Putting kids into school, need advice-badly.

[Eleni]

My husband strongly feels the kids should go to school. He has noticed that I am not handling the stress of homeschooling well anymore, and feels that I need a break. My kids have never gone to school, and while I am in agreement with my husband, I am freaking out.

 

My 9yo who will turn 10 in July could go into either 4th or 5th grade, but Im thinking academically it would be best for him to go into 4th...and I dont know how he will handle that. His cousin is a couple weeks older than he is and she will be going into 5th. To make it more complicated, he is very tall...already 5'2" I admit that I was not structured with our schooling for the past year and a half....my mom had leukemia and that took up a lot of my head space. The kids still read a lot of books and learned a lot, but Im embarrassed at where my eldest is with math...somehow my newly 8yo is way ahead in understanding math concepts.

 

My plan is to have my 9yo tested to figure out exactly where he is...and then really cram the next couple of months.

 

Does anyone have suggestions on how I can prepare the kids to go to school?

My youngest will be going into 1st grade, so im not worried...my 8yo will go into 3rd..and i dont worry about that either as he is not behind academically.

 

When I write the reasons why it would be good for them to go to school, it makes sense, but Im not thrilled...im a bit scared...how will they do? how will I do? homeschooling mom becomes such a part of one's identity and it is frightening but exciting to move in a new direction.

 

My situation right now is a husband that is gone up to 80 hours a week...three intense children to educate, a house and farm to maintain, and Im in school myself...and my mom died 3 months ago after a difficult battle with leukemia that left me quite shaken. Dh feels it would be best for me to have time to take more classes, to be able to write, and to just focus on running the house, which often suffers.

I would like these things, but it is such a change....and it is hard to give up.

[Pippen]

I'm sorry about your situation. I hope you find the right answers for your family. I'm homeschooling my daughter for a planned one year pullout and just with that much time I'm already struggling about giving it up.

 

With everything going on in your life, maybe getting your oldest a math tutor for the summer would relieve you of that stress. An established tutor in your community would be familiar with where the public school kids are in math would be helpful as opposed to someone like a college student.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say that I'm sorry about your mom, and I hope things start to even out for you. Maybe taking a little break will help you figure out what it is that will work best for you and your family.

:grouphug:

[Eleni]

I am hoping the break will do that. I have to admit, I CANT DO IT ALL anymore. Ok..maybe i needed to yell that. :lol:

Everyday the stress level on me is so high, sometimes my chest hurts. Im tired of the constant sibling arguing, and having to keep everyone busy, and make sure they go to enough outside activities, and trying to be everything to everyone...I just cant do it. I hate admitting it, and don't want to.

 

Honestly, Im sure they will do well, and everything will be fine, it is just the hole that is left. I have been questioning my ability to handle it for the past few months, and dh said he thinks we should take a break it was a relief, at the same time as being terrifying.

 

i was thinking of hiring a tutor as well. The lady who does the test he will be taking is also a math tutor, so that could work out. Our school district also has a list of tutors on their website. THankfully our district is a very good one, and they are homeschool friendly in that they have links for homeschoolers on their website and "allow" homeschoolers to participate in extra curriculars and take one or more classes at the school if they want.

 

I shouldnt have to spend my days feeling like Im on the verge of tears due to being overwhelmed with carrying the burden of educating my kids, right?

[katemary63]

 

With everything going on in your life, maybe getting your oldest a math tutor for the summer would relieve you of that stress. An established tutor in your community would be familiar with where the public school kids are in math would be helpful as opposed to someone like a college student.

 

:iagree: Excellent idea!

[Old Dominion Heather]

I'd take them to the school NOW to tour, before school is out. Try to go by yourself first and then take the kids back with you to see the classrooms, meet teachers. I'd start attending any special events that the school has before now and the end of the year.

 

Take a subtle look at the size of the rising fourth and fifth graders. It could be that your son is not the tallest kid there. Many kids, especially boys are red-shirted these days. Once you decide on grade level, try to make some friends in that grade, so they will know people from the start.

 

I'm sure they will be fine. If they hate it, you can always rethink the whole thing later.

[Lolly]

It will be fine. Does the school give you a choice of what grade to place your dc or will they do some sort of testing to decide the best placement? I would just let the school make the decision. If they just go by birthdate, that is just fine too. There really isn't much difference in 4th and 5th grade even in math. The biggest difference imho is in the transition of expectations of what the child will do for themselves. In fourth, the teachers are still doing a lot of handholding and reminding. In fifth, they tend to expect the child to keep up with themselves more. Fewer reminders to get work done. Not providing time during class to sharpen pencils, you are expected to have a spare sharpened. That type of thing. Most kids get used to it and rise to the occasion very quickly!

[Lizzie in Ma]

I am muddling through what I want to share with you, I want it to be right.

In the meantime I wanted so much to just do this...

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I would take a break, I really would. A year if you need to. But I would keep the kids with me. So much to learn on a farm! If the math is a stress point, and I understand that ,boy howdy, can you get something like the BJU dvds?

And go Charlotte Mason for a year for the rest. Read through science and history and literature, do nature journals and narrations. Have fun with them, enjoy who they are. They are still so little.

Give yourself permission to trust that they really are not missing anything and they will not be "behind" for long if at all.

 

Kids are generally a great deal more capable than we think, let them help, ask them to help, have them help along-side you. The household may not look as good as if you did it all yourself but they will learn valuable lessons take some of the burden of keeping a home off of you.

 

Have the older read to then younger for a bit while you write. Or put on an audio book and provide a simple project or coloring pages so you can go for a walk or have some down time.

 

I understand your husband's reaction, he wants to protect you and ease your burden and rightly so. And I can totally see how putting the kids in school may look like the way to provide these needs for you. And if it does work that way, bless your heart, I am sure it will be fine. I just "hear" in your words, conflict in your heart. Which is why I am writing as I am and not answering your question in your OP per se.

 

You've been through so much. Give yourself some time.

[Chris in VA]

I wouldn't cram thru the summer. Let him be in math where he is. You don't need the stress, and he might feel he is too stupid to do public school work--you want him going in confident. I'd say the advice to look around at the height of the kids is a great idea, but also look at the age in the classes.

 

Hang in there. You have been thru so much. :grouphug:

 

I took a year off--I had to work, and things were wonky at home, but I did appreciate not having to plan dd's work.

 

We came back to homeschooling. Leave the door open for yourself to do the same.

 

And lastly, I would not add anything to your plate right now. Take the year off homeschooling; take an average # of classes, not more because you aren't schooling your kids; and be kind to yourself. Your hubby may notice there's quite a bit to keep up with when you public school--you have a break during the day while they are gone, but the sh-t hits the fan the moment they come home. Be prepared for that condensed chaos. Have dinner almost done (or mostly prepared), make sure you've done something for yourself during the time they are away, try not to schedule too much after school (activities for the kids--let school and maybe music lessons or something be enough), and be present to them when they walk in the door.

 

Take heart. You can do this.

[michelle l]

I'm sorry things have been so tough. It sounds like you do need to somehow lighten your load or get some type of help.

 

This is our first year hsing, so I am by no means any kind of expert. However, I just wanted to say that school will bring stresses of its own. Yes, the children are gone during the day, but for us there were constant papers to read and sign and return, money needed for various things, fund-raisers that came home with the kids, various evening events, homework....on and on and on. One of the reasons we decided to hs was to have control over our own lives again. I felt like ALL I was ever doing was responding to the demands of school. It's not that any of it was bad in itself, but it left us very little room to make our own choices for what our evenings would be like, etc. We feel so much more peaceful and content as a family now.

 

School might still be the right choice for your family. I only wanted to point out that it is not as simple as having them gone from 8:00-4:30.

 

Blessings as you decide.

[Eleni]

So...it's ok if he goes into a school a bit behind? They will help him get to where he needs to be? (yes I need reassurance on this, Im silly like that) I dont want to be that example of a home educator that messed up their kids. :001_huh:

 

I usually take around 10 credit hours each quarter...and have been doing them online..it would be nice to be able to take a class on campus, I miss the interaction of a classroom.

 

I think dh just feels that since we don't HAVE to homeschool and since we live in district we do, that they should give school a shot.

 

I like the idea of visiting the school and getting a better idea of it. The district offers sport camps in the summer so I am going to sign both boys up for a basketball camp so they can meet some kids that go to school.

 

We still have to sell the kids on this...my 9yo has told me before that he would like to give school a try because it sounds interesting and would like more work to do, and he would like to be able to work with others. My 8yo is going to be difficult to convince, but he also needs prodding to move out of his comfort zone rather often, so I think this will be good for him.

 

I am conflicted, but a lot of that stems from my intense dislike of change, and as a pride issue...I dont like to give up and i feel like Im admitting defeat...

[Cinder]

 

I am conflicted, but a lot of that stems from my intense dislike of change, and as a pride issue...I dont like to give up and i feel like Im admitting defeat...

 

It *is* difficult, isn't it? Dh and I went through this last year with our older ds. He'd always been homeschooled, but as he approached high school we encountered more resistance from him. We decided he needed to go away to school. He didn't want to. We didn't want him to, either. It took awhile to admit that that's what was best for all of us. (I still have 2 at home.) It did feel like we were giving up. But it worked out for us for the better. Yes, it took getting used to new rules, new schedules (I have to drive him to his school). It didn't take too long. He's happy at his new school and is doing well there.

 

I hope you find peace in your decision.

 

 

Cinder

[msjones]

So...it's ok if he goes into a school a bit behind? They will help him get to where he needs to be? (yes I need reassurance on this, Im silly like that)

 

Not necessarily. It all depends on the teacher he gets and the resources available at the school. I'd suggest going to the school or the district website and getting a scope and sequence for math for 4th and 5th grades.

 

In 4th and 5th the kids will probably be doing long division, long multiplication, adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing and reducing fractions, and factoring. This can be challenging for kids who are behind -- specifically forthose who haven't mastered the 'math facts.'

 

Does he know his addition, subtraction, multiplication and division facts thoroughly? If yes, he may be just fine. If not, I'd suggest that you make the facts a focus during the summer. That would be a more manageable task than catching-up-with-math-in-general.

 

Also, if you have the money, he may enjoy a summer review/catch-up using Teaching Textbooks. Kids tend to enjoy it, and the 'teacher' is the computer -- not you.

 

Best wishes to you. It sounds like you're ready for a change after a few very difficult years. It may be that school works out quite well. And if not, you can always bring the kids back home.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I have had kids in public school and now at home. Being behind in math is quite common among kids. The schools don't help though with math facts and such unless you pay a tutor. I ditto what the pp said about testing him into teaching textbooks and doing that for the summer. Also if he doesn't have his math facts down, buy some flashcards. There is a brand called hot dots that has a special pen for them to do it themselves. You don't even have to flash the cards.

I will say this though, depending on your state, going back in 5th can be problematic. Most state testing begins in 4th grade with a pre-test in 3rd. Call and check ahead. Most hs'ers going back in 5th have to take the state test which may cover science and social studies and their scope and sequence. It isn't like the CAT or such. They are very specific to state guidelines. I would call and ask about this first before even thinking of which grade to say he is in as well. Most hs'ers are automatically tested back into public school so you may not have a say at all about what grade they start at public school.

My first call would be to find out what homeschoolers are required to do to go back to public school. Testing, evaluations, and what not...

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. Give yourself time to heal, but unfortunately that healing takes time whether there are other stressors in life or not.

 

I'll be praying for you as you discern what's best for your family. My gut feeling is that maybe a different style of home schooling might work better for you - at least for next year. You said that your 8 yo would like more to do, so maybe get a complete curriculum which will be challenging enough for him and for the others as well. With a complete curriculum, they should be able to do more of the work independently, and that will keep them busier and less likely to be arguing with each other. Also separate areas for their school work might be better than all around the dining room table, for instance. Try some different things the rest of this year to see if it helps.

 

School is the answer for some families, but it does bring a whole new set of difficulties as well. With your children being so young, it doesn't take long at all to bring them up to speed in most subjects, including math. Go to your library, and look for the Core Knowledge books - what does my ... grader need to know - by Ed Hirsch. Look at the math section, and see what topics need to be covered, and you should be able to do this between now and September. You may also decide that if he's up to speed by then that you aren't failing them, which I don't think you are, and feel more comfortable with your home schooling efforts.

 

I'm praying for you to find the answers that will be best for all of you. It can't help anything that your husband has to work such long hours. Maybe hiring a highschooler for a few hours after school would be a good solution to getting some of the farm chores done, or help with house work. Just some ideas. :)

[Sue G in PA]

I was in your position this time last year. I was so stressed out trying to educate 7 children, care for 7 children, keep up a decent house, spend time with my hubby, find time for myself, etc. and I was struggling with depression that left my incapacitated some days. I didn't want to admit it, but I needed to put some of my kids in ps...at least until I could get a handle on my depression and heal. If you do send them to ps it will not be the end of the world, as I have realized. My 3 oldest went either back to ps or to ps for the 1st time (as in the case of ds10). All 3 did exceptionally well academically and socially. I agree with a pp who said NOT to cram this summer. Just let your dc test where she will. I did this with my dd13 who took, Pre-Alg. last year, tested at the end of the summer and didn't do quite so well so had to repeat Pre-Alg. It was a "cake walk" year for her and I was furious at first, but realized that she had a chance to really cement all her Pre-Alg. knowledge so that Alg. 1 will be easier next year. Does that make sense? Just let her test where she will and don't worry about it.

 

Please take this next year to really focus on YOU. Find some sort of outlet for your stress and find ways to get a handle on it. Put some "supports" in place for yourself so that you can better deal with the sibling rivalry (which doesn't go away simply b/c they are in school I am sorry to say!) and not get so upset. We deal with sibling rivalry here to the nth degree...it is bad. Find a good family therapist who can help you. That is what we did and it is helping. :grouphug: to you and prayers. I do know what you are going through.

[AHASRADA]

I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through, with the loss of your mother, the immense burden upon you at home, and this difficult decision regarding your kids' education.

 

I would say, definitely drop something. Does it have to be homeschooling? You have to decide that.

 

I have a friend whose son went back to school, and so did she. It did wonders for her self-confidence, she lost 100 pounds, and felt like she got her life back.

 

In my case, I have chosen to drop the college courses I was taking (but I didn't really want to take them in the 1st place, so...), and I have allowed the kids to take over the majority of the housework. My ds13 even cooks dinner on occasion (which he loves to do!) For me, homeschooling is what I do, it's my life's work for the time being, and therefore I prefer to drop/let slide everything else.

 

I would do some soul-searching and determine what is truly best for you and the kids. If there are relationship/discipline/motivation problems, maybe some time apart would be best for all of you. If it is simply a question of feeling overwhelmed, you might consider cutting back elsewhere, including easing up on academic expectations.

 

Just a thought. Best of luck on your decision. :grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

I CANT DO IT ALL anymore.

 

None of us can DO IT ALL -- maybe for a day or a year or a couple of years, but we are just borrowing from the future b/c we are not meant to DO IT ALL. You must be kind to yourself and give yourself a break.:grouphug:

 

 

I shouldnt have to spend my days feeling like Im on the verge of tears due to being overwhelmed with carrying the burden of educating my kids, right?[/QUOTE]

 

No, Eleni, you shouldn't spend your days this way, or even five minutes a day this way. You have to give yourself a break, and re-group. I had a disastrous first grade year homeschooling the twins - I was constantly trying to catch up. Finally i put them in ps for five months, knowing they would go to private school for 2nd grade. When they came out of ps in june, we spent a reasonable amount of time over the summer getting them up to speed for private school second grade.

 

Please - give yourself a break, give yourself time to grieve your mom (I'm so sorry) and let us know how it is going.:grouphug:

[DianeW88]

Also, make sure you understand that public school will bring with it a whole different set of stressors and may not be a magic bullet for you.

 

My son's best friend and our next door neighbor is in 4th grade at the local public school. He comes home with 1-2 hours of homework per night. His mother is also required to spend time volunteering in the classroom....each child's classroom. All moms are also required to serve on two school committees and give the hours of service necessary for fund raisers, class room parties, recess/lunchroom duty, etc. "But I work" is not an excuse at the school. If you can't come during the day, you are put on committees for things like the book sale or the school carnival. My neighbor's hours for the school carnival alone last year exceeded 25 in one week.

 

My high school age daughter is fully homeschooled, but is on the high school drill team. I cannot believe the amount of time I HAVE to contribute to the school and this organization. Fundraisers, night time activities, money. Saying no is not an option. Without parent participation, she would not be allowed on the team.

 

You might honestly find that what is required to have three students in public school to be more strenuous than a light year of homeschooling.

 

Just food for thought.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years to one great guy

homeschooling 3 kids for 16 years.....and lived to tell about it.

[mycalling]

I had the same dilemma as you're having with your oldest last school year and put my DsD into 4th...it was a huge mistake! IMHO, choosing a PS grade based on academics is the wrong approach. There are so many kids behind or ahead that hardly anyone is on grade level. Choose based on socialization. Where he will find his place.

 

My daughter was under 5' but by far the largest in her 4th grade class, including the boys...she was teased mercilessly and felt like a moron because smaller kids thought she was stupid for being in their grade. It hurt her ego and hindered her education more than putting her into a higher, more difficult grade would have.

[Eleni]

I fully realize there isn't a magic bullet. Nothing will be perfect.

I am not willing to hold off on my education any longer...already put it off for 14 years. I am holding a 4.0 average, am going on a scholarship that pays half of my tuition simply because I am an adult learner. It is the one thing in my life that gives me a sense of accomplishment and I love the challenge it gives me. Also, as my mom was nearing her last few days she told me over and over again how proud she is of me for going back to school and admonished me to not let anything stand in my way.

 

I understand there will be homework, and I do intend to still be fully academically involved with my children...but to have someone else taking over the nuts and bolts...it honestly does seem like that would be a good thing. I have tried unschooling, CM, using a full curriculum, etc over the years...and the only thing that works the best is just piecing things together and using WTM as a guide and following it lightly. BUT...it still is a major stressor for me. I enjoy being with the kids, I love watching them learn.....but i hate teaching..and not just my kids, I don't like teaching anybody

 

This may or may not be a permanent thing...Im thinking we will evaluate around December to see if it is working or not. Im so clueless when it comes to the school system though, that I need help in navigating getting my oldest ready. I wouldnt mind taking an active role within the school and volunteering, I think the major stressor is making sure my kids receive the sort of education they have a right to have, and since we live on a farm..getting them out a few times a week to their classes where they have friends. Being a homeschool family is such a large part of my identity and it really is scary to give that up.

[littlebug42]

Eleni,

 

I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. My Dad passed away last August, also from leukemia. Trying to homeschool for us after that loss was next to impossible. I felt everyday like I was just in a fog and I couldn't muster even the simplest of planning for school. In October, I finally decided to enroll the girls in our state's K12 virtual academy. Has it been perfect? No, but it relieved some stress from me that was necessary for healing. I still feel like a part of me is permanently missing but the nightmares are pretty much over and I am feeling more like a whole person again. I am now ready to tackle traditional homeschooling on my own again next year.

 

Please do what you need to heal. Nothing is permanent. If you want to bring them back home after you get a better grip on things, you certainly can when you are better able. There is no shame in that. :grouphug:

[KidsHappen]

My mother passed away two years ago this past Feb. and I am just now coming out of the fog. I put my youngest in PS this past school year and I had exactly the same decision. I felt strongly that she should have went in 4th but she really wanted 5th. She turned 10 about two weeks after school started. She is a bigger child and all of her friends were in 5th so we went with 5th. It made for a very tough year. Fifth grade is when they really up the work load. She had 1-2 hours of homework every night plus the learning curve of adjusting to going to school. She will finish the year as a solid B student but she is not going back next year. She will spend 6th grade at home and then try PS again in 7th if she wants to. It was simply too hard a transition for this child.

 

The 13 year old had a end of October b-day and we went with the lower grade with her and it worked out extraordinarily well. The first year of school was still a major adjustment but neither the work nor the workload were too hard for her. She made A honor role and did very well socially as well. She is currently in her second year of PS and she will most likely stay all the way through high school.

 

If I had to make the decision for a 9 yr. old boy who had never been to school before, I would definitely go with the younger grade, especially if I felt he might be behind. IMO, it is better for the first year of school to be too easy than for it to be too hard.