, will never say, "Gosh, thanks Mom, this was the best copywork ever!" :tongue_smilie: I was very goal-oriented in school and thrived. I worked hard for my grades and wore them like a badge of honor. Now, I do not want to wear my homeschool plans and the successes of my kids like a badge of honor but maybe there is a piece of me, in the back of my mind, that feels like no one is even noticing this hard work I do. I'm a lone captain steering this homeschool ship and patting myself on the back doesn't feel nearly as rewarding as having someone else take notice and tell me job well done.

 

I need to look at myself the way I am, look at my kids the way they are and try to make things work for all of us and not have to feel like I'm not "good enough" because I'm not like everyone else, or the way I think I should be. I feel like it's wrong to force my kids into a mold that's not them, so why isn't it wrong to try to force myself into a mold that isn't me?

 

I guess my problem is that I'm failing at living up to my own standards.

Edited May 3, 2010 by Alte Veste Academy

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

remember this is a journey, yours as well as your childrens. You can't rush it, that I can see. It is sort of like my soon to be 10 year old son being eager to become 16 so he can learn to drive. It will take him 6 years to turn 16 no matter how eager he is. Try to enjoy the journey. You will grow. You will learn a lot. About all sorts of things, including yourself as a teacher. But about lots of other things too. You will learn about compromise. You may end up doing things differently than you wanted to, than you thought you would. You may not.:001_smile: You will figure out what is important for you and your family in all of this. And once you figure it all out, it will probably change. Or it might.

 

At any rate, I won't tell you to relax. As you've heard it already.

 

Thank you. This was very inspirational. I did deep breathing after the first sentence and really, I think it sunk in. Hey, I relaxed even though you never told me to. Very impressive! :D

 

About limitations? I am just starting us out in a new hsing direction that is definitely out of my comfort zone. However, it seems the right path for my dc. Do I feel I have limitations in this arena? Definitely. I'm jumping in anyway. I will figure this out. And I know it will not be "perfect". It will be good, though. I am learning from others, reading, planning, and lol, procrastinating. But it will happen. Shakily at first, but's that's just as much as I would expect from dc. To do it, try it, and then improve.

 

Oh, I think there was something else in the book along the lines of not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. I am soooo letting the perfect be the enemy of the good here...and sometimes letting the OCD be the enemy of the really quite good.

 

As for how my homeschooling has changed. Briefly, I started out unschooling, changed to eclectic, Charlotte Mason, and am now doing Oak Meadow (a "Waldorf inspired" curriculum). I will probably actually use a bit of all these methods.

 

So, my approach has changed quite a bit.

 

That's the short answer.:D Perhaps I can add on later.

 

Woolybear

 

Well, your answer about your changing homeschool gave me a very good insight about my OCD self. I think the real crux of the problem is that I don't want to evolve. I want to start out perfect and maintain perfection until dc graduate. No biggie, right? :lol: I think that's the problem of a lot of us who start reading about homeschooling while our kids are still in diapers. We set up these images and spreadsheets and we know very early on exactly what we want from K-12 but without any practical experience, we're just naive. I sometimes laugh out loud at what an idiot I was at 18, or 25 or before kids, etc., etc., etc. So, I guess I'm destined to look back at my first year of homeschooling and laugh at myself. Sure wish I could do that now. It's like childbirth, marriage, death, and all the other big stuff, I guess. Until you've experienced it firsthand, you can think you know what it will be like and how you'll react but really, you don't have a clue other than some book learning.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I've figured out the hard way that when I lay off and take it easy with my 2 oldest kids, they get irritable, bored and ultra-competitive. When I push them, they get excited and do very well.

 

Yes! I do think a big impetus for my self-loathing is that I believe DS7 would benefit enormously from some medium-sized pushes. My CM/WTM plans look so relaxed in their execution that if you asked DS, he would probably feel there are no expectations on him at all. Do not get me wrong. We are doing school and he is not lagging in any way but the relaxation almost produces ennui in him at times.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I think it's a common situation. Sounds to me like you're on the right track. It's always a mistake to try to be something you're not. That doesn't mean you make no effort to better your understanding of life; just be realistic. Start where you are and go from there.

 

I think I'm developing a bad case of multiple-personality disorder. I'm trying to figure out who I really am. :lol: I guess I'm at that place where things that look really good on paper are also easier on paper so I have to put up or shut up, to put it harshly.

 

What comes to mind when I read this is to issue a warning to not get too caught up in making the perfect curriculum or methodology choice. Consider what works best to allow you to teach effectively.

 

Most of the time your dc won't know the difference. But, if a bad curriculum choice makes you crabby or inefficient they'll surely notice!

 

I hear you here. The DC will definitely begin to notice if I keep making myself insane with this internal struggle! I hope to keep it internal, if you know what I mean. ;)

 

I'd suggest you think about whether your limitations are true hindrances or just how you are. This is a process; it doesn't happen over night. If you fall down, you can get up and go on. Keep your focus on improving yourself and helping your child master one thing at a time, then move on. If you do that consistently you will see results. The one thing at a time rule is good for moms too. ;)

 

I will have to chew on this one...over and over. It's becoming alarming how obtuse I am about myself!

 

I realized pretty soon after becoming fascinated with the classical model (after waiting 6 weeks to get my hands on TWTM and reading it as fast as I possibly could) that it was going to take serious self-ed program to get myself to the point where I could attempt that path. It didn't happen overnight either. I got a lot of good advice and encouragement here. Thank you, thank you, SWB for making these boards available--they cost her a lot of time and money!

 

Yes, I'm working on this.

 

Hmmm...one thing that comes to my mind is how easy it is to set up hsing as some kind of idealized happy existence. But ya know, real life just sometimes happens all around and sometimes right in the middle of schooling. Sometimes you have many, many days of drudgery, arguments, and even tears and the good days can be too few.

 

 

Oh yeah. Life's been happening all over the place here. DH and I were just commenting last night about how the most content people are probably committed realists. Ironic because although I'm committed to homeschooling, I'm not sure I've been a realist.

 

I laugh about this now, but the advice I heard starting out was to RELAX, which was the one thing I simply could not do. I heard that through the years, and watched as several new crops of hsers were told to RELAX, and almost none of them could, either. Well, eventually I got too old, too tired, and too distracted by life to stress out. And when that happened, life got better in a lot of ways. So, now my son's in college, doing well, and wants to keep attending home school conventions to encourage the next generation. Looking back, there were some things I did well, and some other areas where my son has succeeded in spite of my inadequacies.

 

 

Interesting. Ironically, I think school here is too relaxed but my brain is on fire with overthinking. Lots to chew on. Thanks for the help. :001_smile:

[3Rivers]

GREAT thread!! I'm going to come back to this when I'm not running like mad.....:auto:

[lovemykids]

Yes! I do think a big impetus for my self-loathing is that I believe DS7 would benefit enormously from some medium-sized pushes. My CM/WTM plans look so relaxed in their execution that if you asked DS, he would probably feel there are no expectations on him at all. Do not get me wrong. We are doing school and he is not lagging in any way but the relaxation almost produces ennui in him at times.

 

Then step it up a bit, simply alternate relaxation/ inquiry with a little rigorous WTM/CM hard work expectation every once in a while. Or do it on a regular basis. Balancing needs and juggling methods needn’t be described so negatively, as in multiple personalities. We all have a bit of those tendencies, lol. As people, we are multifaceted, that’s what makes us whole.

[lovemykids]

This could be a very long answer, but I don't have time right now to do that. So, one thing I will say is that remember this is a journey, yours as well as your childrens. You can't rush it, that I can see. It is sort of like my soon to be 10 year old son being eager to become 16 so he can learn to drive. It will take him 6 years to turn 16 no matter how eager he is. Try to enjoy the journey. You will grow. You will learn a lot. About all sorts of things, including yourself as a teacher. But about lots of other things too. You will learn about compromise. You may end up doing things differently than you wanted to, than you thought you would. You may not.:001_smile: You will figure out what is important for you and your family in all of this. And once you figure it all out, it will probably change. Or it might.

 

At any rate, I won't tell you to relax. As you've heard it already.

 

About limitations? I am just starting us out in a new hsing direction that is definitely out of my comfort zone. However, it seems the right path for my dc. Do I feel I have limitations in this arena? Definitely. I'm jumping in anyway. I will figure this out. And I know it will not be "perfect". It will be good, though. I am learning from others, reading, planning, and lol, procrastinating. But it will happen. Shakily at first, but's that's just as much as I would expect from dc. To do it, try it, and then improve.

 

As for how my homeschooling has changed. Briefly, I started out unschooling, changed to eclectic, Charlotte Mason, and am now doing Oak Meadow (a "Waldorf inspired" curriculum). I will probably actually use a bit of all these methods.

 

So, my approach has changed quite a bit.

 

That's the short answer.:D Perhaps I can add on later.

 

Woolybear

 

Lovely post. Bravo. :)

[justamouse]

I laugh about this now, but the advice I heard starting out was to RELAX, which was the one thing I simply could not do. I heard that through the years, and watched as several new crops of hsers were told to RELAX, and almost none of them could, either. Well, eventually I got too old, too tired, and too distracted by life to stress out. And when that happened, life got better in a lot of ways. So, now my son's in college, doing well, and wants to keep attending home school conventions to encourage the next generation. Looking back, there were some things I did well, and some other areas where my son has succeeded in spite of my inadequacies.

 

In a nutshell? This. I actually had a huge agent interested in a non fict book on homeschooling I was writing about slowing down. Seriously. RELAX. Apparently I could write a book on the subject, but Martha summed it up perfectly.

 

But, I am a type A, introverted, task oriented, structure needin' person and that's the way God made me. Do I hear an "Amen"? No, just kidding.

 

I'm a type A introvert. Sounds like an oxymoron, but it's not, is it? *g*

 

When I started this homeschooling gig I was scheduled to the teeth. I had it all planned out, just like a first time mother. And, just like a first time mother, my feet were taken out from under me. Things happened. Children needed something I didn't plan for. Life happened and I had to learn to relax. God made you that way, but it doesn't mean you don't need some sanding, you know? Let those events that make you throw up your hands in frustration instead change you. Learn to rest back into them. It's exhausting fighting them all the time. I love a schedule, but I also know that my schedule, on most days, will fly out the window and I can either wail and bemoan myself and my children, or I can pick up the scattered petals and see how beautiful they are. I basically got tired of being stressed all the time. And my kids hated my being stressed all the time. I also realized what a bad example I was setting. When something didn't go my way, what did I do? Got angry. I had a tantrum-not visibly, but they knew I was upset. We try to teach our kids that they can't have everything they want, but when they see me freaking because I didn't get my way and they were supposed to perform so I could have my way? What exactly does that teach them? I got fed up.

 

I'm still learning to relax. I don't think I'll ever stop that. But at least now I know when my pain is self inflicted. :001_smile:

 

See, we're moving. We sold our house in January, and we were supposed to have moved two weeks ago. We had three deals fall though (not on our account) and all of our schooling stuff has been packed for months. I kept out what I knew we would finish-and we did, and now we have nothing. So I could either freak out about all this, or take it as the opportunity it was. I freaked at first, I admit. But for my own sanity, the peace of my household and the contentment of my children, I had to stop. No one likes a psychotic mommy.

 

Now I'm much more child focused. I just had them all up on my bed telling me what they wanted to learn. I had my notebook out and was writing as fast as I could. Our trip to the library tomorrow ought to be fun. And from mow on I'm not choosing extremely structured curriculum anymore.

Edited May 3, 2010 by justamouse

[Tullia]

Then step it up a bit, simply alternate relaxation/ inquiry with a little rigorous WTM/CM hard work expectation every once in a while. Or do it on a regular basis. Balancing needs and juggling methods needn’t be described so negatively, as in multiple personalities. We all have a bit of those tendencies, lol. As people, we are multifaceted, that’s what makes us whole.

 

 

Excellent point... I especially like the part about being multifaceted!

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I could have written your post as I've been really struggling lately with who I am, where our hsing is going, where my life is going, friendships, etc. It's been a tough month for me, and I fully understand your thoughts.

 

:grouphug: Ditto on the tough month.

 

I wish I could say I have an answer for you, but I don't have a solid one. The quote above is as close as I can come since her response is what I'm realizing about myself. I am who I am, and right now, I'm trying to figure out how that fits into the journey of homeschooling. This is a path most do not take, and walking along the edge of the mainstream, but not crossing it, has been a tough thing for me because my life is not the same as most of my peers. Since I'm limited in some ways by having my kids with me constantly, my friendships are changing, and I struggle with that immensely. Moreover, family dynamics with two intense children (whom I'm learning are "spirited") is something I also struggle with on a daily basis. Parenting and homeschooling is a difficult road!

 

I feel you on the friendships. I feel very blessed to have great friends, (some who homeschool and some who don't) but being an Army wife, most of them are now long distance. My real friendship problem is not having someone local who homeschools the way I do. I should work on that. I've been toying with the idea of joining a group next year but I think it might frustrate me even more to do that and possibly still not be able to find someone philosophically similar.

 

 

As for my actual homeschool, I'm trying to find a balance of fun (when I don't feel as if I'm a fun person) and academics (without burning all of us out). Some days, I scare myself because ds#1 is only in first grade, and I stress about making sure he's getting it all. Yet, on another day, I may feel perfectly content and think things are moving along fine. Being fully relaxed is not really in my nature, but I sure wish it was!

 

This whole paragraph is true of me too, although I worry less about the dc getting what they need and more about worrying that I'm not setting us up for success in the later years, if that makes any sense.

 

I started out trying to follow the true WTM path, but it's difficult to implement, and with a newly 3yo, some days it was just impossible. As a result, I'm assessing where I really want to go because I don't want to spend the next x-number of years worrying about this constantly.

 

Yes! See above about me wanting to just be perfect from the start! :lol:

 

My youngest has just turned 4 and they are each 19 months apart in age. It is crazy to see how ds7 feels like he's missing out on play (my dc's life's purpose) to spend even 1-2 hours a day on official school. That goes to my fear too. I believe in play for children. I absolutely believe in play for children. However, I believe there is nothing inappopriate about expecting an hour or two of concerted effort from a first grade child (especially when the same child would be at school for 7 hours a day if I sent him down the street every day).

 

I also have days where I feel downright saddened when I find myself saying to ds, "We can't study that now because we have to finish 'this' first." I know he'd love to go off on rabbit trails constantly, but that is too unschoolish for ME, and it goes against my "check-off the boxes" nature. I'm trying to find a balance with this, and I'm thinking we can use summer to run down those trails. I won't seek out a curriculm, rather, we'll just learn. Some may say this is what I should be doing all the time, but I feel I NEED curriculum to guide me. I think I don't have enough faith in myself to get it done as I am learning (to my dismay) that I am lazy. :sad: This is an area of which I believe I can improve, and I'm making that one of my goals...

 

:grouphug: This is my fear too, although when I allow myself more grace, I wonder if it's just sheer exhaustion from having been in the trenches with three littles and hopping right from the frying pan of that into the fire of homeschooling.

 

Anyway, all this to say that I'm still trying to figure out where we're going. Every year adds another year of experience (we're finishing year 2), and in some ways it becomes easier, yet in others it becomes harder. I think this is always going to be a process that will ebb and flow with some days, weeks, months being better than others. There will be points where I will find contentment and others where I may feel unsettled. However, I'm aiming for more moments of feeling content... :)

 

Me too. As others have said, I'm guessing that comes with time and experience...and letting go.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Then step it up a bit, simply alternate relaxation/ inquiry with a little rigorous WTM/CM hard work expectation every once in a while. Or do it on a regular basis. Balancing needs and juggling methods needn’t be described so negatively, as in multiple personalities. We all have a bit of those tendencies, lol. As people, we are multifaceted, that’s what makes us whole.

 

Well, multifaceted is definitely a better way to put it than multiple personalities! I guess I need to reframe this internal struggle and not feel like my choices are black and white. I love the concept of alternating relaxation with rigor. I'll have to puzzle out how it will look for us here on a daily basis.

 

In a nutshell? This. I actually had a huge agent interested in a non fict book on homeschooling I was writing about slowing down. Seriously. RELAX. Apparently I could write a book on the subject, but Martha summed it up perfectly.

 

The fact that there is such a need for this and that almost everyone can relate to it makes me wonder if it's inevitable though, you know? Maybe it's a natural, necessary step for most of us to have this phase of homeschooling that forces us to measure our failings (perceived or real) against our actual abilities.

 

I'm a type A introvert. Sounds like an oxymoron, but it's not, is it? *g*

 

Me too!

 

When I started this homeschooling gig I was scheduled to the teeth. I had it all planned out, just like a first time mother. And, just like a first time mother, my feet were taken out from under me. Things happened. Children needed something I didn't plan for. Life happened and I had to learn to relax. God made you that way, but it doesn't mean you don't need some sanding, you know? Let those events that make you throw up your hands in frustration instead change you. Learn to rest back into them. It's exhausting fighting them all the time.

 

I LOVE this! I just might embroider it in a throw pillow! :lol:

 

I love a schedule, but I also know that my schedule, on most days, will fly out the window and I can either wail and bemoan myself and my children, or I can pick up the scattered petals and see how beautiful they are. I basically got tired of being stressed all the time. And my kids hated my being stressed all the time. I also realized what a bad example I was setting. When something didn't go my way, what did I do? Got angry. I had a tantrum-not visibly, but they knew I was upset. We try to teach our kids that they can't have everything they want, but when they see me freaking because I didn't get my way and they were supposed to perform so I could have my way? What exactly does that teach them? I got fed up.

 

I'm still learning to relax. I don't think I'll ever stop that. But at least now I know when my pain is self inflicted. :001_smile:

 

This is very helpful to read. Good points. Yes, my pain is self-inflicted.

 

See, we're moving. We sold our house in January, and we were supposed to have moved two weeks ago. We had three deals fall though (not on our account) and all of our schooling stuff has been packed for months. I kept out what I knew we would finish-and we did, and now we have nothing. So I could either freak out about all this, or take it as the opportunity it was. I freaked at first, I admit. But for my own sanity, the peace of my household and the contentment of my children, I had to stop. No one likes a psychotic mommy.

 

Nope! I know this first-hand! :lol: Good luck on your move! I hope it comes swiftly for you.

 

Now I'm much more child focused. I just had them all up on my bed telling me what they wanted to learn. I had my notebook out and was writing as fast as I could. Our trip to the library tomorrow ought to be fun. And from mow on I'm not choosing extremely structured curriculum anymore.

 

Thanks so much for your input. This was a great pep talk! :001_smile:

Edited May 3, 2010 by Alte Veste Academy

[Brindee]

Long story short--My oldest ds had a bad experience in 1st grade that changed him from a kid who couldn't read enough books, to one that would cry if I made him read ANYthing, even one word! :'( I could see it was going to take some work, so I started homeschooling him in July for 2nd grade. As I was searching, I found one person I knew that was homeschooling. She recommended Christian Liberty Academy. There wasn't even close to as many options available then, so I went with their "boxed" 2nd grade curriculum (but didn't have them do the grading). As many parents are, we were scared of homeschooling, of missing something they'd need, wondering about the social aspects...... But after settling in for awhile, and getting my ds past that reading hump, we really started enjoying it! I wasn't one who was always going to homeschool. I hadn't even really heard of it before our situation came up, so it was all completely new to me. I was thrilled to see ds's work getting done, to see him reading again, to see his talents and abilities emerging! I had a 1 year old and an almost 5 year old when we started, so I got overwhelmed with the thought of how it was going to be accomplished! AND, there was NO WTM site available then!!!

 

I knew only this one person that was homeschooling and she was a great support. My bff at the time has a dd the same age as my ds, and she, too had never thought of homeschooling. I told her I had decided to homeschool him for 2nd grade, she knew the reasoning behind it. That was in April. She told me she would miss him and me, but she could never homeschool! Un-beknownst to me, she was very curious and did some research on her own. The end of the school year she told me she had decided to homeschool also! So, there was another friend/support person. We talked and shared a lot, which was very helpful for both of us!

 

Then I was told that I was cheating my son of a real education by using a "boxed" curriculum! What? The curriculum I used had lesson plans, kind of a hand-holding thing, which, because of my fears, was EXACTLY what I needed. So, I started worrying about that. But as I saw my son learn and be excited about learning again, I realized that this was truly what was best for him!

 

We started out planning on homeschooling for 2nd and probably 3rd. By 4th grade he'd be in a different teacher's room (small Christian school that had a K classroom, a grades 1-3 classroom, a 4th-6th classroom, and 7th and 8th classroom. A couple years later, to save money, they consolidated and had K-2, 3-5 and 6-8. anyway, we wouldn't put him back in the same teacher's classroom or send him to ps, so we "had" to homeschool him through 3rd.), and could go back to school. But, by the time 4th rolled around, I did NOT want to send him back, and he did not want to go back! We did so many great things together! By then, younger ds was being homeschooled, and dh and I decided that, unless circumstances forced us to do otherwise, we'd be homeschooling for the long-haul!

 

We're finishing up our 12th year now, and I have absolutely NO regrets! Our oldest ds (the 2nd grader who wouldn't read) is now getting a 3.8 in his freshmen year in college. He never did get back his old love of reading, but at least he got to where he would read and could enjoy it to a point. One reason he doesn't have a 4.0 is because he had to take a year long English class that has LOTS of reading and writing. Not good! If it was grammar instead of reading and writing, he'd be all over it and have no problem.

 

One thing I like to say about homeschooling: Once kids are older and on their own, I hear a lot of parents say, "I wish I would have spent more time with my kids!" I can honestly say I do not have that regret at all. I couldn't have spent much more time with them than I did! I LOVE that, truly LOVE to be able to say that! I am THRILLED beyond words, now that my kids are older and leaving the nest, that I was blessed to be able to homeschool them and see them grow and find the joy of learning!

 

One of the very best memories we have is when the 3 kids and I did SOTW Ancient History, along with the www.timelinesetc.com guides. We made a big timeline on the one wall we had room for it and put Bible events on the top, and world events on the bottom, and were able to read and learn about them and compare the chronology! It fascinated us to the degree that we spent TWO years on Ancients! We used the SOTW AG and pulled in other sources, including National Geographic Kids. The kids not only learned history, they learned to work together to overcome differences and make decisions with all the info. put together, to give a little for peace in the household ;) and to love exploring!

 

How have I changed--from intimidated and scared of making a mistake, to being able to do research, here (THANKYOU SWB!!!) and other places, and be fine with picking what works best for my children! I am at peace with what we pick when it works for the child that's using it, even if someone else tells me it's not rigorous enough, or whatever the case may be!

 

Ohhh, one thing I learned: When you homeschool, the kids are often at different levels in the different subjects. So we never called it "grade" 6 or "grade" 9 materials, we always used the word "Level." So, take ds16 for instance: In "6th grade" (though we really didn't go by grade levels either) he was doing Level 8 math, Level 5 Grammar, History was a mixed bag, Science was Level 6, etc. I told my kids from the beginning that the level they used didn't matter. If that's what they needed to really "get it", then that's what we would use. Why go by an arbitrary number someone assigned to something, instead of the level you need to REALLY learn the concepts well?! They never had a problem using a lower level than the grade they were considered, and they didn't brag if they were using a higher level. They just used what they needed to build a strong foundation in each subject!

 

I guess I've jabbered on long enough, and I don't even know if I answered the original questions?!

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Long story short--My oldest ds had a bad experience in 1st grade that changed him from a kid who couldn't read enough books, to one that would cry if I made him read ANYthing, even one word! :'( I could see it was going to take some work, so I started homeschooling him in July for 2nd grade. As I was searching, I found one person I knew that was homeschooling. She recommended Christian Liberty Academy. There wasn't even close to as many options available then, so I went with their "boxed" 2nd grade curriculum (but didn't have them do the grading). As many parents are, we were scared of homeschooling, of missing something they'd need, wondering about the social aspects...... But after settling in for awhile, and getting my ds past that reading hump, we really started enjoying it! I wasn't one who was always going to homeschool. I hadn't even really heard of it before our situation came up, so it was all completely new to me. I was thrilled to see ds's work getting done, to see him reading again, to see his talents and abilities emerging! I had a 1 year old and an almost 5 year old when we started, so I got overwhelmed with the thought of how it was going to be accomplished! AND, there was NO WTM site available then!!!

 

I knew only this one person that was homeschooling and she was a great support. My bff at the time has a dd the same age as my ds, and she, too had never thought of homeschooling. I told her I had decided to homeschool him for 2nd grade, she knew the reasoning behind it. That was in April. She told me she would miss him and me, but she could never homeschool! Un-beknownst to me, she was very curious and did some research on her own. The end of the school year she told me she had decided to homeschool also! So, there was another friend/support person. We talked and shared a lot, which was very helpful for both of us!

 

Then I was told that I was cheating my son of a real education by using a "boxed" curriculum! What? The curriculum I used had lesson plans, kind of a hand-holding thing, which, because of my fears, was EXACTLY what I needed. So, I started worrying about that. But as I saw my son learn and be excited about learning again, I realized that this was truly what was best for him!

 

We started out planning on homeschooling for 2nd and probably 3rd. By 4th grade he'd be in a different teacher's room (small Christian school that had a K classroom, a grades 1-3 classroom, a 4th-6th classroom, and 7th and 8th classroom. A couple years later, to save money, they consolidated and had K-2, 3-5 and 6-8. anyway, we wouldn't put him back in the same teacher's classroom or send him to ps, so we "had" to homeschool him through 3rd.), and could go back to school. But, by the time 4th rolled around, I did NOT want to send him back, and he did not want to go back! We did so many great things together! By then, younger ds was being homeschooled, and dh and I decided that, unless circumstances forced us to do otherwise, we'd be homeschooling for the long-haul!

 

We're finishing up our 12th year now, and I have absolutely NO regrets! Our oldest ds (the 2nd grader who wouldn't read) is now getting a 3.8 in his freshmen year in college. He never did get back his old love of reading, but at least he got to where he would read and could enjoy it to a point. One reason he doesn't have a 4.0 is because he had to take a year long English class that has LOTS of reading and writing. Not good! If it was grammar instead of reading and writing, he'd be all over it and have no problem.

 

One thing I like to say about homeschooling: Once kids are older and on their own, I hear a lot of parents say, "I wish I would have spent more time with my kids!" I can honestly say I do not have that regret at all. I couldn't have spent much more time with them than I did! I LOVE that, truly LOVE to be able to say that! I am THRILLED beyond words, now that my kids are older and leaving the nest, that I was blessed to be able to homeschool them and see them grow and find the joy of learning!

 

One of the very best memories we have is when the 3 kids and I did SOTW Ancient History, along with the www.timelinesetc.com guides. We made a big timeline on the one wall we had room for it and put Bible events on the top, and world events on the bottom, and were able to read and learn about them and compare the chronology! It fascinated us to the degree that we spent TWO years on Ancients! We used the SOTW AG and pulled in other sources, including National Geographic Kids. The kids not only learned history, they learned to work together to overcome differences and make decisions with all the info. put together, to give a little for peace in the household ;) and to love exploring!

 

How have I changed--from intimidated and scared of making a mistake, to being able to do research, here (THANKYOU SWB!!!) and other places, and be fine with picking what works best for my children! I am at peace with what we pick when it works for the child that's using it, even if someone else tells me it's not rigorous enough, or whatever the case may be!

 

Ohhh, one thing I learned: When you homeschool, the kids are often at different levels in the different subjects. So we never called it "grade" 6 or "grade" 9 materials, we always used the word "Level." So, take ds16 for instance: In "6th grade" (though we really didn't go by grade levels either) he was doing Level 8 math, Level 5 Grammar, History was a mixed bag, Science was Level 6, etc. I told my kids from the beginning that the level they used didn't matter. If that's what they needed to really "get it", then that's what we would use. Why go by an arbitrary number someone assigned to something, instead of the level you need to REALLY learn the concepts well?! They never had a problem using a lower level than the grade they were considered, and they didn't brag if they were using a higher level. They just used what they needed to build a strong foundation in each subject!

 

I guess I've jabbered on long enough, and I don't even know if I answered the original questions?!

 

This was wonderful! I bolded above something that particularly struck me. You picked a curriculum that was exactly what you needed when you started out. I imagine that the confidence and security you had because of that choice helped you to relax, which helped your son to learn. Maybe baby steps as a homeschooler means letting go of the search for "the best" and finding the most comfortable fit.

 

Thanks for sharing your homeschool story!

[Brindee]

As for my actual homeschool, I'm trying to find a balance of fun (when I don't feel as if I'm a fun person) and academics (without burning all of us out). Some days, I scare myself because ds#1 is only in first grade, and I stress about making sure he's getting it all. Yet, on another day, I may feel perfectly content and think things are moving along fine. Being fully relaxed is not really in my nature, but I sure wish it was!

 

I started out trying to follow the true WTM path, but it's difficult to implement, and with a newly 3yo, some days it was just impossible. As a result, I'm assessing where I really want to go because I don't want to spend the next x-number of years worrying about this constantly.

It's VERY easy to get overwhelmed at first! It IS a huge change! Many of us went through those changes when we started homeschooling as well! I had people from my church, whose kids went to the Christian school I pulled my oldest ds from, who would make snide remarks to me about not supporting the Church School, and all sorts of things!

 

Keep on keeping on, Hon! It gets better, it really does! Come here for support (wish there had been this place, or one like it, when i started homeschooling!) and help!

 

 

I also have days where I feel downright saddened when I find myself saying to ds, "We can't study that now because we have to finish 'this' first." I know he'd love to go off on rabbit trails constantly, but that is too unschoolish for ME, and it goes against my "check-off the boxes" nature. I'm trying to find a balance with this, and I'm thinking we can use summer to run down those trails. I won't seek out a curriculm, rather, we'll just learn. Some may say this is what I should be doing all the time, but I feel I NEED curriculum to guide me. I think I don't have enough faith in myself to get it done as I am learning (to my dismay) that I am lazy. This is an area of which I believe I can improve, and I'm making that one of my goals...

Yes, that's a worrisome thing at first! But, guess what? Kids often learn WAY more on those rabbit trails than they do from some set curriculum! Honest! :001_smile: Why/How? Because they WANT to learn that! Let me give an example: When your child was learning to crawl, did you say, "No, sorry dear, you can't do that. You HAVE to walk now. Maybe some other time you can do the crawl thing, but we really need to work on this walking!" No! That's obviously a different situation, it's just an example. At that age, really, one of the best things you can do is follow their lead! When they're young like that, their brain often concentrates on one or two areas almost exclusively. Not EVERY child, I'm generalizing here. So, when they want to go on a rabbit trail, it's not to be stubborn (well, there ARE those cases! ;) ), it's because they REALLY want to learn about that! There are probably books, videos, and even unit studies, that deal with what your child is asking about! You could get those if it would make you feel better! :D At this age, you want to invest the time to help them LOVE to learn! If they want to learn about something, and you say, "No, you can't, we have to do school work," that will NOT instill in them a love for learning! Following their lead gives them joy and excitement in learning about that thing they are so interested in! And you need to realize that that IS learning! They will want to learn more and dig deeper than what a curriculum might do, because they WANT to! They will be more willing to learn as they get older if you have instilled this joy of learning in them when they're young! :001_smile: Edited May 3, 2010 by Brindee

[....]

I think one of the sources of these issues is the fact that we are one of the most educated and mobile "generations" (and I'm including the three overlapping generations) of women to inhabit the earth.

 

We're extremely driven and I think it's reflected in every aspect of our society-even homeschooling.

 

Slow down??? What the heck does that mean?? Is there an App for that? :D LOL!

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I think one of the sources of these issues is the fact that we are one of the most educated and mobile "generations" (and I'm including the three overlapping generations) of women to inhabit the earth.

 

We're extremely driven and I think it's reflected in every aspect of our society-even homeschooling.

 

You're probably right about that. I wouldn't say I was driven to have a career but I was driven to succeed. It's not necessarily fair to my kids (or myself) to try to apply the same brand of ambition to the education of my kids.

 

Slow down??? What the heck does that mean?? Is there an App for that? :D LOL!

 

:lol: As I read this, DH is sitting directly across the table from me configuring the iPhone he bought me for my birthday. I'll ask him. :lol: (I told him I would only use the darn thing to check my Library Thing while I'm at Half-Price Books!)

[Brindee]

This was wonderful! I bolded above something that particularly struck me. You picked a curriculum that was exactly what you needed when you started out. I imagine that the confidence and security you had because of that choice helped you to relax, which helped your son to learn. Maybe baby steps as a homeschooler means letting go of the search for "the best" and finding the most comfortable fit.

 

Thanks for sharing your homeschool story!

Exactly! It's baby-steps. Find something that will work, and as time goes on, you will begin to run and then to soar!

 

The hand-holding was what I needed to understand the concept of how to homeschool, I knew he was getting all that he needed, and his interest was often piqued! After about 3 months, I made the BOLD decision NOT to use something that was listed to do. It was something that was boring to ds, and I didn't feel it added to the program at all. I actually got other things from the library instead! That, as little as it was, was when I started to run. It wasn't easy after that, of course, and each time I added in another child I got a bit scared, especially since they were all soooo different in their learning styles!

 

Oh, that's another thing. Once I learned that I needed to learn their Learning styles, I learned them, and it made my curriculum choices smoother! Some stuff you can tweak, some stuff may not work out. But, the tweaking is easier when you know what interests them and how to get it across in THEIR way of learning!

 

I interrupted myself! :D I ended up being an eclectic homeschooler after that year. I pick and choose what I feel works best, and when they're old enough the kids help choose. We're still eclectic, and my youngest is going into 9th next year!

 

It's all worth it in the long-run, I can tell you that! It's neat to see my children now, as compared to when we started!

[Brindee]

 

Slow down??? What the heck does that mean?? Is there an App for that? :D LOL!

:lol: :lol: I wish! :lol: :lol:

[justamouse]

 

:grouphug: This is my fear too, although when I allow myself more grace, I wonder if it's just sheer exhaustion from having been in the trenches with three littles and hopping right from the frying pan of that into the fire of homeschooling.

 

 

 

 

 

I really, really think you hit the nail on the head, here. I often think I'm lazy, too and then I realize, I'm really stressed and exhausted. It just happens when that type A has to demand its way (living in a world of 'should' doesn't help, either). We get all wound up again. :glare:

 

And you're right, we need to allow ourselves more grace.

[jenL]

I really, really think you hit the nail on the head, here. I often think I'm lazy, too and then I realize, I'm really stressed and exhausted. It just happens when that type A has to demand its way (living in a world of 'should' doesn't help, either). We get all wound up again. :glare:

 

And you're right, we need to allow ourselves more grace.

 

YES!!!! This is perfect!!!

 

Brindee, thank you so much for your comments regarding my fears of stopping curriculum to go down rabbit trails... I'm going to pray over that. It really struck a chord with me. I hope I can release some of my need for control... I know it would be better for us all.

 

This thread has been fascinating, eye-opening, and comforting all at the same time. I'm so glad I have this forum! Thank you, Alte Vesta for opening such a raw topic for me, and for everyone who has shared.

[sewpeaceful]

lol... we're weirdos too! I love it!

[PeterPan]

Kristina, after 6 years of homeschooling, the big change is that I finally figured out is that it doesn't matter a fig newton what I wish for my kids or want to do for them, only what they CAN do with who they are and what they've been giving. So instead of looking for what I dream for them, I'm now looking for what their abilities mean and how to open them up. I think when your kids are happy and thriving, and that is your goal (not fulfilling that polyanna-esque vision you created), you'll be happy. So change your vision, I guess is what I'm saying. That's what I'm doing.

[PeterPan]

BTW, I think it's just plain hard to grow into homeschooling. If people hit it right and find their stride from the very start, they're really lucky or insightful about themselves or something. It's just a process you go through, learning how you learn, learning who your kids are, learning what your kids AREN'T, learning how to bring out the best in them. It's like marriage. You're probably a better wife now than you were at the beginning, even though you were well-intentioned the whole way. You had to grow. It's a growth process and no one can give you that. You earn it. :)

[sewpeaceful]

I started out schooling at home, curriculum in a box, freaked out that my kid wasn't getting everything right. Time passed. I am more eclectic. I have gotten MUCH better at understanding my kids, how they learn, realizing that life lessons are often far more important than academic lessons. I have realized that school does not have to take 8 hours but that learning should happen all the time.

[lovemykids]

I started out schooling at home, curriculum in a box, freaked out that my kid wasn't getting everything right. Time passed. I am more eclectic. I have gotten MUCH better at understanding my kids, how they learn, realizing that life lessons are often far more important than academic lessons. I have realized that school does not have to take 8 hours but that learning should happen all the time.

 

Yes, this. :D

[prairiegirl]

Kristina, the quote you gave from The Happiness Project is spot on for me. We have been hsing for the past 6 years. I have tried so darn hard for all of those years to be a classical homeschooler. I so badly want to give my children a classical education, but every year we get sidetracked and we end up going down a path that is oh-so-not-classical. Then I try again at the beginning of the next year to be more classical and the same-old same-old happens. This has been so frustrating for me.

 

Then this year happened. I started out in true Julia fashion with plans that were deeply classical, then three days into our year, I found out I had cancer. Everything went topsy turvy from then on. The cancer itself truly wasn't a big deal. I wasn't sick. I had surgery to remove the cancer and I am now cancer free. The problem was the aftermath of the cancer. This was the impetus for self-examination in all areas. The main area was homeschooling. This self-examination has really worn me out.

 

Regardless of how much I want to give my kids a classical education, it just isn't working. I do not want to waste any more time trying to be the person I wish I was. I need to accept and be happy with the person I am and that is a relaxed (I'm talking really, really relaxed :D ) homechooler. I can still put classical elements into our day but if I am totally honest, I can't really call us classical. I am on the path of being satisfied with that.

[Brindee]

BTW, I think it's just plain hard to grow into homeschooling. If people hit it right and find their stride from the very start, they're really lucky or insightful about themselves or something. It's just a process you go through, learning how you learn, learning who your kids are, learning what your kids AREN'T, learning how to bring out the best in them. It's like marriage. You're probably a better wife now than you were at the beginning, even though you were well-intentioned the whole way. You had to grow. It's a growth process and no one can give you that. You earn it. :)

:iagree: Great words of wisdom! This is my 12th year, and I'm still failing and still learning, but as I look back I see that some of the failures led us to great successes! My children are doing well! My oldest graduated with highest honors from his highschool (he went to a Christian highschool for his Jr. & Sr. years). He missed out on Valedictorian by .03% or something like that.:tongue_smilie: I didn't need him to be Valedictorian, I was just so happy that he had the ability to do well "out in the real world!" :D So, despite all my mistakes, and what I sometimes felt were failures, my kids are doing really well! It's nice to be here on this side where I can see some of the results of the efforts we made through the years!

 

So, you need to give yourself permission to grow and learn as time goes by! Just like learning to ride a bike, you don't give up the first time you fall! And once you're balancing, it seems so wobbly, like you could fall at any minute, and sometimes you do. HOWEVER, it's okay! It's part of learning. You're kids will still be in better shape, imho, than if they were in public school! The best thing is, there are a whole lot of GREAT times too! Times when you say to yourself, "I am soooo glad I'm doing this!!!" :001_smile:

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

BTW, I think it's just plain hard to grow into homeschooling. If people hit it right and find their stride from the very start, they're really lucky or insightful about themselves or something. It's just a process you go through, learning how you learn, learning who your kids are, learning what your kids AREN'T, learning how to bring out the best in them. It's like marriage. You're probably a better wife now than you were at the beginning, even though you were well-intentioned the whole way. You had to grow. It's a growth process and no one can give you that. You earn it. :)

 

I guess that's the sad part about all of us who dream and plan while our kids are in diapers. Sadly, I don't think it can keep you from avoiding these growing pains. A growth process for sure. I need to grow and stretch and get some fresh understanding.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

:iagree: Great words of wisdom! This is my 12th year, and I'm still failing and still learning, but as I look back I see that some of the failures led us to great successes! My children are doing well! My oldest graduated with highest honors from his highschool (he went to a Christian highschool for his Jr. & Sr. years). He missed out on Valedictorian by .03% or something like that.:tongue_smilie: I didn't need him to be Valedictorian, I was just so happy that he had the ability to do well "out in the real world!" :D So, despite all my mistakes, and what I sometimes felt were failures, my kids are doing really well! It's nice to be here on this side where I can see some of the results of the efforts we made through the years!

 

Congratulations! That's just wonderful!

 

So, you need to give yourself permission to grow and learn as time goes by! Just like learning to ride a bike, you don't give up the first time you fall! And once you're balancing, it seems so wobbly, like you could fall at any minute, and sometimes you do. HOWEVER, it's okay! It's part of learning. You're kids will still be in better shape, imho, than if they were in public school! The best thing is, there are a whole lot of GREAT times too! Times when you say to yourself, "I am soooo glad I'm doing this!!!" :001_smile:

 

Well, I'm a committed realist so I'm always glad I chose this path but I definitely need more unrestrained joy of being "soooo glad," you know? And my goodness, the falling down...we're doing that all over the place here. CM would say we haven't established our habits well enough. I would agree.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Kristina, the quote you gave from The Happiness Project is spot on for me. We have been hsing for the past 6 years. I have tried so darn hard for all of those years to be a classical homeschooler. I so badly want to give my children a classical education, but every year we get sidetracked and we end up going down a path that is oh-so-not-classical. Then I try again at the beginning of the next year to be more classical and the same-old same-old happens. This has been so frustrating for me.

 

Then this year happened. I started out in true Julia fashion with plans that were deeply classical, then three days into our year, I found out I had cancer. Everything went topsy turvy from then on. The cancer itself truly wasn't a big deal. I wasn't sick. I had surgery to remove the cancer and I am now cancer free. The problem was the aftermath of the cancer. This was the impetus for self-examination in all areas. The main area was homeschooling. This self-examination has really worn me out.

 

Regardless of how much I want to give my kids a classical education, it just isn't working. I do not want to waste any more time trying to be the person I wish I was. I need to accept and be happy with the person I am and that is a relaxed (I'm talking really, really relaxed :D ) homechooler. I can still put classical elements into our day but if I am totally honest, I can't really call us classical. I am on the path of being satisfied with that.

 

:grouphug:

 

Your post has touched me deeply, on a very personal level. I am definitely suffering the ill effects of way too much stress for too long a period of time. I know in my heart that the exhaustion caused by this stress is probably my biggest enemy. I could type a diatribe (just did, in fact, and then deleted it). There you go, I guess. In those darkest moments when you fear it could be all gone tomorrow, what will you wish you had done? I've got to figure that out, I guess.

[Brindee]

Brindee, thank you so much for your comments regarding my fears of stopping curriculum to go down rabbit trails... I'm going to pray over that. It really struck a chord with me. I hope I can release some of my need for control... I know it would be better for us all.

 

Homeschooling isn't easy, it's a growing learning experience!

 

Mind if I pray with you?

[mom4knights]

Just wanted to say thank you so much for posting this thread. It truly has been an encouragement to me.

 

I have been struggling with being able to relax and enjoy our days and where they may lead (which isn't always the way I had planned!!:D)

 

I have been so blessed to find this forum as a source of insight, knowledge and encouragement. Your post is so similar to what I have been experiencing ~ trying to find myself in all of this. This is our 1st year hs and we have 4 boys (6,5,3,2). We move alot (my husband is a contractor who does work on military bases) and that adds difficulty in finding friends locally who also hs. I am definitely type A and some would say an extrovert (although my husband who knows me best would say I have more of an introvert side than I let on!:D)

 

I started out the year doing really good at being very structured but 2 moves later - it has pretty much gone out the window. Not that I am worried about what the ds are learning - only K and Pre-K. But, I too, am realizing that I am expecting too much out of them (and myself!) and then I find myself cranky when we can't accomplish everything (I can't imagine why ~ esp, not on a day like today when the 2 yr. old decided to remove his poopy diaper and carry it through the house to find me and show me!!!!!:tongue_smilie:)

 

And then there are days when I just give in and let them play and later feel guilty for being "lazy", when I know that sometimes that is just what they need. Why do I feel the need for perfection??? The answer is probably much deeper than I want to explore! :001_smile:

 

I know this whole "life experience" is also a God-thing ~ I know He is using these situations to challenge and grow me, to make me more dependent on Him rather than myself (ouch, that hurts to write it!:))

 

Anyway, sorry for the rambles and thank you for allowing me to share and be encouraged from reading this thread!

[PeterPan]

Kristina, I find exercise is the best thing I can do to relieve stress. Is your dh gone a lot with the Army? My dad was in the Navy, so he was gone almost all the time. I wonder, with the ages of your kids (7,5,4), how much of this is related to that, a stage? I'm cutting myself some slack with that, now that I have a toddler. I'll bet things are radically different for you when your kids are 9,7,6 or 11, 9,8. Give it a few years. Call these the messy years. Then you'll have the tween/crazy years. Then you'll have the fast, flurry, and out the door years. Then they'll be gone. The years when they are young are slower than the years as they get older, trust me. It will get better. :)

[samba]

Kristina, after 6 years of homeschooling, the big change is that I finally figured out is that it doesn't matter a fig newton what I wish for my kids or want to do for them, only what they CAN do with who they are and what they've been giving. So instead of looking for what I dream for them, I'm now looking for what their abilities mean and how to open them up. I think when your kids are happy and thriving, and that is your goal (not fulfilling that polyanna-esque vision you created), you'll be happy. So change your vision, I guess is what I'm saying. That's what I'm doing.

 

I wish I had my own eloquent answer to this question...too many thoughts, too little time. But this post hits the nail on the head for me. I've spent this year really trying to see my kids. As a result, changes are happening; some huge, some almost unnoticeable to everyone but me. But I know the difference. I'm also trying to spend more time investing in helping my kids becoming the kind of people they are meant to be rather than the kind of students I think they should be.

 

Thanks, OhE. I LOVE how you've expressed this :001_smile:.

[Closeacademy]

How many of you here have changed your homeschool style, curriculum, etc. from what you wished it could be to match who you are as a person and teacher (warts and all)?

When I started out I wanted to do the Charlotte Mason thing but couldn't find resources for preschool so I ordered Oak Meadow. Dissapointed with that we read good books and did nature studies that first year. The second year was preK and I happened upon Sonlight and Singapore. 1/2 way through my dd's K year I discovered TWTM and Classical education. Basically the first few years we did a lot of exploring curriculum and methods first hand. From CM to Waldorf to unschooling to living books to classical to where I am now.

 

The last couple of years basically last half of 2nd through first 1/2 of 4th, I pulled everything together to fit the classical framework: we had set curriculum for Latin (Minimus then Lively), math (Singapore) and phonics/spelling (SWR). Everything else was lapbooks and unit studies and good spines (SOTW). Sometimes we were more hands on and sometimes we were not. Sometimes school took a long, long time and sometimes it was too short.

 

Over time I learned that I have a visual spatial learner who loves science and is good at math but hates it and a hands-on child who is unwilling to learn unless she is given a good reason. So I look for things that are very visual and hands on. I look for things with manipulatives and projects. We are fairly settled right now in our choices.

 

How many of you here have wished for a certain type of education for your children and overcome personal limitations to make it happen? What specifically did you do to work on your limitations and improve as a homeschooler and mom?

 

I wanted to give my children an education in the classics. My children are both considered late-readers by the standards of this board and the ps school system. I don't push the classics instead I push an enjoyment of reading and let them read whatever they want including comic books. The classics can come later when they are ready to really enjoy and understand them. When they will not be torture.

 

I think giving up control, relaxing and just enjoying the ride has helped me so much. I also don't worry about what everyone else is doing any more and I stopped really looking for the perfect curriculum. I use what works for us not what the hot item is at the moment.

 

 

There is something out there for every teaching and learning style. You just have to figure out what you want and what works with your kids and take it from there. Sometimes, it is a bit of a journey and you wander to a lot of different places before you find the right fit.

 

Sometimes, I regret not using this or doing that from the beginning but really all that stuff we did that didn't work really helped to get us to the place we are at right now so that we knew how to make the good stuff work. Enjoy.:001_smile:

[Paisley Hedgehog]

..

[Doubleblessings]

Finally, I've also taken to heart more of what they want to study. I've modified our calendar to include 40 weeks of formal schooling. Again flexibillity is key here... We school year round in an aprox. 10 weeks classical (structured), 2 weeks unschooling, 1 week total break rotation.

 

I really like this idea. Thanks for posting it.

[AudreyTN]

I haven't read all of the posts, but not "doing it all" seems to be a theme. :001_smile: I think certain people are cut out for that kind of thing and others (ME ME) are not.

 

When I began homeschooling (2004/PreK) I was so overwhelmed that I didn't even know where to start. I happened across the WTM and I loved that it told me exactly what I needed to teach and gave me a few options of what I might want to use. Now, I think the only classical that remains evident in my homeschooling is Latin and chronological History.

 

In that (and a few other areas) I've found that when I'm overwhelmed I need someone to step in and tell me what to do just so that I can get started.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Just wanted to say thank you so much for posting this thread. It truly has been an encouragement to me.

 

Well, likewise, I have to say thank you to everyone who is responding. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one struggling in this way.

 

I have been struggling with being able to relax and enjoy our days and where they may lead (which isn't always the way I had planned!!:D)

 

I have been so blessed to find this forum as a source of insight, knowledge and encouragement. Your post is so similar to what I have been experiencing ~ trying to find myself in all of this. This is our 1st year hs and we have 4 boys (6,5,3,2). We move alot (my husband is a contractor who does work on military bases) and that adds difficulty in finding friends locally who also hs. I am definitely type A and some would say an extrovert (although my husband who knows me best would say I have more of an introvert side than I let on!:D)

 

I started out the year doing really good at being very structured but 2 moves later - it has pretty much gone out the window. Not that I am worried about what the ds are learning - only K and Pre-K. But, I too, am realizing that I am expecting too much out of them (and myself!) and then I find myself cranky when we can't accomplish everything (I can't imagine why ~ esp, not on a day like today when the 2 yr. old decided to remove his poopy diaper and carry it through the house to find me and show me!!!!!:tongue_smilie:)

 

Wow! You've got almost the same kid age spread I would have had if I had a 4th little one. We chose to stop at 3 due to what would have been very poor timing for the potential #4 due to a 15 month deployment. You definitely have your hands full. Moving is hard no matter why it's done. Because our post is so large, we've been blessed to have stayed put for five years and (knock on wood) will be able to stay in our home for the next five until DH retires. Moving is a huge stressor, especially with kids, so you should give yourself grace just for that!

 

And then there are days when I just give in and let them play and later feel guilty for being "lazy", when I know that sometimes that is just what they need. Why do I feel the need for perfection??? The answer is probably much deeper than I want to explore! :001_smile:

 

I know this whole "life experience" is also a God-thing ~ I know He is using these situations to challenge and grow me, to make me more dependent on Him rather than myself (ouch, that hurts to write it!:))

 

Anyway, sorry for the rambles and thank you for allowing me to share and be encouraged from reading this thread!

 

:grouphug: Thanks for sharing. I definitely understand about answers running deep. I'm chewing on a lot after all these responses.